Funny things kids say.... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There was a thread like this somewhere, but I thought I would start a new one

DS is 3:

"Old pee is crunchy like potato chips" WT??????

I have NO idea where that came from, or where he may have encountered old pee!

Or we found a nest of tiny baby spiders outside. He is currently afraid of all insects and spiders...

"Last night those baby spiders climbed into my toes and up into my belly and ate all of my food in my belly." He was completely serious while he said it too.

Momma to G 12/06 A 2/09, AND ANNOUNCING... Welcome big boy! A 5/10/10 9 lbs 10 oz! We and had our 3rd UP/UC!
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#2 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 06:04 PM
 
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My DD is 2 1/2. When she is being silly or making silly/funny faces in the rearview mirror while I am driving, I will tell her "You are crazy".

Her reply always is: "I am not crazy, I am Sophia Margaret!" (her name)

I LOVE IT

She is my little smarty pants

WOH Wife to Steve 3/31/07 ; Mama to Sophia Margaret 9/26/07; and Ava Grace 2/5/09
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#3 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 06:15 PM
 
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My 8 year old:

(Dh bought a new computer chair yesterday and was bringing it in) "Don't you want to see the greatest thing since having children?"

My 3 year old:

(when asked how old he'll be on his birthday) "6. Well, 4. But they're the same thing. Only different."
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#4 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 06:17 PM
 
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My daughter at the doctor's office today (when the door was open of course) "mama, your doctor is very very nice and very VERY big!"


Yesterday my dd and I were on the porch. We could hear our neighbors in their backyard and their dogs were barking a lot. Zayla decides to say real loudly, (so I know they heard her) "mama I hate those damn dogs".


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#5 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 06:38 PM
 
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I'll try remember some cos my lo's have come out with some crackers

When chloe was 4 her dad heard her saying "i'm going to be 14 when i'm a mum"

caitlin's teacher had a baby girl before christmas and there was sign on the door saying that she weighed 6 lb. 9 oz and i mentioned that Caden had weighed 9 lb. 6 oz and she said "did you buy him from the shop and did he have a label on him"

also a few months back Caden pulled my purse out of my pocket and i said "i don't have any money" and he said "Liar" and smacked me i was so shocked, i couldn't help but laugh.

Caitlin really embarrassed me in the shop the other day i was paying for some shopping and she said to the man at the checkout " Hello daddy, your my daddy"

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#6 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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I was teasing my youngest sister once and said that boys have cooties. She got a very serious look on her face, turned to my mother and said "Mom, Oubliette is being silly, boys don't have cooties, they're just icky!"
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#7 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 07:47 PM
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My 3yo opened the bathroom door while I was in there and said

Him: Hey mommy, do you have a penis?
Me: Why no, I don't.
Him: Ok, thanks!

And shuts the door. Just checking, I guess?

His animals also seem to make friends much more easily than I can: "Hi, Ninja Monkey, would you be my friend? Sure, White Puppy. I'll dance and you play the guitar."

And life lessons:

Me: Sorry, Andrew. Sometimes we can't have everything we want.
Andrew: Like a leopard. I would like a leopard, but we can't have one because Daddy would be scared!

Apparently Daddy also can't go to work because he's a bear and that's DANGEROUS!

3yo crack me up.
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#8 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 08:53 PM
 
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My 4yo is hilarious when he wants to be

Him: Why can't I have my rules all the time?
Me: Because other people want to have their rules sometimes too. Why should you be the one to make rules?
Him: Because, mama, I'm the king of the world!

Me: Oh, ds2 (1yo), don't eat that off the floor. It's yucky.
Ds1: Let him, mama. Then you don't have to vacuum because ds2 is our very own vacuum!

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#9 of 75 Old 06-08-2010, 10:05 PM
 
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Just this morning, my 4 yo DD and nearly 6 yo DS were at the table eating breakfast when DD asks me,"Mom, what happens when your water breaks?" Before I could answer, DS says, "That can't happen cuz water can't break!"


This afternoon my 8 yo DD asks me, "Are all grown-up ladies moms?" I replied, "No, some ladies are grown-ups quite a while before they become moms and some just don't ever become moms." Her response, "Well, then maybe some moms never grow-up." I thought this rather profound (and sometimes sadly true!); all I could say was, "Yes."
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#10 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 12:42 AM
 
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3 1/2 yo DS: "Sister doesn't like the vulva in her sippy."

DH: "WHA????"

DS: "The vulva. This." Takes out the valve.

DH: "Ohhhhh... say 'valve'."

SAHM to Declan (12/12/06) and Blythe (2/9/09)
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#11 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 01:38 AM
 
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All 4 of us snuggled up in bed in the morning. DS (2) is nursing, DD (4) is just laying in the middle. Sweet and peaceful, right?

DS: (laughing) The white thing (ceiling) fall down on us and squish us!
Me: You think the ceilng is going to fall on us and squish us?
DS: That be funny! The ceiling fall down and the star (ceiling fan) fall on DD and hurt her! Ow (still laughing)...

