ok to slap? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
1  2
Parenting > ok to slap?
mrsdewees's Avatar mrsdewees 11:38 AM 09-19-2010
This would not be okay with me AT ALL. EVER. My 4-year-old has been in ATA taekwondo for almost 6 months now - and they explain to them every day they're not allowed to hit someone. Until they get older and learn how to identify when self-defense is needed. I put her in karate because she has attention issues and someone told me it'd be great for implementing that discipline. Also, she's not in school - so I wanted her to get some socialization. That being said, they never ever raise a hand to strike a child.

CarrieMF's Avatar CarrieMF 02:12 PM 09-19-2010
Quote:
Is it still a slap if it doesn't hurt or is it a tap on the cheek? is that automatically bad because he is touching their face.
no way should they be touching the kids faces at all. That is not appropriate. If they need to "touch" to get attention a tap or hand on the shoulder is all that is needed.
Lillian J's Avatar Lillian J 08:19 PM 09-19-2010
I've witnessed a lot of children's martial arts classes, and I think any of those teachers would be shocked by the idea of a slap, painful or not, or by making children with push-ups or anything else. None of that is acceptable or necessary. The way a teacher conducts himself/herself and connects with the students is what should be capturing attention, and I've seen a number of different teachers pull it off just fine with no reason for any of that sort of behavior. Lillian
bnhmama's Avatar bnhmama 08:21 PM 09-19-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillian J View Post
Much of what a good martial art teacher should be demonstrating/modeling is a respectful, centered, grounded, and dignified demeanor which automatically elicits attention and mutual respect. To slap someone - especially a student, and a smaller person - even symbolically, is not in keeping with any of that. - Lilian
This.

My ds has been taking Taekwondo for the past year and half. This would NEVER be acceptable to me OR to his instructors, one of which is a master. That's not what martial arts is about at ALL.

I know it's not THIS awful but is anyone else picturing the mean instructor from the original Karate Kid? I can totally see him slapping someone.
lilyka's Avatar lilyka 08:51 PM 09-19-2010
I am still not picturing a slap across the face but more of a tap on the cheek.
CarrieMF's Avatar CarrieMF 11:51 PM 09-19-2010
Quote:
or by making children with push-ups or anything else. None of that is acceptable or necessary.
At our Judo club they do pushups if verbal talkings don't work. However they also do pushups as part of their training to increase their upper body strength for fighting.

Quote:
I am still not picturing a slap across the face but more of a tap on the cheek.
please explain in what situations an instructor should be touching the face of a student? Unless there is an injury there is no need for it. Is a tap on the hand of an 18month old okay if it doesn't hurt? most people would be all over someone for that. The face is NOT OKAY, in fact it is illegal in alot of places whether it hurts or not. Here if the student is under 12 an instructor tapping the face could be charged with assault of a minor. Would you be okay with a school teacher tapping your child's face to get their attention?
Evan&Anna's_Mom's Avatar Evan&Anna's_Mom 12:53 PM 09-20-2010
As described I think this is totally unacceptable. My DS takes karate and I can see some alternative actions that might be described in a similar way. For example, if they are practicing blocks and not doing them correctly, his teacher's hand will connect with DS's body -- to show that the block was ineffective. It doesn't hurt (really no more than a touch) but I suppose it could be described as a slap by some. So are we taking about during a practice sparring match with the teacher or during some other part of the class? Specifically for not paying attention or because the block isn't correct? And a beginning child or one of advanced rank who should know the technique they are working on?
lilyka's Avatar lilyka 03:32 PM 09-20-2010
yes I would be ok with someone tapping my childs cheek, and more importantly mine, so long as it did not hurt. A light touch to the face would make me look up, establish eye contact and then allow them to continue. I see no difference in a touch to the face or arm. It is ok if someone touches my child on the face. And i would be fine with someone tapping my baby's hand. Its not punitive or harmful in anyway. but like I said. We are touchers in this house.

But my opinion is not really important. If you are uncomfortable with the instructor for any reason find another place. TKD is far too expensive to go somewhere you are not 100% satisfied with.
journeymom's Avatar journeymom 02:22 AM 09-28-2010
No, not acceptable. Like someone else mentioned, that's undignified.
Bluegoat's Avatar Bluegoat 01:50 PM 09-28-2010
What is described doesn't sound slap-like to me, so I find it hard to make a judgement. I am not particularly against all physical contact as much as many here seem to be.

But why not ask? You never know. A mom sitting next to me at dd's ballet class on Saturday was up in arms because her daughter got told to sit out when she was fooling around with some other girls, and then got in trouble for swinging on the barre. Well, they know touching the barre is off limits, and as it turns out the girl was licking the mirror, which is why she got told to sit out. It isn't always clear how things work in a big class where you don't know everything that has gone on.
journeymom's Avatar journeymom 02:30 PM 09-28-2010
But even for licking a mirror it's not OK to slap a child. Or tap a child on the face. Whatever.

I think it's context. A teacher tapping a child on the face to get their attention turns the atmosphere into something totally different.

My son is 11 y.o. and is in taekwondo. There is one student who is constantly wiggling, out of focus, looking anywhere but at the teacher, belt falling off. He even wanders off sometimes and brings things up out of the blue, and this is a place where it's pretty hard to do anything but focus on what's going on at the front of the class. He obviously has extreme attention deficiencies. The teachers never do more than firmly call his name and tell him to get back on track. And they frequently have to repeat. That's the way it is.

Seriously, they have this boy for 45 minutes 2 or 3 times a week at most. They can manage to get him back on track without hitting him, no matter how light the hit is.
CarrieMF's Avatar CarrieMF 03:56 PM 09-28-2010
Quote:
yes I would be ok with someone tapping my childs cheek, and more importantly mine, so long as it did not hurt. A light touch to the face would make me look up, establish eye contact and then allow them to continue. I see no difference in a touch to the face or arm. It is ok if someone touches my child on the face.
honestly, you being okay with someone touching your child's face(or your own) is rare and the majority of the population would not agree with you.

Quote:
What is described doesn't sound slap-like to me, so I find it hard to make a judgement. I am not particularly against all physical contact as much as many here seem to be.
I don't think the OP has come back & really described what exactly was the "slap".
1  2

Up