Friend lacks basic concept of child safety - WWYD? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have this new friend, we met through a local green organization and really get on in many ways. I have known her for around four months now, and she has a three year old son and a newborn. I am not of the judgy type, but I've been really unpleasantly surprised by her total lack of concern for child safety... TWICE! She is the same with her own kids, but there were two incidents with my kids that really had me worried.

1) We went to a national park together. It is just nature, including a lake, and there is a restaurant and some kids' play areas. She asked me to hold her newborn for a while, and I said, "OK, if you watch my one year old!". She said, fine, and I held the newborn for about 10 seconds before realizing my one year old son was GONE!

I asked her where he was and she said "I dunno" in a relaxed way. Hey, we're in a great big park, lots of people about, a lake right by, and you said you'd watch him! I quickly hand her back her newborn and go look for my son. I can't see him anywhere. After I scream his name, he comes running to me. Turns out he was watching some pensioners play bridge. I was SO scared. When I said something to her about it, she laughed it off.

2) After that incident, I decided that we could stay friends, but I would never, ever let her watch my kids again, even for a second. Last week we (me and two kids) went to her house for a playdate. They have a small apartment, on the third floor. I am sitting in the living room with this woman, drinking coffee, when I hear her son's voice with some echo. Turns out he'd opened the front door, and had gone outside. Again, he's three, and there was an open window in the hallway and three huge flights of stairs. I panicked and she said "Oh, he does that all the time!".

So I asked her to lock the door, and her husband replied, "Oh, I got it, I will lock the door and stay right by it so nobody can try and open it." With that thought, I continued drinking coffee. A few minutes later, I hear her son talking, again, with an echo. The husband had gone somewhere else, never locked the door AND my one year old was nowhere to be seen. I screamed his name, with no result. At this point I was shouting at the husband while looking for my baby. In the end, I found him just hiding behind the open front door, inside the apartment. Both husband and wife reacted like I was some crazy, overprotective mom.

I could kick myself for trusting this guy to stay by the door and lock it, after what happened at the national park. I'm still feeling guilty, because in a way, I could have seen that coming. I told him I was REALLY angry for not looking after the kids' basic safety after he had explicitly told me he would do so. He laughed my comments off.

I have seen them do similar things with their kids on at least a dozen occasions, and they simply do not care. What would you do? Would you do anything about it? I will see them again at the meetings of the group we both belong to, but other than that I don't think I want to continue the friendship. Do you think I am overreacting?

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#2 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 03:39 AM
 
tiffani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In a nutshell, your kids are your responsibility, their kids are their responsibility, period. I have very loose "safety standards" for my kids, because I have been with them 24/7 since the day they were born, and I know exactly what they will do in terms of safe/unsafe behavior. I know when I need to watch them closely and when I don't, and it drives me a little up the wall when people assume I'm being negligent when my son is climbing something that another parent deems unsafe. It might be unsafe for another kid, but other kids are not my job, and it IS safe for my child, so I let him/them do whatever they like within the realm of safety FOR THEM.

I have discovered that I have a much wider range of what I consider safe for children than most anyone else I know. I also know that sometimes people forget that what is safe for a 3 y.o. who lives in a home with potential dangers is not necessarily safe for the visiting 1 y.o., or even multiple kids, who will sometimes devise crazy plans in a group, or encourage each other to do unsafe things. Hold her newborn, but know that you still need to keep an eye on your baby, and don't be afraid to just hand her baby back if your child needs you/needs following/etc.

So yes, I would watch my kids carefully around this family, but I certainly wouldn't write off a friendship with them -- pretty soon your kids will be a little older and the safety issues won't be a big deal, and they may turn out to be great friends.

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

tiffani is offline  
#3 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 03:41 AM
 
shishkeberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In Potions class, daydreaming...
Posts: 1,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, you aren't overreacting. I wouldn't have playdates with her anymore.

