If your dp travels a lot for business... - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
NicaG's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Northern NJ
Posts: 1,719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My dh is expecting his business travel to increase quite a bit over the next year. We don't have family nearby, so he stresses out a lot over leaving us by ourselves. He travels internationally, so he's a long way away if anything happens.

Can anyone give me advice about ways to manage being alone with the kids while dh is traveling? Do you have different rules when dp is away? Do you have special help (sitters or family)? I feel like I handle things ok on my own, but we're always looking for ways to make things easier and less stressful. We do have a sitter who can help out, and sometimes relatives come to stay while dh is gone. I do have friends nearby who can help in an emergency, but sometimes I consider keeping a sitter "on call" at night in case someone needs to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night or in case the whole family is sick with the flu.

We're sort of considering ttc #3, but we're not sure if that's practical with this travel schedule (basically one 4-5 day international trip every month).

Any advice or ideas or btdt would be much appreciated!

lady.gif mama to H. 4/05 and A. 9/08 and baby C. 10/11

NicaG is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 04:32 PM
daytripper75's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here, There, and Everywhere.
Posts: 1,503
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is gone for work 25-50% of the time. There are a few things I do to make myself sane. One of them is relaxing dinner time protocol. I feed my family easy things and if I am feeling stressed from too much young people and not enough adult conversation I turn on cartoons for dinner and read a magazine or book.
I often make afternoon/evening plans when dh is out of town, I really look forward to dh coming home at night and when he isn't in town I try to make the time from 4 til bedtime fly by for all of us.
We have family in town to call when I need help but there have been times where I've had to ask the mother across the street for on the fly help. Don't be afraid to ask, most people are willing to help!

Mother of two. : 4/05 and 1/07 Wife of one. : 7/01
daytripper75 is offline  
#3 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 05:33 PM
BlueWolf's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 661
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband travels M-F and has been for the past 6-7 years.

Things that help keep me sane during the week is having 1-2 nights a week that I go to my parents for dinner. It means I don't have to cook, and DD can play with her grandparents for a bit instead of me.

Slightly dysfunctional mommy to DD (07/09), step mom to DS (04/11) and loving wife to DH (12/16).
BlueWolf is offline  
#4 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 06:10 PM
madskye's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,183
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We both travel some for our jobs...one thing I do when DH is gone is proactively make playdates. I have another friend who has similar lifestyle, and we'll often get together with our kids when one husband or another is out of town or even just working late. We let the kids play and make dinner together and help each other out.

It sounds terrible, but having DH go away is really not that big a stressor here. In some ways, it takes a lot of pressure off--I do relax on what I cook, and cleaning up, and tend to take it easy while he's gone and just coast for a bit!
madskye is offline  
#5 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 06:26 PM
34me's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself right now. DH leaves on Sunday for 2 weeks and not only is there no family in town and very few friends (none that can help) but we were only given 5 days notice. I have 10 lacrosse practices, 3 lacrosse games, one select lacrosse tryouts, a graduation party, a school concert, a school open house, an all school sleep over that has to have a parent attend (not going to happen), the last day of school stuff for all three and one is leaving for a 4 day camping trip. And work outside the home. And 30 meals to be made. dogs to be fed, dishwasher to unload, laundry to fold..............
34me is offline  
#6 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 07:48 PM
liberal_chick's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is gone about 2 weekends a month for Army stuff. One of the biggest things that takes pressure off of me is that we eat out/order out a lot. Yes, that includes some fast food. It is a big treat to go to McDonald's when Daddy is gone.

The house also doesn't get picked up quite as much. And, when the boys go to bed at night, I usually eat ice cream or some equally bad for me treat and watch a grown up movie (tonight I'm watching "New Moon" from the Twilight series ).

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

liberal_chick is offline  
#7 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 08:52 PM
hillymum's Avatar
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Louisville, Ky
Posts: 4,480
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 126 Post(s)
Dh works away from Monday to Thursday every week and has done so for 3 years. Honestly the only times it's hard is when I am ill. When that happens I will get through the mornings however I can and then get a babysitter for when the boys get home until they are sound asleep. We joined a babysitting agence just so I would be getting responsible adults and I can call with 30 minutes notice that I need someone. I have a few women who come regularly that my kids adore.

