mom's of two under two... How did you handle labor and hopstial stay for number 2? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 23 Old 08-30-2010, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was looking for any tips tricks btdt experiences for handling an older baby when you have a hospital stay + new baby.


I am terrifed to go through all this without my husband, but at the same time, DS has not done any overnights at all. I just don't know how this will work, esp if I wind up having another surgical birth.

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#2 of 23 Old 08-30-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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My in-laws live about 30 minutes away, so when I had DD they came up and DS spent 2 nights with them at our house. We are probably going to do the same thing this time but with our two small ones. DS had not had an overnight before I had DS with my in-laws and he was fine, he does see them every week though and had spent time alone with them.

DD probably won't have an overnight before baby arrives either, but she also sees my in-laws weekly and should be fine especially since her brother is here. On the plus side we live only 5 minutes from the hospital I will be delivering at so if there is an issue DH can quickly make it home and my mother in law can head over to the hospital to hang out with me as needed.

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#3 of 23 Old 08-30-2010, 04:26 PM
 
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My mom stayed with the kids when DS 2 was born- they were in their own beds and had all their toys, so it was less stressful for them.
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#4 of 23 Old 08-30-2010, 04:33 PM
 
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My parents stayed at our place and watched the kids while I gave birth. After that my DH went home and sent my parents home. Both times, it was just one night and the kids did well. Actually my older ones had a harder time then my younger one.
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#5 of 23 Old 08-30-2010, 05:49 PM
 
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My oldest had just turned 2. I was supposed to have a home birth, so had no long term plans for him (a friend took him during the birth). An emergency c-section later, DS ended up with the friend for a day, then another friend a few hours, then BIL took him for 2 days. He had no problems whatsoever. He came into the hospital, saw his new baby sister, looked at her as a curiously strange creature and acted totally neutral - not as if he had missed me or DH at all! And then BIL/SIL joked "OK, go get your shoes, time to go" he ran out to get them - he thought he was leaving with them again! I guess he had had a good time. My suggestion is to give your DC to someone he knows well and feels comfortable with. Then he will have fun and it will be a breeze. Doesn't matter if everything isn't perfectly the way you would have it, all the details are insignificant in the long run. As long as he is comfortable with the people, he will be fine.
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#6 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 03:08 AM
 
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I got a fire lit under my butt about MAKING me develop a plan A-E when my round two turned out to be twins.

We ended up having a couple of my friends/former coworkers care for my toddler when my boys were born somewhat unexpectedly until my MIL could drive up from another state (took her about 4 hours). So we used plan C to tide us over to plan A. Luckily DD was a super easy going toddler (she was 17 months old when the twins were born) so it didn't phase her (and she really loved my friends, who took her to the apartment pool so she was over the moon having the undivided attention of two people AND getting to play in water AND feed the ducks later).

I don't like asking people to do me favors (I'm rather allergic to it actually) but again, that second pregnancy really forced me to be more humble and didn't really give me a choice about actively and proactively seeking out multiple supports. So you have a great leg up just thinking about this now!
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#7 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 08:41 AM
 
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We left DS (16ish mos.) with our across the street neighbors when I went with the twins. They were more than happy to care for him.
But they're the 'third set of grandparents' to our kids, I trust them completely.
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#8 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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My mom came and stayed at our house with our then 19 month old. I was in hospital for 3 days, and DD really surprised me with how well she did. My mom co-slept with her during the night of the delivery, and daddy co-slept with DD the other nights.

DD had never spent the night away from me before, but it went OK anyway.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#9 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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I can't speak from experience (yet! ) but my sister just had her little boy 6 days ago, and her daughter is 19 months.

K was in the hospital for just over 48 hrs. DN's paternal grandparents came a week or so beforehand, and stayed with her at home while K and her DH were in the hospital. DN visited on day 1, while K was in labor, but K didn't want her in the room to see her momma in pain, DN hung out in the parking lot to see her daddy. Our mom was with K the whole time.

DN visited after baby was born on both days.

She handled it pretty well- her routine had been disrupted by weeks of guests and inconsistency, which probably bothered her more than K being away for so long. Yesterday was their first morning on their own with no extra family, and K said it was tough, but nice to start getting on with *their* lives. I think her mother- and father-in-law are there for at least another week, but they've been taking more and longer trips during the day to give them all space.

