tips-getting ready for #2? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 18 Old 08-26-2010, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
NewMoonMum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 172
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd love to hear from you all, what things you did to prepare for number 2 that you are so glad you did-and what you wish you had done.
I am due in early nov, DS is 2.5, and I SAH, if any of that helps. Oh, and we just don't have the $ to hire help around the house or anything like that, not unless it cost about $5!!
Here's a few we've done/are doing/will do:

-talking with DS about the baby coming, reading books and the like. Explaining that she'll come live with us. Showing him videos from when he was a baby(especially when he was crying), pointing out babies when we are out.
-He's in a big boy bed and has been since he turned 2. Baby will sleep with us for at least a few months, but we've left the crib in his room-and he understands the crib is for the baby.
-We've had him help with things like shopping for the baby(and bought him a little toy when we got lots of stuff), helping put together the new tandem stroller, and taken it for a test drive. He loved it(it's a Sit n Stand) and we told him we get to use it more when the baby comes.
-We've chosen(but not yet purchased)a train set that will be a present to him from the baby. We figured we'll give it to him soon after we get home with the baby. Obviously, she'll only be around the train set when she's in our arms, so she can't grab up the little pieces.
-DS has had quiet time, on top of naps, since he was a baby, so he can play happily in his room for quite a long time. However, I am expecting he might have a hard time doing so once he sees that the action is in the other room and the baby is getting all the attention. Thoughts?
-Of course, stuff like stocking the freezer with meals and snacks for all of us. We'll be stocking up and labeling his favorite foods for while we are at the hospital.
-He has been potty trained(but not bowel-movement trained yet)since March. We're figuring he might regress-thoughts on this would be great, too.

DH should be home for a couple weeks after the birth, and probably take a few half-days after to help the transition.

I probably missed plenty but that's quite enough for you all to read.
Thanks in advance for reading this and any tips!
NewMoonMum is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 18 Old 08-26-2010, 05:47 PM
 
BarnMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 460
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm in the new baby stage right now with dd at 7 weeks.

My 2 cents:

don't expect baby #2 to be anything like baby #1

don't make any plans for a routine because baby #2 might have their own ideas...lol

will add more later whenI can type with two hands...
BarnMomma is offline  
#3 of 18 Old 08-26-2010, 07:05 PM
 
lara1828's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 393
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We had the friend who was watching ds1 bring him to us at the hospital and we all went home as a family. As soon as we got home, I broke out the presents to ds1 from ds2. It was not necessarily what I wanted to to at that moment, but I swear this brought me weeks of good will.

As far as divided attention, I think this is hard no matter what. My mom came for about a week and ds1 got LOTS of attention from her while baby got only a little. I do think this eased the transition. If your DH won't be novel enough for your little guy, try to get grandma or a favorite aunt or uncle or cousin or someone to come over and pay extra attention to him, especially during the first week. Overall, when ds2 was an infant, I felt like I just carried him around while giving most of my attention to my older one.

Also, thinking a little further down the road for you, have a plan to protect your older child's important projects from a crawling baby. We gated off a room and the little one only went in there with an adult until he had some understanding that projects in progress shouldn't be tampered with.

Good luck with your new baby! It sounds to me like you're being very thoughtful about it and it should go just fine.

Lara
lara1828 is offline  
#4 of 18 Old 08-26-2010, 08:48 PM
 
Norasmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The sunny side of the mountains
Posts: 4,336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Moby wrap and freezing food were my 2 biggies.

What you've done sounds great. Reading books and also taking DD with me to a few appointments were really huge too. She loved hearing the baby's heartbeat, it made it more real for her, she was 3 when her brother was born and we had zero issues.

The transition for us was super easy, DS was just a natural fit and a very easy baby. It was easier than the transition from none to 1.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
Norasmomma is offline  
#5 of 18 Old 08-26-2010, 09:34 PM
 
Learning_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would try and aim for your DS to have quiet time when the baby is napping

DVDs are your friend. Don't feel bad about the increase in TV viewing. It won't be forever.

Maybe have the trainset set up when you come home so your DS will be distracted and you can sort out the baby.

Sit on the floor as often as you can. It makes the older one feel as though you're interacting with them, even if you are a zombie.

Crockpots are awesome.

You will need to get to know this baby. Even though you've already been there and done that with the baby stage you will have to learn exactly what this baby likes. It can make you feel completely incompetent some times!

Your older one will seem really big and there will come a time when your older one does something to your younger one (maybe not even intentionally) but your Mama Bear instincts will flare up and it will make you very confused and sad that you feel like tearing apart your toddler. It is normal though and you won't act on those feelings, so try not to beat yourself up about it.

