Should I leave my nursing 13.5 mo for a Hawaiian vacation? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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Okay, I missed the trip possibly being only being 2 days (I thought she was talking a week). That might change my answer, depending on the baby and how comfy I felt with the IL's caring for him. Bringing them (the IL's) along for 2 days as well as the baby and 4 yo... I can't really imagine. Flights to Hawaii are expensive!!! I know, b/c we have been pricing them to go for our anniversary. If the tickets are paid for by her DH's work, then I can see going and buying food and whatever else comes up for a couple days. But bringing 4 additional people for a 2-day trip would be a huge waste of money. I probably wouldn't want to go to Hawaii for anything less than a week, TBH, b/c even that isn't long enough. I guess I would consider it since it's pretty much free - but there isn't much you will see or do in that amount of time. At least it would mean only leaving the kids for a couple days, though.

Good luck figuring it out! I went on a business trip with DH to Chicago for a weekend once when we had two kids (our youngest was older than yours, and not nursing or co-sleeping) and I have to say while I don't really regret going, b/c it was a nice experience for DH and I, I worried and missed my kids like crazy! I was in tears the first night when we were sitting in a bar trying to enjoy a night out w/o little ones. I was also pregnant with #3 - so that may have been part of it. My kids were fine; I wasn't really, though.

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#32 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 12:41 PM
 
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I have no idea how long the flight is from the East Coast.

But, a straight flight from Phoenix to Hawaii is about 6 hours in the air. It's not so bad on the way there because your day is suddenly about four hours longer.

Going back isn't so fun. We left at four P.M on a Saturday, and got home at about 5:00 a.m on a Sunday. We just kept flying into the light. It was weird. It was dark, then light in just a few hours. I can't imagine flying any farther east.
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#33 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 12:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ladylove View Post
DH and I have not had any real couple time since DS1 was born, so the trip would really be like a second honeymoon.
I've been on business trips with my DH, and they were NOT like a second honeymoon. He's going on a business trip, which means he will have to go a do things and you will be by yourself.

Sitting by yourself next to a pool with jet lag wondering if you baby is doing OK isn't going to be fun.

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I would be an anxious worried mess. Would he take a bottle? Would he nurse again when I returned? I do NOT want to wean. I know he would be in loving hands, but it would no doubt be emotionally hard on him and the ILs.
This doesn't sound like a fun trip to me at all, and it could end your nursing relationship.

Hawaii will still be there in a few years.

If you guys need some couple time, then get some couple time. You don't need to leave the continent to do that.

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#34 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 12:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OP here.

Thank you all so much.

Let me clarify -DH will have business in Honolulu for one day, so we would get 2 free hotel nights there. We would extend the trip on our own dime for another 5-6 days.

We are leaning towards me not going at all after reading up about what activities we would want to do (not so toddler friendly). It might just be better to save our money for a real trip in a few years when the children are older.

DH feels not really upset, but just disappointed because his coworkers who have taken this trip before leave their toddlers/babies without any hesitation. But, these are kids that are FF, sleep in cribs, and have daycare/nannies and WOHMs. We made these AP choices and feel that it is definitely the right and best choice for us (most of the time), but it feels almost unfair now because for all practical purposes the coworker's kids turn our just fine, too. KWIM?

This has brought up a good revelation that DH and I should try to have more us time. We have done everything as a family for the last 4 years and have loved it, but this Hawaii trip will likely never come up again.
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#35 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ladylove View Post

This has brought up a good revelation that DH and I should try to have more us time. We have done everything as a family for the last 4 years and have loved it, but this Hawaii trip will likely never come up again.
OK.. Maybe not Hawaii... but, what about waiting and saving for one year, and going next February (when it's cold and miserable there) to some place closer to where you live? You could start planning now, and have something to look forward to. I'd even consider leaving the kids for a week with Grandma so you guys can have a wonderful romantic vacation together. That's over a year away, so both boys will love spending time with grandma and have a little vacation of their own.
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#36 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 01:12 PM
 
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Oh, so it was going to be a week long trip. If that's the case, I would still consider going and bringing the baby. The hotels often having babysitting services - or private nannies that will come to your room. Then you and your DH could still do some of the non-toddler friendly activities. Maybe not as many as he is hoping for. Then if your LO was unhappy - you'd be 15 minutes away. To me, that would be better than missing it all together. The alternative is your DH going by himself and you being home with two kids alone.

I guess it depends on what people look forward to with a trip to somewhere like Hawaii. When we went and DD was 11 months old, we didn't have any desire to snorkel or even fly to other islands (though, we could have taken her). We like sight-seeing, eating tons of yummy food, exotic drinks, laying on the beach, shopping, going to Luau's, enjoying the Polynesian culture, dinner on a ship watching whales, tourist-y things like Diamond head, Pearl Harbor, china town and downtown Honolulu. We found plenty to do with a LO along with us. When we go back alone - we still likely won't be scuba diving - but I guess that's just us and what we invision our trip to be like.

But you never know - you can plan for a Hawaii trip on your own terms in the years to come. It's what we are doing - and as our kids have gotten older, we feel more comfy leaving them for a week with grandma (DD who went to Hawaii with us as a baby will be 11 when we go back).

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#37 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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I know a mom who left her full-time nursing 8-month old for a weekend off. Everyone was fine and she's glad she did. *I*, OTOH, would not have been able to, and I would have been too worried to have fun. This is going to depend a lot on what YOU can handle.

ETA: Oh, for a week...I'd take the baby.
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#38 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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Personally? You take both or neither.
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#39 of 47 Old 09-07-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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one of my friends has her mil stay with the kids for one night and one day and they go to the local b&b and spend the day and night together. we have v. pretty b&b in a v. pretty area in our very own city.

otherwise yeah i would take time off when baby is happiest. like saturday mornings.

