How old is too old to still be having kids? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-31-2010, 12:18 AM
 
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I haven't read all the other replies, but had to chime in because my situation is very very similar! My partner is 14 years older than me, He is 45 and I am 31. We already have two kids each from previous marriages and I would really really like one more that we have together. I dont think age is that big of a deal for men. My ex's Dad was in his late 40's when he started his second set of kids and he is still very much an active and wonderful Dad, and he is now almost 80!

I say go for it.....but you can see why I say that....lol

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Old 10-31-2010, 12:48 AM
 
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I think any age is fine if you are healthy and have a stable life situation. When I think about having a new baby now, I think about how much I like being able to sleep in on the weekends! I was 37 when I had dd, after being married 11 years. Now I'll be 45 in a few months and I do feel like I might be too old. Since I had e a mc in 2006, I would probably be a bit of a nervous wreck. We had CVS with dd, but I'm not sure I'd do that again. DH is 3 years younger and is pretty healthy. We will be in our 50s when dd starts college, our house will be nearly paid off. DD would love a sibling, and I do wish we could have had a child earlier in our marriage. C'est la vie, you never know!

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Old 10-31-2010, 01:35 AM
 
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I was 43 and hubby was 50 when we had our first. "The numbers mean nothing" we used to say. Seriously, we don't feel old, and we just met & got married (first marriage for both) a few years prior, so we just went for it. (our child was quite a surprise, to say the least) My husband has longevity in his family; his mom is 84 and still going strong; her dad lived to 102. My family has always been mostly healthy too. The only thing is that transitioning into menopause makes me a little iffy sometimes. :-) But we travel with a younger crowd because of the things we've joined and become a part of that involve our son (like church, local homeschooling groups, playgroups & neighbors etc.). All the other parents of similarly-aged kids are much younger than us.

We do have a will drawn up, with arrangements made for our son should something happen to us.
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Old 10-31-2010, 10:42 AM
 
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I'm 31 and DH is 54. We just had our second child in july. We might or might not have more.

Here's what I know: DH is an amazing dad who is present every day in his childrens' lives. He loves them and gives them everything they could ask for in a father.

Here's what I don't know: How long either of us will live. We could perish in a car crash tomorrow. My cousin did just that at 34 and left behind his wife and triplets.

Starting age is no guarantee of a long life with your kids. We just never know. I think it's more important to look at the quality of the parent. There are lots of young men out there fathering kids left and right who never see or care for them.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:16 AM
 
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Just saw something on facebook that made me think of this thread - a woman visiting her home country and posing in a pic with a teenager, and she explains "me and my granddad's teenage daughter. He's 90... you do the math!" So here's a guy having kids in his 70s and while he may well not be there for when she's in her 20s... she has a beautiful smile and is probably very glad to be alive.

As for me, my mom had me at 36 which was considered quite late in the 60s. She died of cancer when she was 52 and I was 16... but you know what? I have never once in my life (even at 16) not been clear that she was an AWESOME mom, and that even 16 yrs with her was better than a lifetime with another mom who wasn't her. I have never felt abandoned, and never felt not loved and cherished by her. Of course I wish she was still alive - would much rather have her here today than not! But I believe that whenever it's our time to go, if we've been the best parents we can be, it makes a huge difference in our kids lives, whatever age they are when we pass.

In other words... if you've made back up plans in case of emergency and you're feeling good... go for it!
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:25 AM
 
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my mom had a kid when she was 43, her daughter is 10 months older than DS2 (we were nursing them the same time LOL) she would have one now if she could
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Old 11-01-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by meemee View Post
just because you are 27 doesnt mean you will see 30.

just coz your dh is 62 doesnt mean he WONT see 90.
This is very true. My dad was 13 years older than my mom, so she always worried about his being old while we were growing up and wanted him to take it easier. Then my got lung cancer a few years ago. My very old dad (yea, I get the stories of the great depression and WW2 also,) is still around to be a grandfather, but my relatively young mother isn't around to be a grandma anymore.

Many years ago, my grandmother had a friend, who was in her lat 80s. The friend had a daughter who was in her late 50s. GM's friend was perfectly healthy, able to get around, and in fully mentally capable. She was caring for her daughter again, b/c her daughter had Alzheimer's. There just are no guarantees in life.

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Old 11-01-2010, 07:50 PM
 
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I'm 36 and pg with my 7th 6th pregnancy, our oldest is not biologically ours. We're totally content with the age. My husband is 39, and we're actually planning on having another two if nature provides us, in about 5-6 years, intending to be older parents with our hopeful future younger children. Our oldest will undoubtedly be at university or graduated from it by then, and our 2nd will likely be driving and pretty independent. We want later-in-life kids

I was raised by my grandparents from the age of 2, who themselves were older when my mother, their only child, was born. They were in their early 80's by the time I was grown and fully independent. My grandfather passed 4 years ago at 98, my grandmother is still alive and kickin and will be 101 in February. She has always said that having me to raise kept her young and kept her alive through 2 battles with cancer and her only child having passed very young. They were great to me. I don't want to be quite that old, but I know it can be done, and done admirably at that!

