I don't get to have a life apparently. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 04:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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(I am really, really angry right now and lashing out, so there will be extreme statements written.)

I am so over having spirited children. I don't want kids if this is how it's going to be. Yesterday and today I tried to take an early morning walk with some other moms. Not working! My kids can't even sit for an hour in the stroller without getting so wound up and out of control. The rest of the day is just poop!! No one listens, no one cooperates, I yell, I distance myself mentally, kids start peeing on the floor, things get broken, etc. All because I wanted a bit of exercise so I don't feel like a tired, fat, broken old woman.

Why can't I have anything? Why do I have to spend all morning (literally 3 or 4 hours) at the playground so the kids get all their excess energy out just so we can go to the grocery store or read books or not pee on the floor?????? When do I get to do anything else? I don't enjoy standing there in the hot sun watching the kids play. If I so much as pick up a book, both are in my face wanting something when both were perfectly content not two seconds before.

I just want to scream!!!! I don't like this AT ALL. I hate that this seems to be the only thing that makes the day go smoother because I get nothing, nothing. No time to myself. I do all the parenting 24/7, though husband tries to parent on the weekends. Where are you for an hour in the morning so I can go pee by myself or shower or go for a walk????? Oh that's right, in bed, because you stayed up til 2 a.m. playing W.O.W.

I am so, so angry right now. It's just another poopy day that is not getting better and I feel like I have to sacrifice everything, everything and no one else does, just to make sure the kids don't drive the entire world into a tailspin tantrum.

I HATE MY LIFE! :a ngry

A + B = G 6/07 & E 2/09 & brokenheart.gif 11/28/10 & F 1/12 & due 8/14
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#2 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 04:51 PM
 
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I have been there, and mine aren't as close in age, and only one is spirited, and she's the one who is old enough where it isn't quite so big a deal anymore.

And when my husband is sleeping in, it's because he's been working till 2 am, not playing games.



I don't blame you for venting at all, mama!
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#3 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 04:58 PM
 
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You have two babies: 3 and 1. No, honestly, you don't get to "have a life" until they get a little bigger.

If your partner (who also doesn't get to have a life right now) isn't helping, you may want to consider marriage counseling.

It gets easier when they get bigger, but it's still a 24/7 committment until the last one is out of the house.

You can scream and fight it or enjoy it while it lasts. If you can't enjoy it, you may want to get some more help, practical or emotional. Unless this vent is a once in a blue moon occurence, you could miss all the good stuff, which would be sad.
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#4 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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Hugs and hugs to you, Mama! Gad, those days are the WORST! You just want to run away... far, far away. I remember seeing a Dr. Phil episode about a young mother who ran away from home with some guy and thought "Duh! Who could blame her??" (she came back soon after, but I totally got the sentiment).


Our lives are a lot like Groundhog Day. It may look like nothing from the outside, but it's so draining sometimes. And there are some days where you look in the mirror, see a mess of hair, bags under your eyes, last-year's clothes that don't quite fit, and teeth that need flossing, and you think "Where the hell did I go, exactly?"

So vent away!!!! It can only get better right? One day soon, one day soon...

Woman, Wife, Mom to beautiful DD (10/14/09), Copywriter, occasionally tearing my hair out but usually pretty happy about it all
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#5 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:42 PM
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I'm sorry your DH isn't helping out more. Just an hour a day in the evening and a couple of hours on the weekend would make you feel better. They do get alot better as they get older, but at 1 and 3 you still have a long time.
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#6 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:46 PM
 
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Have you talked to your husband about pitching in more? Toddlers are so difficult--and I only have one! I'm actually pretty terrified of what it's going to be like when mine are the same age as yours. But my DH is really good about making sure I get at least a little time every day to myself, whether it's to shower or take a walk or just sit in a quiet room with a good book and a cup of hot tea. Without that time to myself, I'd be a total mess! I can't imagine how tired you must be.

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#7 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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Maybe... if a 3 and 1yo can't get to an appropriate place to pee, they need to be wearing diapers or pull-ups? Seriously.

And otherwise... what sort of structure do they have?
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#8 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree, it would be incredibly sad if I missed all the good stuff. I think I have this vent about every six weeks or so. I get in a good groove and then try to adjust it just a bit to add something I want to do in and it just backfires so horribly!

