|Originally posted by somemama
This is such a cop-out and I just want to puke every time I hear a mama say it. You still have to be a responsible parent (and take part in the decision-making process) regardless of whether or not you have a penis.
Circ: easy- joe was circed, i had not done research otherwise. i do not regret my decision because he was fine afterwards, he nursed like a champ & has NEVER had any problems.
Vax: easy @ the time, joe had all his vaxes but i think he is due for some since he is five now, i am debating what to do. he has not been to the dr. since he was three.
EBF: super duper easy, never a question. joe weaned at almost 4 years.
Co-sleeping: again, easy, joe still sleeps next to me, his toddler bed is pushed up next to mine.
Baby-wearing: hurt my back to have joe in a sling, i am 5'3" & 98 lbs & he was 20 lbs at THREE MONTHS! but it was easy for me to carry him in my arms so that is what i did. he was rarely ever in a stroller.
Diapering: lived & learned & then got luvs! hey, it worked for ME!
um, what else... joe will be homeschooled, prob. UNschooled, he watches a lot of TV but he learns a lot too. he eats too much junk food but he is tall & slim so... i am working on green veggies, he is opposed to eating green things. :LOL
every parenting decision i have made has been right. right for me & joe, & that is what is important!
edited to add:
Okay, I've reopened it.
Please refrain from flaming, or attacking members for their decisions. If you wish to discuss the issue of circ'ing or any other parenting practice, there are appropriate forums for this and you are welcome to start a thread on the subject. But let's please keep this thread in the light and supportive tone it's held thus far, so that all may enjoy the conversation without me having to shut it down again.
I thank you all for your cooperation!
Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)
FWIW, I was against circ. and dh was for it. I feel he made some valid points and I trusted his decision.
Back to the GD issue, if anyone has some book recommends, I would greatly appreciate them
Circ: No-brainer. Just hard to understand anyone who does it
Co-sleeping: Had no choice if we were going to get any sleep
Baby-wearing: Didnt do it much, I had huge babies! But I did hold baby #1 24/7, and #2 a lot, but am not the sort of athlete who can run around after a toddler with a huge baby in a sling or backpack. :
Diapering: Easy, couldnt imagine doing anything else now
ebf: easy. now that ds has gotten it, he's not giving it up!
circ: easy for me, not so easy for dh who's still in big time denial about the harms of circumcision - who wants to admit that his penis is missing something because his parents cut him? but ds would have been circed over my dead body.
co-sleep: easy for me, not at all easy for dh. This is the one area (so far) where dh and I have serious fights about the way we parent.
vax: hard hard hard. we haven't done any so far and I don't want to at all....but dh thinks we're just delaying. We have a lot of : to do about this one.
GD: easy in theory, sometimes hard in practice. I was yelled at and spanked, and it's hard to overcome my operant conditioning. (eta: I control the urge to spank but it's hard not to yell sometimes. )
TV: I am embarrassed to admit ds is addicted to Wiggles videos and when I want to make dinner I'll pop one in.
CDs: came to them a little late (at 3 months) after starting elimination communication with ds. Ashamed to admit that I swore I'd never use them - that is, until I learned that there's more to life than prefolds and plastic pants!
Healthy eating: I'm vegetarian and dh is vegetarian at home, and ds has been vegetarian so far if you don't count the piece of cat food he ate. This is another issue for : with dh as dh doesn't want ds to have to be veg.
School: that's a problem for another day, I've got a couple years yet to stress about other stuff! :LOL
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Circ - This one was so tough. I wish I'd found Mothering/MDC before I had ds. Or someone who knew what the deal was Anyway, I know differently if there ever is a next time.
EBF - I feel like I am the only mother alive who had kids that were too interested in other things than me. Ds made it to 7 months, and dd and I battled to 11.75 months. I cried, desperately, both times I had to stop. I still had stuff to give, they just wanted to play or run around or do flips off the couch more.
Vaxing - This is the only easy one for me. We don't do it. Too many reactions in both sides of the family.
Co-sleep - Ds didn't like it when he was tiny. Then, he turned 4, and he does it a lot, even now. Dd did it for a very long time, and still takes naps with me. I love it, so much.
CD - couldn't afford to start, so we used disposables for both. I really want to try it. Now if dh will just cooperate.
Healthy eating - Have always done it, but it's how I was raised. We do eat meat, both dh and I can't do without . Ds and dd don't have to eat meat if they don't want to, or anything else they don't like. They do eat a lot of cookies.
