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Old 05-17-2010, 09:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We were at a family party yesterday. My DS (3) has been using the potty for about 6 months, but he's still learning the ropes when it comes to the idea of using the toilet in public or in other people's homes. He's really independent and prefers to take care of things himself. So I guess yesterday, he felt the need to pee, walked to a corner of the yard, and went behind a tree.
No big deal to me, no big deal to DH, no big deal to in-laws (who are down-to-earth people and agree that when a little one has got to go, better to go on the lawn than in your pants). But evidently, it WAS a big deal to the other side of the family (my DH's sibling's spouse's family) who complained loudly and for a long time after we left about how disgusting that was and what kind of parents were we to allow such a thing.

I'm just beside myself over this. Who could say such a thing about a child--MY child--an innocent 3yo who has no concept of what's socially appropriate??
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:03 PM
 
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I would ignore them and try to find the humor in the situation. What a cute story this will make when your son gets older. I think it's pretty cute anyway.
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:04 PM
 
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Uhhh, sounds like they've got issues. Dude, it's fine. Your kid was fine. No sweatin the lame people.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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Old 05-17-2010, 10:16 PM
 
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I'd be surprised if there are any boys who haven't done that! That's a horrible way to talk about him, a little boy who is still learning. I could understand if they weren't happy about it, but they shouldn't try to shame him, and you, about it. Though if it wasn't their house, I really don't get being upset by it.

IMO, they're not nice people and you shouldn't spend any time worrying about what people who are not nice think. Also who told you what they said? That wasn't cool to repeat it and make you upset.

I'm sorry!

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Old 05-17-2010, 10:20 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry too much about it. Some people obviously have nothing better to do with their time. When my ds was three we were at a backyard birthday party and he dropped his pants right in the middle of the yard and relieved himself! I was mortified but at least everyone else at the party saw the humor in it.

Hey, at least your little guy went behind a tree.

. : Jill, mama to 5 kiddos, soon to be 6 in June 2013 : .

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Old 05-17-2010, 10:20 PM
 
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Holy crap. I can't believe there are people out there still who feel the need to pour such negativity over something so ordinary. For what it's worth, my little brother peed off our back porch for years when he was younger. *shrugs*

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Old 05-17-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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Their problem not yours. I can see being appalled at a much older kid doing it, but a three year old? Like you said, he's got no concept of what's socially appropriate.

(((hugs)))

Rachel partner of Nat, mummy of Sam (4) & Fi (4)
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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((((Hug)))

What everyone else said about it being their problem not yours. Try not to let it get you down. And just be glad that it wasn't what my nephew did at that age...

At about age 3, my nephew decided he had to go when we were all standing outside our IL's church. Well, dn apparently decided he had to go right there and then because all of a sudden we looked over and saw him watering the bush that grows next to the front steps of their church! He hadn't even gotten off the steps and gone around to the grassy area. He was just peeing between the railing onto the bush! If your ILs were that upset about your ds going in the corner of the yard, just imagine what they'd have said about that!
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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well, I could see if he had peed on something that they were using, or wanted to sit on, that'd be weird. But, it's nothing a hose can't fix.

If they were just being uptight about his lack of social graces... they should have been with my daughter when she peed in the display toilet in home depot. That wasn't cute.

I hope they never go camping. They wouldn't last an hour.
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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When my oldest ds was a baby, he ran around outside nekkid all the time. I lived out in the country and thought nothing of it. One time I had new childless neighbors over for dinner (and at 17, felt very GROWN up to do this). We were all sitting around in a circle on the deck and my ds came into the middle, squatted and poo'ed. My boyfriend and I started laughing about it but the other couple (who I had thought were super laid back hippie types) did NOT find it funny. I think they swore never to have children after that or at least never to allow said children to run around nekkid.
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:42 PM
 
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I'm sorry you're upset. Don't be. (easier said than done) It's their issue, he's a 3 year old and when they gotta pee, most reasonable people don't get upset when they use a tree.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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Old 05-17-2010, 11:21 PM
 
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I think it's totally weird their panties are in a bunch about that. I'm impressed your little guy to matters into his own hands (as it were). I think it's totally normal AND a non-issue.
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Old 05-17-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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As far as I am concernced, little kids still potty learning can totally get away with going outside. I'd let my kids if we were all playing outside. He knew he needed to go, he knew he was outside, AND he knew he should go behind a tree rather than in his pants or right next to someone. He did the RIGHT thing in my mind. Why try to make it to the bathroom when the backside of a tree is more convenient? He is totally young enough to get away with that
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Old 05-18-2010, 12:06 AM
 
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Old 05-18-2010, 12:50 AM
 
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It's not like the OP said, "Hey, hon, just go pee in the sandbox over there!" He's a little boy, he needed to go, he went. It was out of the way, no one TOLD him to do it, it just happened. I don't know any little boys who have not, at some point, decided it just made more sense to pee in the yard.

