A random child hit my child at the mall - that isn't normal, right? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 47 Old 06-03-2010, 11:28 PM
 
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Yeah, thats crazyness. I really like to think that I'd respond witht he "oh good! so, that means I can hit you in the face? And my ds/dd can hit your dc in the face too? But its juts a game, so its OK, right?!" Gah. People are so freaking stupid.
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#32 of 47 Old 06-03-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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I would have wanted to smack that mom upside the head. At the very least, I would have gotten pretty loud and made a scene. But I am just b*tchy that way especially when someone hurts my child.

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#33 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 01:04 AM
 
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So not a normal response by the mom. Kids do things like that at times, normal or special needs, it doesn't matter, what does matter is the response of the parents. My DS got a large wooden truck thrown right in his face by a boy a couple weeks ago. It hurt, he cried for a good 10 minutes over it, and DS rarely cries over anything. The mom apologized, and removed her son, talked to him, and then came to check on my child, that was the correct response.

Poor parenting never fails to amaze me. There are a couple children that have prevented DD2 from going to her favorite activity, open gym at the gymnastics center, for a couple months now. They are around her age, 3, both are hitters, and seem to attach themselves to us, and hit her at every chance while the moms plead for them to stop. Umm hello, how about actually getting in there and do something with your child instead of yelling at them from across the room while you chat. So now she refuses to go because when we do go, she gets hit constantly while I parent two of my children that are with me, and then two more that are not mine.

And yes, I do address the child when something like that happens and tell them that "you do not hit" or whatever it is. And then I turn to my child, comfort them, and further address the issue by saying something like, 'it wasn't nice that he hit you. I'm sorry, maybe he feels sorry as well." When parents are not watching, I tell the child once, and then tell the parent the next time what their child is doing, some don't care so it doesn't always solve the problem. I have been known to leave parks because of mean children whose parents will not deal with their behavior, I use that to talk to my children about why we are kind to others and what happens when we aren't (people don't want to play with you, etc...).

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#34 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 01:19 AM
 
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\
We have a lady that takes her son to the park. He is a major sand thrower. When he's there, the other adults have to block him from throwing sand at our kids. His mom's only attempt at parenting him is to loudly announce (from the bench with her magazine and cell phone) that "HE HAS SPECIAL NEEDS!" Then she goes back to her phone or magazine.
SO WHAT if he does? All that means is it will probably take MORE time, and more repetitions...but he WILL eventually learn not to throw sand! *IF* his mom ever gets off her butt and does something about it.

How 'bout what I do with my 18 month old? There is gravel at our park. I tell him "No throwing the rocks"...if he does it again, I say "No throwing rocks! Do you want to go home? We go home if you throw rocks." The third time, I pick him up and we go home. (Since he's little I'm talking about in the space of a few minutes, not like he threw rocks when he got there 20 mins. earlier and then did it again so I pick him up and we leave.)

Now that he's shown me through actions that he 'gets it' the last time or two, it's been one warning. That's all it takes anymore.

those little rocks HURT...I got hit by one from somebody else the other day.

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#35 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 08:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The mom's response was less than ideal, but who knows...maybe she was embarassed, or overwhelmed (I had a 3yo hitter and I was overwhelmed most of the time), or was having a bad day and wasn't able to craft a more "appropriate" response at that moment. Or all of the above. Cut her some slack and let it go.
It's not that I am obsessing over it, and that I am really upset but well, it wasn't very nice. My daughter still has a bruise on her face. Perhaps the mom was embarrassed, perhaps not... I certainly wasn't expecting her to slap her son, obviously. All I wanted is a "Sorry about that!" for me, and an "Are you OK?" for my DD. And yes, if any of my kids would slap other kids, I obviously would tell them that we don't hit people. Every single time, if it was that much of an issue. I was overwhelmed too, frankly.

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#36 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 10:15 AM
 
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If her only idea for discipline was corporal punishment, she clearly needs to read some parenting books.

Hopefully someone will insist on filing a police report and she'll get motivated to do some learning about kids who hit.
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#37 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 10:21 AM
 
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Normal kid, odd, negligent, and rude mom. DS leans out of the shopping cart now and then and tries to slap at people. I grab his arm, apologize to them whether he make contact or not, if he actually hit a child hard I'd be apologizing profusely. I tell him that is very wrong, if it was really hitting I'd show him how to hurt the person and made them sad, and ask him to apologize so they could forgive him.
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#38 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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Some kids will hit, no matter what. But to hit so hard to leave swelling & a mark? That is a red flag to me.

I'm willing to bet that Mom has some abuse going on in their home. With a comment like that, & such violent slap....it sounds really dysfunctional.

((((Hugs))) I don't know how I would of handled such a situation. It's just plain crazy all around.

 

  

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#39 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 10:39 AM
 
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This might sound odd...but maybe she didn't know just how hard he hit? Maybe she *thought* it was a "play slap"? (Not that there should be such a thing... but you know...)

