Have you ever turned down a party invitation for your child? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd (age 7) has been invited to a school friend's birthday party but I'm not sure I should let her go. This is because they are going some place which is a drive away, and she gets pretty badly car sick/travel sickness, and the parent's have said they would prefer if no other parent's go along as there isn't much car space once all the children are in there.

My dd has already been to this activity centre place twice this year with other birthday parties anyway, ones which I went along with her to support/help during the car sickness she gets. So it's not like she would be missing out on some rare experience, however she would miss out on the fun.

I'm just not sure what to do...maybe I should insist I come with them? do you think if I explained the reason, they would be fine about it? but what if they still said no, and think im just being silly or whatever...

I just hate the thought of my daughter suffering in a car with 2 adults she doesn't even know, and only 1 child there who she knows from school (the other kids are from the birthday child's family), and feeling like she's about to throw up from the travel sickness and not having me there for her...or feeling like anyone is there for her, kwim? She might not even want to go if I say I'm not going too.

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#2 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:20 PM
 
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Can you drive her in there yourself??

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#3 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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I think you should ask her if she wants to go and let her decide. She may be so excited about the party that she is willing to endure carsickness for it. I would have at that age. Once she is there and running around she should start feeling better even if the ride isn't so fun. I think you should let the parents know she gets carsick and let her go if they are okay with that and seem like people who will treat her in a caring way.
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#4 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:27 PM
 
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I'd talk to the parents and explain. I can't imagine they'd say no to you driving your child yourself.

And yes, we have turned down invitations to parties for a variety of reasons.
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#5 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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I would ask her if she wants to go. Then, I'd say, I'll drive my car and bring her, and I'd be happy to drive another child if that would help.

I get carsick just watching a movie that has flying, much less the backseat of a car. It's awful. I totally understand your concerns.
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#6 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:39 PM
 
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If she wanted to go, I'd drive her myself. If they didn't like it, I would not go.

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#7 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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I'd ask my kid if she wanted to go before I made any decisions myself.

I'd also see if maybe I could drive. My kid would be fine puking is someone else's car, but *I* wouldn't want to do that to another parent if I could avoid it . . . I could just drive and drop her off myself. If they didn't want me to drive, or I couldn't, I'd warn them about the car sickness and see what they said.

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#8 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 12:50 PM
 
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I think you should ask her if she wants to go and let her make the decision. Maybe give her some children's Gravol before the drive. My kids are pretty independent and there is no way my 7 year old would want me to attend a part with her.

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#9 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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At age 7, I'd let her make the decision for herself unless there was something about the party I truly objected to.

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#10 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would ask her if she wants to go. Then, I'd say, I'll drive my car and bring her, and I'd be happy to drive another child if that would help.

I get carsick just watching a movie that has flying, much less the backseat of a car. It's awful. I totally understand your concerns.
Thank you! Some people get a little sick in cars, or get a headache, but my dd gets sick BAD. She dreads the car journey's even if they are short ones, with good reason!

Yes it would be good to drive her myself, however it isn't an option as I don't currently have a car.

I haven't asked her if she wants to go yet, but Im pretty sure she will still want to go, but she will maybe want me to go too. If I put some pressure on her to go without me and see how she gets on, reassure her the birthday child's parents are there to help if she needs any, she would probably go on her own...but I don't know if I should really do that or if I should ask to go along with them to be there for her myself, we barely know the parents so I don't know what they will be like about it.

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I think you should ask her if she wants to go and let her make the decision. Maybe give her some children's Gravol before the drive. My kids are pretty independent and there is no way my 7 year old would want me to attend a part with her.
I don't think it means my dd isn't independent just because Im there in the background.... she is used to me being at parties and such due to her health condition and having to carry certain medicines with her, but these parents have experience with her medical condition themselves anyway, so that isn't a worry here. It doesn't affect her independence really, she always goes off and plays with the other children and such. I'm just around in the background usually.

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#11 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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I agree with the posters who have said to ask your child. I also think it would be okay to ask the parents if you can meet them there and tell them why. For the life of me, I can't imagine another parent not being okay with that (because really, who wants a child vomiting in their car if they can avoid it )
And yes, I have turned down party invites, but usually because we have another obligation that time or day.

ETA: OOPs, cross posted with the OP and didn't see the lack of car.
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#12 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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I'd also leave it up to her - she know how car rides make her feel, so she can decide if it's worth it.

But yes, we've turned down many birthday invites b/c the timing didn't work out for our family.

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#13 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:17 PM
 
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Sure I have, no one can make it to every party. But I'd ask your daughter about it; and I also agree that the hosts would probably not mind making an exception for health reasons.
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#14 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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I would pass on it. If you really wanted her to go I would offer to drive her yourself.It is just a party,and your dd has been there before.See what she wants.

I no longer accept party invitations.It simply got to be too expensive having my kids invited to every classmate party. If it were someone they see often outside of school I might make an exception,but not for kids they only see in class.
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#15 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:55 PM
 
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Um, I'd ask her and the other parents. I wouldn't want to take a child on a 2-hour car ride if I knew that child often vomited in the car. In this case, everyone needs to be aware of the situation to make the best choices all around.

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#16 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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I would pass on it. If you really wanted her to go I would offer to drive her yourself.It is just a party,and your dd has been there before.See what she wants.