TV - They love Thomas the Train and Scooby Doo (original) videos. They don't really watch them, but they like them to be on.
School - Oh man, this is so difficult. We're starting in public school, and taking it a semester at a time.
All in all, I feel like I would really like to have another baby, just to do some things differently than I have with the first two. Everything, mostly, is just so confusing and hard. I wish it came more easily to me.
This is NOT the place for it.
This is for people to share their decision-making process withOUT being judged or flamed.
mama to 6 amazing children married to my main man for 21 years and finally home FULL time
Natural birth: easy decision for us
Breastfeeding: easy decision (hard to get going, but decision was very clear)
Sleeping: sharing sleep was an easy choice for us... harder was the decision that b/c of dh's work sched & sleep needs he would sleep in another room. That's one I don't want to defend to family, etc, so I don't mention it.
Diapering: Easy decision, made me nervous though. Like Piglet said - afraid I was too lazy. Started w/diaper service, eased into my own stash thanks to MDC.
Vax: Yuck - agonizing decision.[I wish there were no diseases, no vaccines, kwim?]. Mostly decided to delay as a way of not deciding, and i've grown comfortable now with skipping most or all.
Health in general: COnstantly second guessing myself, whether I am making good choices for her nutrition, immune health,
Food: Easy to decide all organic health food (harder to afford, lol!) - now that she's two, also in pt daycare, its harder to keep her from junk.
TV: Sigh - I *wish* we struggled more over this. We definately have not unplugged. Educational only, but still.
School: DD's only two. It'll depend where we live when she's of age & if we're in community - in which case w/enough support & companionship i'd love to homeschool.
not circing, ebfing, gd, and deleyed solids were all easy decisions.
having a natural birth was tougher. everyone i know (besides my mom anf her two hour labors) were medicated and i was scared, but got through it.
dh objected to cd at first, but is now the biggest heyena i have met
not vaxing took a lot of research and i did waver, but am now totally confident in thaqt decision
Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan age8, Ava age 4 and baby Georgia (6/3/11).
easiest = to have my ds1 in the first place (both unplanned!), to co-sleep, to breastfeed, to use a sling, to try and do the best I can
Actually, one of the hardest things was trying find names that we both liked (my dp is mad, 'kermit' was and still is his first choice, followed by 'goose'. apologies to anyone here with children called kermit or goose, I realise that these are my own personal prejudices.)
the circ thing was easy since we're british and I didn't even know that people DID circ until i came to an american forum.
i was amazed to find that i LOVE using cloth nappies ~ so strange! I love wrapping up my babies bottoms ~ ha ha ha.
gd: she's still small, so it's not something we deal with right now. we are planning on it when she's older and NO SPANKING. dh and his brother were spanked with paint stirrers and that just SHOCKED me. we believe in respect for everyone, including the littlest ones.
natural birth: that's what we wanted but it's not what happened. we ended up with an emergency c-section. my midwife told me i was an excellent canidate for vbac, so we're hoping for a drug-free natural vbac with the next one!
co-sleeping: this one was a long time coming. dh was totally against it during our first pregnancy (m/c 2.02) but, after having some friends who co-sleep visit, he changed his mind. she was in our bed the night she came home and we're all pleased as can be.
breastfeeding: easy choice, a bit difficult at first. i was determined to stick it out and we're still going strong. she will be ebf until she's ready for solids, which she won't be offered until 5 or 6 months.
vax: ouch. i was determined to refuse most, dh was ready to delay but nothing more. we researched and researched and finally decided on full vax. we don't regret our decsion, but it was hard coming.
cloth diapering: i've been building a stash since i was pregnant, but wanted to wait until she cut down on her pooping and we had a place where we could afford the laundry (we live in an apartment). we'll be starting in the next few weeks, since my parents are nearby and i can hijack their laundry.
babywearing: easy to decide on, a little difficult for me. my sling was too big and dd HATED it. she loved her daddy's though. but i just got a maya wrap the other day and she LOVES it. so we're back on board.
circing: i announced to dh (before we knew we were having a girl) there was no chance i'd circ a boy. he shrugged and said that was fine. in childbirth class, we were shown photos of newly-circ'd penises and now he's militantly against circing!:LOL
food: we're trying to change our ways before dd is into solid foods. we're both WAY too into junk food and want dd to make good health choices. this is a toughie.
tv: we try to avoid it, but in winter that's hard (it's COLD here!). we'll be regulating it when she's older.
school: i'm a big public school booster (child of two public school teachers-- now retired), but our school district has gone to sh*t since i graduated and i wouldn't put dd in them if you paid me. we're planning on montessori and possibly waldorf. we're starting saving up money!!