There have been times when I have had to call a neighbour for help (last time was when I woke up ill and needed the boys to be driven to school) and that was a none issue.

I keep meals easy and cook extra for the next day if possible. if I am really tired then we eat out or order pizza.

Strict bedtime makes life a lot better!

No matter who is president, I will live life with an open and loving heart, kindness, and tolerance of all good people. I will stand against racism, sexism, and all prejudices!
hillymum is offline  
#8 of 29 Old 05-14-2010, 10:03 PM
Nansense's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 77
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I put the kids into daycare/pre-school 1-3 days/wk for my sanity. ALso, is there a moms group in your area? It will help with activities to do and get you some adult conversation. And a good babysitter when you need to get away for an hour for a quiet coffee break!
Nansense is offline  
#9 of 29 Old 05-15-2010, 10:12 AM
mbhf's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is military. Now when he is gone things are actually so much easier. There's so much less laundry to do! really I have found that things are much more simple when he is gone or at work past bedtime.

We do everything early. I fix dinner as soon as we get home from school pickup and we eat around 4. Then we get everything cleaned up and generally things are pretty quiet around here by 5:30 or 6. We get in bed at 7, generally we all pile into my bed but sometimes my older boys go to their rooms and read for a while first.

Time in the car is important for my sanity, sometimes. If I need a break from everything I load everybody up, turn on the DVD player and drive over to Starbucks, or Wendys if it's really bad and just drive around for a bit. I always feel refreshed when we get back home and sometimes it leads to a fun outing after I've had my coffee.

I don't have a sitter, but I have a neighbor next door and another friend close by that I can count on if I need to. I think as long as you have one friend who will drop everything if you really need her you're good. And that might not be your best friend, mine's not, but I know if I call her and say I need to take one of my kids to the ER she will be here in less than 20 minutes. And really, even if I didn't have her I know I would work things out, even if I had to drag all of my kids to the ER with me at 3am, if you have to you have to.
mbhf is offline  
#10 of 29 Old 05-15-2010, 11:07 AM
cjam's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 81
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I find that the worst part of DH's trips is the few days before the trip. I stress about the same things you are, but once he's gone, we fall into a routine and do quite well. It's never as difficult as you imagine it will be.
cjam is offline  
#11 of 29 Old 05-15-2010, 11:33 AM
Peony's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,952
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
DH hasn't been traveling as much lately as he used to but it is getting ready to pick up again. He was in Denver this week, next week he goes to AZ, then we turn around and go on vacation together, when we get home, he leaves right away for another trip. This will be our life again I guess.

I actually can't let things slide while he is gone, he gets home there is no additional time at home just because he is away. He gets home and goes straight back to regular work. The worst is when he travels on the weekends because then for 2 weeks we barely see him. When he doesn't travel, he averages 30- 1 hour with the kids a day, if that, many a day they do not see him at all.

I make things that we like to eat but DH doesn't, like curries. We bake cookies more often, just try to do special things. I used to do fast food or a quick dinner out often but now I am trying to keep that down due to cost. I put dinner in the crockpot early in the day so when things are crazy at night, I don't have to worry about feeding us. Bath and bedtime happens earlier when he is gone because it is a disaster with 3 co-sleeping kiddos.

I do have family nearby but my parents travel very frequently themselves, and only live in this house 4 days a week during ski season so often they are not around. My sister works at the hospital and has a horrid schedule so I can't ask her for anything as well. I've learned to ask friends, use sitters when need be. Last week I had counted on DH to watch the two little ones while I had a work meeting and then he left town with one day's notice, that was rough. So now I know I need yet another sitter in my cards.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
#12 of 29 Old 05-15-2010, 11:47 AM
mandib50's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: my own reality
Posts: 4,690
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
dh commutes to work and is gone 7 out of 12 days. he started when our last baby was 3 months old and i had 3 "older" children.

it was tough. i had no help and i was responsible for everything. it is easier now that the kids are older. when he is gone i try and get a bit more housework done so when he is home we can spend time together. i have to let a lot of things to to maintain my sanity.

Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

mandib50 is offline  
#13 of 29 Old 05-15-2010, 02:21 PM
mamalisa's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
My dh lives 3 hours away and comes home Friday night to Sunday afternoon. My advice? Simplify.
-Dinner doesn't need to be fancy, grilled cheese and veggies with dip are just as good as roast beef, mashed potatoes and roasted broccoli. (Ok not really, but it's a perfectly acceptable substitute.)
-Have a scheduled pick up time, every day. Everyone helps clean up, the house gets cleaned and you're not trying to do it all alone.
-Plan time outside of the house, even if it's just a car ride. Loading everyone up and driving to McDonalds for ice cream has saved many a bad day!
-Get a sitter and use her. Even if it's just so you can go sit in the library for an hour. You can't, just can't, spend 24/7 with your kids every day.
-Do things with other people. Make the effort to meet with friends, ti makes life so much easier.
mamalisa is offline  
#14 of 29 Old 05-15-2010, 07:47 PM
Skippy918's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 568
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Originally Posted by cjam View Post
I find that the worst part of DH's trips is the few days before the trip. I stress about the same things you are, but once he's gone, we fall into a routine and do quite well. It's never as difficult as you imagine it will be.
This is so true! My DH travels at least once a month and it's hard. DS is 21 months and I also WOH full time. I try to prep meals ahead of time like the night before or have something on hand that I can just heat up for us. I find it hard cooking with a hungry toddler underfoot.

Ryan 08-28-08  & Julianna 5-3-11
Skippy918 is offline  
#15 of 29 Old 05-16-2010, 12:58 PM
ILuvMyBaby's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You can do it My husband is gone at least a week a month if not more. It can get crazy with the kid's schedules but I always try to do really simple things when I am alone.

Meals are simple as can be, dishes are put on at night and unloaded in the morning (I do this every day while my husband is away even if not full), laundry is washed at at night and then put in the dryer during the day, usually I fold and put away because it is just a small load and goes fast. Simple cleaning is done but nothing to much like washing floors or sweeping unless it is a horrible mess.

I stick with a schedule, dinner is early (often I cook it around 4pm or earlier), then we just chill for a while and do an early bedtime. I lay out school clothes and PJs for the next day before I go to bed.

Usually at the beginning of the week, I make a weeks worth of lunches and snacks for school so I don't have to worry about it every morning. Weekends are harder for me because we don't have the schedule of the school day but I try to plan something. I am 8 months pregnant now though so I am starting to have a hard time moving around so I just do the best I can.

Give yourself some slack...rest when your kids rest. read a book while they are playing quiet, make sure to take time for yourself.
ILuvMyBaby is offline  
#16 of 29 Old 05-17-2010, 12:11 PM
busymama77's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,103
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You can do it, but I know it's tough. My DH travels 25-30% each month. Sometimes it can be two to three days at a time, other times it can be 4.
He was recently gone for 4 days right after I went back to work from being on maternity leave. So taking care of a 4yo and a 2 month old - getting them ready, dressed, fed and out the door in the morning and taking care of things in the evening was a challenge, but we definitely go through it. DH is more of the cook than I am - so I made sure what I made was simple and quick - even if I had to premake it the night before and it was something that could be warmed up. I made sure that the boys' clothes were laid out the night before so we weren't scrounging around for clothes in the morning as well as what I was going to be wear was done the same way. It made for easier mornings.
Luckily, DS#1 got up before DS#2 and I could get him fed and ready to go before DS#2 woke up. I made sure to get up extra early to get myself ready before ANYONE woke up.

He's going on a trip in two weeks to Scotland for 6 days. That will be a bit of test, but I'm sure we'll be fine. I have in-laws that live 6 miles away if something were to happen and I couldn't pick up the kids on time or if I needed a bit of a break, but I work all day, so I look forward to what little time I have in the evenings with my boys - chaotic or not.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#17 of 29 Old 05-17-2010, 02:19 PM
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,867
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 51 Post(s)
My dh is gone for all but one weekend a month;though he may stop home if he drives through this way. If I were a WOHM it would be a lot harder,but as a SAHM I just do what I need to for the kids.I shop when they are in school.Try to have meds and foods on hand in case of any illness.

