Nervous about having a second child. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 06-01-2010, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First let me say that nothing has brought me more joy in my life than my precious DD. My pregnancy with her was really great and I can't wait to do it all again.

The only problem is that I'm scared to death to have another child.

I'm so worried that I won't love the next child as much as I love DD or worse I'll love the new one more than DD!

I'm so confused. =(

Can anyone give me some wisdom and encouragement?

Treehuggin Mom of a beautiful little girl and Wife to a superhero husband.
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#2 of 7 Old 06-01-2010, 03:57 PM
 
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Yours is a very common worry.

That you're even aware of the possibility and don't want it to happen tells me you're not going to play favorites.

I have three kids. What I found is that they are each amazing, wonderful, and unique. There is simply not "less loving" for one or the other. My capacity for love has been increased (I don't believe love is like a pie that you slice up and give away in a finite number of pieces, anyway), and they each have qualities that make them uniquely loveable.
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#3 of 7 Old 06-01-2010, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for that answer. That is what I'm hoping. You just never know until you actually are holding LO two!

Treehuggin Mom of a beautiful little girl and Wife to a superhero husband.
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#4 of 7 Old 06-01-2010, 11:14 PM
 
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Some random thoughts about having two kids.....I think it is very normal to wonder how it's possible to love another child as much as you love your first (that love that turned your world upside down and you had no idea it could be so strong, until you met your baby for the first time). But then you do love your second just as much, your heart just opens up. I still miss our little threesome, I treasure those days. But four in our family is wonderful too. I like watching the kids interact, I like it that now there's more love to go around for everyone. I love seeing how my dd is different from her brother, and how she is the same. I like seeing these two little people becoming themselves.

One thing I have a hard time with sometimes....I feel like at any given moment I do enjoy the developmental stage of one kid more than the other, and I try hard not to let that translate into favoring one child over the other. For example, I really love the 6-15 month stage, I find kids that age completely adorable (and much easier that 4-4.5 year olds, which was my ds's age at the time). But now dd is at a stage where she tantrums a lot and can't express herself verbally very well, leading to constant frustration (from her and me), and ds is at a stage where he's more fun to be with. So the roles reverse often, and I try to accept that I love them both equally but sometimes I like one child's behavior a little better on a given day.

Anyway....it's an adventure. You'll do great!

lady.gif mama to H. 4/05 and A. 9/08 and baby C. 10/11

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#5 of 7 Old 06-01-2010, 11:23 PM
 
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I had that same fear when I was pregnant with my second... You can very much love 2 kids at the same time cappuccinosmom really said it perfectly

Busy Mom raising 5 kiddos, 7, 6, 5, 2  and a brand new bundle!! (5/15/11)  cd.gifribbonpb.gifnovaxnoIRC.gif

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#6 of 7 Old 06-02-2010, 03:07 AM
 
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I have 6 kids, with twins on the way and every time I have another I have my doubts, too. And I should know better! After the 2nd child it wasn't so much that I am concerned about if can love another as much, be able to handle it, etc., it's more like I mourn a bit because my life is going to change drastically, and basically I like it the way it is and I am happy with the children that I already have.
It's so funny tho, no matter how I feel before baby comes, after they are here and have been part of the family for a couple of wks, it's hard to imagine life any other way. The change may not be easy or smooth, but you will adjust.
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#7 of 7 Old 06-02-2010, 09:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone. I feel a bit better now.

Queen- That is exactly it. I feel like I'm going to lose the perfect life I have now and that scares me. DH, DD and I are just so happy and "perfect." I'm scared to ruin it! LOL

Treehuggin Mom of a beautiful little girl and Wife to a superhero husband.
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