Join Date: Dec 2008
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I have no ideas, but I wanted to tell you that my Aunt (who is a wonderful mother, and is like a second mom to me) hates 3 year olds. She loves 2 & 4 year olds, but can't stand 3yo's. She said its b/c they talk back, don't get distracted, won't go to sleep, don't listen, are testing testing testing testing and she just hates that age.
But, she LOVES 4 yo's. So, I would recommend saying, "this too shall pass" as many times as possible.
Your situation is unique with the hotel, your son however is not. 3 year olds are pretty much the worst, really go over to the childhood years, there are threads upon threads about what a PITA 3 year olds are. It really is nothing new. I've said time and time again that I've resented my DD-it's true I have Does that make me a bad mom, ummmm no, it makes me a real mom. We love our kids, but we don't have to like their behavior, I'm sure my kids don't like me sometimes. I KNOW DD doesn't. The truth is you have a new baby, your life is in somewhat of disarray, and your son is being extremely difficult....it is trying.
I have to chime in with PP who said their aunt hated 3 year olds, I'm not that fond of the 2.5-3-ish crowd. DD was annoying, talking back, running away, saying I hate mommy, I only love Daddy, throwing fits daily, hitting.....generally everyday is a battle. Your son sounds pretty normal to me and I know that may not help you, but it's the truth. I too have to follow the mantra of "this shall pass". My DD just turned 4 and she has her days still(like today ) but in reality she is turning into a really fabulous little girl, she's fun, adores her brother and is much better than a year ago.
I'm sorry things are this way, but it sounds like a severe case of the 3's.
But what do I DO?
For example last night- he's tired. He's saying he's tired and wants to go to bed. So we go in to put on PJ's and he just starts screaming "NO PAJAMAS! I DON'T WANT PAJAMAS! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO!!!" all while flailing on the bed, kicking, and almost falling off the bed several times. We're in a hotel and the walls are thin so we just kept repeating "please stop, please stop, please be quiet, no kicking, please enough now, please calm down..." and then I lost it and stormed out of the room. I heard myhusband pleading with him for another 10 minutes.
I"ve tried saying "mommy will not talk with you when you act like this. When you are ready to be nice I will talk to you." No effect.
I've tried time outs and now he volunteers for them. "I"m doing a timeout. Leave me alone!" and he slams the door. I say no slamming the door. So he opens it and slams it again.
I need a new strategy. These fits make my blood boil and I really struggleto remain calm and not scream. I got so mad yesterday(after I made homemade from scratch waffles at his request in that little crap kitchen he threw them on the floor when I asked him to sit properly in his chair with no feet on the table) I kicked a kitchen cabinet and hurt my toe. Not good on mommy's part.
Seriously- what can I DO? I need a step by step plan when he'sacting like this.
You hang on tight and pick your battles. He doesn't want PJ's? What would he prefer? Let him wear whatever he wants to bed (b/c in the scheme of things, does it really matter?), but the food thing is not ok. It's not ok to treat mommy like that - so hop over to GD to ask there about that.
You can do this. Deep breath. You can do this.
I posted a fewweeks back about our current situation. Not sure how to link it...
Long story short DS is 3, I had a baby DD 7/2/10, we sold our house(big house,big yard, pool) and closed and moved out by 9/1 and have been living in a hotel(small, no yard, no pool, industrial neighborhood) ever since because we can't close until this coming Tuesday (god willing) on our new house.
DS also just started school M, T, W from 8-12.
So obviously lots of changes for everyone and big time stress all around. Post partum itwas hard on me but I'm coping. New baby is wonderful but HATES her carseat(bucket and the new full size one we just bought to change things up) so I feel like I can't go anywhere unless I want to torture her.
DS has gone from my little angel who had wonderful manners, was cuddly and kind, sweet, agreeable, fun, and all sorts of wonderful to a total monster. I find myself truly disliking his company...and then disliking myself for thinking that.
He shouts at me, he talks meanly to me, he kicks, he throws things, he refusues to eat and mealtime is a battle. Bedtime is a battle. Getting in/out of the tub/shower is a battle. Any little thing that is not 100%his way or desire results in a nasty screaming fit. We had to leave a restaurant the other night because he was having a fit tothe point where he was overturning chairs.
He has picked up any and all adult slang/tone suddenly and he's using it to speak in a horrid tone to us. For example I asked him to keep his hands out of his mouth (we had just left the horse barn)until we were home and he could wash his hands...this was met with "Jesus, why don't you just calm down and stop talking to me you stupid mommy." I certainly don't talk like that to him OR my husband or anyone I can think of. The tone is NASTY.
He does however seem to adore his little baby sister andonlywants to hold and cuddle and kiss her...so that's one good thing.
I KNOW this has been hard on him. Really I do. I've been trying my best to keep things interesting and fun in the afternoons after school and on the other days. I know he hates the hotel, so do I. I've lifted our TV ban and let him watch movies. We've been spending weekends at our country house for familiar space and outdoor time. He's been taking riding lessons which he loves. I'm trying.
But he's getting meaner and meaner.
I don't know what to do. I hate his new behavior. I've tried talking, being loving, being hard, I've yelled( I try not to believe me), cried, done time outs and INs, taken privledges away, tried distractiuon, ignoring....I'm clueless.
I'm miserable. He's miserable. How can we get back on track? I miss my little guy who was fun and sweet and didn't call me a stupid mommy.