What would you think if... - Mothering Forums

What would you think if...

Super~Single~Mama (TS)
07:33 PM Liked: 894
#1 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 6,387
Joined: Sep 2008
....a child at the playground walked up to your kid (boy or girl) and gave them a kiss?
limabean's Avatar limabean
07:42 PM Liked: 4964
#2 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 9,431
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Not much, unless it bothered my child.
pauletoy's Avatar pauletoy
07:42 PM Liked: 18
#3 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 1,085
Joined: Aug 2007
If it were a young child, I wouldn't bat an eye. My 4yo dd is a hugger.
petey44's Avatar petey44
07:45 PM Liked: 24
#4 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2008
Yeah, depends on the age. Little kids, I'd think it was cute. My 22 mo DD is always going up to strangers and saying, "Up? Hug? Kiss?"
Super~Single~Mama (TS)
07:50 PM Liked: 894
#5 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 6,387
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Ok, because my son does this to kids every time we go to the playground, and I'm kinda waiting for the parent that doesn't think its funny. So far they all do - and he really loves babies. Anyone who has a baby with them, he goes and tries to kiss the baby. It's adorable, and I think its sweet, and I don't want to encourage him not to (b/c lets face it, its WAY better than biting!) but I'm not looking forward to the day someone yells at me. (my son is 18mo and he just learned to give kisses a few months ago)
neverdoingitagain's Avatar neverdoingitagain
07:55 PM Liked: 11
#6 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 2,226
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Well, if it was my child...I would be relieved. Glad to see its not just my kids that run up other children and hug or kiss them.
grumpybear's Avatar grumpybear
09:03 PM Liked: 171
#7 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 898
Joined: Oct 2006
Honestly? I don't like it. I like my personal space. I like my kids to have their personal space. However, it's something I try to get over.
Unless the child has a really bad cold then I'd wonder what in the world the parent is thinking?
mumm's Avatar mumm
09:32 PM Liked: 194
#8 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 1,603
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I'd think the child had some sort of special needs and didn't fully understand personal body space and boundaries.

I'd also think my kid did well by not pushing the kid away and slugging him/her, since my kids need their space and wouldn't want a stranger smooching them. But since I doubt my kid would let it happen I wouls probably just let the stranger kid know that my child doesn't want a kiss right now thank you very much. (and silently I'd think "but I'll take one, you can never have too many kisses" but I wouldn't want the adult to think I'm a totaly perv/nut case!)
Super~Single~Mama (TS)
10:40 PM Liked: 894
#9 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 6,387
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mumm View Post
I'd think the child had some sort of special needs and didn't fully understand personal body space and boundaries.
I could see that thought with an older child, but what about an 18mo? He doesn't have any respect for personal space, but I don't think he has any special needs - he's just not old enough.
phathui5's Avatar phathui5
10:52 PM Liked: 5886
#10 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 17,019
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I would think they liked kissing.
phathui5's Avatar phathui5
10:52 PM Liked: 5886
#11 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 17,019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
I could see that thought with an older child, but what about an 18mo? He doesn't have any respect for personal space, but I don't think he has any special needs - he's just not old enough.
At 18 months? I wouldn't think anything of it.
lilyka's Avatar lilyka
10:53 PM Liked: 91
#12 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 17,896
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it was a baby toddler I would just think it was sweet. come preschool it starts getting a little weird. I still wouldn;t care and if my child cared I would think they would say something ike..."NO". And by kindergarten or so it is inappropriate to just go up to people and kiss them,
mamazee's Avatar mamazee
10:54 PM Liked: 6460
#13 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 7,246
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Your child is a toddler? Very common, no big deal at all.
liliaceae's Avatar liliaceae
10:59 PM Liked: 60
#14 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 1,946
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That's totally normal for an 18 month old and it wouldn't bother me at all.
laughingfox's Avatar laughingfox
11:16 PM Liked: 13
#15 of 34
07-23-2010 | Posts: 857
Joined: Dec 2005
At that age?
I might get a knee-jerk reaction because of cooties, but I wouldn't be really bothered by it. Kids do that stuff sometimes.
One_Girl's Avatar One_Girl
01:27 AM Liked: 2767
#16 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 4,668
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It it was a little kid I would think it was cute. If it was a school age kid I would assume that it was part of the kissy game. My dd and her friend play it and they each run away from the other because they don't want cooties. It is really hilarious to watch. It is really just a game for friends though.
momasana's Avatar momasana
01:36 AM Liked: 240
#17 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 1,224
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It wouldn't bother me unless my DS protested and the child did it again.
PPK's Avatar PPK
02:36 AM Liked: 360
#18 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 1,137
Joined: Feb 2007
DS is sometimes a hugger/kisser now. I notice if a child doesn't seem to want it they back away and I'll tell him that they're not wanting it and he backs off pretty well.