I haven't got any good examples in my real life of parenting spirited kids. Other mothers try to commiserate that they too have high-energy kids but I'm sorry, if your two can sit contentedly in the stroller for an hour and then go home and take a nap, that's not high-energy in my book.

I also don't have any good examples of ap parenting in real life. My one friend that has children (one a few months older than G, one a few months younger than E) gets to go out nearly every weekend with friends. She goes on dates with her husband constantly. But she also dumps the kids on the grandparents all the time, quit part-time breastfeeding at six months, parks the kids in front of the tv, etc. Stuff I just don't want to do even if it means I get 30 minutes to do yoga or knit or read.

I sometimes feel that I am the only mother in the world who has to be 'on' 24/7. I'm having such a bad day. Thank goodness there is a tomorrow! And if there isn't, well, that still solves the bad day, doesn't it? *sigh*

A + B = G 6/07 & E 2/09 & brokenheart.gif 11/28/10 & F 1/12 & due 8/14
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#9 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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I completely understand!!! I have days like that almost every day. I have a 3 year old, almost 2 year old, and a 6 month old. The older two are crazy! They have so much energy, and they completely destroy my house. It seems like I am CONSTANTLY cleaning, doing laundry, doing dishes making them food, or being referee! They fight ALL the time when they are together! On top of that I have the baby to take care of. Oh and my husband is deployed too, so it is on me 24/7. It's stressful!

I recently have gotten a membership to our YMCA, and it has been GREAT! They have a daycare on site that you can use for 2 hours per day for free, and after 2 hours it is $2 per hour. A friend and I go almost every day and exercise. There is also a pool, so I can drop off the baby and take the older two swimming, or drop them all off and actually get to swim by myself. If you have a YMCA in your town, I'd highly recommend it!

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#10 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
Maybe... if a 3 and 1yo can't get to an appropriate place to pee, they need to be wearing diapers or pull-ups? Seriously.

And otherwise... what sort of structure do they have?
We're okay without diapers 95% of the time. G only has pee misses if he's too wired to pay attention to his body (which would be today!). E only has misses if I'm not paying attention to her signals (which would also be today!).

As to structure, this is what we do which leads to a good day:

7:30 wake up, shower/dress, breakfast/nursing
9:30 arrive at playground (outside usually, if too humid or raining, it's inside)
11:30 go home, clean up, snack because I almost always forget to bring it
12:30 lunch, nursing/nap for E, quiet playtime/reading for G
2:30/3:00 snack, errands (usually just one - grocery store or library, not both for example)
5:30/6:00 dinner, walk after dinner, clean up toys
7:00 brush teeth, read stories, sing, nursing to sleep for E
8:30 I sneak out of bed and do whatever until I start falling asleep
11:30 lay in bed wide awake until E wakes up to nurse, bring her into bed and fall asleep

It ain't great. I hate being so structured that I feel inflexible because then I buck against the system. I can't seem to fit in new activities without the whole thing falling apart, such as yesterday and today.

A + B = G 6/07 & E 2/09 & brokenheart.gif 11/28/10 & F 1/12 & due 8/14
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#11 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 06:07 PM
 
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I feel your pain. I have four under four and I want to run down the street screaming some days.

mom to sam arlo (5), olive loretta (3)....and twin girls Annie and Ramona Jean, born 3/10.

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#12 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 06:48 PM
 
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Your schedule looks pretty much the norm to me, and if that leads to a good day, then why not just do that all the time? I think if you wanted to have more flexibility you could just make the snacks and the naptimes on point and then the rest could be whatever you like. I do find that if I am on with snacks and naptime, then it curbs hyperness/fussiness. When you go to the park, and you do remember to bring a snack, do you find that helps?
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#13 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 06:57 PM
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You say your kids are high energy. Have you read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka? I found it very helpful. My DD would only sit in a stroller when her legs were very tired and I was walking fast. It was never for an hour. Things got easier as she approached 4, and now at 4.5 we can really enjoy restaurants and baseball games and other things that involve sitting for awhile. She doesn't exactly sit still but we're not up and down the whole time either.
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#14 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 06:59 PM
 
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I completely disagree that with a 3 and 1 year old the OP doesn't get to have a life. I'm sorry, I saw what happened to my mom who did that and I was not happier for it. She was always anxiety ridden, never bought herself a thing, would cry when her last bra ripped because the anxiety of juggling two demanding kids and buying a new bra tired her out. She also worked full time and catered to my very childlike dad. The 1 and 4 year old became 4 and 8 year olds and then on and so forth and that pattern never stopped.

