Do I do something about this- "good family with a little child abuse" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 03:32 AM
 
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So here's an honest question to the posters that are saying to " mind your own business" if it's hearsay. What IF you heard from someone else about serious abuse going on in a family, and later a child died/was injured/etc? I think when it comes to protecting children it's better to be safe than sorry. If I hear of something serious I'm reporting it, even if I didn't see it. Yes, it IS a pain in the butt if it's a false story, but if there is a chance it could save a child from abuse it's worth it. Cps will investigate, and decide what to do. It really baffles me that so many people turn their eyes away from abusive situations like this. Innocent children come first!!!
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#32 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 04:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
So here's an honest question to the posters that are saying to " mind your own business" if it's hearsay. What IF you heard from someone else about serious abuse going on in a family, and later a child died/was injured/etc? I think when it comes to protecting children it's better to be safe than sorry. If I hear of something serious I'm reporting it, even if I didn't see it. Yes, it IS a pain in the butt if it's a false story, but if there is a chance it could save a child from abuse it's worth it. Cps will investigate, and decide what to do. It really baffles me that so many people turn their eyes away from abusive situations like this. Innocent children come first!!!
I totally agree

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#33 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 12:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
So here's an honest question to the posters that are saying to " mind your own business" if it's hearsay. What IF you heard from someone else about serious abuse going on in a family, and later a child died/was injured/etc? I think when it comes to protecting children it's better to be safe than sorry. If I hear of something serious I'm reporting it, even if I didn't see it. Yes, it IS a pain in the butt if it's a false story, but if there is a chance it could save a child from abuse it's worth it. Cps will investigate, and decide what to do. It really baffles me that so many people turn their eyes away from abusive situations like this. Innocent children come first!!!
I agree.

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#34 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
So here's an honest question to the posters that are saying to " mind your own business" if it's hearsay. What IF you heard from someone else about serious abuse going on in a family, and later a child died/was injured/etc? I think when it comes to protecting children it's better to be safe than sorry. If I hear of something serious I'm reporting it, even if I didn't see it. Yes, it IS a pain in the butt if it's a false story, but if there is a chance it could save a child from abuse it's worth it. Cps will investigate, and decide what to do. It really baffles me that so many people turn their eyes away from abusive situations like this. Innocent children come first!!!
I might agree with you if this was hearsay from a reliable source, someone I knew was trustworthy. However, the OP has stated that her source in this case "is not always aware of things mentally." And, since that source is her own mother, she has reason to know that this is the case.

That's why I advised her to go to the pastor (a mandated reporter) and lay the story before him or her. The pastor is probably in a position to make a more objective assessment of one of his congregants than a mentally unstable woman who may be making things up for the sake of drama (or some other reason.) I have read many descriptions of people investigated by CPS because of false or malicious reports. Those experiences sounded like a lot more than "pain in the butts." That's why I would be reluctant to make the call based on hearsay from this particular woman, knowing absolutely nothing personally about the family.
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#35 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 02:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
So here's an honest question to the posters that are saying to " mind your own business" if it's hearsay. What IF you heard from someone else about serious abuse going on in a family, and later a child died/was injured/etc? I think when it comes to protecting children it's better to be safe than sorry. If I hear of something serious I'm reporting it, even if I didn't see it. Yes, it IS a pain in the butt if it's a false story, but if there is a chance it could save a child from abuse it's worth it. Cps will investigate, and decide what to do. It really baffles me that so many people turn their eyes away from abusive situations like this. Innocent children come first!!!
What i dont understand is that if there is so much concern, why not go and knock on this mama's door?

say, "listen, things are being said... I want you to know, I am here to help. If you need a babysitter, someone to help around the house, etc etc"

or see if people in your church community could get together to help her- if she was willing.


It is very possible that this woman could be depressed, isolated, alone and overwhelmed.

First- if social services has been called and found nothing- then she either cleaned up before they got there or there isnt feces and urine everywhere and a goat living in the house.