DD and DS got helium balloons at a parade on Saturday. They took them out into the backyard after we got home and (surprise surprise) instantly DS's balloon floated away. DD is hysterically upset.

DD: Get the Balloon! It's floating away! (sobbing uncontrolably)
Me: I'm sorry. I would like to get it, but it is too high up. I can't reach.
DS: Maybe get on airplane and reach out window and grab balloon.
Me: That'd be fun if we could do that.
DD: (gasping) Okay, let's get to an airplane...
Me: I'm sorry, we can't really get on an airplane.
DS: I wear astronaut suit and BRRRGGRR up into sky and grab balloon!
DD: (So very sad) But it is going away! How can we get it?!!?
DH: Sorry...
Me: I would like to get it too, but we can't. It is too high up.
DS: We fly like birds. Mama, fly like a bird! Little Bear flies like a bird. Mama fly like bird!
Me: (jumping) See, even when I try, I can't fly. It would be fun...
DD: We could talk to the birds. They could fly and get it and bring it back...

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#12 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 01:45 AM
 
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Oh yeah. I just remembered the best one.

Recently, in the middle of a crowded grocery store isle. Dd tells me randomly and in her loudest voice (why is she always so loud?!?)

"Mommy, I like to touch myself at night in my bed when you can't see me".



Nobody warned me about this kind of stuff before I had kids. It's like she's on a mission to humiliate me sometimes.

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#13 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 01:50 AM
 
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DD, age 3, on where babies come from:

Sees me taking prenatal vitamin. "Can I have one?"

Me "No...they're only for mommies growing babies"

DD "I can grow a baby..."

Me "Someday, sure" (or something like that)

DD "No, I know how to grow a baby RIGHT NOW."

Me (we've not had a discussion on where babies come from, nobody's asked) "Really? Tell me more..."

DD "You plant a seed, put some water, put it in the sun, and it will grow a baby!"

Me

lovin DH since 1/04, SAHM to 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#14 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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DS1 is 5. He is absolutely CONVINCED the bellybean is a girl. (we find out next month)

He informed me one day "I KNOW it's a girl mom, I KNOW it is...I know EVERYTHING!"

(he also "already knows how to speak Spanish" so doesn't need an after-school class next year--he's seen dora and diego, )

lovin DH since 1/04, SAHM to 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#15 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 03:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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There are some good ones already!

I just remembered another....

DS was playing with my grandma's dog with a small stick in the yard. He fell with it and a side branch poked his finger and he got a small puncture from it. This was with everyone around including my 84 yo grandmother.

"G@d dammit! That really hurts!"

My grandma thought it was pretty funny, and after some initial uncomfortable looks from my aunts and uncles we all had a pretty good laugh- he always manages to use those words in context, so it is hard not to laugh.

Momma to G 12/06 A 2/09, AND ANNOUNCING... Welcome big boy! A 5/10/10 9 lbs 10 oz! We and had our 3rd UP/UC!
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#16 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 07:06 AM
 
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My DGD (5), on the bus yesterday (very seriously):

"If you lose your heart, then you die." Then added: "The heart is made of glass."
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#17 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 10:26 AM
 
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My niece (4yo) had a worksheet from school to pick out the pictures that start with P. They came across paddles for a boat. Her mom asked her if those start with P...NO MOMMMMMMMMMMM-those are row row row your boats.
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#18 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 03:51 PM
 
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DS (3) and I were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He said he wants to work at church. "Oh," I ask, "Do you want to stand in front and talk?" "Yes I do," he says. "Are you going to tell people about Jesus?" I ask. "Nope." "Well What are you going to tell them about," I ask. "I'm gonna tell them about snacks." Sounds logical.

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#19 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 07:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephenie View Post
DS (3) and I were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He said he wants to work at church. "Oh," I ask, "Do you want to stand in front and talk?" "Yes I do," he says. "Are you going to tell people about Jesus?" I ask. "Nope." "Well What are you going to tell them about," I ask. "I'm gonna tell them about snacks." Sounds logical.
Makes sense to me!

Just heard this one today, upon finding a small American flag:

DS: This is my flag!
Me: Oh yes, that's the United States' flag.
DS: I would wave it around and tell people "Get out of the way! We're coming through!"

Yep, that's pretty much it, buddy.

Think he remembers using the flag in the crosswalk.
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#20 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 08:15 PM
 
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After I sent DS to bed, he came downstairs an hour later..

Me: DS, why are you downstairs, you should be in bed!
DS: It's too hot in my room and I can't get comfortable.
Me: Well, turn on your fan.
DS: I did, but it's not fanny enough

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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#21 of 75 Old 06-09-2010, 08:20 PM
 
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Ours is too young to have any quips but we were at a park with a friend a while ago and this made me laugh:

We warned our friend that her son was playing dangerously close to poison oak, so she called out to him "come down from there, there's poison oak up there" and then her daughter screamed, I thought at first in horror, but it turned out to be excitement as she ran toward her brother yelling "Oh poison oak! I've never had poison oak before!" ... her mom "you don't want poison oak honey it will make you all itchy" ... the daughter, still running "I don't care! I never had poison oak before!"

