The 10 Best things about a High Needs Baby - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 48 Old 09-04-2011, 04:19 PM
 
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Great list!

 

I'll add:

-A high needs baby teaches you that your baby's (or child) behavior is not a reflection on you.

-A high needs baby wipes the smug off of a first time mom faster then anything (at least this was my experience)


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I do what works and when it stops working, then I do something else.
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#32 of 48 Old 09-09-2011, 06:11 PM
 
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jellybeanmama, could I have your permission to post this on my facebook, (attributing credit to you, of course). This is worth sharing!!! If you'd rather I not, I completely understand.


mama to 1 gorgeous DD 11/05/10

When we know better, we do better.

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#33 of 48 Old 12-21-2011, 06:10 PM
 
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I know this is an older thread. But a conversation with a friend today made me realize that my toddler was a high needs baby. Suddenly all the "advice" that friends and family gave me that was worse than useless ... Well, I realize WHY it was so! 


 
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#34 of 48 Old 01-07-2012, 09:30 PM
 
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I found this article when I was absolutely exhausted... My son now almost 7 months old and has yet to STN  or take regular naps if any. He is very challenging but an absolute love that lights up my life with his big ol gummy grin!. He is a very determined little guy and reminds me of his daddy in so many ways. This is what keeps me going!

I loved this article and all the posts below it. It is nice to know that its not just your child. I get tired of people giving me advice- I have two older children that fall into the "norm" they were easy and they slept! I have to say the bond is different though. My baby demands my attention...all the time! Im learning to let go of control (not easy for one with ocd)  Some days I just need to regroup and remind myself, Its not the parenting . Its not a bad thing. It is just their personalities. Destined for greatness! :)

 

 

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#35 of 48 Old 02-24-2012, 03:56 AM
 
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My beautiful little baby is at the very top of the high needs scale, and it's so nice to know that there are others who are going through the same challenging experience.

She breastfeeds constantly, refusing to wean (including night feeds, of course). I have pnd and am returning to work this Monday...  Expect my next post to be from within the confines of an asylum! eyesroll.gif

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#36 of 48 Old 02-24-2012, 05:49 PM
 
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#7!!!!! Every few weeks I give up.  I GIVE UP!!!!!  But she's STILL THERE saying "Mommy! Mommy! and trying to cling to my neck.  I feel like the frustration and fury is going to bowl me over.  I seethe and roil and....then it drains away, and somehow I give my little girl a big hug, pop her in the car and take her someplace beautiful. 

 

My DD isn't as physically boisterous as some high needs kids, so I often read the high needs checklists and say, "Nahhh, she's not high needs.  I'm just an absolutely awful mother."  But now I take care of her little baby cousin once a week and somehow it's easier to take care of both of them that it ever was to take care of just DD. 

 

Oh, yes.  Here she is screaming now.  Good night, sleep tight, everyone :( 

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#37 of 48 Old 02-25-2012, 07:55 AM
 
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Wow. Reading over my post form years ago was a shock! I am now on my second high, high needs child. My first broke me. My second child was high needs, the always sleeping on you, always nursing, lots of medical problems to go along with it kind, and it was really intense but she mellowed out as she got older. I think her problems were more situationally. She is 5 now and I couldn't call her high needs today so I don't clarify her as a true high needs kid, DD1 who is now 9 will always be called that! Then I got a regular kid. OMG that was huge. He wasn't even that easy but just a regular, old baby. He was a breath of fresh air so I made the ultimate decision and had one more child. DS2 is a carbon copy of my first child. Two little bookends. And now I think I am officially insane. The screaming is the worst. He is 7 months now and it is just how I remember it from DD1, nonstop screaming for the first year. Yep, insanity. 


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#38 of 48 Old 02-26-2012, 04:04 PM
 
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What a great post--and what a wonderful attitude you have, OP.

 

My high-needs, never-sleep baby is now a lovely 6yo boy who has many of the traits that attachment parenting is meant to nurture.  He is sweet, easygoing, and very sensitive to the feelings of others.  He can still be quite a stubborn little person at times, but he has a very mild personality and is very securely attached to us (DH and me).

 

Hang in there!

 

Edited to add: To be clear: I'm not trying to make a cause-and-effect statement about how we respond to high-needs babies--your kiddo might stay high-needs, and it wouldn't mean anything except that is his/her temperament.  If that happens, you will be ready to accommodate, and to use your creativity and innovation to respond accordingly!

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#39 of 48 Old 02-27-2012, 07:24 PM
 
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They teach you how to love when love seems impossible.

 

They teach you unconditional acceptance of another, no matter how they are behaving.