Doctors aren't out to kill you or your children. Childbirth isn't inherently safe. Science is actually smarter than your intuition. Lighten up. Use sunscreen.

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#10 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 01:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow! all these stories are so heartening!

it seems the people that I know here don't have their husbands stay with them over night-- even if they don't have other kids! I can't stand the thought of being cut open with all those wires staring at the wall all night by myself. I just can't.

I'm lucky in that my parents are very close by. Maybe we'll do a few trial runs before the birth. I'm just so glad that it worked out for so many of you! No horror stories about being called back for an inconsolable child.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#11 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 03:13 PM
 
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dd1 was 21 months old when dd2 was born. dd1 spent two days and one night with grandma and grandpa at their place (they live about 15 minutes from us). they came to see us at the hospital and then grandma and grandpa brought her home a few hours after we got back with dd2. dd1 had never been away from us for night and she did just fine; she had a blast!
i too would not like dh to leave. i knew dd1 was fine; i wanted dh to stay with me and the new baby. but, that's what worked for us.

wife to dh, mama to dd1   june 2007, dd2 march 2009 and dd3 april 2011
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#12 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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My parents came to stay with DS1 at our house, too. It was his very first overnight with someone other than us, and he had a blast! They got to go out for ice cream, and went out for breakfast in the next morning, and to the Dollar Store, where he got to pick out a new toy. He didn't miss us at all. Since my parents live over an hour away, our backup plan had been to leave him with a neighbor. I'm sure that would have worked fine, too, but I'm glad my parents were able to stay with him.
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#13 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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My oldest (now 9) was almost three when our second baby was born. When I went into labor with her, dh, ds and I went to the birth center together. My mom met us there and took him to her house for the rest of the day.

We went home from the birth center the same day, so I didn't have to deal with being away from ds for days. Have you considered going home the same day if you have an uneventful birth?

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13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#14 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 06:05 PM
 
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When my DD was born, DS (who was 1 day shy of 16 months ) had never spent the night away from us either. DS went home with his grandma (my MIL) after he got to meet his sister and we got settled into our room. DD was born at 3:20 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, I went home on Thursday at around 4 - we picked DS up on the way. I couldn't have handled being away from him much longer than that.
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#15 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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Mine are 23 months apart.

I did not want our first night away to be due to a new sibling so we did a practice night away during the second trimester at my parents and another at my sister inlaws during the third trimester, and both times ds co-slept with them part of the night.

We had an extensive call list of folks ds was comfortable with ready to take him, but it worked out so we were able to put ds down for the night in his own bed before we went to the hospital, then my brother in law stayed with him until my mom arrived during the night and she was there when ds woke up to bring him to meet dd and see me. By dinnertime we were home from the hospital

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#16 of 23 Old 08-31-2010, 10:48 PM
 
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I left DD 1 with her regular babysitter from across the street. We probably technically violated post housing by having a 14 year old babysit her overnight in housing, but since she lives across the street and her mother was right there if needed, I wasn't worried. My inlaws drove down from Oklahoma and got there the next evening right before I gave birth to DS and took over with DD1.

DD2, our sitter was out of town when DD2 decided to arrive on Easter Sunday. We took the kids to the hospital with us, met my doula there and DH was about to take them home (we'd been there a little less than an hour) when I started pushing. DD1 and DS were put into the bathroom while I delivered DD2. But, they got to meet her a couple moments later.
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#17 of 23 Old 09-01-2010, 01:56 AM
 
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Mine are 19 months apart and DH was in Iraq when both of them were born. For the youngest, a good friend agreed to keep him while I was laboring and in the hospital. She babysat him every time I had a prenatal appointment so he got used to her house, and we hung out extra often to get him more used to her. It went really well.

SAHM to Ninja Boy (6) surf.gif and Monkey Man (4) carrot.gif.