My BFF got CPS called on her once by a neighbor when her DD (2-3 at the time) got out of the house and was found walking down their suburban street. Just something to think about. That (and worse) could happen to your friend if she isn't more careful.

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
****5****10****15****20****25****30****35****40*
shishkeberry is offline  
#4 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 09:21 AM
 
Latte Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In toddler tantrum land
Posts: 1,261
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You're not overreacting. Kids do fall out of windows, get lost in the woods at national parks, etc. It happens to parents who honestly believe their child wouldn't do,climb,disappear, or other stunt not usually done.

Stuff happens.

Mama to one 2 yr. old tornado banana.gif
Latte Mama is offline  
#5 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:15 AM
 
mrspineau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 611
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte Mama View Post
You're not overreacting. Kids do fall out of windows, get lost in the woods at national parks, etc. It happens to parents who honestly believe their child wouldn't do,climb,disappear, or other stunt not usually done.

Stuff happens.
This. I completely agree.
mrspineau is offline  
#6 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:44 AM
 
Ravensong13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Too far from the Ocean:(
Posts: 246
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I visit someone's house I never expect them to have the same safety precautions that I do and therefore do not let dd leave my sight. BUT I am kind of a hoverer as well, lol.
I wouldn't ever let the woman watch your kids or let your guard down when at her house. I agree with the pps about how easily kids walk out of houses or get lost when not properly watched. I guess you'll have to decide whether or not this is a friendship deal breaker or not? I have some friends who have kids and because our parenting styles differ so drastically, it has altered our level of involvement with each other.

Mother to one Little Flower Childdust.gif 3/08 and one little squirmy boy babyf.gif 4/12 homebirth.jpg, Wife to fuzmalesling.gif,I am a Vegan Pagan. We familybed1.gifnovaxnocirc.gif mdcblog5.gif!

 

Ravensong13 is offline  
#7 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:54 AM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's really your choice if you want to continue the friendship. I don't think there are any rules that say you have to be friends with someone even if someone else thinks you're being silly.

Still, I also think it would be helpful to sort out the primary issues. They kid their kids free range and that's their prerogative. So the issue really is the safety of your kid. I think you've learned not to give responsibility to watch your kid to the mom, not for one second. Next you learned not to give responsibility to the dad. So you really just have to remember to be totally responsible for your kid when you're with them, as if you were alone or with total strangers. It's nice to be able to depend on your friends to help keep track of the flock, but it's apparently not going to happen with them.

Also, is this a cultural thing? Where you live, I remember once going into some catacombs. In the US, those catacombs would have been all roped off and everything. There was a part where you could easily just fall into darkness. My friend told me she went there all the time with her friends as a kid and they'd throw stuff down and listen for it to land WAY down below. Seriously, this was a "slip and you're dead" situation. But it's considered your responsibility to keep yourself safe, different from the US where that place would have been like sealed off or someone would have sued the town or something.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#8 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:55 AM
 
Dandelionkid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No you aren't overreacting- you have a 1 yr old! I wouldn't write off the friendship because of their safety standards but for the fact that they lied to you, were careless with your 1 yr old, and laughed at your concern and fear. She doesn't sound like the kind of person I would want a friendship with.
Dandelionkid is offline  
#9 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:59 AM
 
mama2mygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,970
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't actually do things with her. It sounds like she wants you to to chat with her while you hold her newborn or whatever. The problem is that you also have a baby. There is no way you can do that if you have to follow your own baby around.
Also, I think they were beyond rude when they laughed at your anger.

:Mama to 2 :
mama2mygirl is offline  
#10 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 11:44 AM
 
rainyday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,644
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2mygirl View Post
...
Also, I think they were beyond rude when they laughed at your anger.


I'm a pretty free-range mama, but I would never, EVER laugh at someone else when they were upset because their child was missing - especially if I'd been asked to watch that child or had said I'd close and lock the door to keep that child in! That goes way beyond free-range parenting and well into a lack of respect for other people, imo.
rainyday is offline  
#11 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 11:51 AM
 
annethcz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: on the beautiful prairie of MN
Posts: 9,947
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It just sounds to me that you have VERY different methods of parenting. I am probably similar to the mom you're talking about, and similar to tiffani. A 3 year old next to a flight of stairs would be a non-issue to me.