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#40 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 12:02 PM
 
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Maybe she was having a great day too. Maybe she doesn't care about anyone else's kid getting hurt. Why cut her some slack when the OP's kid has a bruised face????
Cut her some slack because you don't know anything about her. Cut her some slack because everybody needs to be cut some slack every once in a while. Cut her some slack because the OP is never going to see her again, and it won't hurt her in the least bit to do so.

For all we know she started a thread on MDC that said "I was THAT mom in that Mall today." If she had, she get tons of responses gently suggesting she give herself and break and try to do better tomorrow.

Again, her response was less than ideal and it's unfortunate that the OP's child was hurt and scared. And I understand it's more satisfying (and easier) to be indignant and shocked at her behavior and less satisfying (and far more difficult) to strive for patience and forgiveness.
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#41 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 03:08 PM
 
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The same thing happened to us in a hardware store. A family walked by us with their kids in a trolley and their son leaned over in passing and slapped my 18 month old in the face. He was about a year older. His parents saw what he did, looked me straight in the face and walked past without saying a word to him or us. I was more shocked at their (lack of) response than the sudden "attack". A quick "I'm so sorry! Is she ok??" would have gone a long way. Just some acknowledgment that what happened was not OK, KWIM?
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#42 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 07:59 PM
 
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I don't cut people slack who don't appear to care if their child bruises another child's face.

OP - I'm so sorry your dc experienced that.
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#43 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 08:33 PM
 
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It was the mom's behaviour that was not normal and even giving her some slack she could still have at least said she was sorry.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#44 of 47 Old 06-04-2010, 09:01 PM
 
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Cut her some slack because you don't know anything about her. Cut her some slack because everybody needs to be cut some slack every once in a while. Cut her some slack because the OP is never going to see her again, and it won't hurt her in the least bit to do so.

For all we know she started a thread on MDC that said "I was THAT mom in that Mall today." If she had, she get tons of responses gently suggesting she give herself and break and try to do better tomorrow.

Again, her response was less than ideal and it's unfortunate that the OP's child was hurt and scared. And I understand it's more satisfying (and easier) to be indignant and shocked at her behavior and less satisfying (and far more difficult) to strive for patience and forgiveness.
Everyone has their share of cruddy parenting, but this goes above and beyond that. There is NO excuse for what she said to OP. That's not "I had a bad day and so I'm only sort of paying attention to my kid and I can't really deal with what he did wrong." That's "My entire philosophy about discipline is nonexistent."

This is the sort of anecdote that you'd read in an article written by a whiney 20-something about how entitled parents are today. And then you'd roll your eyes and say "yeah right, like THAT would happen." It's extreme and bizarre and stranger than fiction.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#45 of 47 Old 06-05-2010, 04:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Everyone has their share of cruddy parenting, but this goes above and beyond that. There is NO excuse for what she said to OP. That's not "I had a bad day and so I'm only sort of paying attention to my kid and I can't really deal with what he did wrong." That's "My entire philosophy about discipline is nonexistent."

This is the sort of anecdote that you'd read in an article written by a whiney 20-something about how entitled parents are today. And then you'd roll your eyes and say "yeah right, like THAT would happen." It's extreme and bizarre and stranger than fiction.
Right, thanks . If I had seen the whole scenario from a distance, I might have wondered where the hidden cameras were.

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#46 of 47 Old 06-05-2010, 09:50 AM
 
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PFFT!!! I think you are totally right in your reaction. If my son did that, I would have made sure that your child was okay, first of all, and then I would have told him that its not acceptable to hit anyone, then I would have had him apologize and if he didn't quickly, I would apologize for him so that I wouldn't be holding you up standing there waiting for the apology, then after you left I would still make him apologize about the situation. That lady sounds nuts to me.
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#47 of 47 Old 06-06-2010, 03:49 PM
 
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Cut her some slack because you don't know anything about her. Cut her some slack because everybody needs to be cut some slack every once in a while. Cut her some slack because the OP is never going to see her again, and it won't hurt her in the least bit to do so.

For all we know she started a thread on MDC that said "I was THAT mom in that Mall today." If she had, she get tons of responses gently suggesting she give herself and break and try to do better tomorrow.

Again, her response was less than ideal and it's unfortunate that the OP's child was hurt and scared. And I understand it's more satisfying (and easier) to be indignant and shocked at her behavior and less satisfying (and far more difficult) to strive for patience and forgiveness.
You cut a person some slack for pushing you in the mall without saying excuse me or for making a snide comment. A parent who thinks it's okay for their child to slap another child doesn't need to be cut slack. She needs a lesson in manners and basic common respect. The child may have been too young to apologize but his mother could have told OP, "I'm sorry he slapped your DC. For him it's playing. I'm sorry your DC is hurt." Anything other than what came out of her mouth.
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