 

And I agree, they teach you extreme creativity.

 

My dd1 is seven and always very high needs.  And like one of the PP said, I am still traumatized from that first year.  We had a blessedly easy dd2, thank god.  And the elder is still soooooo much harder than the younger ... but I love them both equally.  Just ... one is much, much harder to be around than the other! One's like nitroglycerine (never know when it's going to blow!), the other like a warm bath.  

 

But ... oh, it gets so much easier when they are verbal and you can speak directly to them and they to you ... and the screaming / crying /whining is not their only form of communication.  And you can be reasonable with them and they have developped some self-control!

 

 


Kids. I got two of 'em.
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#40 of 48 Old 03-21-2012, 10:37 AM
 
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Wow! This really made my sleep deprived husband and me laugh, smile, and cry! I see it has been quite some time since this original post has been written. Our first baby, who is now 4 months seems to fit the high needs profile like a glove! So, does it get any easier as they get older? Or just more entertaining? Are they EVER able to entertain themselves for more than a minute or two??? ha ha Since we are first time parents, we have spent practically all of our son's first 4 months at the pediatrician, thinking there MUST be something wrong with him. He is just SO fussy. We are able to keep him content for just minutes at a time before we have to switch gears and change up the atmosphere and figure out what will make him happy next. He keeps us on our toes for sure!!!

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#41 of 48 Old 03-21-2012, 10:38 AM
 
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Wow! This really made my sleep deprived husband and me laugh, smile, and cry! I see it has been quite some time since this original post has been written. Our first baby, who is now 4 months seems to fit the high needs profile like a glove! So, does it get any easier as they get older? Or just more entertaining? Are they EVER able to entertain themselves for more than a minute or two??? ha ha Since we are first time parents, we have spent practically all of our son's first 4 months at the pediatrician, thinking there MUST be something wrong with him. He is just SO fussy. We are able to keep him content for just minutes at a time before we have to switch gears and change up the atmosphere and figure out what will make him happy next. He keeps us on our toes for sure!!!

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#42 of 48 Old 03-21-2012, 11:21 AM
 
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My DD#2 has been high needs since she was about 4-5 weeks old. She is now nearing 3 and still high needs. I can so relate to this list and I am so glad its hear. I want to save this somewhere and read it again and again and again.DD#2 is more than I can handle some days - this list is a helpful reminder of the things she can teach me, and makes me laugh :)


Lindsay: DS#1 (06/06) DD#1 (09/07) DS#2 (10/08) DD#2 (06/09). AND A BABY DUE NOVEMBER 2013

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#43 of 48 Old 04-25-2012, 07:15 PM
 
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Omg I'm not alone hahah my girl is 13 months and I have to say I'm exhausted from this last year it has been. Excruciating ,there's been melt downs tears ,fights between me and my fiancé ,not a full night sleep in 13 months sound like torture lol , I'am , was always comparing my child to others and wondering why my child doesn't just go straight to sleep and self sooth ( don't be silly) but I have come to the conclusion that I have a bright spirited beautiful little girl who will keep us on our toes until she's an adult haha we new from the thrashing around in my belly that we were going to have our hands full we were not wrong hahaha
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#44 of 48 Old 04-30-2012, 07:34 PM
 
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My first was/is high needs, my 2nd is a "normal" baby.  I agree that if he'd been my first I would have been looking around wondering when the work would start!  He's so easy to please, and is so easygoing compared to the go-go-go of my first!  Such a great list.  Old post, I know, but still.  Great list!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#45 of 48 Old 05-21-2012, 10:44 PM
 
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I think this post should keep going and going, because it is so helpful for mothers of high needs babies.  Ever since mine was born, he has been a full time job in a way none of my friends' babies are.  I mean, they're always a full time job - but there are babies that need the regular kind of constant attention (because they're babies) and there are the ones that need ALL the attention.  Right now.  Or else.  Mine is in the second group.  For the first 4 months of his life, he would have a nuclear meltdown if you even broke eye contact with him, let alone put him down to take a shower. 

 

He came out screeching and didn't stop for at least 4 months.  But it wasn't what most people call colic; he didn't cry for hours and hours.  It was more that he would go from 0 to 60 ("60" being air-raid level screaming) in about one second with no warning signs.  Strangers would come up to me and ask if everything was okay.  Friends repeatedly asked things like "are you sure there's nothing pinching him?  That cry sounds like he's in pain."  Every time we went out in public, someone would make a "nice lungs" comment.  When he was happy, he was smiling and one of the most engaging infants I've ever met.  When he was unhappy, the whole world found out, fast.