So far as I know we did manage to keep both kids from actually getting poison oak. Much to the little girl's disappointment I am sure.

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss
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#22 of 75 Old 06-10-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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O love reading these- they make me lol!!

When my ds was about 4 we were visiting my grandmother and passed the funeral home. My son got very serious and quiet and said "There's heaven." I asked him what in the world he was talking about, and it turns out he thought the funeral home was heaven. He had been taught that when you die you go to heaven, and since every funeral he had ever been to was at that funeral home, he thought it was heaven.

My absolute favorite thing my dd has ever said is in my siggy.

DD: I'm bored and want to play Me: What about me? I can play. DD: No thanks, I mean a real person.
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#23 of 75 Old 06-10-2010, 01:57 PM
 
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A few nights ago my DS asked me if baby powder was made from babies.

Last week he (DS 7) was stressed because one of our daycare boys (2yrs) really wanted DS's stuffed racoon at naptime. Ds felt badly for saying no but really didn't want him to "slobber all over it". Later DS suggested we set one of our live traps and catch a REAL racoon and give him that at naptime.

He has a dark sense of humor though.

One of my daycare boys, a very vocal, very intense, 2 year old told me in all seriousness- " the baboon ate my brain" (this could have been the result of exposure to my 7 y/o though)

My twins (6) teacher was leaving school for mat. leave so the class was throwing her a baby shower.
DD-Mrs. X is having her baby tomorrow.
Me- Oh no sweetie, tomorrow's just her shower.
DS- Nope. She's definately having the baby tomorrow. That's why we're having the shower. To wash it for her after it comes out.
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#24 of 75 Old 06-11-2010, 12:02 AM
 
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I love these! LOL

DD was playing in her room with DH watching(kinda) yesterday. She destroyed the room-clothes and toys covering the floor. I walked into the room to get her for lunch.

DDlooks at mess, looks at me) WHAT'D YOU DO??? IT'S A MESS!
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#25 of 75 Old 06-11-2010, 01:26 AM
 
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I am cracking up at these, sitting here laughing at the computer.

My favorite is when my 6 year old son woke up one morning and came into our bed, and the first words out of his mouth were:

"Mama, I gotta get my armpit hairs growing."

(What?!) Guess he wants to be like dad...or me when I forget to shave. hee hee

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#26 of 75 Old 06-11-2010, 04:06 AM
 
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I had a 7 year old camper who was constantly hanging off my arms. One day I got stung several times by a wasp. Since it hurt to have anyone touch my arms, I had to keep reminding her to stop trying to grab them. she wanted to know why so I explained I had been stung by a wasp and it hurt very much. To which she got a very serious look on her face and said "Its because you're wearing red, they hate red!" When I got dressed the next morning I remembered this advice and picked a safe (so I thought) grey shirt with a small orange stripe. she came straight up to me that morning and siad with a very serious look- "Oh no! You cant wear orange! Wasps hate orange too!"


Same camper had a small collection of stuffed animals. They were mostly named simply what the wear. There was Arctic fox and Killer Owl amongst others. All of the animals with the "Killer" prefix had a nasty habit of trying to go up peoples shirts, an activity we actively and firmly discourage. One day i noticed all the stuffed animals had disappeared. And the following conversation ensued-
Me: Where's Killer Owl?
Camper: He was naughty. So I put him in my bag.
Me: Oh, what did he do?
Camper: He tried to look up Fox's shirt.
Me: I see. Where is Arctic Fox?
Camper: In the bag with Killer Owl!
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#27 of 75 Old 06-11-2010, 11:48 AM
 
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Recently, my 4yo took our deodorant out of the bathroom cabinet. My 6yo came and told me about it - but she didn't remember what it was called. She did vaguely remember me explaining what it was for, and that it had something to do with sweat. So she says, "Mommy! Ds took the bottle of grown-up sweat out of the cabinet!"
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#28 of 75 Old 06-12-2010, 02:02 AM
 
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"Mommy, I burped out my butt!" (DD, age 3, tonight)

DD "Mommy, don't call me baby anymore because I'm not a baby"

Me "OK, big girl..."

DD "NO, I am a SUPERHERO!"

(tonight's 'I must keep talking so that I do not fall asleep' conversation)

oh, also from same conversation, the bit of snack she got off Grandma was NOT a sweet roll, it was a TREAT.

lovin DH since 1/04, SAHM to 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#29 of 75 Old 06-12-2010, 03:38 AM
 
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We were playing baseball in the backyard last year. Dd (5 at the time) was batting, and I was pitching. Ds was in the "outfield" (our yard isn't that big).

Dd swung at a pitch and missed. Ds shouted "STRIKE! Incensed, dd yelled, "it's not your job to say 'strike', that's the vampire's job!"

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#30 of 75 Old 06-12-2010, 03:39 AM
 
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Oh and I just remembered another good one:

We were driving home the day before dd's birthday.

Dd says to me "I can't believe I'm turning 6 tomorrow. I've suffered through so much already."

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