13yo boy babysitting 5yo girl? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
SweetPotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How would you feel about this? If he has taken a safe-sitter/child cpr class, you know the parents very well, and he's a very sweet, responsible kid whom your daughter adores? Would the gender difference alone affect your comfort level with the idea?
SweetPotato is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:15 PM
 
Multimomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Home
Posts: 1,550
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It wouldn't bother me...my son was 14yo when he starting babysitting 2yo and up. He's fifteen now and sits 18 months old and up...can do diapers and rocking to sleep.

Nine kids run.gif and four angel.gif, living and learning all the time

Multimomma is offline  
#3 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:15 PM
 
AFWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,083
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For me? Not one bit. I'd be fine with it in the circumstances you described.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
AFWife is offline  
#4 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:18 PM
 
dakotablue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 970
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I knew the child very well then I would be comfortable with that particular child regardless of the sex of either child.

But, around here 13 is too young to be left alone, it would be more of a mothers helper type situation.

I think if you know the child yourself, not based on others 'oh he's great', but then again I think I'd feel the same way about any female as well.

biggrinbounce.gifDS 10/09  sleepytime.gifDS 2/17/11 stork-suprise.gif Blessing #3 sometime 2/13

 

dakotablue is offline  
#5 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:34 PM
 
Alyantavid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 7,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I knew the boy extremely well I would. But we don't tend to let many people watch our kids, so I'd have to have alot of trust in him.

The gender thing wouldn't bother me so much.
Alyantavid is offline  
#6 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:37 PM
 
Attached2Elijah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 1,049
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Depends on his maturity level. My 13 year old step son would NOT be able to watch my 4 year old... I don't trust him. He's not NEARLY responsible enough. The gender would not matter to me one bit as long as he was mature enough.

My step-daughter, at 13, though was a different story. She's always been VERY mature for her age and incredibly responsible, especially with little ones. I would have and DID trust her completely with the little ones on many occasions.

He sounds like a mature kid to have taken the classes and such, I would do it.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
Attached2Elijah is offline  
#7 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 02:55 PM
 
ChetMC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 2,547
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For me, it would be a matter of maturity, not gender.

Some 13 year olds are very capable of babysitting a five year old, others can hardly be left to take care of themselves for an hour.

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
ChetMC is offline  
#8 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 03:09 PM
 
limabean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 9,427
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChetMC View Post
For me, it would be a matter of maturity, not gender.
Same here. The only people who have watched our kids so far are their grandparents and aunts, so when we start using teenage babysitters it probably won't be a 13-year-old. Maybe once our kids are a little older and we get more comfortable with the idea of non-family babysitters, but for now that'd be too young for us to be okay with the idea.

But since you know this kid and are presumably okay with his age and comfortable with teen sitters, it sounds like it'll be fine.

DH+Me 1994 heartbeat.gif DS 2004 heartbeat.gif DD 2008 heartbeat.gif DDog 2014
limabean is online now  
#9 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 03:15 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)
i'd feel great.

its a boy your dd ADORES.

you know him.

i assume he is a mature 13.

wish we had one.

i know for my dd age difference makes a huge difference. a teenage child would be a much better baby sitter than an adult for the things seh would like to do. she is more open to listening from a teenager than an adult.

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
#10 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 03:22 PM
 
beebalmmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it's more a maturity issue too. We had a 13 yr old girl babysitting our almost 4 yr old ds. She was great! She had a lot more enthusiasm and interest in him than any of the 16 yr old babysitters he'd had.

Although we only felt comfortable with it in that her parents were home and didn't live too far away, in case she needed someone to call in an emergency.
beebalmmama is offline  
#11 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 03:27 PM
 
Calee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 241
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It would depend.

The gender would have nothing to do with it, at this age, for me.

I know some 13 year old that would panic in an emergency, etc. I would be more wary of his age than his gender.

I would want to be not gone long and not too far away, in case I needed to come home.
Calee is offline  
#12 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 03:48 PM
 
CherryBombMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 850
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i agree with everyone that its more about maturity than gender. but personally for me, i would never leave my kids with anyone under 16. but im kinda paranoid with things like that. i still see 13 y/os as "kids" ...

             Coffee, Vintage and Kids.  My Life.
              reading.gif  jammin.gifdust.gif   1sttri.gif

                        cat.gifcat.gifcat.gif

                                      

CherryBombMama is offline  
#13 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 04:00 PM
 
Marissamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't see any issue with it as long as he's mature enough to handle him and they get along. 5 year olds , in my opinion, are really easy to babysit (you just have to play with them, and maybe feed them, depending on the situation), so I have no problem trusting a mature teenager with one as long as they know what to do in an emergency. and I don't see any issue with the gender difference. we let girls babysit boys all the time and don't even give it a second thought.