I DO think, OP, you need a break. I think you are at your breaking point. You do deserve an hour per day to yourself. WAKE DH UP. DEMAND HELP. He cannot live with you and not see your struggles. He doesn't get to have leisure time till 2 am then sleep in because he is "tired". He forfeits sleep by staying up till 2.

In the am, I put DD2 in her pack and play with toys, I put on a DVD for DD1 in her room and remove any hazards or mess makers, I put a pull up on DD1 i I think she might have an accident and then I get in the bathroom and shut and lock the door. When crapping alone is a luxury, there is a problem. I then open the door and take a shower with my music on. DD2 is safe in her playpen and if she fusses, so be it. I also make it a point to go out for an hour or so 3 times a week when DF gets home. I go tanning, I go window shopping, I meet a girlfriend for coffee, I just take a drive or a walk or go swing on a swing. But I get the HELL out of my house.

I totally understand what you are going through (I have an 4/07 DD and 7/09DD).

If you need anything just to talk or vent please feel free to PM me.

Torre , Momma to Abrielle (4/07) and Annalise (7/09), Birthdoula, CNA, Aspiring Nurse, and wanna-be baby catcher. I ATE MY !
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#15 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:01 PM
 
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It does get a little better. In a few years.

I don't think letting Daddy sleep all morning because he stayed up too late is doing anybody any favors. Do you leave so the kids don't wake him? (cuz that'd be the first thing I put a stop to. )

There's nothing wrong with telling him "TAG! You're it." and having him take the kids to the park so you can have the house to yourself. I bet he'll come home and look like it nearly killed him. LMBO! You should smile sweetly and say "Yes, it sucks some days".

But, in all honesty, in a few years, they will start getting party invitations, and sleepover invitations. Before you know it, you will have lots of time to yourself, and you'll miss them. Just like the song says "you're gonna miss this".
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#16 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MommatoAandA View Post
I completely disagree that with a 3 and 1 year old the OP doesn't get to have a life. I'm sorry, I saw what happened to my mom who did that and I was not happier for it. She was always anxiety ridden, never bought herself a thing, would cry when her last bra ripped because the anxiety of juggling two demanding kids and buying a new bra tired her out. She also worked full time and catered to my very childlike dad. The 1 and 4 year old became 4 and 8 year olds and then on and so forth and that pattern never stopped.

I DO think, OP, you need a break. I think you are at your breaking point. You do deserve an hour per day to yourself. WAKE DH UP. DEMAND HELP. He cannot live with you and not see your struggles. He doesn't get to have leisure time till 2 am then sleep in because he is "tired". He forfeits sleep by staying up till 2.

In the am, I put DD2 in her pack and play with toys, I put on a DVD for DD1 in her room and remove any hazards or mess makers, I put a pull up on DD1 i I think she might have an accident and then I get in the bathroom and shut and lock the door. When crapping alone is a luxury, there is a problem. I then open the door and take a shower with my music on. DD2 is safe in her playpen and if she fusses, so be it. I also make it a point to go out for an hour or so 3 times a week when DF gets home. I go tanning, I go window shopping, I meet a girlfriend for coffee, I just take a drive or a walk or go swing on a swing. But I get the HELL out of my house.

I totally understand what you are going through (I have an 4/07 DD and 7/09DD).

If you need anything just to talk or vent please feel free to PM me.
I agree. If we don't take care of ourselves we will not be a better mom to our children! I am here to talk too if you want to pm me.

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#17 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:04 PM
 
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You have every right to vent, super-mom does not exist and what you are doing now is the equivalent of 2 full-time jobs, not to mention hardest, most mentally-draining job in the world. You need regular breaks to fill up so you don't start the day on empty. Even 30 mins of tv for the kids is healthier than a mom on the fritz.