Honestly, I do think that screaming at your friend's husband because you couldn't find your child was an overreaction. If it's important for you to know where your child is all the time, you are the one who should be keeping him in sight. It's unrealistic to expect other people to not only know what YOUR parenting standards are, but to also adhere to them.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
I'm an unintentional weasel feeder and I suck at proofreading.
annethcz is offline  
#12 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 02:10 PM
 
Caneel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Small town in a rural area
Posts: 3,869
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OP - I get where you are coming from, what you described would disturb me greatly had I been in your shoes.

We have friends that had this la-la-la attitude about safety and it drove me nuts long before DS was born. It was far beyond the "do you let your 4 yo use a steak knife?" type of debate.

The stuff they simply didn't worry about was amazing - like their 2-3 year constantly escaping from the house at 5am in the morning and walking down a very busy street. Seriously, put a slide bolt on the door! Or leaving a toddler completely unsupervised playing next to a pond. And yes, said toddler did fall in when no one was looking and thank good, his dad looked out the window in time.

It was like they were missing whatever chip in their brain that registers fear/concern.

I wouldn't stop a friendship over it but I would never let those people be in a position of watching my child(ren)

Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
Caneel is offline  
#13 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 03:52 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by annethcz View Post
It just sounds to me that you have VERY different methods of parenting. I am probably similar to the mom you're talking about, and similar to tiffani. A 3 year old next to a flight of stairs would be a non-issue to me.

Honestly, I do think that screaming at your friend's husband because you couldn't find your child was an overreaction. If it's important for you to know where your child is all the time, you are the one who should be keeping him in sight. It's unrealistic to expect other people to not only know what YOUR parenting standards are, but to also adhere to them.
I agree with this.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
#14 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 04:04 PM
 
scottishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in a little apartment
Posts: 1,095
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! Those people sound irresponsible. I wouldn't call this a free range, vs helicopter situation. Parents must provide a secure environment for small children. Accidents are the number one cause of childhood death. Not disease, not stranger abduction, but accidents. Falling from windows, getting hit by cars and drowning are the biggest threats children face nowadays.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
scottishmommy is offline  
#15 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 04:12 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by annethcz View Post
Honestly, I do think that screaming at your friend's husband because you couldn't find your child was an overreaction. If it's important for you to know where your child is all the time, you are the one who should be keeping him in sight. It's unrealistic to expect other people to not only know what YOUR parenting standards are, but to also adhere to them.
She didn't scream at him because she didn't know where her child was, she screamed at him because he agreed to lock the door and LIED about it and that resulted in her child being in a situation she felt was unsafe. He didn't have to know her parenting standards and adhere to them, he just needed to not lie about locking a door.

The only reason the OP wasn't watching her LO closely enough to see that he'd gone out the door is that she had been told that the door would be locked. Just as she'd be reassured at the national park that her child was being watched by the other adult.

OP, both those people were irresponsible to lie to you. Thank goodness you didn't learn that by having your child harmed by their lack of trustworthiness.
sapphire_chan is offline  
#16 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 04:56 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Weird. If I tell someone I'm going to watch their child, I watch them. You know, with my eyes. Even without the fact that you're talking about a 1 year old in a public park, she said she would watch him and then didn't do it.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#17 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 05:52 PM
 
pigpokey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Decatur, GA
Posts: 3,110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

The only reason the OP wasn't watching her LO closely enough to see that he'd gone out the door is that she had been told that the door would be locked. Just as she'd be reassured at the national park that her child was being watched by the other adult.
I agree with this. I wouldn't call them names though. My own three year olds were very physically and mentally mature and by the time the *oldest* was still 3 we were pretty far from babyproofing things like doors to the outside. We were more like, you guys want to go on a four mile round trip bike ride (each person on his own independent bike)?