I am possibly the most uptight person on MDC when it comes to public nudity, bodily fluids, and germs, but even I file this under, "Oh well, it happens."
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Old 05-18-2010, 12:57 AM
 
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The school I work at used to have this issue with one of the kids

I have known some grown men in my lifetime who peed in their yards!

I don't see it as a huge deal since he was over by a tree. I mean, he is three and peeing outside is probably cool in and of itself. I wouldn't worry about it, OP

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Old 05-18-2010, 12:57 AM
 
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OP I don't see the issue the one side of the family had with it, particularly since the owners of the house were ok with it. FWIW, when DS was around 4 or so my then stepdad taught him the guy priviledge of the world was his urinal. So he'd be out in the wading pool and suddenly jump out to pee in the grass. That was bad enough to break, but his little sister saw this and followed suit! One day it was chilly out and DS and DH were outside playing catch. DD was potty training, announced she had to go pee, and tore off outside to squat in the middle of the yard! (At least she was housebroken?)

ETA: Nevermind. I'm just really surprised at the discussion this is turning in to!
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:02 AM
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Because a tree at the edge of the yard was in his line of sight or had been in his line of sight while he was outside. He likely had no idea where the bathroom was or heck, even if there was a bathroom. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe he couldn't find mommy or daddy in time and decided to take matters into his own hands. As others have said, I'd far rather my kid peed on a tree instead of in his pants.

So he peed at the base of a tree. So what. If my kids are playing that close to a tree chances are they're either climbing it or trying to climb it and if that's the case then I have more to worry about than whether or not they're walking through human pee. You're outside, pee happens. If you don't want to walk through pee or have your children playing in pee then don't go outside because I can guarantee you that there's plenty of pee from all kinds of critters out there.
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treeoflife3 View Post
maybe he had seen another animal go outside and figured since he needed to go, he could do the same thing...
This reminds me of a little boy my mom babysat many years ago. He'd occasionally crawl up to one of our chairs in the living room and lift his leg. Just like his dog did when he peed at home. Whether or not he was actually peeing at the time I don't know since he had his diaper on. Kids this young are mimics, who knows maybe he saw a dog do the same thing.
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:10 AM
 
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This all just seems so bizarre to me, as I don't think I've been to a family function that didn't include the males peeing on trees. My husband's family is way classier, and they still pee in the woods when outdoors and busy. It's just what you do when you live rurally.
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:15 AM
 
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When I was young and taught preschool, I had a little boy once who was 3 years old, and pretty close to potty trained. He knew to use the toilet, and most of the time he did. However, one day on the playground, I found him on the other side of the slide, pants around his ankles, peeing. We giggled, then reminded him to use the potty when he needed to pee. That afternoon I mentioned it to his mom, and she was embarrassed, saying that they had been camping that weekend and her DH had taught him how to pee standing up by a tree. We laughed, knowing where it came from, and knowing that we would have to teach him the difference. That wasn't the last time he peed on the playground before he finally learned when it was socially acceptable to pee outside.

It's not like the OP's ds said, "Mommy, I need to pee" and she said, "It's ok honey. Just go right here." He just did it. No harm, no foul. What was she to do at that point? Dig the wet dirt up and throw it away? Wipe up the grass with a towel? What's done was done. Laugh about it and remind him to use the potty.

