Parents of "spirited" children... anyone out there? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-21-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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Joining. My Ds1 seems to be spirited... and I'm apparently a "spirited parent"...

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Old 09-22-2010, 11:13 PM
 
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I'm in. My son is highly spirited.

I feel as though I'm always exhausted. zzzzzzz

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Old 09-23-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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Hi all :My friend is at her wits end with her 18mon old DD. She seems to fit the 'spirited' description. My friend asks me for advice and I'm at a loss for what to tell her because my DD was nothing like hers at the same age. Do you think the RYSC book would be helpful for her and her 18 mon old at this point?
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Old 09-23-2010, 06:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CuddleBug'sMama View Post
Hi all :My friend is at her wits end with her 18mon old DD. She seems to fit the 'spirited' description. My friend asks me for advice and I'm at a loss for what to tell her because my DD was nothing like hers at the same age. Do you think the RYSC book would be helpful for her and her 18 mon old at this point?
I don't....I started reading the RYSC book when DS was about that age, and found that I couldn't really relate to it. There are a few questionares in there that you can use to find out approximately where your dc is on the "spirited" scale, but alot of the questions are geared towards older children. I found the book a lot more helpful when ds was 3.

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Old 09-23-2010, 06:34 PM
 
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I don't know...as I read RYSC when ds was 5.5, I remember thinking to myself, "I already know most of this, but I had to figure out it the hard way..."

While it's true that you much of it won't apply to an 18mo...YET!...it soon will, and I think there area ideas you could start to put into practice. Most of the quizzes and what not won't fit because you don't know how your dd's personality is going to shape up.

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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Old 09-23-2010, 06:40 PM
 
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I agree that it probably won't be helpful for your friend right now. My DS is 1 and although the book will be a GREAT resource in a few years, it is no help right now.

What kind of problems is your friend having? I'm begining to realize that for DS, no matter the situation, it can be resolved in a heartbeat by taking him outside. The boy loves the outdoors!

Anyway, feel free to PM me if you want. I would love to have someone to commiserate with for the next few years.

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Old 09-23-2010, 06:41 PM
 
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"the happiest toddler on the block" methods worked well with my spirited child at 18 months... maybe it would help her?

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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Old 09-23-2010, 10:32 PM
 
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I agree with the above statements about RYSC. However, it might help to know if she is trying to compare herself to the other parents she sees (at parks, playgrounds, playgroups, etc.). She is most likely going to be the only parent who has to get off her butt, interact constantly, and run after her child. It is very hard to do that AND compare yourself to all the other parents who just casually tell their kid to knock it off and the kid complies, who never have to jump up at full speed because their kid just took off for the parking lot, who can practically ignore their kid because their kid is ignoring them, etc. There is no comparison. The parent of a spirited child has to be a proactive, alert, interactive parent - it is not for the weak and lazy or faint-hearted. Unfortunately, it is usually the spirited child that makes his/her parent strong, active and big-hearted through lots of trials and tribulations.

BUT (being smug here) I think my spirited children are better than other, non-spirited kids in that they are sooooooooooo alive, joyful, and creative. They never stop because they want to absorb everything this life and world has to offer. Who wants to diminish that?! I'd love to be half as energetic and joyful about life as they are just waking up!

I'm so hopeful (some days) that when the kids are older, this heart-wrenchingly difficult time will payoff in so many beautiful ways. And she should be too!

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Old 09-24-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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My dh is out of town and ds is a dady's boy. Ds (21 months) is not handling it well. He's waking up at 2 with I assume are nightmares. Screaming until he gags, totally tense body etc. Then at 6 he's up for the day. It's like he's manic with his activity level. I know transitions are hard for him and he's uber-sensitive. I am so so exhausted.
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Old 09-24-2010, 03:59 PM
 
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I sympathize - transitions are the worst. Now that ds is older (6) it helps tremendously if I can prepare him ahead of time, but even with that there is still drama. It's very tiring. Hang in there!

Just this morning I realized that we having been struggling with a transition and I didn't even realize it...it's been more of a 'pre-transition' if you will. Ds has been doing a lot of whining when it comes to his schoolwork (which we do in a very established routine, same every day, usually not a problem). After suffering through several days of this, I realized that he is probably reacting to the fact that we are about to go on a two-week trip and his whole schedule is going to be disrupted. ....he is so much more sensitive to stuff like that than my other two. In looking back, I *should have* prepped him a week or two ago (when he started counting down the days until we leave) that while I know he's excited about the trip, we are still going to do homework like always but then we won't do it on the trip. Making repeated simple statements like that really helps him adjust to what's coming, but of course you can't always foresee everything!

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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Old 09-25-2010, 11:57 PM
 
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So mamas, how do your spirited kids do at bedtime? Mine is usually bouncing off the walls still....our bedtime routine is pretty simple, he usually comes in from outside at 7 PM, at which point we have dinner, then it's bath, brush teeth, jammies, 3 books, cuddle, sleep.