My mom lives an hour away so I never really try to put her out.Friends are an hour away too.If I am sick I still do what needs to be done,but I WOULD keep the kids home from school for a day or 2 if I could not drive them safely to school.I have never done that for illness,but did keep them home once when the roads were really bad.

I got used to dh not being home,but would certainly feel better if he was.I don't really like being home alone...day or night...but deal with it.

You will find a way to make it work.It won't be forever!
sahli29 is offline  
#18 of 29 Old 05-17-2010, 02:37 PM
Aka mommy's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dh is gone and traveling every month. We just finished a 7 month stint (he's military) and honestly it was very easy until he came home for a surprise visit and I got pregnant. I was so sick, that everything seemed to fall apart and I don't have much local help.

But what makes it easy to survive is keeping busy. I don't stop our lives when dh is gone. We maintain a strict routine, more so for my kids sakes as they are young. We do as many activities, get out of the house as often as possible. We were at the pool daily during the summer. Meals are simplified, i didn't do tons of cooking. Lived on lots of salads, chili and pizza's. The house was cleaned completely once a week and the dog was taken in for his grooming and ear cleaning. This way i wasn't over burdening myself.

And i will say. With dh gone, the routine is so much easier. With him home, he tends to throw it off by at least 30 mins to an hour. And i learned to look at the bright side. Food lasted longer, less mess, less laundry, the house stayed cleaner longer, less tantrums from my kids.

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
Aka mommy is offline  
#19 of 29 Old 05-17-2010, 02:55 PM
rere's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband is a musician and goes on tour.He's gone for about 2 or 3 weeks at a time.What helps me the most is reminding myself that there are a whole lot of single parents out there who aren't just waiting for their partner to come back.That helps my attitude quite a bit.That and sometimes letting my daughter eat dinner in her room while playing.Ahhh...silence.

Also if you're worried about emergencies,I would put together a list of all the numbers you might need.Like a plumber or someone to remove the 20 feet of tree that came down onto your porch while your husband was gone.Ok that's probably just me that needed that.

Another tip I have is making some sort of count down for the kids.Like a paper chain that you take apart each day.Or a bowl full of beads(one for each day he is gone).Each day the kids put one bead on a string and then they have a present for Daddy when he gets home.Or my daughter's favorite...A bowl with a chocolate kiss in it for each day he's gone.

There really is something sweet about the time that he is gone.I think my daughter and I have a stronger bound because of it.

rere is offline  
#20 of 29 Old 05-18-2010, 12:09 AM
marrymeflyfree's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 456
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My hubby is an airline pilot and until recently was often in Asia or India when traveling. It's tough at times, but it has never (knock on wood) been un-doable.

Things that make it easier...when I was expecting #2 and completely exhausted, we found an in-home day care for the oldest. She only goes twice a week for 4 hours, but it really helps - and she loves it! We have no family nearby, and it's great to have the help. Our day care person is great, and she'd help out at odd hours if I really had a problem. Also, I totally let the housework go for the most part until the day before he returns. Having led the traveling life myself, I know how awesome it is to come home to a clean house - so I save all my tidying energy for the last day. Typically, I try to make some sort of easily re-heatable casserole type dinner the day before he is to leave so that we have some simple leftovers for a day or two, and I try to plan a crock pot meal for at least one day while he is gone. If he is to be gone for more than a couple of days, I attempt to have most of the laundry conquered beforehand. While he is gone, making a point to get out of the house everyday - no matter how mundane the trip - helps my sanity and breaks up the day.

There are a few things hubby is really great about, too, before leaving town: he always fills my car up with gas, and makes sure we do a grocery store run the day before. And he is amazing in that no matter how jet-lagged and tired he is, he always jumps right in with the girls when he gets home and gives me a break and reconnects with the kids. We also hired a maid service twice a month and wow - what a difference. We have two kids under two and are remodeling the whole house as well, and they definitely take the edge off.