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#40 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 12:07 AM
 
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Is there any way your little one could have a visit or two with the ILs before you'd go? I left for 5 days when my DS was a 15mo nursling and it went really well. He was only nursing once at night then, and we didn't co-sleep, but maybe your ILs would be willing to snuggle in bed with your little one for a few nights anyway?

I guess with having 2 kids and it really being an amazing opportunity for a really nice, cheap romantic holiday I'd say go for it. You can record little daily messages on the webcam, write little postcards to the kids, read them a book on the webcam, give them a little "mama loves you" present before you go, etc. It might be a little tough for your baby, but they will have their older sibling there and they will be at home.

My DS didn't do bottles but I pumped and dumped. My supply did take a hit, but I wasn't religious about pumping. AND my supply came back up when he nursed more again when I was home (and I used it as a great opportunity to nightwean - he was used to not nursing at night when I got back so I just kept at that and he didn't get particularly upset).

IF you really wouldn't be able to let go and have fun without your baby then I'd say take the baby and let your older child have a fun week with the grandparents. They'll have a GREAT time and so will you. It is SOOOOOOO much easier to have just one kid it will still seem like a vacation. And hey, it gives the little one some "only child" time that has never happened before too.

So I say GO, HAVE FUN. Do it with OR without baby - it'll be an awesome trip.

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#41 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 08:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Is there any way your little one could have a visit or two with the ILs before you'd go?
No, they are a 14 hr drive away.


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My DS didn't do bottles but I pumped and dumped. My supply did take a hit, but I wasn't religious about pumping.
This is what I'm worried about. He nurses on-demand throughout the day, sometimes going several hours but other times more frequently.

We still haven't decided, but I think the only valid options for us right now or to take DS2 with us and not do as many strenuous activities or for me to not go at all. If I didn't go, then DH might stay an extra 2 days.

If only this opportunity had come along in 6-9 months, then the decision would be so much easier.
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#42 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 09:14 AM
 
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I have to say, I'm thinking a lot about your older child here. Maybe he's not sensitive to things like this, but at that age I would have been extremely resentful that my baby sibling got to go on an exotic vacation like that. Whether or not he would actually remember enjoy it or remember any of it wouldn't have been relevant. Even if I had no concept of what or where Hawaii was, I would later, you know? And seeing pictures of everyone else having fun without me would make me really jealous.

But, you know your child better than anyone else, so maybe that wouldn't be an issue. I just wanted to bring that up in case you hadn't considered it.

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#43 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 09:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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As for DS1, he would be so excited to spend time with his grandparents and I'm sure he would be upset when he got older and realized we went to Hawaii without him. He went on a really cool trip when he was a baby and obviously DS2 did not, so I think both boys will just have to live with the seemingly unfairness of it all.

In any regard, we decided that I won't be going. I just can't leave the baby and I don't want to take the risk that our nursing relationship would be compromised.

Thanks everyone for your input. We read every post carefully and really appreciated everyone's thoughts.
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#44 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 09:47 AM
 
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Some ideas here:
If DS1 grows up understanding nursing, he will also understand why the younger had to go with on the trip!
If there are going to be disagreements among the siblings and/or resentments it could conceivably go the other way "you got to be with gp's for a whole week and I never had that". But there are going to be those types of things anyway.

OP, do you want to go? That's the question. You seemed excited! Why not go? Many of the active things there are to do can be done with a l.o., and if they're too heinous, it's probably good to only have one parent doing them at a time anyway!

Does DH want your company on the trip? Maybe it's not the ideal romantic getaway at this point but in another couple of years when you might be all.done.with.nursing and try to get away for a week only to come back to a happy latcher-oner, it might be great! (not that I've btdt or anything)

Me? I'd do it, especially if the future travel opportunities seem bleak. Four years of nursiemommy gives you the skill to take a nursling anywhere, doesn't it? If you wonder ahead and think "huh, I'm going to be so bummed" then I think your decision is made!

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#45 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 10:41 AM
 
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In any regard, we decided that I won't be going. I just can't leave the baby and I don't want to take the risk that our nursing relationship would be compromised.
I think you're making the right choice.

I hope you guys plan a wonderful vacation as a family that you can all enjoy, and that you and your DH start finding ways to spend more time together as a couple.

Sometimes we feel like a window of opportunity is the only one that will ever come along, but I don't think that's true. More windows come along later.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#46 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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If you decide to leave DS, you need to make peace with the possibility of weaning. My sister went on a trip without her 12 mo old baby for a week, intending to nurse when she got home (we are HUGE on nursing and since their BF relationship was so great she thought they could just pick it back up.) Did not work and she was devastated.

If it were me, no question I would take him. We traveled across country with all 3 kids when our youngest was 14 mo. He did just fine with the travel. You can talk to your doc about medication for air sickness if needed (would probably make him sleepy on the plane.) Nursing baby on the plane makes things go smoothly.
But he also may not wean - my ds went for a week with his dad at 19mo and picked nursing right back up after he came home. I was SO worried, and it was no big deal.
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#47 of 47 Old 09-08-2010, 01:02 PM
 
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I wouldn't, but my DS flips out when I leave the room to put something in the hamper. My Dd was the same. I would miss them too much too at that age and would be worried the whole time. I simply couldn't do it, even though I would like to!

I would consider it if I had a different kid who took bottles and slept (well, or at all, really- haha) decently without me. But I don't, and never have, so I can't imagine it.

I hope you're OK with your decision and don't feel like you're missing out on too much. Can you and DH get away for a night or two?

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