Intact at Daycare - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Intactivist mama here seeking suggestions, insight.

I am currently searching for part time childcare options for my nearly 2 year old. I am shocked (kind of?) to find out that even with the decrease of circumcisions being performed childcare providers are not up to date on how to care for an intact penis and have actual...ly been retracting during diaper changes.

Besides having a plan to put together some sort of educational resources for the childcare centers in my community, I am stressing out about leaving my son with people uneducated about it or who strongly believe in RIC. Obviously I will do I what I can to inform, but what about break and substitute care providers? I've considered educating and then following up with writing "Do NOT Retract" on all of his diapers.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this experience. Please share your insights and ideas with this concerned mama!

TIA!!
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#2 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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I am very surprised to hear that a DCP who handle a charge's penis beyond the length of time it takes to run a baby wipe over it quickly. I used to work at a preschool and if one of us ever took enough time to retract a boy it would have looked very suspicious. With the amount of sexual abuse scandals going around I'm really shocked that daycares would expose themselves to so much liability.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#3 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 05:09 PM
 
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I think many people won't even know what you mean if they see "Do not retract" on a diaper. What you can do is just tell anyone who'll be working with his age group that his doctor says it's important not to fool with the foreskin on his penis, just to wipe it like you would normally.

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#4 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 05:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by angelpie545 View Post
I am very surprised to hear that a DCP who handle a charge's penis beyond the length of time it takes to run a baby wipe over it quickly. I used to work at a preschool and if one of us ever took enough time to retract a boy it would have looked very suspicious. With the amount of sexual abuse scandals going around I'm really shocked that daycares would expose themselves to so much liability.
This!

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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#5 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So far I have talked to one that argued with me saying to not retract is unhygenic and another who didn't know what foreskin was...
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#6 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 06:21 PM
 
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I would be very surprised if a provider WOULD retract the foreskin.

I have been doing childcare since the early 80s. I have had hundreds of uncircumcised boys and never once did it cross my mind to retract the foreskin. (and I didn't know you were not supposed to either)

There's no reason to. I suppose if he had a very messy diaper, and the mess managed to somehow find it's way into the foreskin, a provider might feel like she needs to retract it a bit to wipe it. But, I highly doubt that would happen.

Maybe I'm missing out on the reason a provider WOULD retract the foreskin.
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#7 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't really think I would have to address is either.

I also have worked in child care in the past with intact children and retraction never occured to me. Since having my son though, a couple well intentioned people have tried to inform me that I should be retracting. Realizing this was some people's view I have brought it up with potential child care providers.

Every single one of the maybe ten I have talked to has said that they believed they should be retracting and wiping and the three I encountered who have actually cared for intact children said this is what they have done with them.
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#8 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 07:04 PM
 
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The only person to ever retract my son was his daycare provider.

When interviewing daycare providers we asked if she knew how to care for an intact penis. She said she did and that she had previous intact children in her care. I failed to ask her HOW she cared for an intact penis.

One day I came in and she thought he looked a little red and irritated and went to show me where. She retracted his foreskin to show me how it looked a bit irritated in there. I stared at her dumbfounded and told her not to retract his foreskin. She swears that she had a past child who had to be circumcised later due to an infection and that the parents had blamed her for the infection from not retracting and cleaning. I simply told her that our doctor does not recommend retracting and that I wanted to be clear that she shouldn't retract again. It wasn't real long after that that I changed daycare providers to someone who actually knew how to care for an intact penis.

So, yes I can see where the OP is concerned. Daycare providers are just as likely to have gotten misinformation in the past as anyone else.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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#9 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 07:13 PM
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I would absolutely be sure to educate all people who could possibly be caring for your child about not retracting, and very specifically what that means. I would want them to take it seriously, and I would want them to be ready to pass along the info if a new teacher or sub or someone was suddenly there. I have heard way too many stories of people retracting or even "just a little" that it seems like a real risk. It's very possible a care provider could do this. My mom is a care provider and knows the right way, but that doesn't change the fact that plenty of people still believe that you retract babies to clean them.
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#10 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 07:16 PM
 
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Can you get a doctor's note? You said you'd already talked to some that had bad (or no) information... An official doctor's note can go a long way!

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#11 of 15 Old 09-14-2010, 09:48 PM
 
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OH MY!! I am in childcare, in a very no-circ town, it would not even occur to me to retract. My son is not circed. PLEASE EDUCATE!! If you can.

Mama to Q (9/03) and M (12/06) :
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#12 of 15 Old 09-15-2010, 04:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all...

I called our ped today who was shocked and will be contacting their other intact patient's parents to bring up the concern with so many care providers not being educated. She suggested a drs note as well. I also got a poster from an intactivist group and will be delivering it to my nearby child care providers.

Please wish me luck in my search. I have come across TWO licensed child care owners who actually said they didn't understand what the word foreskin was or what it meant not to be circumcised.
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#13 of 15 Old 09-19-2010, 07:17 PM
 
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I ran into this problem, too. Ds's daycare providers looked at me like I had just sprouted five more heads when I informed them that he was intact. (They didn't even know what that meant. I had to translate and say NOT circumsized.) Then I had to go on to explain, in detail, what that meant and emphasized many, many times to never do ANYTHING. Even if he poops. Even if he poops a lot. Even if he had diarrhea. And so on. They were just at a loss having never, ever dealt with an intact penis before.Luckily, I worked there so I was sure to educate every single person he'd come into contact with.

I really believe it's just a regional thing. I live in the midwest and even though the rates in our city are going down for circumcision, it's still the norm and I've encountered so many caregivers who just have no clue.
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#14 of 15 Old 09-20-2010, 12:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama&T View Post
Please wish me luck in my search. I have come across TWO licensed child care owners who actually said they didn't understand what the word foreskin was or what it meant not to be circumcised.
That is so sad! What part of the country are you in? (I'm afraid you're going to say mine. )

Good luck! Hopefully you can at least find someone who's open to being taught how to care for him.

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#15 of 15 Old 09-20-2010, 10:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I have been doing childcare since the early 80s. I have had hundreds of uncircumcised boys and never once did it cross my mind to retract the foreskin. (and I didn't know you were not supposed to either)

There's no reason to. I suppose if he had a very messy diaper, and the mess managed to somehow find it's way into the foreskin, a provider might feel like she needs to retract it a bit to wipe it. But, I highly doubt that would happen.

Maybe I'm missing out on the reason a provider WOULD retract the foreskin.
Same here. Even before I knew not to, it never occurred to me to actually do it.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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