It's complicated.
Learning_Mum is offline  
#6 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 12:43 AM
 
momasana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
momasana is offline  
#7 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
NewMoonMum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 172
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thank you so much everybody for your helpful replies!!
Keep em coming!!
NewMoonMum is offline  
#8 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 01:11 AM
 
Flower of Bliss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,577
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I set up a drawer in my kitchen and a low shelf in my fridge that I stocked with some of DD1s snacks in single serving sizes - granola bars, cheese sticks, yogurt, little bags of pretzels, fruit strips, etc. It allows her to self serve when I was nursing the baby and such. I had also found that she'd say she was hungry to get me to get up and pay attention to her, so this helped that too.

SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

Flower of Bliss is offline  
#9 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 08:41 AM
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,230
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#10 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 10:13 AM
 
Lucy&Jude'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 257
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey I'm in the same boat as you OP! Except I have a 2 year old daughter who is not potty trained yet but soooo ready. I'm a working mama for 1 more month! And I'm due with a little boy the first week in November.

Yes so ladies please keep all the advice coming!

Mommy to Little Girl, Age 3. Baby Boy, Age 8 months.  caffix.gifnovaxnocirc.gif

Lucy&Jude'sMama is offline  
#11 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 02:04 PM
 
Norasmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The sunny side of the mountains
Posts: 4,336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also wanted to add, you may be surprised by the fact that you as a parent of a newborn are soooooo much more comfortable, I was really amazed at how much more relaxed DH and I were. It was like riding a bike, once you do it you never forget and it's easier than learning from scratch.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
Norasmomma is offline  
#12 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 02:39 PM
 
mommariffic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: the rolling hills, New Jersey
Posts: 1,786
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've got a 3 year old and an 8 week old

The second one is 100x easier!

We had a lot of family paying attention to DD the first week of her brothers birth, and I think that helped. She never felt neglected, and was so psyched to have people running around the house, showering her with tiny little presents. Coloring books, crayons. I would encourage any visitors to bring over a little something for your first just so they feel special. My one friend brought over a beautiful plant to be put in the yard and that was lovely.

Stock up on books. Nursing + reading to my DD = perfect. She loves to be read to, and we can go through a stack of books easily in the time it takes DS to eat.

Get a GREAT baby carrier.

If people ask what they can do to help, ask them to take your other kid to the park or bring over meals.

Let all expectations go for the first 6 weeks. Have a babymoon. Indulge in naps and ask for help and DON'T feel bad about it!

blogging.jpg    fambedsingle2.gif  homebirth.jpg  read.gif  happy momma to DD 8/07 and DS 6/10
mommariffic is offline  
#13 of 18 Old 08-27-2010, 04:06 PM
 
Turtlecouple's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 77
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The second one was 100x harder for me!!! It all depends on the child's temperament. I second the comment by a pp to not expect #2 to be like #1.

There's a lot of excitement when a new baby comes...we talked to DS1 about how exciting it was, but also "downplayed" some of the hype. Everyone was telling him "you're going to have a little brother! now you'll have someone to always play with!" They are now 6 and 3 and only recently have they started playing together nicely. We told him that all babies do for awhile is sleep, eat and poop. Not too exciting to a toddler!
Turtlecouple is offline  
#14 of 18 Old 08-28-2010, 02:48 AM
 
Learning_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turtlecouple View Post
There's a lot of excitement when a new baby comes...we talked to DS1 about how exciting it was, but also "downplayed" some of the hype. Everyone was telling him "you're going to have a little brother! now you'll have someone to always play with!" They are now 6 and 3 and only recently have they started playing together nicely. We told him that all babies do for awhile is sleep, eat and poop. Not too exciting to a toddler!
Oh yeah! I did this too! I pretty much said that the baby would just sleep and poo and cry and that Mama would be really, really tired. Basically I tried to put the worst case senario into his head so when DS2 was born it was better than expected!

It's complicated.
Learning_Mum is offline  
#15 of 18 Old 08-28-2010, 11:24 AM
 
maddymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,041
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think you've got the main ones covered....
I will add: send out an email asking all guests to greet child #1 first, pay attention to and play with child #1, THEN pay attention to the new addition. This helps a ton with jealousy.
If you are having a hospital birth and having child #1 come see you in the hospital, put the baby in the isolette and have the older kid meet the baby that way, not in your arms, etc. Also, stress how nice it is for child to come visit you in the hospital.... lessens jealousy.
crockpots, bread machines, great baby carriers, etc. are life savers.
DD1 didn't have potty regressions, which I thought she would, she sleep regressed big time..... They may show stress in ways that you don't expect.
I'll think of more later....
~maddymama
A
maddymama is offline  
#16 of 18 Old 08-28-2010, 06:08 PM
 
Norasmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The sunny side of the mountains
Posts: 4,336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddymama View Post
If you are having a hospital birth and having child #1 come see you in the hospital, put the baby in the isolette and have the older kid meet the baby that way, not in your arms, etc. Also, stress how nice it is for child to come visit you in the hospital.... lessens jealousy.
IDK, we had DH bring DD in to meet DS while I was in recovery from a c/s, she seemed fine, I think it honestly depends on the child, their personality and how prepared they are for the baby. We had DS out the entire time, but also DD was being showered with gifts and attention from her grandparents too. Dh also brought DD in to see me in recovery, so she could see me. There was never one hint of jealousy.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
Norasmomma is offline  
#17 of 18 Old 08-28-2010, 10:21 PM
 
sarahtdubb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Learning_Mum View Post

Your older one will seem really big and there will come a time when your older one does something to your younger one (maybe not even intentionally) but your Mama Bear instincts will flare up and it will make you very confused and sad that you feel like tearing apart your toddler. It is normal though and you won't act on those feelings, so try not to beat yourself up about it.
YES. My son was 2.5 when my babe, now 6 months, was born. In the first couple months my son sometimes amused himself by hitting her, etc. It seemed more out of curiosity than aggression, but it was very stressful for me. It was the first time I ever felt negative feelings about my son, and it tore me up. But just like Learning Mum said-- you've got to let yourself feel it, not act on it, and move on.

Couple other things-

-not sure what your birth plans are, but i think it helped to have my son actually SEE his sister come out of my body.

-we tried to keep his routine normal after the baby was born-- so dad or MIL took him to storytime, to his friends' houses, etc. He is a very active kid and he would NOT have been into hanging around the house with me all day.

-His favorite pre-baby book was "Are you Ready for Baby, Cornelius P Mudd?" It's funny and emphasizes the "babies just pee, poop, and eat" aspect of things.

-Take advantage of the time to be one-on-one with your toddler. With two it is even harder to get things done---when my baby is asleep I'm always tempted to do dishes, etc., while my son plays alone. But it is so fun when I delay that stuff and just sit down and play with my little guy! or get him to help me cook, etc.

-It will probably be hard at first, but it will get better. When my daughter was born, I cried every day because I missed my little boy. he was my closest companion and suddenly I felt like I barely saw him. I really grieved the loss of our one-on-one time. But his baby sister has been such an incredible blessing for him. They already have such a connection and they are each other's favorite people---it has been WAY worth the difficult first couple months.

Good luck mama!!!!
sarahtdubb is offline  
#18 of 18 Old 08-29-2010, 02:51 AM
 
kayabrink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Toronto or Ile d'Oléron
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewMoonMum View Post

-DS has had quiet time, on top of naps, since he was a baby, so he can play happily in his room for quite a long time. However, I am expecting he might have a hard time doing so once he sees that the action is in the other room and the baby is getting all the attention. Thoughts?
We're in a different situation, since my ds was just a few days shy of six years old when dd was born, but this stood out for me. It wasn't just about ds's feelings, I actually felt guilty sending him to quiet time, since the baby was always with me. I didn't want him to feel... replaced? Because, for the previous six years, he was the one always with me (well, not always but you see what I mean- I even used to let him play/"read" in my bed if I took a nap while pg).
We had a lot of discussion after dd was born about her general incapacity to do... well, anything other than nurse, poop, sleep and cry. And we talked about all the things he COULD do, and that he had to keep doing to keep himself happy/having fun like six year olds can. This helped a lot.
We also talked about how dd would one day be able to do these things, and that watching him play helped her learn how- I encouraged him to talk to her about what he was doing etc (he has adored her since day one, and always wants to play with her etc, though she was useless in the early weeks he still included her in all his imaginary play- she was a baby alien, baby padawan, baby viking...usually, that he had to defend.)
Also, I pointed out that, it was easier for ME to be a happy, fun, activity-doing mama IF dd got to rest, so she would be in a good mood when she was awake, and we could all do fun stuff together. Of course, this relies a lot on your child's feelings of empathy, which at two and a half may be way less defined than at six.
Ds has definitely spent a lot LESS time in his room playing this past year. I would choose which toys came to the living room (QUIET toys); and also when dd was nicely asleep, I made a point of doing stuff with ds alone- reading, playing or drawing quietly. And made sure to get ds out of the house running around a lot- usually with dd in the wrap, sleeping or trying to nurse.
Hope some of this can be of some use.

Kaya (29) + Laume (31) = ds Kanoa (8) and dd Zia (2)

kayabrink is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off