For those mother's who [ahem] tend their personal topiary - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 08:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Believe it or not, this is actually a parenting question but I wasn't sure where it belonged so, mods, please move if necessary.

There's always something to worry about as a parent isn't there? I had my first post-pregnancy bikini wax today. I don't get a brazillian but it certainly doesn't look natural.

So it occured to me tonight that maybe I should stop waxing/clipping when J gets a bit older. I don't mind if she wants to wax when she gets older but I want her to have a healthy perception of what a normal adult woman looks like too. I think this is just as important for boys too.

What have other mothers done?

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#2 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 08:32 AM
 
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I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.
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#3 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 08:41 AM
 
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I agree. I can remember begining to shave that area when i hit my teen years, and it had nothing to do with what my mother did. And we did/do have a very open relationship in term of our bodies, and she NEVER did any grooming "down there". So honestly, I think it can be just as healthy for a daughter (or son) to know we can change things if we want to. Its all a matter of preferance.
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#4 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:07 AM
 
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To be honest- I don't ever remember seeing my mom "down there" and have no idea what kind of maintenance she does

In other words.... if I have a girl I will continue on with what I do now and not worry about it

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#5 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mrspineau View Post
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.
I'd also mention to the child that such grooming is not necessary for all women

I do groom from time to time when things get uh... out of hand BUT I don't wax or any of that.

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#6 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:33 AM
 
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My mom never really taught me anything about any sort of personal grooming, she didn't do hair, makeup, she did teach me how to shave my legs, but yeah, not much at all. I had to figure it all out on my own, and didn't really feel all that comfortable with talking to her about it. And honestly, by the time I figured some of it out I was already rather embarrassed. (FTR, I love my mom to pieces and don't hold this against her, she's just not a girly person and I am) Because of this if I have a girl I would completely continue to do whatever I already do, and try to teach her that she can be however she wants, but if she wants helps with anything, I'm there to show her. (well not show her *everything*, you all know what I'm getting at)
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#7 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:39 AM
 
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I would continue doing what you do. Grooming is natural. I do a little of this and a little of that as it strikes me to do it. I want my dds to know that they have options. To wear crazy make up, natural make up or no make up. to have crazy hair color, natural hair color or their hair color. To shave it all, to shave parts or to shave nothing. I do NOT encourage permanent changes of any sort but little temporary ones....sure, why not. Our bodies are a canvas. Especially our hair which grows back in a few days.

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#8 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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Best. Thread Title. Ever.
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#9 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:47 AM
 
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Best. Thread Title. Ever.


Also, I think you should continue to do whatever you choose. A shaved and clipped personal topiary is no less representative of a healthy, normal adult woman than a wild and tangling personal rosebush. They're both appropriate choices that normal adult women make.

My DD has seen my entire person (except my head) in different states of shaved and unshaven, and has never commented. If she asks when she gets older, I'll tell her that I do it when I feel like it and don't when I don't, and it's her landscaping choice to make.
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#10 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ View Post
Best. Thread Title. Ever.


Also, I think you should continue to do whatever you choose. A shaved and clipped personal topiary is no less representative of a healthy, normal adult woman than a wild and tangling personal rosebush. They're both appropriate choices that normal adult women make.

My DD has seen my entire person (except my head) in different states of shaved and unshaven, and has never commented. If she asks when she gets older, I'll tell her that I do it when I feel like it and don't when I don't, and it's her landscaping choice to make.
Best quote and followup post ever.

And I totally agree. Also loved lilyka's post, too.

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#11 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 09:59 AM
 
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Yeah, I like the idea of presenting it as her choice. In her control to decide how to style her pubic hair, just like she can choose what style of clothing etc. Let it be empowering.

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#12 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 10:19 AM
 
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Best quote and followup post ever.

And I totally agree. Also loved lilyka's post, too.
Absolutely!

My mom was 100% natural for most of my life. She didn't shave, at all, anywhere and had tons of black hair on her legs, armpits and, as lynsage so wonderfully describes it, her wild and tangling personal rosebush.

I am more middle of the garden by personal perference. I can't say my mom's choices influenced me in any way at all.

Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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#13 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 10:20 AM
 
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I agree. It's all normal, it's all good and it's just about what you prefer.

