DS calling me by my first name - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 10-13-2010, 11:14 PM - Thread Starter
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It's gotten to about 50% of the time he calls me by name and 50% calls me "mom" or "mommy". He's 3.5yo.

I really am not bothered by it. I mean, I kind of like when he calls me "mom" because it feels special, but the only other reason I can come up with why he should call me "mom" is because it's a title or has some authority or something. And I'm just not sure about how I feel about that in general. I guess I just feel like it's not on my Big Deal list.

He's started doing this to DH too, and DH corrects him every time. He doesn't like it. He hasn't said anything about him calling me by name, but he doesn't want to be called by anything other than "Dad".

What are your feelings on this? I'd also like to know if, in your experience, it was a phase and they went back to using "mommy" all the time, or should I expect this to stick if I don't do anything about it. Other than occasionally saying "I like it when you call me mommy" when he actually does call me that, I haven't done any sort of correction.
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#2 of 21 Old 10-13-2010, 11:48 PM
 
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DD1 has always called me by my first name regularly. In fact until she was 3, she only used my first name and then called my mother "Momma". I don't know why, my mom has never lived with us, she does live nearby though. DD1 is 7 now and calls me Mom but just as often is likely to call me by my first name or sometimes I am "Momma Amy". She likes to call DH by his first name as well. DD2 rarely calls us by our first names, but she does use different things by calling DH "father" or my mom "grandmother" when we never use those terms.

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#3 of 21 Old 10-13-2010, 11:53 PM
 
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Ds1 went through a phase of calling dh by his first name around that same age. It lasted about 6-7 months, I think. We didn't make a big deal about it, although it cracked up the adults around us. Dh did exactly what you said you do, told ds occasionally "I like it when you call me Daddy, it's special because you are one of only 3 people in the whole world who can call me that", and eventually he went back to using Dad/Daddy almost completely. Today for some reason I reminded him about how he used to do that (he's 6.5 now) and he thought it was really funny.

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#4 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 01:38 AM
 
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DD (2.5) usually calls me Mummy, but she's been known to use my first name on occasion or even call me "Little Smokey" (DH's nickname for me based on, yes, my internet nick!). I think it's cute, but I might encourage her to use "Mummy" if she started exclusively referring to me by my first name. Not because I think it's disrespectful or anything, but I think I should get to choose what I'm called. I wouldn't have a problem calling her by another name if she wanted, either.

For the past few days she's been calling me and DH "little mouse".

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#5 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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My eldest went through a time of calling me and my husband by our first names. It passed. It didn't bother me. I thought it was kind of cute.
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#6 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 02:20 AM
 
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My DD went through the same thing from about 2 1/2 to 3. Just because she kept hearing DH and I call each other by our names. It didn't bother us but we did the same thing as you saying " we like it when you call us Mommy and Daddy". We found it also helped to make an effort to call each other Mommy and Daddy when we were around her. Though it was kind of weird to get used to.
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#7 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 02:23 AM
 
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My DD calls my DH his name. It is sweet. Of course she sometimes calls him daddy, too.

she is 3.5, too.

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#8 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 04:53 AM
 
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DD1 did that for awhile, and it was definitely just a phase. I think it was just a fun and different thing to do, and then she got over it. IMO your husband correcting it might make your DS do it more.
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#9 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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DS1 does this, and it doesn't bother me. What's hilarious is how he starts out calling "Mom?" and if I don't answer right away, it gets a little louder: "MOM?" and if I still haven't answered he shouts my name.
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#10 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 12:22 PM
 
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my son (5 years) has been doing this since about 2.5 or 3 and i don't think it will stop anytime soon. i also never referred to myself in the third person "mama wants you to put your shoes on. mommy loves you.' etc, so i think he got used to other people calling me by my first name and picked up the habit as well. i don't mind at all.

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#11 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 12:47 PM
 
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My siblings and I grew up calling our parents by their first name. In our teen years, we occassionally sprinkled in various "mom" and "dad" type terms, but we still stuck mostly (80% of the time or so) to their first names. Now as an adult, I call my parents by a maternal/paternal term about 50% of the time, and by their first names about 50% of the time.

My own kids call myself and my dw "mama," "mom," and other variations of maternal terms about 50% of the time, and first names another 50% of the times. Because both of us are women, sometimes they also say "mama [first name]." Also, they have a nickname for my dw, that they use every now and then, that is "ma[mispronounciation of first name]." They've used that nickname for years.

