Are your kids allowed to close their door? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
waiting2bemommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: buried under laundry
Posts: 1,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wanted to make this a poll, but wasn't sure how to set it up to accommodate the varying ages of kids which definitely makes a difference in people's responses. So, I would like to know from parents of all ages of kids, what is the "door policy" in your house?

do you allow the kids to play in their rooms with the door shut? What about when friends are over? can they lock the door? If you do or don't let them, why? At what age is it ok? what are your reasons? This came up recently, and I'm pretty comfortable with my stance on this for my kids, who are still young, but I'm curious as to what others do. Maybe I need to change my viewpoint, i don't know. I won't say what my rule is, though, until I hear the responses.

Very blessed mama to one bouncin' boy bouncy.gif (12/07) one angel3.gif who didn't get to stay (6/09), one potty learning, mess making divaenergy.gif(4/10), and one cheerful milk monster. aabfwoman.gif (12/11) Happy partner to the love of my lifedp_malesling.GIF.  

waiting2bemommy is offline  
#2 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:08 PM
 
kittywitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 13,492
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Yes they can close it. For awhile. The only way to the bathroom and cat litter boxes is through their rooms, so they have to stay open unless for necessary reasons and for short periods-like playing with magnetix. I wouldn't have that rule if I could work around this stupid house layout.

No they can't lock it-only because I have had to break open a door one too many times in emergencies when they accidently locked it.

AP Mom to 5 knit.gifhomeschool.giftoddler.gif
 
  

kittywitty is online now  
#3 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:14 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Closed, yes. Our bedroom doors don't have locks on them.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#4 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:14 PM
 
loraxc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: In the Truffula Trees
Posts: 4,480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Goodness, yes, the 6yo can. I wouldn't let the 2yo, but he's not interested anyway! She doesn't have a functional lock, so she can't lock it. I'm not sure I'd allow that. Probably not.

I don't remember a point when I said "Now you're old enough to shut your door." I think it just came about naturally.

She is allowed to have the door shut with friends over, too, but of course I reserve the right to come in.

She is not the type to destroy things or anything like that. I suppose if she had a history of that, it would be different.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

loraxc is offline  
#5 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:15 PM
 
StephandOwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 8,809
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My ds is 6. Yes, he can shut his door anytime he wants to (and he does when he's pretending something and has big elaborate stories going on and he doesn't want us to interrupt him). He cannot lock it. Big no-no and he's been warned that the door will come off the hinges if he locks it again. That's for safety reasons. If he has friends over they don't play in his room (that's his safe area) but if they did play in his room I wouldn't allow the door to be shut.

I let ds shut his door because he's a member of this house and deserves privacy, should he desire it. I shut my bedroom door at times when I want privacy so ds has that same privilege. I think when we moved to this house (he was 3 1/2) was when he started shutting his door, but rarely. The last year he's started shutting it more.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

StephandOwen is offline  
#6 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:19 PM
 
*bejeweled*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,372
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DD is 7. She is allowed to close her bedroom door. I believe everyone should be allowed privacy.

But she is not allowed to close the office door (where the computer is). Nor is she allowed to close doors when her friends are over. And she is not allowed to lock doors.

Me afro.jpg reading.gif Wife and Mom to modifiedartist.gif cat.gifdog2.gif.
*bejeweled* is offline  
#7 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:20 PM
 
no5no5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,635
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, but her door doesn't have a lock. Honestly, she's only chosen to close her door maybe 5 times, all of which were when she was angry and needed time to cool down. We live in a small apartment, and that is really the only way she can be by herself. And her room is a pretty safe place, within earshot of everyplace else in the house.

She is also allowed to go to the bathroom and lock the door behind her, but she doesn't usually choose to. I trust her, and she's never given me reason not to. The only time she's not allowed to close the door is when she's in the bath, because she's only 4 and I still have slight worries about her drowning or burning herself.

ETA: If the bathroom lock didn't have an emergency release, I might be less inclined to let her lock it. Maybe. I also let her lock herself in bathroom stalls when we're out & about.
no5no5 is offline  
#8 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:20 PM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes they can close it, in fact bedroom door are generally closed in our house to keep the dogs out, locking is fine, but I wouldn't put a lock on small childs room as I don't want to deal with them accidentally locking themselves in
Arduinna is offline  
#9 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:22 PM
 
lovesdaffodils's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,366
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's actually a rule in my house TO keep the door closed so our puppy doesn't chew up any toys or choke on something! His room has no lock, however.
lovesdaffodils is offline  
#10 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:23 PM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Sure ds can close and lock doors. He really likes to do that to feel secure. All the locks except the master bedroom are so damaged that any key can be used to pop them open. I remember discouraging kids from closing doors when they were playing at a certain younger age because I was afraid they'd get slammed on someone's fingers. And I don't want ds to lock people out to be exclusive when cousins are over. But he can still lock the door. I just want him to let people in on request. That usually comes up with our living room which has a locking door and is where the toys, computer, and tv are. I'd let him have privacy in his bedroom, of course, if he wanted to be alone. I wouldn't want him to lock out one of his cousins while he's playing with another, however. That's poor manners as a host.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#11 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:23 PM
 
ollyoxenfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
They have always been "allowed" to close their doors. I've never considered it as something that required permission, actually, so "allowed" is an odd way for me to think about it.