Once, DH was driving down a long stretch of highway with DS in a driving rainstorm. Of course, about a mile after one exit, and about 3 miles before the next exit, DS grabs himself and starts crying that he has to pee RIGHT NOW. So, DH pulls off to the side of the road, crawls into the back seat, pulls DS's pants down, opens the car door, and aims his stream of pee out of the car. They never even got out of the car to pee. That was much better than him feeling the supposed "failure" of peeing in his carseat. The funny thing was that DS thought it was so interesting to pee that way, that he kept asking to do it for a while after that. If he could have, he would have happily peed out of the car again. Of course, in this situation, he is physically unable to do that on his own, but I can totally see how if the novelty was peeing on a tree, he would do that when no one else was looking.

OP, better for your son to make it to a tree and feel good about his accomplishment, than to have peed in his pants and felt sad for missing.

Kat, wife to and mommy to (Dec 07).
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:16 AM
 
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s OP. Your DS did nothing wrong, and you did nothing wrong, and your family members are UAVs.

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Old 05-18-2010, 01:18 AM
 
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This all just seems so bizarre to me, as I don't think I've been to a family function that didn't include the males peeing on trees. My husband's family is way classier, and they still pee in the woods when outdoors and busy. It's just what you do when you live rurally.


I would have thought it was cute to see a 3 yo peeing behind a tree. Not a big deal at all.

OP.

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Old 05-18-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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My DS has peed outside lots of times. He knows not to make a habit of it but sometimes he has to do it. I'd much rather him pee on a tree than in his pants. Sometimes kids that age wait until the very last second to tell anyone they have to pee and even if you're outside at someone's house there simply isn't time to make it to the potty. Those relatives are just being uptight.

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Old 05-18-2010, 01:31 AM
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Can you imagine the snit those relatives would have had if the little guy had tried to make it to the bathroom and didn't get there in time and instead peed on the carpet?
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:36 AM
 
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and hey, peeing outside is better than peeing in his pants, if you ask me. I probably wouldn't have brought any extra clothes - so what would everyone say if he had to walk around with wet clothes the rest of the time.

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Old 05-18-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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My kid has done it and most little boys I've been around have done it, and I don't generally hang out with disgusting people. I do, however, hang out with a lot of campers and hikers.
Why does a 3 year old pee on a tree when a toilet is available? I dunno. Just like I dunno why a 3yo likes to put his underwear on his head.
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Old 05-18-2010, 02:49 AM
 
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s OP. Your DS did nothing wrong, and you did nothing wrong, and your family members are UAVs.


Both of my boys pee by the trees in my backyard. One is 3, the other is 7. It's no big deal. I definitely prefer for them to hit a tree instead of run through my house dripping wet (from playing with the hose) and tracking dirt and mud everywhere just to go in a toilet.

When my 7 year old taught his little brother how to pee by a tree, it was one of the sweetest moments ever. And when I saw my 3 year old watch his big brother and copy what he was doing, it was beautiful. The act of peeing? Not so beautiful. But, the love and admiration between my kids around that simple thing that all boys eventually do - it was perfection. Not dirty. Not disgusting.

There are these wonderful, innocent things that children do that are more than just cute, They're classic. They're miraculous. Unabashedly peeing by a tree is one of those things.

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Old 05-18-2010, 02:53 AM
 
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Both of my boys pee by the trees in my backyard. One is 3, the other is 7. It's no big deal. I definitely prefer for them to hit a tree instead of run through my house dripping wet (from playing with the hose) and tracking dirt and mud everywhere just to go in a toilet.

When my 7 year old taught his little brother how to pee by a tree, it was one of the sweetest moments ever. And when I saw my 3 year old watch his big brother and copy what he was doing, it was beautiful. The act of peeing? Not so beautiful. But, the love and admiration between my kids around that simple thing that all boys eventually do - it was perfection. Not dirty. Not disgusting.

There are these wonderful, innocent things that children do that are more than just cute, They're classic. They're miraculous. Unabashedly peeing by a tree is one of those things.
Wow, no one has ever made me teary eyed over the mental image of boys peeing. You made it sound so wonderful though.

Kat, wife to and mommy to (Dec 07).
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Old 05-18-2010, 03:07 AM
 
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Hugs Mama. Regardless of if people think peeing outside is inappropriate or not the reaction of those relatives were totally out of order. Personally I don't see the big deal, I would not have had a problem with it.

Interestingly, one of survivors of the quake in Haiti told the story of drinking his urine..... yuck yes. but it seems as though that is what kept him alive. The "germs: did not kill him.

For liability reasons Im not suggesting that anyone do this lol.
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