I don't care, it certainly beats the hitting phase
Honey693's Avatar Honey693
02:59 AM Liked: 231
#19 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 3,086
Joined: May 2008
If the kid was under 4 or so I'd think it was cute. Any older and I'd be a little weirded out, but assume they have baby siblings at home that love kisses.
mumm's Avatar mumm
08:58 AM Liked: 194
#20 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 1,603
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
I could see that thought with an older child, but what about an 18mo? He doesn't have any respect for personal space, but I don't think he has any special needs - he's just not old enough.
I guess I was thinking maybe 2 or 3 years old. 18 months? It is still cute so he/she can get away with it but I'd still find it a little annoying. A hug? That feels very different.
laughymama's Avatar laughymama
06:23 PM Liked: 0
#21 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 417
Joined: Oct 2009
I wouldn't think a thing of it. DS is like this and will often hug kids on the playground. He used to kiss them (or try to) when he was a bit younger.
He is just over 2 and does not have special needs.

I would think it's sweet, honestly.
grumpybear's Avatar grumpybear
10:16 PM Liked: 171
#22 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 898
Joined: Oct 2006
I've been thinking about this a bit more and I realized that I am the mom who kind of tries to avoid huggers/kissers who are strangers. My friends' kids who hug and kiss my kids, I am completely fine with but if it is a kid that I do not know, I kind of discreetly veer my child away from said kid.
I do not let strangers kiss my children, why would a little stranger be any different?
Baby_Cakes's Avatar Baby_Cakes
10:21 PM Liked: 73
#23 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 9,879
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laughingfox View Post
At that age?
I might get a knee-jerk reaction because of cooties, but I wouldn't be really bothered by it. Kids do that stuff sometimes.

mamazee's Avatar mamazee
10:50 PM Liked: 6460
#24 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 7,246
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grumpybear View Post
I do not let strangers kiss my children, why would a little stranger be any different?
Really? You don't see the difference between a 40-year-old walking up and kissing your child and an 18-month-old walking up and kissing your child?
Pepper44's Avatar Pepper44
10:55 PM Liked: 40
#25 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 2,095
Joined: May 2006
My DD1 is very affectionate. She just turned 4 and she's starting to understand that not every kid wants to hold hands, hug, or get a kiss on the cheek. I'm trying to teach her to ask first at least.

If a kid ran up and kissed one of my kids at the park I would laugh...I can think of plenty worse things for a kid to run up and do! (Though I am slightly germophobic, I will admit, I might inwardly freak out for a second. LOL.)
Pepper44's Avatar Pepper44
10:57 PM Liked: 40
#26 of 34
07-24-2010 | Posts: 2,095
Joined: May 2006
I also wonder if there are cultural/regional differences...