Also- 1 hr in a stroller is so odd to me. I don't know many kids in real life that would sit still for that long. In fact, I don't think I know any! It must be hard to feel like the only one with such energetic kids!!
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#18 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:07 PM
 
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I completely disagree that with a 3 and 1 year old the OP doesn't get to have a life. I'm sorry, I saw what happened to my mom who did that and I was not happier for it. She was always anxiety ridden, never bought herself a thing, would cry when her last bra ripped because the anxiety of juggling two demanding kids and buying a new bra tired her out. She also worked full time and catered to my very childlike dad. The 1 and 4 year old became 4 and 8 year olds and then on and so forth and that pattern never stopped.

I DO think, OP, you need a break. I think you are at your breaking point. You do deserve an hour per day to yourself. WAKE DH UP. DEMAND HELP. He cannot live with you and not see your struggles. He doesn't get to have leisure time till 2 am then sleep in because he is "tired". He forfeits sleep by staying up till 2.

In the am, I put DD2 in her pack and play with toys, I put on a DVD for DD1 in her room and remove any hazards or mess makers, I put a pull up on DD1 i I think she might have an accident and then I get in the bathroom and shut and lock the door. When crapping alone is a luxury, there is a problem. I then open the door and take a shower with my music on. DD2 is safe in her playpen and if she fusses, so be it. I also make it a point to go out for an hour or so 3 times a week when DF gets home. I go tanning, I go window shopping, I meet a girlfriend for coffee, I just take a drive or a walk or go swing on a swing. But I get the HELL out of my house.

I totally understand what you are going through (I have an 4/07 DD and 7/09DD).

If you need anything just to talk or vent please feel free to PM me.
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#19 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:11 PM
 
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My one friend that has children (one a few months older than G, one a few months younger than E) gets to go out nearly every weekend with friends. She goes on dates with her husband constantly. But she also dumps the kids on the grandparents all the time, quit part-time breastfeeding at six months, parks the kids in front of the tv, etc. Stuff I just don't want to do even if it means I get 30 minutes to do yoga or knit or read.
You might want to rethink that. Having children spend time with their grandparents is not "dumping". It's certainly better than kids spending all their time with a stressed out unhappy resentful mother. If you have family that can help you out by giving you a break for a couple of hours, I think that you would find it very helpful.
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#20 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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I also agree with MamatoA&A. You need to take care of yourself so you can give what is necessary to your children. Frankly, this is why I've always worked part-time -- just to avoid feeling like this. Some moms are really content with the live you describe. Some of us are not. And that is OK. What isn't OK is trying to live it anyway. So yes, wake up your partner and demand help. Better yet, talk to him about your needs in the evening, before it gets ugly in the morning.

Take the time you need for yourself. Do you have a Mom's morning out option near you? Would you consider PT preschool for your 3 YO? Can you at least set up playdate times so that you have other mom friends to chat with at the park? A once-a-week sitter for a couple of hours? Yes, most of these options will cost at least a little, but it is so worth it.

There is a difference between being an AP mother and being a martyr. Truly, you don't have to give up your life. But you might have to give up your ideal "perfect mom" image. :-)
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#21 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:23 PM
 
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Mother's helper??? They are my godsend.

Also, at the playground, why not do some squats and brisk walking around the perimeter. They may bug you, but if you redirect consistently, they will eventually (may take more than one day) move on and ignore you.

I take DD to the park and she hangs out with DH while I workout. At home, she watches PBS while I do the elliptical. When I do my 20 minute dvd, she does it with me or goes off to play. I do a lot more working out wherever DD is than I thought I would, but it is a good compromise.

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#22 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:30 PM
 
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I hired a babysitter, twice a week for 3 hours each time. Made a world of difference. Saved my sanity. Totally worth the money. You'd be amazed at what you can do in 3 hours.
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#23 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:43 PM
 
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I feel you! My DD is not high needs, but everybody needs a break from time to time! And I do have those friends whose parents will watch the grandchildren at any given moment. I do not. Seeing facebook status updates of "canoeing with my buddies!" or "out for a girls weekend" makes me stabby.

Today, I told BF that I had to go to the bank, and simply got a coffee and drove around and listened to NPR before finally doing the banking. Yes, BF thinks that it takes an hour to make a deposit. (DD was playing and he was cooking, not waiting to go anywhere.)