We also try to make one day a week purely a family fun day. No cleaning, no projects, no errands...a day just for fun, no matter what else is going on.

All in all, it's been fine for us - but it is also the norm for us. Perhaps it would have been a more difficult adjustment otherwise. The hardest times have been when I was pregnant and in the newborn phase, but we survived it happily. I have found myself making a few parenting compromises...there is a little more TV than I like, but I like to think I make up for it in having a lot of quality time alone with them, too, and the oldest already knows all about planes and can generally show you where papa is on the map. I think I am a better parent for it, really.
marrymeflyfree is offline  
#21 of 29 Old 05-27-2010, 09:48 AM
spu's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my DH travels a lot, and for a good chunk of time per travel (7-10 days, almost always including a weekend, and even over kids' vacation schedules and holidays!) It's far (europe mostly_), and comes in spurts - he'll travel every month for a week or so, for about 2 seasons' worth, then it quiets down for a few months.

my biggest fears are not so much as how to manage the kids - that part comes easily. (4 kids ages 7, 7, 3, and 2). the hardest thing for me is that i get really jealous. i'm angry that i have to do everything and i get jealous that he's expensing nice meals off menus across eurpoe, eating at outdoor cafes, sitting at the lagoon with a gelato, doesn't have to cook or clean or deal with the 'chaos or noise', and yet, comes back 'tired' and needs to sleep (er - watch tv!).

so that's my problem.

in terms of dealing with the house and kids, the funny thing is, knowing 'it's all me' makes it even easier. there's no one that you're expecting to clean the sink, or wash the table, so it's actually easier. and meal time can be when you and the kids are hungry (like at 4pm instead of 6:30), and bed time can include even more snuggle time since you can go up as early as you want.

so what i try and do is stay motivated to do fun things even though he's not around. took the kids to cape cod during april vacation, and if he could come, great. if not, we're still going. (he didn't come). if we want to go to the city to do something fun, we will. if we want to stay up late, we will. i just can't sit around and wait for him to take time off or make up for lost time with travels, because it won't happen .granted, the economy makes it difficult for anyone to take too much time away from work, so i understand that side of things too.

just keep reminding yourself that no matter how you do, or how you're feeling, or what you do or don't do, it's all ok. you're entitled to feel the way feel, and to manage in a way that works for you.

as Aka mommy said, less mess, less laundry, less tantrums... somehow it all works out.

twins 7.02 ⢠DS 10.06 ⢠OMG #4 1.08 ⢠ebf + tandem nursing!
spu is offline  
#22 of 29 Old 05-27-2010, 11:04 AM
welsh's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,009
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We live overseas (so no family or longterm friends nearby) and DH travels about 25% of the time.
I do:
have a sitter/housekeeper. Life/sanity saver especially when pregnant.

stay out later at the playground when weather permits. as long as dinner is either ready or is going to be something simple, we'll get home at 6pm, have dinner and then it's almost bedtime.

bake lots or plan a special activity like the zoo.

have a mom's night out or playdates so you get some adult interaction (I'm an extravert so this is really important)

stick to bedtime rigidly. I need that me-time in the evening.

give DH ideas of a small gift he might be able to get DS.

skype with Daddy when possible.

watch all the chick shows in bed early like Grey's Anatomy that DH hates!

We have learned one thing, the hard way. Don't make promises you can't keep.
Once DH called DS before bedtime as he was boarding a plane. He said, 'when you wake up I'll be home' as his flight was due to land at 4am.
When I woke up, I saw text messages on my phone from DH. Basically some idiot had made a hole in the side of the plane with the staircase, everyone had to disembark and wait 12 hrs for another flight.
DS was heartbroken and confused. We felt AWFUL!

DH absolutely hates being apart from DS (and me, but mainly DS!!) but needs must and we're fortunate in this economy that he has a good job.
I'm working on remembering the positives!

Emma - Welsh Wife to DH and Mummy to DS, Lloyd 13/08/07 and Cerys 15/07/10
Living in Russia
welsh is offline  
#23 of 29 Old 05-28-2010, 01:44 AM
Just1More's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is gone a lot, too. And I'm going to echo a lot of the pps.

Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Declutter so you don't have much to clean, or much laundry to do. Walk around your house and find ways to make all of your chores effecient as possible. Prep freezer meals in advance, or use your crockpot so you aren't a slave to you kitchen.

Fairly solid routines, and busy days help a lot. Also letting go of the guilt of not living my ideal has helped me lots. I get it most days, but there are times where I don't for days on end. There's grace in child-rearing.

I allow plenty of time for gettings things done because I know that it takes me longer alone. So, like others, we eat around 5, and then move straight to the bedtime routine. Lights out by 8, at the very, very latest. When dh is home, bedtime can run to 10 or later.

Everyone is right...the kids fall into a nice little routine, and then when dh comes back, everything is MUCH harder. I miss him, but I sometimes I wish he and I could coordinate better.

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

Just1More is offline  
#24 of 29 Old 05-28-2010, 11:21 PM
BMG580's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,103
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband is typically gone M-Th and I have three children under five, 4, 2 and infant. I see a lot of dismissive posts here (especially in the Financial section) about hiring things out but for us, it really is a sanity saver. Anything you can afford comfortably in your budget to have someone else do can really make a huge difference. At this time I have a mother's helper come 2 hours a week so I can do a few errands like post office, hair cut, etc. without my older two along. We have the lawn mowed for us and pay a teenager in our neighborhood to walk our dog. I would pay to have my groceries delivered if it was available in my area.

Another big tip is that if you handle the budget make sure at the end of each month that you set aside a little bit of time to sit down with your husband at the end of the weekend before he leaves town and go over the next monthly budget with him. It takes about an hour for us, we discuss all upcoming expenses that are unusual (meals out, birthday presents, unexpected medical, etc.) and figure out if we have any "play" money after we've paid everything and put money into savings. This has created a much more peaceful marriage for us. We are on the same page and we are both aware of what the next financial month looks like before we get to it. We argue far less about money now. It just isn't possible to try and talk about it when he is away and he is stressed.

"Hey, I've got nothin' to do today but smile." - S & G
BMG580 is offline  
#25 of 29 Old 05-28-2010, 11:43 PM
minkin03's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 330
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my dh works at sea and is gone for 5 weeks at a time, then home for 4 weeks. he's not close to home either, usually off the coast of india, indonesia, south korea, or japan. this has been our lifestyle for 3 years now and while i've adjusted to being alone most of the time it's getting harder for our kids now that they're older (4 and 6 yo). also, adjusting to him being gone, and coming home is hard. i don't have family nearby but i do have some very good neighbors that are like family. so if there are ever any emergencies i have friends i can rely on. i don't do much cooking when dh is gone, and i'm not so particular about keeping the house spotless. i have a teenage girl who i can call to babysit if i ever need a few hours break. i also have a gym with childcare so all the more reason to go work out. lol
minkin03 is offline  
#26 of 29 Old 05-29-2010, 01:29 AM
CountryMom2e's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 608
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH travels anywhere from 1 day a week to 4. It sucks, and it's been that way for about 3 yrs. I used to travel professional pre-kids, so I set him up in good hotels, offer tips, etc.

For me, sometimes I schedule a sitter for the afternoon rush - 330-530 and I will go out to Starbucks, or work on a puzzle at the library, or get some work done (I teach nights, so my work is wherever I need it to be). I don't clean up while DH is gone - dishes & kitchen yes, but toys & beds, no. We have special times - mocktail hour with appetizers (fun!), game night, "building night" - all of our building sets from big legos to little legos, lincoln logs, blocks, K'nex, etc. spread out all over the great room, movie night (jammies, blankets, and popcorn). We'll go to the park or library, take the dog for a walk (their new favorite), or have breakfast for dinner (chocolate chip pancakes!). I make frozen pizza or leftovers or even tuna helper type things. And I cram the dishwasher with everything. We also will do more playdates then too especially one-on-one (i.e. one kid goes, the other stays with me)

1. Give everything a title - i.e. movie night, mocktail hour, etc. They get thrilled by the expectation.

2 If you can do video chat with DH, even late in bed, do it. Sometimes we record a quick video goodnight and email it to him if we can't connect. We do a lot of phone calls too.

