Help me set this mom straight.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have five year old and two year old daycare girls. She has a five year old and two year old daughters.

Mom has lots of tattoos, spikey colorful hair, and piercings.

She said to me this morning that "You never let my kids play with your kids because you judge my kids by the way I look".

"Um.. no... I judge your kids because they hit, scream, cuss like sailors and grab whatever they want right out of someone else's hands." (I didn't actually say this though) The five year old shoved a toddler off a slide because "He wasn't going fast enough".

Plus, this is MY JOB. I am not running a free playroom for the neighbor kids. But, really, if her kids weren't obnoxious, I'd probably not mind having them in occasionally.

All I said was "SERIOUSLY????" I didn't go beyond that because I was so mad that she would even consider something like that. I would have said something really awful. But, I want to confront her on this issue today. I don't want her running around the neighborhood saying I judge her kids by how mom looks.
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#2 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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I'd be very surprised if she's not already aware of the behavior problems that have caused you to create this distance. Do you mean she's sent a child as young as two over to play and hasn't been there to supervise her herself?

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#3 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 03:16 PM
 
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It sounds like she's just not wanting to care for her own children, and is whining because you won't be a free babysitter. I have a feeling she'll gripe about you to the neighbors if she wants to, but I imagine the neighbors will get a clue.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#4 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry about this. If a neighbor, regardless of what she looked like or how she dressed, told me someone's babysitter didn't want to have her 5-year-old and 2-year-old play there because of how she looked, I'd probably guess it had to do with the kids and her not wanting to take on extra work without getting paid.
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#5 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They come over alone and ring the bell.

Often, it's just the five year old when the two yr old is napping. But, at that time, my kids are napping also. Other times, they both show up in the mornings. They have specific kids they want to play with. It's not like they just want to be let in to play with our toys. They actually like the kids.

But, these girls really are hard to have around. They stay up late to watch Tosh.O and tell me about it the next day. (I like that show myself.. but, not for preschoolers)

It's their behavior that makes me send them away more than the time of day. I can't stand the cussing and bad words. They each say "Holy Crap" and "That's so gay" in nearly every conversation... and that's the mild words they say.

I just found out she was talking about me to the other neighbors last night. LOL... Hopefully the other neighbors feel the same way I do about the kids. I watch some of the neighbor kids, or I have several kids who were referred to me by the neighbors.
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#6 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 04:01 PM
 
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If you want to dodge the behavior issues with her kids: "I'm sorry, I'm limited by my license as to how many kids I can have here. The parents are paying me to make sure I can keep their kids safe, and I can't do that when there are too many kids."

Otherwise, I'd say what you told us:
"I don't want your kids here because they hit, scream, cuss like sailors and grab whatever they want right out of someone else's hands." Your five year old shoved a toddler off a slide because "He wasn't going fast enough"."

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#7 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 04:08 PM
 
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I'm sorry. That is one unpleasant family.

:Mama to 2 :
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#8 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 05:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Otherwise, I'd say what you told us:
"I don't want your kids here because they hit, scream, cuss like sailors and grab whatever they want right out of someone else's hands." Your five year old shoved a toddler off a slide because "He wasn't going fast enough"."
I vote for honesty too. She likely knows her kids are a handful, which is probably why she's sending them to you to deal with so frequently.
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#9 of 14 Old 07-28-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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Or you could always go with "My rates are $x/hr or $X/wk (however you usually charge) and this is my standard contract." Assuming, of course, that you actually have room in your daycare. If you don't, I would completely go with the "I am only allowed Y number of kids and I cannot accommodate yours as well." You are running a business, not a drop in playgroup. If I were a paying family of yours, I would be really upset if you had children there who weren't paying and who didn't behave in a safe manner.
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#10 of 14 Old 07-29-2010, 12:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I judge your kids because they hit, scream, cuss like sailors and grab whatever they want right out of someone else's hands." (I didn't actually say this though) The five year old shoved a toddler off a slide because "He wasn't going fast enough".
.
Yeah I think this actually what I'd go with. Doesn't sound like yall are friends anyway so who cares. Of course she'll list off to you all the things she thinks you are failing at as a parent. This is when it'll get tricky. You'll may want to go into full on verbal warfare with her but the best thing to say is "you're right, why on earth would you want your kids around mine?'

Or you could blame it on the daycare kids parents.
Something like " Look, its not me but some of the other kids parents are real reserved and don't like their kids hearing things like crap, and gay and are real sensative to their child being hit. I know. They're so silly but ya know its my job"

wife to an amazing man and mom to my 5 amazing children sd (16), sd (13), d (5), son (2), & caboose d born 11/15/09 and two goats but they don't have anything for that
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#11 of 14 Old 07-29-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
"That's so gay"
This would get you sent home from my house every time you said it, and I would have no problem telling the parents that.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#12 of 14 Old 07-29-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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This would get you sent home from my house every time you said it, and I would have no problem telling the parents that.
Yup. That would be completely unacceptable in our house.
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#13 of 14 Old 07-29-2010, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, she brought it up last night while the neighborhood kids were playing in the street. She was complaining to the other moms who were watching the kids play. (I was at the gym) and one mom said "Hey, I am the trashiest woman on this block, and I don't even like the way five year old talks in front of my kids, so I can imagine her daycare parents don't want their kids to pick up on it".

Then the other mom told her "I don't think she can have kids inside her house during daycare hours anyway, and her own kids are grown, so there's no reason to go in there after work". (except that I let this woman's daughter come over on school breaks to play...so, that excuse won't fly very long)

Whatever. I never got to confront her myself. But, at least the other neighbors stood up for me.
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#14 of 14 Old 07-29-2010, 03:44 PM
 
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I have a friend/neighbor who's kids are constantly hitting, screaming and pushing Last term I babysat them for 2-3 hours 2x/week and at the end of it I was very blunt with the parents about why I couldn't continue. They were understanding, but seemed to think that I should suck it up- the whole 'kids will be kids' thing. It's been a couple months now and we've only had one playdate, with me and the other mom present. I love the kids and I'm great friends with the mom but I'm not willing to put my children in a potentially damaging situation in order to keep the peace.

If I were you, I'd be completely honest and let the other mom decide how she wants to react. You can't control her, but you can control who comes in and out of your home. Your priorities are with your little ones and the other kids in your care, which I think your other neighbors will understand and appreciate. Good Luck!

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