A wise woman at my co-op told me that her teenage son is totally under the impression that weekly grocery shopping is a four-hour excursion ... yes it might include a solo walk in the park or a child-free trip to the bookstore. Every little bit helps, even just for a half hour to clear your head and eat or drink something without a toddler hanging off of you.

And yeah, if you're going to the park in the A.M. to let your DH sleep, STOP IT IMMEDIATELY.

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#24 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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OP, I could have written your post myself. Our children are similar in age, and it's hard having 2 young children with no practical support. My two are sick at the moment also, as well as myself, so that doesn't help either.

I wanted to write more, but DD is fussing, and DS needs to be dragged (kicking and screaming, no doubt) away from the TV. But hugs and commiserations from me :

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#25 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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Also- 1 hr in a stroller is so odd to me. I don't know many kids in real life that would sit still for that long. In fact, I don't think I know any! It must be hard to feel like the only one with such energetic kids!!
I was thinking the same thing. The only time any of mine would stay in a stroller that long is/was if they fell asleep (occasionally, if we're somewhere completely new and different, particularly if it involves running water - but not often, even then).

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#26 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 07:58 PM
 
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Just wanted to add some of my life-savers, since so many people here have great ideas!

There's a free service in our city I've been using since DD was about 2 months old. A nice lady comes once a week for 3 hours to watch her. At first, I did laundry and napped. And now I take off to get lunch and read a book and stare at the restaurant walls and think my own thoughts. Heaven! Also, DH takes over when he gets home while I prepare supper, clean, etc. When he takes DD for a walk (like now), I get a few minutes to myself. DH also puts DD to bed now, which saved my sanity.

Get DH on board and look for people around you who can come in and give you a break. You'll feel SO much better.

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#27 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 09:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ariatrance View Post
I also don't have any good examples of ap parenting in real life. My one friend that has children (one a few months older than G, one a few months younger than E) gets to go out nearly every weekend with friends. She goes on dates with her husband constantly. But she also dumps the kids on the grandparents all the time, quit part-time breastfeeding at six months, parks the kids in front of the tv, etc. Stuff I just don't want to do even if it means I get 30 minutes to do yoga or knit or read.
As other have said, AP parenting doesn't mean your needs cease to exist. If you have grandparents or other relatives around, I would absolutely use them for regular or occasional sitting. It's GOOD for children to have relationships with their relatives. There's no reason why you can't go on a date with your husband or go out with friends, and doing so will not make you "non-AP." Hire a mother's helper or a babysitter for a few hours a week. Given how burnt-out you're feeling, I don't even think 30 mins of a DVD a couple of times a week would be the end of the world. You cannot be a good parent to your children if you're not meeting your own needs.
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#28 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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I sooooooooooooooo feel you. My kids are about the same age as you, and some days they drive me crazy. I bring some of this on myself, by not parking them in front of the TV. But believe me, I don't blame anyone who does: everyone needs a break and they're probably less frazzled than I am. At the end of the day, being smug because I'm TV-free doesn't do me a heck of a lot of good if I'm really wanting to scream "Get away from me!"

Part of my problem is that, unlike literally every other family I know, we have NO family nearby. So I get no free breaks, whereas everyone I know gets date nights and to drop their kids off and go our to coffee or for a run or a pedicure. They go away for the weekend while their kids stay with grandma and grandpa. I can't even imagine how nice that must be. If you have family nearby who is willing to look after your kids, I would absolutely take advantage of that. I'm not sure why you think it's "dumping." The 1950s sit-com family, where mom does 100% of the child-rearing (with dad occasionally pitching in) is not the way that children have been raised pretty much anywhere over the history of the world. IMO it's good and healthy for children to have a range of role models and instructors. Obviously, if the family in question is toxic or dangerous I wouldn't do this: but I don't consider slight deviations from my parenting standards (junk food, TV with some limits) toxic or dangerous. My daughter well understands different homes have different rules.

