Friend lacks basic concept of child safety - WWYD? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 74 Old 06-20-2010, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
different things are safe for different children though. The important thing to remember is that they do not know your child or what he is or isn't capable of so you will just need to be sure to be the one who watches your child.
Right, but there are some things that are universally dangerous, or at least I believe so. Some of those are running in the road where cars are driving, jumping into a deep pool when you can't swim, and leaving your kid completely unsupervised in areas with large numbers of people. I am sure there are other examples too.

For the record, I don't really care of other people leave their kids unsupervised to roam around huge national parks with all kinds of hazards, if they think their kid is responsible enough to do so (But at 1? Hardly!). I just don't think I am really crazy to believe that someone will WATCH my kid when they say they will.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#62 of 74 Old 06-20-2010, 09:32 PM
 
reignbelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 58
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=lilyka;15537627]Honestly it sounds like neither of your understand or respect the others choice in parenting. So long as everyone can respect what the other does with their own children I don't see any reason the friendship can't contiunue but it will take effort on both of your parts to respect that you each know your children and their capabilities. By a year all my children could safely navigate stairs. Because we had stairs and they practiced and I taught them as soon as they could crawl how to handle stairs. but when children came over who did not know how to handle stairs I expected their parents to make sure they stayed off the stairs.

i think the key is everyone takes care of their own children in a way they feel comfortable with. and not judge the other one.

This may not be the making of a best friend kind of relationship but at the same time it is nice to have someone you can hang out in the sandbox with every now and then. Just know the limits of the friendship"

I agree you both sound very critical of each other. If she says she didn't remember saying shed watch your child at the park and you think she's lying I do think that's reason enough to end the friendship. But if she didn't think she was supposed to be watching to fault for that. For the other instance they may have been trying to laugh off or make light of the situatuon because they were embarrassed by you yelling. I doesn't forgive them for it but people act weriod under pressure. I'D still be friends just not let them watch my kids.
reignbelle is offline  
#63 of 74 Old 06-20-2010, 09:35 PM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,858
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
I just don't think I am really crazy to believe that someone will WATCH my kid when they say they will.
No, you're not crazy to initially think that. But it would be crazy to ever trust these people again.

In the words of Maya Angelou, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
#64 of 74 Old 06-20-2010, 11:45 PM
 
MissLotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,212
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I myself just could not be friends with someone whose way of thinking differed so vastly from mine. There is lax parenting, and there is neglect. It sounds like these people are neglectful and I just don't get that. SO many of the stupid accidents that happen to children are preventable. But their parents think it can't/won't happen and, you know, it's easier to not pay attention and to just hope it all works out. I can't get into that way of thinking. It's lazy. And I feel like my job as a parent is to make sure my kid stays safe to the best of my ability. If that means I have to get up off the couch to make sure my kid doesn't plummet down the stairs, I do it.

And you said, "After my one year old went missing, she even went as far as to deny she'd agreed to watch him in the first place. No sorry, no nothing." It's a deliberate attitude. Not cool. I would have to stop calling a friend like that.
MissLotus is offline  
#65 of 74 Old 06-21-2010, 12:39 AM
 
VroomieMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
Their apartment is really tiny. He was sitting right by the front door (eating icecream) not because I asked him to, and nor was he being sarcastic. He was just sitting right by the front door because well, that also happens to be where their kitchen is .

Something else to clarify is that, in the communal hallway of their third-floor apt, there is this awfully scary window, that is floor level, so kids could walk right out there. When I could not find my son, I seriously considered that this is exactly what he might have done, for a split second.
My throat tightened at this comment. I KNOW and understand this type of fear!

I heartbeat.gif my  9/22/02  dd who likes to blahblah.gif, 4/29/09 mos old. silly & adventurous girl twins twins.gif ,  11/15/l0 girl baby.gif & my coffee drinking DH!
VroomieMama is offline  
#66 of 74 Old 06-21-2010, 12:52 AM
 
VroomieMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
Eric clapton springs to mind. His son was three I think?
Oh aw. I didn't know that.

