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#1 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe its the heat or lack of sleep but one stranger's comment today really bugged me.

I had to see my ob for my 6 week pp check up. I buckle DS2 in the car seat and debate about putting on a hat but decide that the visor on the stroller will do the trick just fine. On the car ride there DS2 decides he is hungry again for the millionth time today (I swear he eats every hour still!) and starts to cry. I debate about stopping but its such a short ride that I decide to just get there as fast as I can. When I get parked I take him out of the seat immediately and comfort him. I know that he will cry harder if I put him back down in the stroller so I decide to carry him and push the stroller to the office. I feel horrible b/c I made him cry in the car and its really sunny out and I don't have a hat for him. As I'm struggling carrying a crying DS2 in one hand and pushing a stroller on an uneven parking lot in another, a woman passing me says "No hat?"

grrrrr

I felt like saying "Yeah no f***** hat, what its to you?"

Instead of a) stating the obvious and b) judging me, it would have been nice just to see a smile from her or maybe even an offer of help. Why oh why do people DO this sort of thing?
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#2 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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I hear you! I've gotten "cover her feet!", "she must be hungry!", "you're spoiling her by holding her so much!", "she must be tired!". ARGH!!

Unless she were trying to fasten a diaper to her baby's head or something, I would never, ever dare tell another mother what to do with her child. It annoys me no end to get unsolicited advice from strangers. It's hard enough being a mother without people telling you what they think you're doing wrong.

Thanks for the chance to rant!

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#3 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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I would be totally bugged by this too. Sorry you had a rough day!

Mama to Xavian, born 11-24-09
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#4 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 05:42 PM
 
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I had a man tell me my son who was 3 months at the time was cold, while we were both sweating buckets from me wearing him.

I got this all.the.time. when DD was 9 months old basically this time of year, the girl ripped any hat off her head, whatever, so annoying.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#5 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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Ugh! I wish I knew how to respond in these situations.

The other day I was at the library. DD (age 3) decided to take a ride across the floor on one of those stool with wheels. I told her to get off, and a guy passing by said, "Ah, come on. No need to be uptight. Let her have some fun." He was serious.

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#6 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 08:34 PM
 
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I would have been annoyed, too. Why would anyone even need a hat for a couple minutes - if that - in the sun?

Of all the things to say to a mother juggling kids to get from the car to inside a building, how weird that she chose that.

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#7 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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Gah, I know what you mean. It isnt just you. lol

Recently ( like last year) my sons and I were taking a walk and it was about 70 degrees out, and we passed by a bus stop with older folks sitting at it, wearing gloves and ear muffs and all that. We were walking at a good pace and feeling warm, and had our sleeves half rolled up. One woman looks at me and goes " They should be wearing a hat and gloves" I kinda chuckled and said " I'm sure they'll tell me if they're cold."

It will never end, you just have to laugh eventually.


But if it were me seeing you and your babes trying to get in the door, I just would have said " Can I help you get the stroller inside?"

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#8 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 09:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79 View Post
It will never end, you just have to laugh eventually.
So true.

I have a child who is always hot. Always. I'm always cold. I'll be bundled up, he's in a tshirt. I get comments. I ignore them.
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#9 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 09:45 PM
 
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I HATE "helpful" strangers.

I had someone tell me, after meeting my then 6 month old for 5mins, "It's time for shoes" in a very serious tone. Uhm, he had just learned to support his own weight without much assistance. It's not like he was running around outside all the time. I just smiled, nodded, and passed the bean dip.

FTR, he's 15mo and still no shoes!

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#10 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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ugh! that is so annoying! It is so frustrating when people do that when you have a baby instead of just being kind. I have had similar things happen and it is very frustrating!
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#11 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 09:55 PM
 
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I had someone once that had their kid yell at me out the window while they drove by us that I should "put some shoes on that kid".... It was a warm fall evening and we had been inside and were walking approx. 15 feet from the door to the car.
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#12 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:01 PM
 
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I guess it makes some meddlers feel good to know they've done their interfering deed for the day. If they don't tell at least one mom to put a hat or shoes or socks on her baby, maybe they get constipated.

