DD is 14 months. DS is 8. DP and I are getting married in 3 weeks. Also, we have a small farm. DP is working whether he's here, at work, or working on the business he's trying to start.
DD still sleeps with me. DP doesn't - we move too much, wake him up and I'm too warm for him to sleep with. DS would LOVE to still sleep in my room. I get bad enough sleep as it is with just DD in there, though.
Most nights, DS sleeps in a chair in the upstairs living room, close to my bedroom. He has a bedroom downstairs but refuses to sleep in it. He says there was a spider on him the VERY FIRST night he slept in there, and so he won't go back in there to sleep
DP's bedroom is also downstairs, but DS doesn't want to sleep in there, either, because he thinks the spider 'came from the room.' I finally told him tonight 'look, it's 11pm. I have 3-4 more hours of stuff to do before I can go to bed - you've got to go downstairs and sleep on the couch.' He teared up. I hugged him, said I love you, and sent him down.
I think he's crying, but to be honest, I know that if I go down there I'm in for another 15-20 minutes of consoling him about the dang spider that's long gone. I just don't have the emotional reserves to deal with it
My DD wants to be held or BF'ing frequently. I have lost more weight than I should have, and am at the low end for my height. I can't eat because I'm never hungry - I think I'm dealing with a candida or gluten issue. I get almost no time with DP.
If it weren't for our live-in farm worker/childcare helper, I think I'd have lost it by now.
I just can't keep giving nonstop with the physical issues that I'm having, and esp. feeling so distant from DP right now.
I'm supposed to be excited and happy about the wedding, but I don't even have time and energy to feel those emotions!!
I'm so irritated and sad
And I feel like a bad Mommy, too.