For those mother's who [ahem] tend their personal topiary - Mothering Forums
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Parenting > For those mother's who [ahem] tend their personal topiary
katelove's Avatar katelove 09:12 AM 09-21-2010
Believe it or not, this is actually a parenting question but I wasn't sure where it belonged so, mods, please move if necessary.

There's always something to worry about as a parent isn't there? I had my first post-pregnancy bikini wax today. I don't get a brazillian but it certainly doesn't look natural.

So it occured to me tonight that maybe I should stop waxing/clipping when J gets a bit older. I don't mind if she wants to wax when she gets older but I want her to have a healthy perception of what a normal adult woman looks like too. I think this is just as important for boys too.

What have other mothers done?

mrspineau's Avatar mrspineau 09:32 AM 09-21-2010
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.
~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 09:41 AM 09-21-2010
I agree. I can remember begining to shave that area when i hit my teen years, and it had nothing to do with what my mother did. And we did/do have a very open relationship in term of our bodies, and she NEVER did any grooming "down there". So honestly, I think it can be just as healthy for a daughter (or son) to know we can change things if we want to. Its all a matter of preferance.
StephandOwen's Avatar StephandOwen 10:07 AM 09-21-2010
To be honest- I don't ever remember seeing my mom "down there" and have no idea what kind of maintenance she does

In other words.... if I have a girl I will continue on with what I do now and not worry about it
WindyCityMom's Avatar WindyCityMom 10:17 AM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspineau View Post
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.
I'd also mention to the child that such grooming is not necessary for all women

I do groom from time to time when things get uh... out of hand BUT I don't wax or any of that.
Jaxinator's Avatar Jaxinator 10:33 AM 09-21-2010
My mom never really taught me anything about any sort of personal grooming, she didn't do hair, makeup, she did teach me how to shave my legs, but yeah, not much at all. I had to figure it all out on my own, and didn't really feel all that comfortable with talking to her about it. And honestly, by the time I figured some of it out I was already rather embarrassed. (FTR, I love my mom to pieces and don't hold this against her, she's just not a girly person and I am) Because of this if I have a girl I would completely continue to do whatever I already do, and try to teach her that she can be however she wants, but if she wants helps with anything, I'm there to show her. (well not show her *everything*, you all know what I'm getting at)
lilyka's Avatar lilyka 10:39 AM 09-21-2010
I would continue doing what you do. Grooming is natural. I do a little of this and a little of that as it strikes me to do it. I want my dds to know that they have options. To wear crazy make up, natural make up or no make up. to have crazy hair color, natural hair color or their hair color. To shave it all, to shave parts or to shave nothing. I do NOT encourage permanent changes of any sort but little temporary ones....sure, why not. Our bodies are a canvas. Especially our hair which grows back in a few days.
~Boudicca~'s Avatar ~Boudicca~ 10:41 AM 09-21-2010
Best. Thread Title. Ever.
lynsage's Avatar lynsage 10:47 AM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ View Post
Best. Thread Title. Ever.


Also, I think you should continue to do whatever you choose. A shaved and clipped personal topiary is no less representative of a healthy, normal adult woman than a wild and tangling personal rosebush. They're both appropriate choices that normal adult women make.

My DD has seen my entire person (except my head) in different states of shaved and unshaven, and has never commented. If she asks when she gets older, I'll tell her that I do it when I feel like it and don't when I don't, and it's her landscaping choice to make.
The4OfUs's Avatar The4OfUs 10:54 AM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ View Post
Best. Thread Title. Ever.


Also, I think you should continue to do whatever you choose. A shaved and clipped personal topiary is no less representative of a healthy, normal adult woman than a wild and tangling personal rosebush. They're both appropriate choices that normal adult women make.

My DD has seen my entire person (except my head) in different states of shaved and unshaven, and has never commented. If she asks when she gets older, I'll tell her that I do it when I feel like it and don't when I don't, and it's her landscaping choice to make.
Best quote and followup post ever.

And I totally agree. Also loved lilyka's post, too.
Lady Lilya's Avatar Lady Lilya 10:59 AM 09-21-2010
Yeah, I like the idea of presenting it as her choice. In her control to decide how to style her pubic hair, just like she can choose what style of clothing etc. Let it be empowering.
Caneel's Avatar Caneel 11:19 AM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
Best quote and followup post ever.

And I totally agree. Also loved lilyka's post, too.
Absolutely!

My mom was 100% natural for most of my life. She didn't shave, at all, anywhere and had tons of black hair on her legs, armpits and, as lynsage so wonderfully describes it, her wild and tangling personal rosebush.

I am more middle of the garden by personal perference. I can't say my mom's choices influenced me in any way at all.
mamalisa's Avatar mamalisa 11:20 AM 09-21-2010
I agree. It's all normal, it's all good and it's just about what you prefer.