My dd doesn't understand why I don't wear sparkles and a tutu most days like she does, I'm certain she won't understand my personal grooming choices and just come up with her own like she does for everything else.
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#14 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 10:59 AM
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My boys have both seen it both ways and have never mentioned it. I shave it all once every couple months then let it go until it starts to get out of control.
My daughter is only 2 months old but hopefully she will feel free to do whatever she likes with her body hair.
I didn't shave anything as a teenager/young adult and my mom was very much of the belief that I should.
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#15 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 11:06 AM
 
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My dd doesn't understand why I don't wear sparkles and a tutu most days like she does,
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#16 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 11:14 AM
 
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I would also advise doing what you do and be orepared to support her in whatever she decides, too.

My mother STILL tells me I 'should't' shave above the knee and STILL acts surprised that I have very visible, dark hair near my bikini line. She refers to it as my 'hair problem'. She's very fair and apparently hasn't noticed that most of the rest of the world's population is not. Still bugs me and I'm nearly 40. I'd prefer to go au natural, but I have a nagging worry about my 'hair problem', so I shave my legs and underarms(OK, going au natural in my case would certainly be a statement as I have very fair skin and very dark hair....there would be no peach-fuzzy middle road for me!).

So....what you do may not sway your daughter, but what you say and the respect you show her will certainly affect her, so I'd just supply her with with support and supplies and possibly some company as she gets older and tries out new looks.

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#17 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 11:38 AM
 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.
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#18 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 12:26 PM
 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.
The things I miss because I don't have tv. That's awesome.

Yeah, I'm very different from my mom and it's been fine. I'm not going to sweat it.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#19 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 12:58 PM
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Such a good topic!!! My other mama friends and I were just debating this. The conclusion I've come to is that brazilians (which i havent gotten since our honeymoon) may send a message of "hair is bad" but that trimming can be discussed without shaming our naturalness.
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#20 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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This thread actually reminded me to make an appt.
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#21 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:14 PM
 
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I groom the way I do, because that'st the way I prefer myself. I already know I dislike the way it feels when it's all grown out, so I won't do that. I also don't think it would be sending my dds a healthy message if I were to groom in a way that makes me uncomfortable, in order to send someone else (even my children) a message. No - I wouldn't overtly tell them that I was growing it out to show them what a normal woman looks like, but you never know what kids will or won't pick up. I suspect they'd get the message (overheard mutters in the bathroom, etc.) that I really disliked the hair, which would definitely have dd1, at least, wondering why on earth I kept it.

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#22 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:18 PM
 
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Oh my gosh-

My daughter asks occasionally about shaving etc (mostly because I haven't had the ambition to care lately and I have hairy legs.) I just tell her that just like DH has facial hair sometimes, and doesn't other time, we can all shave or not shave our bodies as we wish.

And uh- not I have an irresistible urge to dance and sing about mowing the lawn....
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#23 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:19 PM
 
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my mom always had a full bush which i thought looked odd because i didnt have hair down there. i prefer to be bare and have for 10 years
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#24 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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My DD knows I shave my legs, armpits, and trim down under. I have told her it's a choice that I make, but not everyone does, in fact my BFF doesn't shave, so DD sees hairy underarms and legs on her(and her hair is dark).

My mom and I have always had different grooming choices, I curl my eyelashes, wear make-up, scrunch my hair with gel. My mom curls her hair then brushes it, she STILL wants to brush my hair and I'm in my mid 30's. Get over it mom

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#25 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mrspineau View Post
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.
This exactly. Though I'd add 'a part of grooming that SOME women do when they're older.'

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So....what you do may not sway your daughter, but what you say and the respect you show her will certainly affect her, so I'd just supply her with with support and supplies and possibly some company as she gets older and tries out new looks.
Well said!


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM Had to share. This was so funny.

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#26 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:39 PM
 
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My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#27 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:42 PM
 
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This exactly. Though I'd add 'a part of grooming that SOME women do when they're older.'



Well said!




And THAT just got shared with Facebook...

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#28 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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I wouldn't even worry about it.

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#29 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 01:44 PM
 
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My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)

fabulous.

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#30 of 53 Old 09-21-2010, 02:00 PM
 
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you mean you have time to groom yourself when you're a mama? oh my god, am i ever doing something wrong!

Is it getting lonely in the echo chamber yet?

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