I no longer accept party invitations.It simply got to be too expensive having my kids invited to every classmate party. If it were someone they see often outside of school I might make an exception,but not for kids they only see in class.
We haven't gotten to this point yet, but I don't like the concept of inviting every child in the class. That seems to be the norm here, and DS will be in K next year. I can tell you he doesn't even know the names of all of the other 16 kids in his preschool class, and he's seen them 4X a week since August. There's no way I'd care to go to 16 parties for children he barely knows. I'd pick the few kids he does like and go, but it seems to be standard to invite everyone for fear of anyone feeling left out.

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#17 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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I'm just not sure what to do...maybe I should insist I come with them? do you think if I explained the reason, they would be fine about it? but what if they still said no, and think im just being silly or whatever...
i feel you have got to give them the opportunity to refuse. they may be willing but may not be able to accommodate you. meaning no place in the car for you.

can you coordinate with another parent? carpool and you offer to pay for gas?

i would try my best to go. in my situation. because for my dd the key is parties. not things. not presents but parties. and so i would leave no stone unturned to see if you could take her.

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#18 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 06:34 PM
 
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her own...but I don't know if I should really do that or if I should ask to go along with them to be there for her myself, we barely know the parents so I don't know what they will be like about it.
You are overthinking this. Just explain that your daughter gets VERY carsick and you would like to drive her to the party. And you can offer to take another kid if it would help. You are ONLY one parent wanting to stay. If different than having 5 of them. They may think you are overprotective, but really who cares?

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#19 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 07:57 PM
 
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Yes it would be good to drive her myself, however it isn't an option as I don't currently have a car.
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You are overthinking this. Just explain that your daughter gets VERY carsick and you would like to drive her to the party. And you can offer to take another kid if it would help. You are ONLY one parent wanting to stay. If different than having 5 of them. They may think you are overprotective, but really who cares?
This would be pretty easy, but OP mentioned that she doesn't have a car.

OP- I think your best bet (if your DD does want to go) would be to talk to the parents of the birthday kid and see if there might be another parent you could carpool with. If there's no room in the birthday car for another person, there just isn't room, right?

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#20 of 29 Old 05-10-2010, 09:41 PM
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If she wanted to go, I'd drive her myself. If they didn't like it, I would not go.

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#21 of 29 Old 05-11-2010, 12:45 PM
 
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car sickness is a serious thing. No reason to feel bad about telling the parents about her situation. I'm sure they would very much prefer you to NOT put you kids in their car when she might get sick. But given that this is a public place, I see no reason why you can't drive her down yourself and stay "hidden" (bring a book) at the party.
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#22 of 29 Old 05-12-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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I think you should call the parents and discuss the situation with them honestly. I'm sure that most people would understand and try to be accomodating to her needs. Maybe they would prefer helping her through her car sickness or maybe they would prefer you to come along to lend a hand. You might as well ask them, right?

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#23 of 29 Old 05-12-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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Considering you cannot drive her yourself, it sounds to me like your dd may have to sit this one out. I think asking another family you don't know very well to help out a child who may get sick on a big birthday day for their own child doesn't seem like the best option, since you don't know them well.
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#24 of 29 Old 05-12-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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I think you should call the parents and discuss the situation with them honestly. I'm sure that most people would understand and try to be accomodating to her needs. Maybe they would prefer helping her through her car sickness or maybe they would prefer you to come along to lend a hand. You might as well ask them, right?
I think it's a lot to ask. Will the car have to pull over? Be delayed? Will that embarass your dd? Will she get physically ill in front of everyone?
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#25 of 29 Old 05-12-2010, 08:09 PM
 
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I think it's a lot to ask. Will the car have to pull over? Be delayed? Will that embarass your dd? Will she get physically ill in front of everyone?



I have a *serious* problem with vomit. It's been this way since I was a child. If someone sent their child on a long car ride with me without full disclosure of the high probability of puke, I would be SO mad. Like, ending the friendship mad. You can never get the smell of vomit out of a car. If I was on the way to my 7th or 8th birthday party, and my friend threw up in my car or god forbid ON me, it would ruin my birthday. And possibly my week, month and year. Dramatic? Sure, ok. But everyone has their issue, right? Just throwing this perspective out there.
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#26 of 29 Old 05-12-2010, 10:21 PM
 
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They can't possibly object to you driving her yourself. Especially if you explain there might be puke involved....


As for turning down party invites. Yes, of course, for all sorts of reasons. We siomply cannot make it to every party we are invited to. We actually turn down all but a few. I have to share cvustody with my ex and like to see my kids sometimes.

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#27 of 29 Old 05-13-2010, 03:09 PM
 
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Of course it's OK to turn down a party invitation.

It's not fair to the other parents or the birthday child to risk your daughter getting sick on the way to the party.
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#28 of 29 Old 05-13-2010, 03:31 PM
 
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I turned down an invitation when DD expressed she didn't want to go (a child she doesn't get along with) or because of scheduling conflicts. I would definitely seek alternate means of getting there rather than ask people I don't know very well to accomodate my DD possibly getting sick in their car, I agree with PPs that it is a lot to ask esp when they'll be preoccupied with all the birthday stuff. Do you have a friend who would be willing to take you? Ok, it is a bit of a distance, a good friend? You could pay for gas and find a cafe to hang out in with your friend during the party . I'm not sure I would ask DD until I had a plan because if she says yes and then you can't sort something out, she would be upset, but then again I guess a 7 year old would realize the party went on without her, mine is only 4, if we can't go I can still just not mention the party and she's none the wiser.

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#29 of 29 Old 05-13-2010, 04:36 PM
 
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I say talk to the other parent. Given the situation they might be perfectly willing to let you come along to help your DD with the carsickness. If they refuse that, I would be inclined not to send my child.

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