But, y'know, it takes a village...too bad some folks think calling out the comments is what makes them good citizens, and they don't bother to offer any real practical help.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#13 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tway View Post

Unless she were trying to fasten a diaper to her baby's head or something, I would never, ever dare tell another mother what to do with her child.
That would solve the hat issue.

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#14 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:08 PM
 
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Try this next time (and unfortunately there might be a next time)...

Busybody: "No hat?"

You: "No tact?"

Catholic homeschooling mom of two daughters and four sons... baby Mark born on 8/27/10. Kidney Disease Awareness
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#15 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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I feel EVERYBODY on this. Never thought it would bug me but little comments from people REALLY get to me sometimes. I had a lady in front of me at a store tell me my ds must have a tummyache because he had started to fuss a bit. I cant begin to tell you how many times that has been a suggestion from people, mostly strangers. Drives me crazy. My MIL would tell me every time I saw her for the first 3 mos of ds life to "just put a little bit of rice cereal in his bottle" to make him sleep. News flash, have you ever seen me give my child a bottle? Perhaps you are confused as to whats going on behind my hooter hider? I would never give cereal to him just to get sleep, especially when she was giving the advice at 6 weeks old.......So I have ranted too. The only thing new moms need is respect. And yea, a smile is nice too.

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#16 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:49 PM
 
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I have a problem with my parents and my in-laws giving me opposite "advise". When I was giving my son his first bath, my father yelled at me for making my son's bath so hot it was going to burn him, and not two minutes later my father-in-law came in and said my son was going to freeze b/c the water was so cold. As for my son, he slept through the whole thing and didn't seem the bit bothered afterwards either!
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#17 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:58 PM
 
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I'm a dad... So everything I do/don't do when it comes to my children is perceived as a sign of my incapability when it comes to kids. Hat, not hat, shoes, no shoes... I could dress my baby exactly the same as the other persons and I would get a comment for something I've done wrong...

So yeah, I feel your pain!

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#18 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 10:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
I felt like saying "Yeah no f***** hat, what its to you?"
If you had said that, maybe she'd be too scared to mouth off to someone else.

More helpful would've been "Yeah, no hat, HELP ME GET HIM OUT OF THE SUN!!!!!!11!!!! OH NoES!!!!"
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#19 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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That would solve the hat issue.
I used a flat as a hat a few times. For dd too.
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#20 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 11:20 PM
 
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I'm a dad... So everything I do/don't do when it comes to my children is perceived as a sign of my incapability when it comes to kids. Hat, not hat, shoes, no shoes... I could dress my baby exactly the same as the other persons and I would get a comment for something I've done wrong...

So yeah, I feel your pain!
I know. What's up with that?!

When DD was born (our first), DH went to lift her and cradle her. The MW, MW apprentice, and doula all exclaimed, "Careful of her head!" He hadn't even touched her yet.

The same thing happened after DS was born. "Watch her head!" Um, he's already a dad. I THINK he knows how to pick up a newborn.

There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.

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#21 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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DH once said, "yeah, but I'm the parent, and you're not" to an older lady. It shocked her so badly I think she may think about it in the future.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#22 of 66 Old 07-14-2010, 11:28 PM
 
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No hat! LOL. Not the end of the world-- or sufficient cause to park her nose in your business.

When DD was 1-2, she had a terrible habit of removing her socks and shoes anytime anywhere. THEN she learned this cool trick about pitching them out the car window as we were driving! After losing yet one more pair of socks and shoes on the way to the store, we were IN the shoe dept, picking out new (cheap since they were unlikely to last long, LOL!) shoes for her, so she could get out of the basket and walk (of course a child who throws shoes out the car window *would* LOVE to walk around everywhere)... and a lady came by muttering loudly "to herself" over and over as if she was in shocked disbelief, "No shoes on that baby; no shoes on that baby!"
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#23 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 12:35 AM
 
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Yeah, I'm with you, and thanks for putting this up there....
here's mine.... I was in San Fran, in a dep. store, with my mother visiting, she had gone to check out some shoes just a little way away, I was B. feeding my then 2 month old DD, while my son was cuddling me, and I think he was trying to get a better hold, and whining a bit, he was 23 months at the time, and an old lady was coming close, looking at me. i thought she was going to chastise me for showing skin/some other crime (I was being discreet), but when she opened her mouth, the unexpected came out.... "Rather you than me".... well I'm NOT quick witted - I always think of THE come back once they're MILES away!, but THIS time, I said "me, too". Ha.
I really don't normally delight in other peoples' displeasure/pain, but it had irked me. It was 1 irk too much.