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#18 of 23 Old 09-01-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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dd1 was 28 months when dd2 was born & had never stayed a night without us. worrying about her being without us was a major focus of my pregnancy & so many diff plans were discussed, but it turned out so well. i was going for a vbac, during flu season (no kids allowed in the hospital AT ALL which was hard for me-i wanted her nearby at all times) & was so scared I would have another c section. but my Dr promised me IF we had another section, she would get me out within 3 days. i got my vbac, but we did end up laboring in the hospital for 29 hours.

my bro/sis in law & their 2 kids live with my mom closer to the hospital than we do. we labored there for awhile & then left her sunday around 4pm (didn't say goodbye or make a big deal of it-which was hard on us but easier on her). we delivered monday at 9:30pm & by the time we were settled, DH was too exhausted & i didn't want him driving to get her & then driving home. (it is really rural & he isn't that familiar at night) He left Tuesday AM to get her & go home & they came back to get me & dd2 the next AM.

While we were both gone, she hardly asked for us. They kept her busy & she had so much fun with her cousins. she asked about me once her & DH were back home & he told her about her baby sister & they colored pics & sent me lots of texts & pics.

The next day, she had to wait in the lobby (flu ban) & when I turned the corner pushing the stroller & saw her I was hysterical & we ran to eachother like out of a movie. I will never forget that moment & the few minutes after while she checked out her baby sister.

It was hard to be away from her (on both of us-DH was crying a couple hours after the baby was born & it was a build up of everything but also because he missed her) but I needed DH with me & dd1 really showed how brave & strong she was...

good luck! its so exciting to be growing the family.

Stephanie~hippie.gifwife to Dov, mama to Ella Irie (9/24/07) & Kaya Raine (2/1/10)~our vbac.gifbaby, born 45 hours after PROM!!!
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#19 of 23 Old 09-15-2010, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momtoTnT View Post
When my DD was born, DS (who was 1 day shy of 16 months ) had never spent the night away from us either. DS went home with his grandma (my MIL) after he got to meet his sister and we got settled into our room. DD was born at 3:20 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, I went home on Thursday at around 4 - we picked DS up on the way. I couldn't have handled being away from him much longer than that.
awww... My kids will be the same gender and ages!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#20 of 23 Old 09-15-2010, 01:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so glad to hear so many good stories! I'm getting used to the idea of having two so close in age, but it's always great to hear btdt stories.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#21 of 23 Old 09-15-2010, 02:32 AM
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Since my first baby was born so close to his due date, we figured the same for the second and flew my MIL out prematurely to stay with us until baby was born. She was there for about a week, I went into labor (just as planned, day before my due date!) at 5:30AM. I labored alone in the quiet house for a while, woke DH at 7:30, woke MIL at 8, DS woke up shortly after, and baby was born at a FSBC at 11:30. We only stayed there 4 hours, but all in all, he hardly spent any time alone with MIL and it was all during the regular day time hours.

We had planned that if we had to bolt in the night that she would just crawl in with him. She took a few naps with him while she was staying with us so that he would be more used to the idea. He hardly missed a beat. He was 23mo.
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#22 of 23 Old 09-15-2010, 06:20 AM
 
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Mine didn't stay overnight with someone.. but I had DD2 when DD1 was 21ish months. I was planning on being there 24 hours, have a friend watch her during labor then DH pick her up afterwards and have her hang out at the hospital with me, go home with DH and then have her come back to pick us up..
Then DD2 ended up in the NICU for 6 days. I stayed the entire day at the hospital and DD1 spent days with 5 different people since no one could watch her for the whole time (which I totally understand). We have no family within the country we live in so having family watch her wasn't possible. DH spent every night with her and my friends or DH brought her over at least once a day to spend some time with me, she ate most dinners with me and she got a chance to nurse.
She adjusted fine. No long term problems although some short term (everyone felt bad for her being away from mommy and gave her whatever she wanted) to work through. She adored her sister, the hardest part of her seeing me at the hospital was she wasn't allowed to take her sister home with her or even see her (the NICU here your kids have to be fully vaxed to go in and DD1 isn't).

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#23 of 23 Old 09-15-2010, 10:03 AM
 
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Our girls are 16 months apart. Our boys are 17 months apart. My parents and my inlaws lived close by when all of our kids were born, and when our forth was born a friend was actually living with. They all did a great job of taking care of the kids while DH and I were at the hospital... when DS 2 was born DH did leave the hospital to drive DD 1 to a birthday party though.

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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