Here people can be touchy sometimes...I think the South is more polite, holding doors, making small talk, more likely to give hugs or shake hands, etc.
grumpybear's Avatar grumpybear
12:25 AM Liked: 171
#27 of 34
07-25-2010 | Posts: 898
Joined: Oct 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
Really? You don't see the difference between a 40-year-old walking up and kissing your child and an 18-month-old walking up and kissing your child?
I would understand that it is within normal behavior for an 18month old to walk up to and kiss random kids but I still don't want my child kissed by strangers, whether it's an 18 month old child or an 80 year old grandma.
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride
01:24 AM Liked: 3681
#28 of 34
07-25-2010 | Posts: 25,597
Joined: Mar 2005
I wouldn't be bothered by it, if it were a young child (18 months? wouldn't even think about it), as long as my child wasn't bothered by it, either.

We have some problems with ds2 in this area. He's just a couple days shy of his 5th birthday (party was today), and he's still struggling with understanding that it's not appropriate to just kiss people whenever you want to. He's a very, very affectionate chlid, and also lacks impulse controls, so...yeah...it's getting better, but he's definitely upset a couple of people.
One_Girl's Avatar One_Girl
01:44 AM Liked: 2767
#29 of 34
07-25-2010 | Posts: 4,668
Joined: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumm View Post
I'd think the child had some sort of special needs and didn't fully understand personal body space and boundaries.
That is very offensive. Kids don't have special needs just because they hug someone, they just need to be taught that you need to know someone for a long time before you hug them. My dd was towards the end of kindergarten before she really understood that you need to know someone for a long time before you can hug them and even then she thought that her friends who didn't like hugs weren't really friends because they hated her. She had nothing wrong with her and never has had any special needs. She is just used to affection because she comes from an affectionate family, an affectionate daycare, and the friends in her life until kindergarten were all affectionate. I didn't even think about teaching her not to hug others until I say one of her friends looking uncomfortable when I was volunteering in her class because we had truly never encountered that before. It was a sad time for her and she had a very hard time making any friends until she was able to accept that some people just aren't comfortable with hugging and we need to save our hugs for family and close friends. It was hard to watch her go through that and the moms who taught their kids that something was wrong with her made it harder for her. I hope those moms have a kid who truly doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want a hug someday so they get why it isn't about having special needs, but about how the child naturally shows they care and how very hard it is to redirect that caring.
mammal_mama's Avatar mammal_mama
12:37 PM Liked: 917
#30 of 34
07-25-2010 | Posts: 6,378
Joined: Aug 2006
It wouldn't bother me so long as it didn't bother my child. If my child was upset by it and the other child was continuing to do it after my child said stop (and the other mom wasn't making a move to redirect her child), then I'd intervene and tell the other child to stop and explain that my child doesn't want to be touched in this way.

I have actually had to intervene a bit with my younger dd who is 5. She doesn't run up and kiss strangers (though I can't say that I'm absolutely sure it could never happen), but a couple weeks ago one of her friends who she often plays with at the park came and told me that dd was kissing her and she didn't like it.

So I told dd that you don't kiss people who don't want to be kissed. And it hasn't happened again. There was another occasion several months ago when she was trying to hold hands with and put her arm around a child who didn't want to be touched, and I just intervened and told her this little girl doesn't want to be touched. And dd stopped.

Shortly before that happened, dd had been playing with two other little girls and they were all holding hands and putting their arms around each other as they walked around ... then those little girls left and the new little girl came, and I think my dd was just trying to continue the game she had been enjoying so much.

Everyone has a different space requirement, and my little one, well, she doesn't need a whole lot of personal space and really loves to be in close physical contact with others. There's nothing wrong with that, but she just needs me to help her learn to respect the fact that not everyone wants to be touched.

I can understand that people who need a lot of space might not understand why someone else wants to be up-close and personal, and might even think there's something wrong with a child who's wired that way. By the same token, small children who like being up-close and personal don't automatically understand why some people don't like being touched.

Of course, the onus is on those of us who have sensory seeking children, to teach our children to respect everyone else's space, and not on the parents of the non sensory seeking children whose children are just minding their own business and not bothering anyone. But, still, a little compassion can go a long way!

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