3. Something special for yourself at night - call an old girlfriend, take a hot bath with a favorite "toy" and some romantic candles, watch a chick flick, go to bed with a favorite book, etc.

Generally days 1-2 go well. Day three I start yelling a little and feeling guilty. I break out the wine. Day four gets ugly - kids fighting, toys in timeout, nap is out the window. Day five we muddle through at best.

Try to make it different, to make it fun. And lower your expectations significantly! It gives me great respect for single & divorced moms everywhere!
CountryMom2e is offline  
#27 of 29 Old 05-29-2010, 02:02 AM
becoming's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,592
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DH is in the oil & gas industry & lives in the middle of the ocean for 2-3 weeks out of every month. I have three little ones & have done just fine. We do have a decent support system (my parents live about 1/2 mile from me), but I don't have a babysitter ever & don't really leave my kids with my parents except in emergency situations. My mom does come with me when we go places like doctor's appointments & even fun things for the kids like bowling, & it's a big help. The only things that are really different when my DH is gone is that we eat out a lot more & all three of the kids sleep in the bed with me! I honestly haven't found it difficult at all, but he's been working offshore since we were 17, so I've never known anything different.
becoming is offline  
#28 of 29 Old 05-29-2010, 09:48 AM
mumm's Avatar
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,630
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
Originally Posted by cjam View Post
I find that the worst part of DH's trips is the few days before the trip. I stress about the same things you are, but once he's gone, we fall into a routine and do quite well. It's never as difficult as you imagine it will be.
We call it the Sunday night blues, even if it is a tuesday!

Originally Posted by marrymeflyfree View Post
My hubby is an airline pilot
Same here, but not international. Typically on reserve or airport ready in another city. For us the lack of knowing the schedule month to month ( or even day to day) is what causes the trouble here. 4-6 days on and 2-3 days off is average.

I've found that with increasing kids and dp's worsening schedule that my standards change. Cereal and fruit is now a fine dinner. A shampoo every 3 or 4 days is fine for everyone. 45 minutes of tv for the 2 years old while I eat some ice cream and read to re-group. But somethings don't get lost- homework must get done, dinner must be eaten together (even if it is cereal!), etc.

Also hard is when dp is home and expects things to run more smoothly "because there are two parents home." But one parent has been away and doesn't have a clue how the house runs!!

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

mumm is offline  
#29 of 29 Old 05-29-2010, 11:35 PM
suziek's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 758
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm in this club, too. Dh is often away--usually for 6 weeks at a time but at times for as long as 6 or 7 months.

I make sure to enjoy my life while he is away. For me, that means really laughing and playing and going on fu adventures with my kids. I just try to keep things simple (echo, echo...I think there is a theme emerging here) and really feel all the love that is in this house.

I try to remember that they are missing their dad so they need extra love. givig it helps me too.

The hardest days for me are the two or three before he goes and the two or three when he returns. After the returns I always want everything to be perfect ad great, but the reality is everyone--the kids, me, dh--all need a little transition time to get our groove back.

Hope that helps a little.

Also, I have a little help sometimes but still I never sleep more than 5-6 hours a night. I need that nighttime time to myself and the kids are early risers. It's not perfect, but it is still pretty good.

Happy mom to DS2000, DS2002, DD2004, DS2006 and DS 10/2009:
suziek is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 18,023

40 members and 17,983 guests
agentofchaos , bananabee , Bow , CricketVS , Deborah , delightedbutterfly , Dovenoir , girlspn , hakunangovi , happy-mama , IsaFrench , kathymuggle , kittyhersh , Leelee3 , LibraSun , Lydia08 , mama24-7 , mckittre , Michele123 , moominmamma , MountainMamaGC , Nessiesmith81 , Paula Menudo , pokeyac , Pulsar , Radical_Softness , rightkindofme , RollerCoasterMama , rubelin , Saladd , samaxtics , sciencemum , shantimama , SimplyMama , sniffmommy , Springshowers , zoeyzoo
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.