I can see losing touch with the needs of a 1 year old especially if tired from a new baby.

You have definitely been put on notice that they both have a short attention span and are not going to take responsibility to fix that. I think it's OK to say, this is not a good match for me for playdates now because it's too much work to keep up with their mistakes. I'd say have them over to your house only, but they could open those doors too.
pigpokey is offline  
#18 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 08:30 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 62 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
I will see them again at the meetings of the group we both belong to, but other than that I don't think I want to continue the friendship. Do you think I am overreacting?
You are not over re-acting. There are two separate issues. First, your ideas on safety are very different. Second, they are really disrespectful to YOU. If it were only the first, and they understood that their ideas were different and they were respectful to you about it, then there could be a chance for a friendship, but the combination is lethal for friendship.

We are semi-free range (more so than any families we know IRL) and I know that my kids guidelines are out of sync with many of their friends. I totally respect their friends' parents as I believe that all parents are making the best choices they can based on loving their kids. To laugh at another parent or say you are going to do something that you know is a big deal to the other parent and then just not bother is unacceptable.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#19 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 08:50 PM
 
lolar2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,579
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was thinking it might be cultural as well. I remember a Dr. Phil (!) episode where a man from the region where you live was married to an American woman and she was horrified at how lax he was about their 4-year-old's safety. Of course your friends might be posting right now about their incredibly laissez-faire friend who doesn't make her one-year-old wear a coat and wool hat in the summer.
lolar2 is offline  
#20 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 09:03 PM
 
riverscout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: back where I belong
Posts: 2,434
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
So I asked her to lock the door, and her husband replied, "Oh, I got it, I will lock the door and stay right by it so nobody can try and open it." With that thought, I continued drinking coffee.
I was surprised you said you continued drinking your coffee because as soon as I read that I assumed he was being sarcastic. Maybe it's just me though, but I started laughing . I mean who would just sit there by their locked front door to make sure no one would go out?

coolshine.gif

riverscout is offline  
#21 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 09:08 PM
 
Learning_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
She didn't scream at him because she didn't know where her child was, she screamed at him because he agreed to lock the door and LIED about it and that resulted in her child being in a situation she felt was unsafe. He didn't have to know her parenting standards and adhere to them, he just needed to not lie about locking a door.
Well, I don't know about you but my DS1 has been capable of opening a door (and unlocking it) since he was 2yo. It's quite possible that the 3yo just went and opened the door and went outside.

OP, I kind of think that it's your responsibility to watch your kids. I hold my friends newborn and still manage to watch my kids. If we're at someone's house then I watch them like hawks, if for no other reason than I don't want them playing with something they shouldn't and breaking it. If I go to the toilet I will ask whoever I'm with to watch my youngest and haven't had any problems, but if someone let my 1yo wander off then I just wouldn't ask that person to keep an eye on them anymore.

I can understand why you're angry, it's really freaky when we think about the things that could have happened to our children but at the end of the day, unless you are not there, it is your responsibility to keep them safe.

It's complicated.
Learning_Mum is online now  
#22 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 09:42 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've learned that you really can't count on others to watch your kids - especially when you are there - (not counting babysitters, daycare, some grandparents). It's just a false sense of security, IMO. Heck, I can barely keep track of all four of my kids while visiting or out in public - and in a way it's worse when we are with others. I've experienced kinda similar when at the zoo with a good friend's family. Except that I didn't outright say I was keeping an eye out on her toddler while she held my baby - and he took off in a matter of seconds. I think b/c there was 4 adults (2 sets of parents) that it's easy to get distracted and assume someone else is watching the kid(s).