Hey ho. I have had a couple of others, mostly to do with my son's speech delay and shyness, but I usually let it go.

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#24 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 12:59 AM
 
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Yeah, I'm with you, and thanks for putting this up there....
here's mine.... I was in San Fran, in a dep. store, with my mother visiting, she had gone to check out some shoes just a little way away, I was B. feeding my then 2 month old DD, while my son was cuddling me, and I think he was trying to get a better hold, and whining a bit, he was 23 months at the time, and an old lady was coming close, looking at me. i thought she was going to chastise me for showing skin/some other crime (I was being discreet), but when she opened her mouth, the unexpected came out.... "Rather you than me".... well I'm NOT quick witted - I always think of THE come back once they're MILES away!, but THIS time, I said "me, too". Ha.
I really don't normally delight in other peoples' displeasure/pain, but it had irked me. It was 1 irk too much.

Hey ho. I have had a couple of others, mostly to do with my son's speech delay and shyness, but I usually let it go.
I would have said "Yeah, me too!" as well. You were the one with her two little ones snuggled close, even if one was whining a little.

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#25 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 02:19 AM
 
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I know. What's up with that?!

When DD was born (our first), DH went to lift her and cradle her. The MW, MW apprentice, and doula all exclaimed, "Careful of her head!" He hadn't even touched her yet.

The same thing happened after DS was born. "Watch her head!" Um, he's already a dad. I THINK he knows how to pick up a newborn.

There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.
My Dh did bonk DS's head on the bassinet when he was born, and he was already a Dad. LOL.

No IME, people have given me waaaaaayyyyy more crap than Dh in his parenting. I've been berated by an evil elderly couple who thought my then 19 m/o was in their words"mentally ill" because she screeched in the store checkout line, they had the gall to stop me in front of the store and say the most wretched crap to me. I guess maybe they wouldn't have said it to a man because they would have thought he had an excuse for being inept, but for me they told me I was a "terrible mother" and "what the hell was I doing with a kid?" They didn't like when I got pi$$ed and told them to go screw themselves.

That was by far the worst nosey-busybody crap I've ever had to deal with.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#26 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 09:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OP here. I guess I'm not the only one! LOL Usially those comments just roll off my back but yesterday really bugged me. Its really too bad that there are so many similar stories but at least I'm not the only "unfit mom" out there!
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#27 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 09:28 AM
 
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I'm pretty sure I only put a hat on my baby until he was big enough to take it off! What is with these people and hats?
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#28 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 09:52 AM
 
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When dd was like maybe a month old we took her to a fish fry at our church; when an elderly said "O what cute little boy, whats his name" I politely informed her she was girl and what her name was. Her response; "You need to have her in a dress than!" It was below freezing out with a windchill around zero, why on earth would I put her in a dress in that weather?
(and her outfit wasn't boyish, it had ruffles on it) Some people are just opinionated and feel the need to share them, unfortunately

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#29 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 09:55 AM
 
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I got that ALL.THE. TIME. seriously, like a couple times a day, when my kids were babies/toddlers. Particularly the hat/shoes and sunblock thing, we lived in a tropical climate and the touristy types, mainly women, just WOULDN'T GIVE IT A REST!

It was

"Where's your hat? I hope Mommy has a hat for you!"

or

"No shoes! Where are their shoes?"

To which I always answered - "Why don't you bend over and I'll show ya!"

Rude, I know but effective.
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#30 of 66 Old 07-15-2010, 09:58 AM
 
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I actually had someone reach out and pull the vizor down on the infant carrier telling me she should be wearing a hat. It was a short walk and she was faced away from the sun. and it wasn't that cold. I couldn't believe she TOUCHED my stuff.
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