My dd doesn't understand why I don't wear sparkles and a tutu most days like she does, I'm certain she won't understand my personal grooming choices and just come up with her own like she does for everything else.
MJB's Avatar MJB 11:59 AM 09-21-2010
My boys have both seen it both ways and have never mentioned it. I shave it all once every couple months then let it go until it starts to get out of control.
My daughter is only 2 months old but hopefully she will feel free to do whatever she likes with her body hair.
I didn't shave anything as a teenager/young adult and my mom was very much of the belief that I should.
~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 12:06 PM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post
My dd doesn't understand why I don't wear sparkles and a tutu most days like she does,

MammaG's Avatar MammaG 12:14 PM 09-21-2010
I would also advise doing what you do and be orepared to support her in whatever she decides, too.

My mother STILL tells me I 'should't' shave above the knee and STILL acts surprised that I have very visible, dark hair near my bikini line. She refers to it as my 'hair problem'. She's very fair and apparently hasn't noticed that most of the rest of the world's population is not. Still bugs me and I'm nearly 40. I'd prefer to go au natural, but I have a nagging worry about my 'hair problem', so I shave my legs and underarms(OK, going au natural in my case would certainly be a statement as I have very fair skin and very dark hair....there would be no peach-fuzzy middle road for me!).

So....what you do may not sway your daughter, but what you say and the respect you show her will certainly affect her, so I'd just supply her with with support and supplies and possibly some company as she gets older and tries out new looks.
Marsupialmom's Avatar Marsupialmom 12:38 PM 09-21-2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.
rightkindofme's Avatar rightkindofme 01:26 PM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.
The things I miss because I don't have tv. That's awesome.

Yeah, I'm very different from my mom and it's been fine. I'm not going to sweat it.
Sfcmama's Avatar Sfcmama 01:58 PM 09-21-2010
Such a good topic!!! My other mama friends and I were just debating this. The conclusion I've come to is that brazilians (which i havent gotten since our honeymoon) may send a message of "hair is bad" but that trimming can be discussed without shaming our naturalness.
~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 02:03 PM 09-21-2010
This thread actually reminded me to make an appt.
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride 02:14 PM 09-21-2010
I groom the way I do, because that'st the way I prefer myself. I already know I dislike the way it feels when it's all grown out, so I won't do that. I also don't think it would be sending my dds a healthy message if I were to groom in a way that makes me uncomfortable, in order to send someone else (even my children) a message. No - I wouldn't overtly tell them that I was growing it out to show them what a normal woman looks like, but you never know what kids will or won't pick up. I suspect they'd get the message (overheard mutters in the bathroom, etc.) that I really disliked the hair, which would definitely have dd1, at least, wondering why on earth I kept it.
confustication's Avatar confustication 02:18 PM 09-21-2010
Oh my gosh-

My daughter asks occasionally about shaving etc (mostly because I haven't had the ambition to care lately and I have hairy legs.) I just tell her that just like DH has facial hair sometimes, and doesn't other time, we can all shave or not shave our bodies as we wish.

And uh- not I have an irresistible urge to dance and sing about mowing the lawn....
Sharlla's Avatar Sharlla 02:19 PM 09-21-2010
my mom always had a full bush which i thought looked odd because i didnt have hair down there. i prefer to be bare and have for 10 years
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Norasmomma's Avatar Norasmomma 02:26 PM 09-21-2010
My DD knows I shave my legs, armpits, and trim down under. I have told her it's a choice that I make, but not everyone does, in fact my BFF doesn't shave, so DD sees hairy underarms and legs on her(and her hair is dark).

My mom and I have always had different grooming choices, I curl my eyelashes, wear make-up, scrunch my hair with gel. My mom curls her hair then brushes it, she STILL wants to brush my hair and I'm in my mid 30's. Get over it mom
journeymom's Avatar journeymom 02:26 PM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspineau View Post
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.
This exactly. Though I'd add 'a part of grooming that SOME women do when they're older.'

Quote:
Originally Posted by MammaG View Post
So....what you do may not sway your daughter, but what you say and the respect you show her will certainly affect her, so I'd just supply her with with support and supplies and possibly some company as she gets older and tries out new looks.
Well said!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM Had to share. This was so funny.

Mackenzie's Avatar Mackenzie 02:39 PM 09-21-2010
My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)
Mackenzie's Avatar Mackenzie 02:42 PM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
This exactly. Though I'd add 'a part of grooming that SOME women do when they're older.'



Well said!




And THAT just got shared with Facebook...
Drummer's Wife's Avatar Drummer's Wife 02:43 PM 09-21-2010
I wouldn't even worry about it.
Drummer's Wife's Avatar Drummer's Wife 02:44 PM 09-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mackenzie View Post
My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)

fabulous.
hildare's Avatar hildare 03:00 PM 09-21-2010
you mean you have time to groom yourself when you're a mama? oh my god, am i ever doing something wrong!
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