Birth - easy w/ds I knew I DEFINATLY wanted a medicated birth and had just what I wanted. With DD I knew I DEFINATLY wanted a natural water birth and got exactly what I wanted.
Bfing - with ds I never had thought about it, but went along with dh's idea to give it a try. After a rought start (pumped the first 3 months) it was an easy decision to continue and I was ready to go until he was at least 2 - he weaned at 16 months during my pgcy. with dd it was the only way to go - but I ran into problems at about 10 months with really HATING nursing. But I kept it up until just this week and now have weaned her (at 22 1/2 months) - I really wanted it to be a more child lead - warm and fuzzy weaning, but was not going to happen that way.....she has actaully done REALLY well with it! I was happily suprised and now we are getting along alot better too! - but weaning was a HARD decision!
Cir - DS is cired, it was an easy decision at the time because I never knew that it was *not* done and just went on the advice of my midwife to have it done. If I were to have a boy now it would be a hard decision just because DH is very much for cir...:
Co-sleeping - never really considered it with ds.. he slept with me the first month, and then moved to his crib in his room with no trama at all and stayed there for the next 2 years (now he comes in with us when he needs too - and we stay with him until he falls alseep every night! - it is great!). When dd was born I wanted to co-sleep from the beginng - but found it was VERY hard for me to sleep well that way. I stuck with it for 11 months because that is what dd needed, but then she moved to her own room as well (but DH goes in to sleep with her in the early am when she wakes up)
Vax - I feel pretty ok with our decision, ds is fully vaxed and dd is on a slower vax schedule without all of the vaxes.
dipaers - I have used both cloth and sposies with both of my kids, but do not have a passion about either one. When I get overwhelmed with laundry I have no qualms with using sposies - but I do love the cloth, they are just to addicting sometimes and I can't afford that kind of shopping LOL!
Babywearing - used a snuglie with ds for the first few months - but much after that. Still use my sling for dd - wish I would have know about it with ds.
GD - it was easy to decide that I believed in this type of parenting and that I wanted to pratice it myself - but it is VERY VERY VERY hard for me to impliment. I also came from a screaming, threating, hitting family and have MAJOR anger issues - so it is a constant struggle for me to live the way I want to and KNOW is better!
schooling - HARD HARD HARD!
Family bed - Hard. I was so sleep deprived, I thought I had to get him out of the bed so I could sleep better. Dh and I could not even begin to do CIO. Hard to convince my DH to keep doing family bed after my son turned six months, but now he is more into it than me. We had to get a king size bed before DD entered our lives.
Breast feeding my son was an easy decision to make, but hard to implement. Repeated mastitis (despite trying all of the suggestions to prevent it) made it very difficult to continue, but I did until 14 months. I seriously considered the idea of BF my daughter, who is adopted, but after pumping and taking herbs for a while with zero results, I decided I couldn't. I can't take hormones or domperidone (a stomach medicine that increases prolactin), either.
Vaxes: easy. I grew up in developing countries - we get them.
Slinging: easy to decide, harder to implement. I have a pinched sciatic nerve at the moment. But it is easier for me to have a backache than an upset baby. And they look so dang cute in the sling.
My birth - very medical due to early labor at 6 months. I didn't even get to go to my birthing class. No regrets - I was just happy to have an alive baby.
Food: My son ate extremely healthily until he started going to preschool. Now he's picky, and won't eat the crusts off his bread, even. Urg. I am still careful about what he eats/ I offer. Being vegetarian, he is wary of food that is offered to him.
Schooling: I support public schools (despite their flaws), and want my kids to go to them. I will be involved and screen teachers, though. I want my kids to eat healthy lunches ( I'll send them, but hope there are choices in the cafeteria for them as well) and have lots of recess, though, so we'll see what I find out when I look at schools. I could certainly home school if I wanted. I have a garage full of teaching supplies for K-12. I like some of the philosophy behind unschooling as well. We'll see.