In some houses, there were locks on the bedroom doors and bathrooms. In others, no locks. We've never used them. Possibly the kids never locked their doors because they knew they didn't have to - they could close the doors if they wanted, and I knock before entering.

I have always knocked before I enter, if their doors are closed. SOP since they were quite young.
ollyoxenfree is offline  
#12 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:24 PM
 
elmh23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Where it's hot!
Posts: 9,359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dd is 5.5 and yes, she can close and lock her door whenever, BUT if I knock on the door she needs to unlock it. If she doesn't, our locks can easily be opened with a butter knife (we actually keep one on her door frame.)

Ds is 3 and he is not allowed to close or lock his door, mainly because he is Mr. Destructo and also because the diaper changer and pain are in there so I need access and it get's rather stinky if the door is closed. We have a anti-pincher child proof thingy up at the very top of the door that he cannot reach. Thankfully, he prefers to not be in his room at all unless his sister is playing with him so privacy isn't an issue for him.

Mama of three.
 
elmh23 is offline  
#13 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:29 PM
 
leighi123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Indialantic, FL
Posts: 1,317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes.
Ds and I share a room, but sometimes he wants to have 'private time' (i.e. he is tired, but wont admit it, so he goes off into the bedroom and plays quietly/reads books). He shuts the door for that but not when I ask him to when he is pooping and I dont want to have to smell him!

He is not allowed to slam the doors, and we have a 'knock before going in' when someone is going potty, but mostly its just me and him so, so far we havent worried about 'knocking before going in bedrooms' rule, maybe it will come up as he gets older though.

I like doors shut, I always have, for some reason it makes me anoyed when door are open when Im trying to do something in a room (sew, read, etc)

He is not allowed to lock doors until he learns to unlock them properly, ours are impossible to unlock from the outside. He was locked in my parents bedroom for an hour before he figured out how to get out (luckally they have a sliding glass door so I could see him/talk to him the whole time, he mostly was just wallowing on the floor b/c he was tired, and then got bored and went to figure out the lock!)
And he would not ever be allowed to lock them while sleeping/at night (for safety reasons)

I think the only age it would be an issue is for teenagers, when they have a gf/bf over and you want to make sure they arent doing something inappropriate.
leighi123 is offline  
#14 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:30 PM
 
Honey693's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD's almost 2 and not allowed to closer her door b/c she locks herself in and freaks out when she can't get out. Once she figures out door handles and locks I won't care. But I refuse to get up/stop what I'm doing every 3 minutes to unlock a door and let her out.

obstruct livery vehicles

Honey693 is offline  
#15 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 08:51 PM
 
Llyra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: right here
Posts: 9,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mine are almost 6, 3, and 3. They all share a room, so I guess that changes things. The door has a lock on the doorknob-- they're allowed to close and lock it, sure. I can't imagine why they wouldn't be. Then again, as young as they are, if I think there's any kind of serious mischief going on behind that locked door, or if I suspect somebody's not safe, I have three separate keys for that door, stored out of reach in three different places, so I can let myself in easily if I feel the need.

I don't see any reason to prohibit a child of any age, beyond babyhood of course, from being alone behind a closed door, as long as the room is a safe environment. I would even leave a baby alone if the baby seemed to want it, and I have-- both my girls liked to be left alone to play quietly as early as four or five months. I wouldn't shut the door on a baby, though.

My mother never had any rules about closed doors, and was very respectful of our privacy at every age, and I think I will probably be the same.

With friends over-- no, I wouldn't allow my six year old to lock herself in a room with a child outside our family. I worry mostly about the other child's parent, and what might be said if any mischief did happen behind that closed door. My three year olds are not left alone with their little friends, because while I trust my own kids to have reasonable age-appropriate judgment, I haven't seen that all three year olds do.

me knit.gif, he bikenew.gif, my three reading.gif, sleepytime.gif, and fairy.gif-- and the one we lost angel2.gif
Llyra is offline  
#16 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 09:00 PM
 
crowcaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: CA
Posts: 213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mt twins are almost 5 and never had a time when they weren't allowed to close their door, though they never really did it until the last several months. There aren't locks on any of our inside doors (except the bathroom and I've had to get the screwdriver out to take the knob off that a couple of times, but they know how to unlock it now).
crowcaw is offline  
#17 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 09:07 PM
 
NYCVeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: On my couch
Posts: 5,189
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dd is 4 and is allowed to close her door. She likes to do it now and then--"I want to play alone now." Her room connects to ours, and only the door that connects to the living room can be locked from her side--so there's no way for her to lock herself in her room. If she's playing with the door shut, I just check on her every now and then--usually unnecessary, actually, because she chatters to herself nonstop.
NYCVeg is offline  
#18 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 10:22 PM
 
Oubliette8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I was growing up my parents had a "no closed doors" rule. If we weren't sleeping or changing, the door had to be open. It was horrible. I had 3 younger siblings and there was just no privacy. There was a bigger rule about locking doors- it was not to be done, ever, except maybe if you were in the bathroom. Consequently I spent alot of time "sleeping" or resorted to hour long baths just to get time to myself. I remember hating the rule even as a younger kid- like elementary school age. It meant I could never escape from my siblings or protect my stuff (from say, my younger sibling who loved to throw my favorite stuffed animals in the shower) or just have some peace and quiet. my parents probably should have been a bit more on top of it, but sometimes my siblings would stand outside a closed door and open it over and over again. Locking would have been helpful then, at least it took them a bit longer to pick the lock open. I think some reasonable limits are ok- like open doors when friends are over if it makes you feel more comfortable, but a blanket ban on closed doors is a bad idea for almost any age.
Oubliette8 is offline  
#19 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 11:13 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
My dd can close or open her door whenever she wants to, there isn't a lock and I won't be installing one because I see no point to a lock since she doesn't have a sibling and I respect her need for space when she wants me to. With friends it really depends on the friend and whether that has worked in the past. I have noticed that when the door is shut they are playing with things they shouldn't play with, she is seven and knows what she can and can't get into but seems to get into those things when she is with certain friends. Instead of not inviting the friend over again I have a door open policy for when most of her friends are over and that seems to have put a stop to that so far. When she was younger we had some exploration games going on when she and her friends thought I wasn't paying much attention so I also make sure to peek back there frequently.
One_Girl is offline  
#20 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 11:26 PM
 
AllyRae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
All of my kids are allowed to shut their doors (although the younger two just sort of do it to play hide and seek. LOL!). The 6 year old is allowed to lock his door so that he can play without his siblings disturbing him. But he knows that if I knock, he opens right away or I get the key to unlock it and then he loses the privilege of locking. He can shut his door with friends over, but I also get to check on them every couple minutes...he may not lock it if someone is in his room with him. And if he ever has a computer in his room, he will not be allowed to use it with the door shut.

~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
AllyRae is offline  
#21 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 11:42 PM
 
LynnS6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pacific NW longing for the Midwest
Posts: 12,565
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Our kids are allowed to close their doors. Even when friends are over. I do keep an ear out to make sure things don't get too quiet when friends are over. But, I think it's important to be able to have privacy.

In reality, they rarely close their doors unless friends are over. They won't sleep with their doors closed, and they don't like to play alone with their doors closed. They don't lock, so it's a moot point.

Lynnteapot2.GIF, academicreading.gif,geek.gif wife, WOHM  to T jog.gif(4/01) and M whistling.gif (5/04)
LynnS6 is offline  
#22 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 11:48 PM
 
Tigerchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 5,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If it's their own room and they're alone, they've been allowed to do that since they were..3 or so? Well, my boys can be in there together and still close the door, as they share a room. Keep in mind that the rooms have always been fully childproofed, including furniture straps and passive outlet covers, ect.

With friends, the door must always be open slightly.

The kids are 8, 7, and 7. Though I have to say, whenever we have friends over the kids spend little time in the rooms or even in the house--they're always out exploring our property and building forts in the lilac bush or running through the ferns.

We are open with our kids about the appropriateness of body exploration with other kids (not appropriate), which typically is the main concern that I've heard people raise with giving children privacy. We've also been open about how self-exploration is fine, as long as it is private.

When I was worried about the kids choking on toys or sticking forks into the sockets, I kept direct line supervision of them and playdate friends. Now that I don't have to worry about that (as much), and they know the rules for guests and the consequences of breaking them, I see nothing wrong with allowing semi-privacy. I think bringing up concerns directly, rather than denying privacy because you want to make sure to catch them, tends to work a lot better.

That being said, our kids also understand that they do not have full privacy, nor the expectation of it. They don't have independent locks on the doors (though we always knock). We can and do occasionally look through the contents of the DSes and will do so for computer accounts in the future as well. Even at this age, I do generally check in on playdates (even if they're running through our property) about every 45 minutes or so.

