Ok, so this is going to be a very obvious post, but my heart is so heavy tonight and at the same time it seems to have wings. I felt pulled in two directions as my baby girl (3) lined up like a big girl with her pre-k classmates and her almost-too-big backpack and sparkly maryjane shoes. In her hands were clutched some pink carnations to give her new teacher. On one side of me... utter joy and pride at the little person she is becoming
and jubilation at the whole two and a half hour stretch unfolding before me... time to enjoy my baby boy (5 months) and enjoy some relative peace and quiet. I know how much she adores her teacher and how she and all of her little friends are so happy playing together, and she is learning so much! Her confidence is blooming and I am so happy to see her master new territory.
On the other side, shear panic, like my heart will stop! Wasn't this my little babe, weaned and barely out of diapers just a year ago? Her cute baby self is melting away to an equally cute but less babyish self, and I fear my heart will break, and I will leave behind all of the adorable small-child moments (her inexplicable fear of stairways and windows, her asking me to sit in a certain chair at dinner to "pretect me from the pokeymans (her imaginary "boogey man"), the certain way she hugs my neck when she awakes and stumbles into the living room in the evening, half asleep and dragging her toy kitty behind her, and I scoop her up to go back to bed.
I know I am completely being captain obvious here, and that you all feel the exact same way, lol, but I have to write it down and commiserate. I love being a mommy, but it makes my heart feel a little schizophrenic as it soars and breaks in the same moment! I also know my kids are still babies, so I have many more heartaches/joys to go ahead, but first day of preschool was a biggie for me.