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
#23 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 09:50 PM
 
liliaceae's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,990
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post
No you aren't overreacting- you have a 1 yr old! I wouldn't write off the friendship because of their safety standards but for the fact that they lied to you, were careless with your 1 yr old, and laughed at your concern and fear. She doesn't sound like the kind of person I would want a friendship with.

lady.gifMama to DS banana.gif(5) and DD broc1.gif(2)
 

liliaceae is offline  
#24 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:32 PM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,947
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
I was surprised you said you continued drinking your coffee because as soon as I read that I assumed he was being sarcastic. Maybe it's just me though, but I started laughing . I mean who would just sit there by their locked front door to make sure no one would go out?

It sounded sarcastic to me, not a promise.
Irishmommy is offline  
#25 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:33 PM
 
lonegirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Toronto and Sault Ste Marie
Posts: 1,637
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
I was surprised you said you continued drinking your coffee because as soon as I read that I assumed he was being sarcastic. Maybe it's just me though, but I started laughing . I mean who would just sit there by their locked front door to make sure no one would go out?

I also read sarcasm into that!

PAT- photosmile2.gif Mommy to a super little boy kid.gif Tyr -Nov 17, 2006 Married to joy.gif Sky -August 28, 1993 
Sadly, Jan 21, 2011  m/c 6w5d  angel.gif
lonegirl is offline  
#26 of 74 Old 06-17-2010, 10:36 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Learning_Mum View Post
Well, I don't know about you but my DS1 has been capable of opening a door (and unlocking it) since he was 2yo. It's quite possible that the 3yo just went and opened the door and went outside.
If a kid opened a door an adult had actually locked, the adult would apologize for not having known their kid could open their locks.

"Both husband and wife reacted like I was some crazy, overprotective mom." is the reaction of someone who never locked the door in the first place.
sapphire_chan is offline  
#27 of 74 Old 06-18-2010, 01:15 AM
 
tiffani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree that there may be disrespect happening (not sure, I'd be willing to try again and see, though you might feel differently) but my main point earlier was that I wouldn't end a friendship based strictly on a difference in safety standards. being disrespected and talked down to, though, would be a different story, if that is in fact happening.

you can always see them casually and see where it goes...

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

tiffani is offline  
#28 of 74 Old 06-18-2010, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
I was surprised you said you continued drinking your coffee because as soon as I read that I assumed he was being sarcastic. Maybe it's just me though, but I started laughing . I mean who would just sit there by their locked front door to make sure no one would go out?
Their apartment is really tiny. He was sitting right by the front door (eating icecream) not because I asked him to, and nor was he being sarcastic. He was just sitting right by the front door because well, that also happens to be where their kitchen is .

Something else to clarify is that, in the communal hallway of their third-floor apt, there is this awfully scary window, that is floor level, so kids could walk right out there. When I could not find my son, I seriously considered that this is exactly what he might have done, for a split second.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#29 of 74 Old 06-18-2010, 11:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
She didn't scream at him because she didn't know where her child was, she screamed at him because he agreed to lock the door and LIED about it and that resulted in her child being in a situation she felt was unsafe. He didn't have to know her parenting standards and adhere to them, he just needed to not lie about locking a door.

The only reason the OP wasn't watching her LO closely enough to see that he'd gone out the door is that she had been told that the door would be locked. Just as she'd be reassured at the national park that her child was being watched by the other adult.

OP, both those people were irresponsible to lie to you. Thank goodness you didn't learn that by having your child harmed by their lack of trustworthiness.
Thank you for your support. Those were indeed the reasons I screamed at the husband. Additionally, the fear of thinking my son had walked out the window was still fresh, and my adrenalin was running. Also, after the incident at the national park, I felt so stupid for thinking that this guy would do something as simple as locking a door and making sure the kids did not leave the apartment. I should have known better, because I already received prior signals that these people do not do what they say they will.

And really, I am not your typical helicopter parent. I consider myself to be quite laid-back, but I do need to know there is no immediate danger of death !

Oh well, lesson learned. I decided that if they want a playdate again, that will be fine, at my house.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#30 of 74 Old 06-18-2010, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
It sounded sarcastic to me, not a promise.
No sarcasm, I can see how it looks that way when you read the post, but he said it in a calm, reassuring manner. (See above)

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off