So with all that stuff, closed doors is probably not the greatest privacy concern--our wooded and bushed property is. But with a combination of supervision and communication, so far we've not had to deal with any uncomfortable situations.
Tigerchild is offline  
#23 of 113 Old 07-31-2010, 11:52 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,784
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah they have to keep the door shut actually or the tv bothers me and dh. They have been shutting it for about 2 years now and the kids are 9 and 5.

They dont have friends over but I wouldnt mind having the door shut I dont think depending on the kids.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#24 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:08 AM
 
Chamomile Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West of the Sierras East of the Sea
Posts: 2,860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oooooh...I'm actually surprised by the responses here. My kid is still little, but I feel very, very uncomfortable with the thought of allowing him to close the door when he is older. Like a PP I also grew up in a house where closing doors was not allowed, and I don't recall that it ever bothered me. I like being able to always hear what is going on in my general space and by closing the door (or by my kid closing his door) that becomes impossible.

Maybe its because I am an only child, and I grew up in a family without any abuse, but I honestly don't understand why my kid should want to shut himself off from his family? To isolate himself from the rest of us...it seems very alienating to me. I can't imagine ever wanting to do the same (with the exception of in the bathroom, but that is just because if you don't close the door people can look through the living room window and see you pot squating).

So no. I don't see myself allowing a shut door, because I can't see any healthy reason for it.
Chamomile Girl is offline  
#25 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:14 AM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 10,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD shuts her door often enough. If she doesn't want to be bothered by DS she will go into her room and shut the door, if she leaves it open he will eventually follow her in. We have no problem with her shutting the door.

Once DS can work the door knobs (he still has some trouble with those) and he starts feeling the need for that kind of privacy he will be allowed to shut to door too.

Our bedroom doors don't have locks so locking the doors is a non-issue. We have no problem if the door is shut when friends are over either. Since DD has done nothing to warrant us not trusting her alone with friends, we see no reason to require the door stay open. As it is that is a good enough reason for her to stay out of trouble.

I never did understand parents that have a "doors open" rule.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#26 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:17 AM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 10,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A healthy reason for allowing doors to be closed. Different people need different amounts of space and privacy. Not allowing them to set physical boundaries (with in certain guidelines like if someone knocks you have to open up) can, I believe, inhibit a child from learning to set non-physical boundaries with others. Privacy isn't evil, or bad, it is just privacy.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#27 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:24 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD1 is 7 and ds2 is 5. They share a room. They're allowed to close their door anytime, but their room doesn't have a lock. If anyone wants out (of any room, not just their's), they have to let them out. DS2 occasionally closes the door on dd2 (13 months) and she can't open it from inside and flips.

DS1 (17) can close his door, whether he has friends over or not. He's also allowed to lock it. We put a lock on his door to protect his stuff from his younger siblings.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#28 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:27 AM
 
Getz's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sure they can shut their doors. (My kids are 4.5 and 3.5) My son likes to play by himself sometimes, I think he feels more comfortable with his pretend play when Mommy isn't watching (I was the same way as a kid.) I only get worried when they are in a room together, with the door shut and it's been quiet for awhile (usually means they are up to something.) The locks are inverted on their bedroom doors so they can't lock me out. They have locked themselves (or me) in before.

I see my kids' rooms as their quiet space in our home and if they need time in there alone, with the door shut, that's fine. When they are feeling overwhelmed by something, they naturally retreat to their rooms with the door shut for some quiet time. Seems perfectly normal and healthy to me. *shrugs*
Getz is offline  
#29 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:35 AM
 
eclipse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Mexico
Posts: 7,862
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Absoloutely (although they usually don't). The older two are also allowed to lock them, especially my oldest (will be 10 in January), who sometimes needs to keep my youngest out if he wants any time to himself, or to do something like build a cool lego something or other. My almost 5 year old is not allowed to lock any doors, but only because he has a habit of locking them and closing them from the outside, which is a huge PITA.
eclipse is offline  
#30 of 113 Old 08-01-2010, 12:39 AM
 
Tigerchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 5,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
Maybe its because I am an only child, and I grew up in a family without any abuse, but I honestly don't understand why my kid should want to shut himself off from his family? To isolate himself from the rest of us...it seems very alienating to me.
Why is closing one's bedroom door "shutting oneself off from the family"? Or at least, why is doing it while going to the bathroom not, and shutting a bedroom for quiet/meditation/reading/masturbation/whatever is? And how is it isolation?

It's temporary. To meet a personal need for privacy. If privacy = shutting out family members, then logically, you should be just as concerned with bathroom doors being shut.

Being able to understand and accept that our kids may have different tolerances/needs from our own is really important, I think. YOU might like to have an "ear on everything" but to some people that would drive them nuts (and their reactions to constantly have to have that input from everywhere might very well be more isolating that giving themselves an hour of quiet reading in their room from time to time.

It's not all or nothing, where either you remove your doors or only live in silent isolation in your room, KWIM?
Tigerchild is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off