I heartbeat.gif my  9/22/02  dd who likes to blahblah.gif, 4/29/09 mos old. silly & adventurous girl twins twins.gif ,  11/15/l0 girl baby.gif & my coffee drinking DH!
VroomieMama is offline  
#67 of 74 Old 06-21-2010, 05:07 AM
 
Litcrit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Belgrade, Serbia
Posts: 219
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
Really? What catacombs are those? Sounds like I have missed an essential tourist spot here , or is it somewhere in Kalemegdan?
They're in Kalemegdan, and I bet the average tourist couldn't find half of them - they're unmarked and not in plain view. So much fun for a bunch of 9 year olds who happened to be into Enid Blyton at the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
Yes, they lied, and showed blatant disrespect.
I guess to me they sound more like irresponsible children with short attention spans than evil people capable of deliberate deception and derision. I could forgive irresponsible children and continue to have conversations and interactions with them, but not trust them with anything of any import to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
You know I'm no helicopter parent who tries to wrap my kids in bubble-wrap, right, Litcrit?
Sure do.
Litcrit is offline  
#68 of 74 Old 06-21-2010, 11:36 AM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 13,477
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLotus View Post
I myself just could not be friends with someone whose way of thinking differed so vastly from mine. There is lax parenting, and there is neglect. It sounds like these people are neglectful and I just don't get that. SO many of the stupid accidents that happen to children are preventable. But their parents think it can't/won't happen and, you know, it's easier to not pay attention and to just hope it all works out. I can't get into that way of thinking. It's lazy. And I feel like my job as a parent is to make sure my kid stays safe to the best of my ability. If that means I have to get up off the couch to make sure my kid doesn't plummet down the stairs, I do it.

And you said, "After my one year old went missing, she even went as far as to deny she'd agreed to watch him in the first place. No sorry, no nothing." It's a deliberate attitude. Not cool. I would have to stop calling a friend like that.
Laid back parenting is totally cool with me but neglect not so much.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
#69 of 74 Old 06-21-2010, 08:46 PM
 
ICU2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 14
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I understand your concern about the door.

A couple of years ago, my DH's cousin's child died. He woke up and decided to open the front door and let himself out (he was 2). There was a pond at their apartment complex and he made his way to the pond and drowned. From what I understood at the time, it wasn't the first time he had opened the door and let himself out. Now I'm sure his parents never thought in a million years, "Hey, someday he may open the door and no one will be looking and he'll go down to the pond" but that's what happened.

You can't control the level of supervision they give their kids, but if you continue this friendship I think I would only meet at your house (where you probably already have basic safety precautions set up for your kids) or in a place you feel comfortable that doesn't have a lot of hazards around. I don't think I would be comfortable with the friendship after she said she would watch my child then deny that she said it after he got lost, but that's just me!
ICU2 is offline  
#70 of 74 Old 06-22-2010, 03:02 AM
 
sweetpeppers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Medford, NJ
Posts: 847
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think the question of continuing with the friendship is not that their safety standards are lax, it's that they are not respecting you. Losing track of a kid happens to everyone sometimes, but it's really rude to laugh at someone who is upset about it or lie that you agreed to keep an eye on their kid. And the door thing was handled poorly as well with little respect for your feelings too. I don't see it as a safety issue, but a respect issue.

my toy shop on etsy.com: wooden baby keys, natural bathtub toys, wooden animals, little kitchens, waldorf dolls...also check out my blog about saving money, creating things, and natural living
sweetpeppers is offline  
#71 of 74 Old 06-22-2010, 08:11 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,722
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Now that you know how the parents are you just have to always take care of your own even if they offer to *watch* them. It is obvious they wont.Good thing nothing happened either time.I wouldn't be upset over their lax parenting,but would be angry that they said they would do something and did not. Takes seconds for a harm to come to a child.

As I told my dh,"There is no one who will watch our kids as well as we do.No one cares for them as much as we do,so don't you dare pass them on to someone and go play on your computer or phone!"

And learn to quickly decline watching their children.I had a 3yo and a newborn, and I never had anyone watch them other than my dh.Even that was rare.You learn to do it.Ofcourse some people learn to pass their kids on to others,so you just have to work on avoiding that.
mattemma04 is offline  
#72 of 74 Old 06-23-2010, 12:36 PM
 
battymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: australia
Posts: 1,422
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by VroomieMama View Post
Oh aw. I didn't know that.
Tears in heaven was written by him after it happened.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven


Brings me to tears everytime I hear it.

Op I dont think you are over reacting at all, i think these peoples actions are pretty reprehensible.
battymama is offline  
#73 of 74 Old 06-23-2010, 01:00 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
Eric clapton springs to mind. His son was three I think?
I don't remember how old his son was, but now there is a law in NYC that if you have children under 10 living in your apartment you must have wondow guards on all windows that are not emergency exits (so all but the fire escape ones).
Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#74 of 74 Old 06-23-2010, 01:56 PM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 13,477
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Eric Clapton's son was 4 and half when he died. That song makes me cry every single time.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off