Circ - Easy. I have all girls
Birthing - I'm considered high risk and always have 300 things come up/go wrong when I'm pg. I have to see a high risk OB and hospital deliveries are a must. I also need constant ultrasounds from 26 weeks on, since my body stops making amniotic fluid properly after that point. I tried to see a midwife with my first, but when I went into labor at 28 weeks, she refered me to a regular OB. My middle dd was also born at 33 weeks due to the low fluid.
EBF - All the girls were born with severe food allergies and were unable to breastfeed. They are among the 1% (or less) who are allergic to breastmilk, among a ton of other things. They were on a special prescription amino acid based formula, Neocate. I would have loved to breastfeed, and did try with each of them, but all had the same condition.
Vaxing - This was harder to decide on but I did go with a very delayed schedule for all of them. Their severe allergies give them stinky immune systems, so catching something is much more serious for them. The only vax's we skipped were those that they were allergic to. They would only get 1 vax once a month and held off on the MMR until age 3.
Co-sleep - No one ever wanted to sleep with me. Forcing them to co-sleep didn't seem very AP But my 4 year old recently decided that she prefers to sleep with me and that's fine. The only down side was Monday night when she wet the bed
CD - I wish I'd known to CD my first (we had a hard time finding disposables she wasn't allergic to since back then they had those pink for girls and blue for boys liners inside, and she was allergic to the colorings) but did with my second two girls. Even with out owning a washer and a dryer, I save a ton of $$. With my youngest, the chemicals in disposables bother her skin, so I couldn't use them full time, even if I wanted to.
Healthy eating - We used to eat much better and I really want to get back to that. My oldest was a vegan until she was 2 1/2 and didn't eat any meat until she was 5. She decided that she wanted to eat meat but now that she's 10, I can see her questioning that decision. I feel she's old enough to decide for herself at this point. My middle dd never eats meat (never has) but this is her own decision. And my youngest has chicken and fish occationally but wouldn't eat red meat, even when offered. I only cook chicken and fish. I'm also trying to get back to less junk and more healthy stuff. I'm seeing that my 4 year old really goes nuts from sugar, so I'm trying to find ways to cut it out and offer better snacks. They all have various food allergies as well, so it's hard to find things that everyone can eat.
TV - This is the hard one. I'm not happy with the amount of TV they watch. Honestly, I'm a single mom and sometimes it's too easy to put on a show so I can get something done. I need to find ways to discourage just walking in and turning the TV on.
School - My oldest goes to public school and my middle dd will most likely start in the fall. I'm happy with our local public schools but if I wasn't, I'd definately home school.
breastfeeding - easy, knew i would do it from day one.... with ds, he weaned very early due to job-related stress and difficult letdowns, with dd we are still going strong
co-sleeping - easy, i knew that i would just do what works for us, so ds co slept part of the time from day one and eventually just enjoyed his space more, dd slept with us most of the time from day one and is just beginning to enjoy her space more.
circumcision - very easy, not medically necessary = didnt do it. dh and i both felt this way
gentle discipline - still a struggle my parents were hand and face tappers and yellers.....i work at it every single day.
cd'ing - a guilt eaten decision not to.....i dont, and feel horrible about it every day.
vaxxing - easy, we dont. and i had lots of information and research done before i even had kids.
birthing - easy, i knew we wanted a midwife and i wanted to do things as natural as possible, ds was born with no meds at all with a midwife and a hospital, dd was born with a slight muscle relaxer given at the very end because i was freaking out : with a midwife in the hospital.... im thinking the next kiddo will be born at home..
tv - ds watches way too much. i want an armoir to hide it away some of the time, but oh how i love tv in the evenings to relax.... and veg out....this one is difficult for me....
school - easy decision, they will go to public school, i dont feel like i have enough knowledge and variety to offer to my children and we have great school systems here.
i think for the most part you have to do what works for your family, and i feel i have which is why the decisions were mostly easy.... some of them are best interest, but sometimes best interest is also a happy momma
(probably why I've been working my butt off to keep it viable, lol).
I am especially pleased to see that I'm not the only one to struggle with the TV issue. As so many of you said, it's a good way to get much-needed down time (or, in my case, an extra hour of sleep in the morning, lol).
girlzmommy00 - for some reason your post really touched me; it sounds like you've had so much to deal with, you really serve as a wonderful example of how we parents face such a wide variety of circumstances that things are really never "one size fits all", y'know? you sound like a wonderful mama to me!!
Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)
BF'ing- Easy. The hard part came when my son decided to self-wean 4 months into my 2nd pregnancy. No problems NIP with my 1st son, though now it is something I haven't been to comfortable with my 2nd son. I am trying very hard to overcome it. I heard SO much negativity about NIP when I was pregnant that it is hard to forget the nasty comments.