Wow, now that I've typed that out, I realize that I am not allowing enough time for the bedtime routine...I usually aim to have him in bed by 8, or at least 8:30, but the routine hasn't been going very smoothly the past few nights. Either he has been having a meltdown somewhere in there(or blatantly refusing to brush his teeth...still! I remember having that fight back when he was 2) or he has had a lot of trouble winding down, which is what really wears on my patience after a while. And I so dislike ending the day on a bad note... if you have a routine that goes relatively smoothly, please share details and how long it takes from start to finish? I'm thinking that incorporating complete darkness except for flashlights would be good too, especially since it will soon it will be darker earlier.

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Old 09-26-2010, 03:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ariatrance View Post
I think my spirited children are better than other, non-spirited kids in that they are sooooooooooo alive, joyful, and creative. They never stop because they want to absorb everything this life and world has to offer. Who wants to diminish that?! I'd love to be half as energetic and joyful about life as they are just waking up!
Thank you for typing this! I feel the same way!! Most of the time I am aware of feeling this way, but some days (today) I need to hear it!
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:29 AM
 
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Hi ladies-- I need to join you, and I need to ask a question. Our dd is going on 5yo, and has always been very intense, sensitive, and slow to warm up. She's a vibrant little handful I'm signed up to take a "Raising Your Spirited Child" class at our local community center this fall, and I'm SO excited about it-- we need some more concrete help and ideas then what I've been able to manage from just reading.

My question is how do your children act differently when you're around versus when they're out alone with dad or others. I was really surprised (defensive at first, but now mainly curious) when my husband told me yesterday that our dd is totally different when I'm not around-- that she's less clingy and shy, and more outgoing, talkative, etc. I think that I expected her to act differently, but I expected that my presence would make her feel safer and more comfortable (I've sah since she was born and feel like we have a very special, close, loving relationship) Any thoughts or observations of your own?
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:32 AM
 
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My question is how do your children act differently when you're around versus when they're out alone with dad or others.
My son actually acts worse when I'm not around. I think it will differ for each and every child.

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Old 09-30-2010, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm signed up to take a "Raising Your Spirited Child" class at our local community center this fall, and I'm SO excited about it
Oh my! How did you find that class??!??!? I am sure they are not offered in my area, but I would move mountains to get there if I found one near me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetPotato View Post
My question is how do your children act differently when you're around versus when they're out alone with dad or others. I was really surprised (defensive at first, but now mainly curious) when my husband told me yesterday that our dd is totally different when I'm not around-- that she's less clingy and shy, and more outgoing, talkative, etc. I think that I expected her to act differently, but I expected that my presence would make her feel safer and more comfortable (I've sah since she was born and feel like we have a very special, close, loving relationship) Any thoughts or observations of your own?
I think we've been through all phases of this - DD defnitely acts differently around me vs. not around me. She's done both what your DD is doing (shy & clingy, but only with me) and the opposite (acting out with DH more than with me).

I have SAH with her for her whole life, and I am the parent more likely to be understanding when she feels shy etc. I am the parent who is likely to ask her questions and help her verbalize whatever she is feeling (angry, shy etc). So I think that gives her a big safety net in terms of being allowed to have and express those feelings. When she feels shy when she is with me, she can let herself hang on to me and observe others. When she is with DH, I think sometimes she feels more need to dive in and interact with others because her safety net isn't as strong with him. (I don't mean to make it sound like he doesn't feel safe, he just isn't the type to dig into the feelings with her, does that make sense?)

On the flip side, when DD is feeling frustrated, I can sense it coming long before DH can. So often I can diffuse a temper tantrum before most people even know it is on the horizon. DH is getting better at it, but often if I overhear an interaction that is escalating I notice he misses many cues before 1. he finally catches it before she explodes ...or 2. she explodes.

So, that's a long-winded way of saying that I think especially because you are the SAHparent, you are naturally more in-tune with your DD. And that does make you the safest person for her to be herself around, just it manifests itself differently than what you are expecting. It is natural to think that if you feel safe then she should feel less clingy. But I think it is possible that because you feel safe, she feels safe to BE clingy and be ok with that.

I feel like I'm saying a lot of words, but not making sense. I hope you get what my sleep-deprived brain is trying to convey!
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Old 01-25-2011, 04:36 AM
 
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Anyone want to revive this thread? I could really use the community. My almost 5 year old is wearing me out.

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Old 01-25-2011, 06:49 AM
 
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I'm still here and up for a revival!  We've been having a nelly of a time- I could use all the help/commiseration I can get!

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Old 01-25-2011, 06:51 AM
 
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Someone asked my husband and I how the terrible two's are going, and all we could do was look at each other. Later on, we both laughed when we found out we were thinking the same thing, our daughter has always been going through the terrible two's! From the minute she was born!

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Old 01-25-2011, 01:20 PM
 
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Jumping in! Should we start a thread just for 2011?


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Old 01-26-2011, 06:07 PM
 
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I think one of the main challenges that my DD has is that she loves to control things. And really, I don't blame her because I do too! We give her as much control as a four year old can take, and I try to let her make as many decisions as possible. 

 

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Old 02-01-2011, 07:06 PM
 
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Funny, I'm  posting here.  5 minutes after joining in on the 'easy' child thread.  My girls are complicated, even for twins.  One of my girls is spirited.  I swear the book Olivia is about her!!!  She really wears me out, and I spend my day with 3-6 year olds!!


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Old 02-01-2011, 07:17 PM
 
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Hahaha, we always joke that my daughter is Olivia too!

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