I'd say if he's okay with having another child in his 40's, go for it! You'll have drawbacks in every situation. Being a younger parent has them too, and there's actually very few years which are considered fully, nearly universally "acceptable" in western culture, in which to have children. "Under 30 is way too young, 33 is a bit early, 35 is getting old and 40 is practically child abuse!" It's all noise. If you both want another child and you're in a decent situation in which to have one, his age shouldn't stop you any!

Good luck in making your decisions as a family!
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:47 AM
 
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Menopause for a woman. I'd worry about a father over somewhere like 50 or 60, I think there are studies indicating that male genetic material also deteriorates with age.

Personally, I'm not a fan of having children super-early. It makes completing an education and beginning a career more difficult. So I chose to wait.

But I also worry about genetic risks and down syndrome. The risk increases as women pass age 40. I will take the next child that we get, I just worry a little about risk.

I have brothers who were born when my parents were in their late 30's. One is in college now, the other a senior in high school. Mom passed away last spring, and the college student had to retake English over the summer. It's hard, but children and young adults can be resilient. And there is no guarantee that it will happen that way for anyone else.

I also have an aunt & uncle with small children. I think their birth child was born when she was in her 40s. They seem to be a very loving, mostly-happy family.

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Old 11-02-2010, 02:32 PM
 
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Didn't read all the replies.

I would say when a woman's body decides it's time to stop being fertile, then it is time to stop having children. Any other time before that is none of anyone else's business.

I am 42 and pregnant with my 5th child. All is well and we are able to provide for this babe and although he was a big surprise, he is wanted and already loved and a welcome addition to our busy, chaotic lives.

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Old 11-02-2010, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to come back on here and say that apparently this thread didn't matter all that much since I was probably already pregnant again when I posted it... just got a BFP tonight! Totally unexpected! But we are very grateful!
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Old 11-03-2010, 12:00 AM
 
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Congrats!
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Old 11-03-2010, 12:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Rnejic View Post
I just wanted to come back on here and say that apparently this thread didn't matter all that much since I was probably already pregnant again when I posted it... just got a BFP tonight! Totally unexpected! But we are very grateful!
Congratulations!! HH9M

I was coming on to add...dh was raised by his grandparents. His gran passed away last year at 90. She thought it wonderful we were in our 30s (34)when we had ds. She had her oldest when in her early 20s and then the other 2 in her 30s. She said she loved having children in her 30s even more than 20s.

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Old 11-03-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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I'm currently pregnant at 40, and think this is too old (ie. there is nothing unethical about having a kid in your 40's, I'm speaking to energy level and health). My husband & I both feel that the optimal time is one's late 20's, but unfortunately neither of us was in a place to do so at the time. Our first was born when I was 34, and that was the upper limit of doable energy-wise, in my opinion.

But your situation is different, for you are in your 20's even though your husband is around my age. You will still have the energy, health, and earning power to do it.

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editing to add "congratulations!", just read your post. That's awesome!
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Old 11-12-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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that is a very hard choice, no advice ,but hugs to you

 

 

edited to say congrats on your BFP


Betsy, Mommy to DS (10) DD (4) DS (2) and DS (1)
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Old 11-13-2010, 07:15 AM
 
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OP, congratulations! And I just wanted to say, I can commiserate. My DH is 17 years older than me, and I have had all the same thoughts. I've often questioned if we should even entertain the idea of having more kids. It's not a possibility at this point, but.... I really don't know what the right answer is for us, but I know that it's definitely not a situation where, at your DH's current age, no one should go on to have more kids. 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Do you have a loving community or tribe in which to share this child? Do you have younger guardians picked out in case something should happen to both of you before your new child turns 21?

If you can honestly say yes to both these things, then go for it. If you are introverted misanthropes who live a life away from others then I don't think it is fair to the new little person given your ages.


And I think this is REALLY harsh. My DH and I aren't introverts, but our families are lacking something to be desired. We have two kids now, and truthfully, if something happened to both DH and I, our kids would be totally screwed. So.... We shouldn't have had any kids then? 

 

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Old 11-13-2010, 10:50 AM
 
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ahhh my fil is 52 and his new wife is 44 they have two children together 2 1/2 and 8 months.... and they are trying for a third....

 

they aren't too old..

 

congrats on the BFP


SAHM to D ( 10/06 ) A (10/08) & C (03/11)
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