Non-circing- Thankfully I let dh decide and he was totally against circumsision. Family and friends thought we were weird for not circ'ing but by the time son 2 came along, they didn't question it.
Eating a healthy, organic diet- hard to maintain when family and friends don't stick to it. However, we aren't big on junk food anyway, so its not a huge issue.
Co-sleeping- definitely has its moments. We are not a family that simply puts the kids to bed and gets quiet time for ourselves. This has been very tough for me.
Sling-wearing- when I discovered it when my first son was around 4 months old, I thought it was genius. I FINALLY had free hands! Trying to nurse in it this time around has been quite difficult.
Homeschooling- an easy decision. I don't trust our school systems and we can't pay thousands of dollars a month for private school.
Non-vaxing- dealing with people misinformation on the issue has been difficult. Trying to educate people is tough.
Cloth diapering- I did not cd my 1st son. It has definitely been a struggle with my 2nd son. I am determined to stick it out, but boy is it a challenge for me.
Overall our parenting decisions have come instinctively to us. Which is probably why most of it has been so easy. And so very worth it.
natural birth: easy, loved it, but hard to "justify" to others--people thought I was a fool.
co-sleeping: another one that people criticized me for, but there was no alternative for me for the 1st 6 months. After that, it was tough for me, but we did a modified version--crib for the first half of the night, mama bed thereafter.
breastfeeding: this was the easiest for me. I really love it & have had no serious problems.
vax: yeah--mine are fully vaxed. This was a semi-hard decision, but I felt it was appropriate for us--don't judge others for making a different decision.
cloth diapering: wanted to do it with DS#1, but did not. Started with DS#2 at 10 months old. Feel really good about this one.
babywearing: This is/was my most difficult. I want/wanted to do it more, but cannot get the hang of it. Am determined to try harder.
circing: hard decision--we circ'd DS#1 and I feel awful about it. We debated DS#2, but decided to keep him intact. So glad! Got some family flak for this one.
food: I just turned veggie, but no one else did. My kids eat pretty well, but do have treats once per day..
tv: Really hard because DH and I disagree. Right now, TV is limitted to 1 hr/day for DS#1 and 1/2 hour for DS#2. If I had my way, we'd get rid of cable and move the TV out of the living room to somewhere less visible.
school: big debates here, but for now, DS#1 is in a good public school.
Sorry about all the typos.
homebirth--easy. i wanted to have my babies in a comfortable quiet personal setting.
co-sleeping--easy decision. anything that let me get more sleep.
breastfeeding--easy--cheapest, healthiest, all that good snuggling time
vax--moderate difficulty--i've done my research and we selectively/delay vaxxing.
cloth diaper--easy. we cloth diapered all of the kids. it was what was cheapest and best for the environment and our babies buns.
baby wearing--i never really thought of this as a decision, i just carried my kids around because it is what made them happiest.
circumcision--easy. ds is not and it never was an issue.
food--we're vegetarian and my dh works at a food co-op so it makes it pretty easy. we don't sweat too much about it.
tv--my dh likes it too much and my kiddies have seen too many library videos since ds (2mo) was born. we usually only watch movies but i wish it wasn't in our bedroom. at the same time, if it is something that is going to occur, i feel better with all of us snuggled together in our big family bed watching something.
school--by FAR my most nerve wracking decision that i fret over all the time. i would love to hs but also like some things about public....what to do aggggghhh!!!
birthing: Easy once I knew enough. My first birth was an induced hospital birth with all the trimmings. But I grew and learned and my second 2 births were great;homebirth and UC.
breastfeeding: Easy decision. Not sure why since I had never witnessed breastfeeding before, but I just knew I would and never doubted it.
circ: Easy,..no boys yet, but we won't do it if we ever do have a boy.
cloth diapers: Easy with my first. I hated it with my second because of some PPD and weird stuff, but it is easy again this time.
Vax: Hard. My first is fully vaxed through a year and the second two don't have any yet. Not sure if they will get any. This is the hardest parenting decision.
GD: Easy choice, hard to live it.
homeschooling: Easy. There is no other acceptable choice for us.
cosleeping: Easy. We it.
food: Hard. We are still working on that one.
TV: We don't have cable but we do watch too many videos...but it is something I am working on and cutting back on. Warm weather is helping.