Second- if she is abusive to the kids, it is absolutely grounds for calling cps...but what I think I was saying is make sure you really trust your mother. If someone called cps on me because of what MY mother had told them, they would be wasting tax dollars. My children are very well cared for.

see it with your own eyes, try to actually help her, or make sure your mom is not exaggerating.

if she is over her head- she needs help , and there are better ways to help than to just make a phone call so you can feel like you DID something without doing anything. like i said, social services have been there before according to the OP.

its sad to me, that in a community, a church community even- people would rather gossip and call cps than attempt to help.

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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#36 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 02:44 PM
 
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Cps will investigate, and decide what to do.
i disagree that in her case CPS is the best way to go. the OP has already said CPS has investigated quite a few times.

i have had CPS called on me. if your child says no i am not scared of my mama, no she takes good care of me, they are not going to further investigate it, esp. if the child does not have bruises.

if she is still continuing then obviously CPS has not helped a great deal.

that is why many of us are saying get the community involved. find out what the mom needs. see what is truly up.

CPS is the absolute last resort. and really CPS is not the answer to everything.

even if one did call CPS, i still think the community needs to be more involved. even if hte mom exaggerates and things are not quite as bad.

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#37 of 40 Old 08-26-2010, 02:46 PM
 
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I agree. I would never report someone without knowing for sure what was going on. I know someone who was falsely accused. Even though the charges were dropped things will never go back to normal.

If you are going to report someone on rumors at least have the decency to knock on their door and say "hey this is what people are saying." And offer to help rather than just tattle.

The whole feces and urine and goat thing.....That hardly sounds logical but if they do have a goat living in there perhaps they are house breaking it or something (is that even possible.) When I was house breaking my dog there was often pee spots and occasionally poo I didn't see right away. She is a sneaky little beastie. ON the other hand I have been in a house where the dog was allowed to poop on the floor and we walked into a room with at least 10 piles. sickest thing ever. And there is no way to sufficiently clean that. SO before I reported anything though I would have to see it for myself.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#38 of 40 Old 08-27-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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2 ideas that have already been stated that I'd like to repeat:

1. Call CPS, maybe call Prevent Child Abuse org in your state, and maybe also look in your phone book for any other child abuse orgs. Tell them all the general situation and explain that you'd like your mom to report since she saw the head being hit with the door and door frame, but your mom has her own history of abuse and won't do it. Ask for advice. You don't have to give ANY identifying information, but someone in one of these places should be able to give you advice about either how to work with your mom on getting an accurate story to CPS or how you can do it yourself.

2. Talk to the Pastor/head Clergyperson of the church. If you're in VT and it's true that VT law says abuse has to be reported, then talk to the head person about this and your concern.

I do also believe in the approach of going to the house yourself and telling the mom you wanted to reach out and see if there's any way you could be helpful to her family, maybe watch the kids once in awhile, or bring food over. But if it's done to gather info with the main purpose of reporting her, that of course feels unfair, as serious as the situation is.

It is absolutely possible for a mother to absolutely adore and love her children, to try her best to be a good mom and strong disciplinarian, AND to cross the line over into clear child abuse. The fact that a mom loves her kids and is trying her best simply does not explain away or excuse actual child abuse, and if she really is slamming her kids heads in doors or there's feces laying around the house, those are serious and she needs help. Some way or another, she and her kids need help.

I admire and respect you for being this concerned, and hope you're able to set some action into play that gets her attention and help if these allegations are really true.
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#39 of 40 Old 08-28-2010, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your support. This has been on my mind alot. I looked into things, and aparently after repeted calls, the state as 2 weeks ago, is coming into her home, givig her child raising help/advice, and she is even getting help with cleaning and some counseling. I am not sure of all the specifics, but atleast something is happening.
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#40 of 40 Old 09-01-2010, 06:25 PM
 
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Very glad you called. Just curious - how did you find out what is going on in her house with the assistance she's getting? And were there any reports on how she seems to be responding, like does she seem to feel like it's helpful or is she really upset or what?

Really I'm mostly just glad you called, but I am curious how it's going and if the Mom is feeling like she understands the concerns, which I know is something you may have no idea about.
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