 

No hours of peaceful newborn sleeping in my arms.  No sleepy snuggling in a carrier on my chest.  No sweet first bath.  No laying on a playmat for even 5 minutes while I ate/used the bathroom.  No mommy-baby yoga (the very idea of doing that with him still makes me laugh out loud).  I had to wear earplugs a lot of the time - not to drown him out completely (he blasted through earplugs) but to take the edge off the high pitched scream.

 

The last 4 months have been a little quieter, but still not quiet.  He shrieks like a maniac when he is displeased, tired or bored.  At 9 months old he still wakes up 4 times a night to eat. 

 

Hardest of all, he's more demanding with me than my husband or any other caretaker, so I'm not sure others in my life see how high maintenance he is (or they see it, but they're not the ones dealing with the sleep deprivation, so it sort of rolls off of them).

 

I am dealing with it, but some days are really hard.  I compare him to other, more mellow babies and I feel sorry for myself.  Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, when I have a healthy baby and there are people I know whose kids are ill or disabled and others I know who can't conceive.  I'll probably look back and miss this time in my life, etc. etc.

 

Everyone loves him.  He's smart, entertaining and alert.  He has a ridiculous smile.  He's just always awake and always wanting to be played with - always - and I'm tired.  I hired a few hours a week of childcare because I'm so exhausted from being his full time caretaker.

 

I don't want him to be a different person.  I love him.  Sometimes I just want it to be a little quieter.

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#46 of 48 Old 09-12-2013, 08:43 PM
 
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Wow, I am so relieved to read this and know that my 3 year old is only a high need child, (not meant to be taken lightly)! I came across this article as I searched for autistic similarities to her behavior because she is in preschool and her teacher has shared some of her observations with me. I was concerned that she would start displaying more characteristics of a syndrome related to autism or ADHD. She hasn't been screened for this and this would have been my next step. However, I related so much to the stories above, and the description I read in this article than any other research I have done. Since the day she was born I always called her a "high maintenance" baby. She was sure to keep me on my toes. From her non stop hunger, diaper changes, holding, fussiness, and just downright demands, to her short naps, and not handling being left on a crib, swing, or cradle for one minute; it was surely exhausting. I cried 4 times from exhaustion the first couple of months. She woke up every hour to eat at night and woke up to the slightest movement if she napped during the day. Her naps consisted of 10-15 minutes at a time. My oldest would joke about this baby being bipolar because she usually frowned and would hardly react to our smiles and touch. I felt that if she could speak, she would say, if you want my trust, you'll have to earn it! And that's exactly the route I took. As she grew into a toddler she wanted to do things on her own with little to no assistance. She was strong minded and stubborn, focused on a task she was determined to accomplish. She finally learned to walk but rapidly began to run. Running after her was a challenge for her safety. We placed locks up on both doors because my voice meant nothing when I'd tell her to stop. As many parents, I would vent to others but was not understood. I too envied people with "normal" babies. Time has gone, and these 3 years have been years of bonding, discipline, consistency, structure and communication. I remember the first time she allowed me to carry her without fighting me. That was a moment for me. The first time she laid eyes on me, she was 6 months old. She still keeps me very very busy. Her expectations are still there, but she can do some things herself now and she is learning to use her communication skills. She is smart, beautiful and funny! She sleeps better, doesn't fight me for everything, but still frowns and occasionally argues her point firmly the best that she can. She knows her colors, shapes, abc's and counts fairly well. I look forward to the day when I see her all grown up and graduating from school and meets her destiny with a big smile. Maybe she'll say, "Hello World, Here I Come". 

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#47 of 48 Old 09-13-2013, 07:16 AM
 
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Wow, this takes me back! My high needs DD1 is now 3.75. She is still intense and high needs and stubborn and fierce, wow sometimes it is so tough, but also is so awesome. She makes life challenging for her parents that's for sure, but she is such a great kid. And now I have twins, almost 5 months, and what a difference it is to have not-high-needs babies. 2 of them together are much easier than DD1 ever was, so take heart all you moms with high needs babies. It really is HARD, I feel so justified now with twins that are easier OMG, and it really gets better.

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#48 of 48 Old 03-12-2014, 08:57 AM
 
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I love what you wrote. I had a high need baby and what I called the fussiest baby on the planet!!!! He inspired me to create FefisBaby (www.fefisbaby.com) a site solely dedicated to baby soothing solutions (products and information). I would love to have  The 10 Best things about a High Needs Baby posted on our resource center! Please contact me at info@fefisbaby.com. My name is Fernanda and I am the founder of FefisBaby.  Thanks!!!!

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