The kids go through phases in which the 50/50 ratio gets disrupted. Sometimes it is more on the 75/25 end mom-term/name, and sometimes more on the 25/75 end mom-term/name. It varies. We don't worry about it.

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#12 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 12:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Peony View Post
In fact until she was 3, she only used my first name and then called my mother "Momma".
I forgot to mention that sometimes my kids call my MIL "mom" as well. I think that's because they hear my dw call her "mom" and just don't really think about it.

That one kinda bugs me, so I just repeat what they said with "Mimi" (that side of the family uses "Mimi" for grandma) inserted appropriately, and hope they'll stop doing it someday. Fortunately , MIL usually corrects them too when they are speaking directly to her and do it...I've heard stories here on MDC of grandparents trying to take over the maternal/paternal terms, which is so inappropriate and passive aggressive.

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#13 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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DS called DH by his first name for a while, and I recall he was about 3 y.o. The phase didn't last that long. We thought it was cute. I know a few families that use names rather than "Mom" and "Dad". I have to say it sounds more natural to me than the family I know where the 12 y.o. son used "Mother" and "Father". There's nothing at all wrong with it, of course. I just noticed the serious-sounding formality way more than I notice if kids call their parents by their first name.
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#14 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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I forgot to mention that sometimes my kids call my MIL "mom" as well. I think that's because they hear my dw call her "mom" and just don't really think about it.

That one kinda bugs me, so I just repeat what they said with "Mimi" (that side of the family uses "Mimi" for grandma) inserted appropriately, and hope they'll stop doing it someday. Fortunately , MIL usually corrects them too when they are speaking directly to her and do it...I've heard stories here on MDC of grandparents trying to take over the maternal/paternal terms, which is so inappropriate and passive aggressive.
I must have missed those posts, that's just weird. That said, my DS has called my mom "Mom" since he was nearly three years old. Before that she was Nonna, but she and my two sisters came over for a visit and hearing the three of us all calling her Mom did it. He pointed at me and said "You Mumma" then at my mom and "You Mom". We tried to keep on with Nonna but no dice. She's been Mom ever since. It's kind of fun when we're in the US. It has confused some people for sure.

If my DS wanted to call me by my first name I wouldn't say he couldn't but I might let him know what I prefer and leave it at that. I mean it is my name, it wouldn't seem right to me to not allow him to use it.
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#15 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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In this house first names are fine. DH and I don't care if the kids call us by our first name. Though DS hasn't done it yet. DD does it occasionally more so with me that DH, but she started out calling my by my first name and switched to Papa somewhere around the time I moved in with them.

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#16 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 05:09 PM
 
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When DS1 was first talking he combined what he called me ("Mommy") with what DH did ("Honey"). I spent a few weeks being "Honey-Mommy"

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#17 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 05:23 PM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by MariaMadly View Post
When DS1 was first talking he combined what he called me ("Mommy") with what DH did ("Honey"). I spent a few weeks being "Honey-Mommy"
That reminds me of DS occasionally calling me "love muffin" and always with some sort of offering, ie "Here, I brought you a snack, love muffin."

It feels...awkward.
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#18 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 05:30 PM
 
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I don't even like DH calling me by my name. It sounds unfamiliar. When DS says it I laugh and smile while I say "that's mommy to you!"
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#19 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 05:58 PM
 
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at that age my dd was not allowed to call me mom in public. do you know how many kids have similar sounding 'mom' voice. so if we were at a public play place i requested her to call me by my name.

her bf at that age started calling his parents by name. that's what he prefers and 5 years later he still calls them by name. however my dd calls his mom mom sometimes.

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#20 of 21 Old 10-14-2010, 09:27 PM
 
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It would hurt my feelings to be called something other than a variation of mom by my children. But that is a personal feeling and not what I "expect" from children. Not a rational or authoritative thing at all, just a "hey, that is my special name that I'll only be called by three people in this world" feeling. I think my dd tried to call me by my name a few times around three. I just explained how special it was for me to hear her call me mom and it quit shortly thereafter.

I think if it doesn't bother you, then it isn't a big deal for your ds to call you by your name. That is between you and him. If it does bother you, I would probably gently correct him every time. It obviously bothers your DH so I would respect his wishes that ds call him "Dad".
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#21 of 21 Old 10-15-2010, 03:39 PM
 
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I don't go for it and I correct ds when he does it. But, it cracks me up when he introduces me to people, "this is my mommy, (firstmiddlelastname), do you know her?"

Or like a pp said if I ignore him he will eventually start calling me by my full name like I do him when I'm mad.

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