i need to scream into the virtual pillow that is MDC :( - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 08-11-2010, 11:44 PM - Thread Starter
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i know i complain all the time about my sister, and really i love her, but i don't know if i will be able to handle hanging around her as a parent. they are staying with me and my DH and 6 mo old for a couple nights this week with their 8 month old and i've bitten my tongue so many times today it's bleeding. i honestly don't doubt that she loves her kid, but where the freaking heck (!@$%!!) is she getting all these ridiculous ideas from?

1. she is forward facing an EIGHT MONTH OLD BABY in his car seat. she turned him months ago. lady, i don't care that he's a hefty chunk, he's a baby! physics are against you! and no, i won't leave this alone because all it takes is one accident in your neighbourhood at 40 km per hour to literally snap his neck. he isn't bored rear facing, and his feet touching the back of the seat doesn't make it safer to forward face him.

2. food issues. i've vented about this before, but seriously, don't sniff your nose when i say i'll be offering some soy products to my baby (eventually, when she's ready for solids) when you've been giving incredibly inappropriate foods to your baby since he was 4 months old and have already landed him in the er twice for unknown food allergies. and when you were the one to bring up food in the first place and ask the oh so original question "but where will she get her protein from?" (and she wouldn't have to be so darn obsessed with her baby getting protein and calcium and whatnot if she weren't in such a hurry to cut his bottles... he's already down to 3 a day!)

3. the whining and the crying! they adhere to this "sleep-training" regimen where they put him down for his naps and bedtime and expect him to fall asleep in his own. the whining and crying go on for EVER. all i want to do is pick him up and rock him and shush him while this business is going on. and then she's criticizing her sister in law because her one year old is tough to get to sleep... i gently pointed out that not all babies DO sleep through the night, and we're actually pretty lucky that we get that at all, and she admitted she had unrealistic expectations of how quickly babies should sleep all night. i thought that her baby was just a natural sleeper like mine, but now i'm pretty sure there was some CIO going on.

i think we must disagree on just about every parenting topic out there. i was trying really hard to not talk about any of the things i knew we disagreed on (like extended bfing and starting solids) but i just couldn't keep quiet about the car seat, and i was really quite shocked about the sleep training thing. i know lots of people do it, but i guess it still surprises me when they come right out and admit they let their baby cry for 10 min or whatever. the car seat thing though... ugh. i will probably blow a gasket if i go to my parent's house this weekend and they've got him forward-facing there. it just really sucks to know that this person you grew up with and want to be close to is just on the opposite end of the parenting spectrum... we already have so little in common, and i just don't know how much time i'm ever going to be able to handle being around her now. and it can only get worse, once they start introducing spankings and such.
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#2 of 6 Old 08-11-2010, 11:58 PM
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Whoa. Everything you mentioned would irritate me but I wouldn't feel completely compelled to say something but for the FF in the carseat. Oh dear. Have you tried spamming her with some literature regarding that? I'm sure if you wander over to family safety someone should be able to point in the right direction as far as an approach goes.
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#3 of 6 Old 08-12-2010, 12:04 AM
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isn't front facing a baby that young illegal? im pretty sure it is here.

Married to David since 2/16/08. Baby wearing, breastfeeding, bed sharing, delayed vaxing, cloth diapering, SAHM to Bella, my punctual little girl, born on her due date, 9/3/09
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#4 of 6 Old 08-12-2010, 07:42 AM
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In Canada it is absolutely illegal to have a baby that young FF. Would she care about getting a ticket? As far as I know they must be RF until 20 lbs. Not sure if in Quebec it's 20 lbs AND 1 year, but in Ontario as of Jan 1 2011 the rules are going to change to 22 lbs AND 1 year AND walking independently. I think that's across Canada actually.
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#5 of 6 Old 08-12-2010, 08:04 AM
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Love your Title!

Maybe it bothers you so intensely because it is your sister. If it was a random stranger, you could more easily chalk it up to none of my business. With a loved one, it just hurts so much. Hugs.

Like you said though, she loves her DC just as much as you love yours, she's just got different ways. I think the car seat I'd just make my peace and then hope there is never an accident, that is all you can do. And the food, well, you can't do much about that either. And the CIO, you cant do anything about it when they are not there, but then again you won't hear it, so you can put it out of your mind. But do think WHILE they are in your house, you could just say "it hurts so much, I can't let him cry alone like that" and then go pick him up? Then you've become the fall guy, blamed your emotions on yourself, but you haven't asked her to pick up her own baby, you do it. That way you give yourself some peace, and he will get some love and stop screaming. And even maybe she will see, by your example, that the sky will not cave in just because she comforts her child.
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#6 of 6 Old 08-12-2010, 11:37 AM
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Hi Mama,
Sounds like your SIL and my SIL are the same person. It is sooo hard to be around them with little babies.... it does get better as the babies get older, but man, it was hard for a long time.
I'd try my best to let all but the carseat one go..... *WE* know it isn't right to feed your kiddos crazy food or to let the CIO, but you it isn't illegal for that. I'd focus on the FF carseat, as that is illegal.
babe upset... gotta go
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