Despite money being very tight, I finally broke down and got a one morning a week sitter this summer, and it is a godsend. I really just use that time to run errands, but it now takes me about 3 hours to run all the errands that I used to do in a week or two. Lugging two small children everywhere, particularly to places where you have to stand in line and wait for your number to be called, or where you have to try on clothes, or where basically ANY sort of quiet and patience is called for is just asking for trouble. Don't get me wrong, sometimes my children are absolute angels. But it's a crap shoot, and the stress of worrying about how long I have before someone starts screaming makes dull tasks downright awful. It's also just really nice to have a little bit of time sitting in my car, cranking my music, and being able to run into my favorite bagel store without unhooking two kids out of carseats and carrying the non-walking one in and making sure the walking one doesn't run into traffic.

An even cheaper option than a sitter, if money is tight for you, is a mother's helper. Around here that's a 9-12 year old neighbor girl who only makes about $2-$5 an hour (as opposed to sitters who make $10-$15 an hour). They're too young for you to be able to leave them alone with the kids, but they'll play with your kids and occupy them while you get some things done elsewhere in the house, or even just relax with a book. Kids that age are often really good with kids: they're young enough that they're still great at playing and they love getting down on the floor and playing games and being silly.

I also joined the Y, which has a wonderful childcare room. I'm currently having some pregnancy issues that keep me from working out (except swimming), but you know what? Who cares! It's air conditioned and I need some quiet time! I still drop them off for an hour or two most every morning and if I don't go swimming, I sit in the lobby with a book. It took them a while to get used to it, but there is a giant selection of toys and activities and they do arts and craft projects and I'm thrilled to let someone else clean up after their mess for an hour or two a day. Again, although this is an expense that we probably should cut to be fiscally responsible right now (and I did cancel my membership... for two days and then I went and begged for it back!) I really need that time for my sanity.

I hope you've also considered putting the 3 year old in preschool this year. That will also give you some quality time with your 1 year old. I never realized how easy one child was until I had two! My daughter went to a toddler program last year and will go to a Montessori program this year, and she just loves school. And I really like outsourcing keeping her occupied, which is a tough task. And I don't think she's even particularly high needs: I just think that 2 and 3 (and 4 and 5) year olds are very social creatures, and very rambunctious and energetic and have short attention spans and need a lot of structure and activities to be happy.

Your final issue is your DH. DH and I trade weekend mornings: one day I get to sleep as late as I want while he's up with the kids, and the other one he gets to sleep in. All bets are off if the kids are having an especially *ahem* "difficult" morning. I also don't do more than two poopy diapers on a weekend before deciding it's his turn and sending in said poopy child to jump on our bed until he changes them. I change enough during the week, that on the weekend I'm not putting up with getting stuck with all the poop too.

But seriously, it's DH's own fault if he stays up late and is tired the next day. Guess what? There are things that I'd love to stay up all night doing. When he's at work and you're at home, obviously you're responsible for 100% of childcare and housework. The second he gets home, the workload is 50% on each of you. Why does his job get to end, while yours is 24/7? That's just not how having young children works. And that's not to say that you have to have some tit for tat arrangement where neither of you ever get a break... just the opposite, actually. He needs cool off time from the stresses of his week, but so do you.

((((Hugs)))) to you. I'm really sorry you're so stressed, but it does happen to all of us. Just remember that a Martyr Mommy is not a Happy Mommy. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your kids.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#29 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 10:03 PM
 
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to you OP. I totally get it. I can't even remember the last time I didn't have my 3 year old with me. Months maybe? And when I mean "not with me" I mean that really literally. I just don't ever get breaks. It's hard. It's exhausting. But I know it WILL get easier at some point. Someday. Not sure when that day will be, but someday!


Also, I guess I don't understand how those of us with unhelpful spouses are supposed to MAKE them be helpful. He says no. That's the bottom line. I can't MAKE him do anything. And I also don't want to leave my children in the care of someone who doesn't want to be responsible for caring for them right then. My DH loves our children, but he doesn't have a lot of patience these days, so leaving him to deal with our feuding sons is really sort of a recipe for misery.
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#30 of 64 Old 07-27-2010, 10:05 PM
 
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You gotta decide what works for you. Great suggestions...for me, the stress of feeling like I needed to find a sitter and, and and and and or I was a martyr was worse than waiting it out and grabbing the good moments.

My kids are both hn and the stress of transitioning them to someone else's care at those ages would have put more, not less work on my plate.

Gonna get better, promise.
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