Marissa, Partner to J geek.gif, SAHM to A (05/09)fly-by-nursing1.gif and I (03/11)stork-boy.gif. we cd.gif
selectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifnocirc.giffemalesling.GIFecbaby2.gif part-time and familybed1.gif through infancy. planning ahomebirth.jpg
Marissamom is offline  
#14 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 05:36 PM
 
Ornery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,870
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My oldest son started babysitting at 13. For us and for our neighbors. However, if it was for our neighbors, he only did it when we were home and if it was for us, it was only when our neighbors were home. That way, if there was an emergency, he had an adult close by to help out. At 15, I still make sure there is an adult available to call in an emergency if he is going to babysit for us for over an hour.
Ornery is offline  
#15 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 05:43 PM
 
treeoflife3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: tennessee/kentucky
Posts: 1,484
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
the gender thing bothers me as much as it bothers me to have a 13 year old girl watch a 5 year old boy. I don't assume that because he is male, this means there is going to be a... problem anymore than I assume that because it is a girl, there were be issues with her watching a boy.

as PP said, maturity is the only factor here. I would let a 13 year old boy babysit my 5 year old daughter assuming I know the boy and trust his ability to handle things that might come up as a babysitter and to adhere to my rules and expectations (as much as any babysitter would... I'm not obsessed about letting my kid stay up 15 minutes later hehe)

these are the same rules I have for anyone of any gender or age babysitting my daughter at any age under the age where she no longer needs a sitter. This is also why only four separate people have every watched my child with only two being trusted to do so at bedtime/mealtimes.
treeoflife3 is offline  
#16 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 05:47 PM
 
EdnaMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 5,937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd be okay with it, of course depending on the teen, but supposing he's as responsible as he seems to be (cpr course etc.) then sure.

The gender difference is not an issue. That would only come up if my child had survived sexual abuse or for some other reason was uncomfortable with it herself.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
EdnaMarie is offline  
#17 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 05:48 PM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
OK, i'll bite.

on paper, I admit it made me blink twice. Right after that though, I remembered that my brother has 'nannied' for ds, and I can think of 4-5 boys off the top of my head that I would be comfortable leaving DS with.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
#18 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 05:52 PM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,600
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
One more maturity not gender person. I was babysitting at 11 (I shouldn't have been... I totally wasn't ready) so the idea of a 13 year old doing it doesn't phase me. By 13 I was being left with my niece and nephew for a whole weekend. We did fine. (Now, the fact that we were left alone because my sister wanted to go party is a whole different matter.)

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is offline  
#19 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 06:39 PM
 
Bluegoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I've had really good luck with sitters that age. They are generally really big on proving that they are responsible, and not so into some of the stupid stuff older teens are into. And they can still have a lot of fun playing with little kids too.

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
Bluegoat is offline  
#20 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 07:21 PM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
13 yr olds are old enough to babysit. I would not not hire him just based on gender. I would, however, want to know him quite well, as I would want to know any babysitter quite well. My son babysits for us. He does not like it I don't think. But, he likes money and wants a job so if you asked him...I am sure he would do it. But my daughter would be the more nuturing babysitter.
Lisa1970 is offline  
#21 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 07:53 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I wouldn't. But I was molested by my babysitter when I was four. He was everyones favorite kid. Even at 4 I knew no one would ever believe that this perfect kid was mean to me.

Also I would feel uncomfortable asking a 13 year old boy to help my dd with some of the things a 5 year old needs help with (even if rarely) such as wiping after toileting (my kids rarely needed this at five but sometimes the mess got out of hand....), changing clothes, and bed time.

I just feel more comfortable leaving my kids with someone the same gender as them. I would feel the same if I had boys.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#22 of 117 Old 10-29-2010, 07:55 PM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 8,928
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I trusted him enough to be a babysitter then sure, why not?

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#23 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 03:00 AM
 
Naturallove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 125
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.

Wifey buddamomimg1.png to DH jammin.gif, Mama chicken3.gif to DS 8, DS 6, DD 1
 
homeschool.gif   lactivist.gif    h20homebirth.gif    goorganic.jpg

Naturallove is offline  
#24 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 03:20 AM
 
quietmim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 68
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A 13 year old wouldn't bother me if I trusted them.

As far as the gender, the truth is you do never know. I sadly have experience with a female babysitter who inflicted severe abuse on her charges, of both sexes.

This is why, I would really have to know anyone who I would leave my child with.

DD 5/09 and a new little one 4/11
quietmim is offline  
#25 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 03:33 AM
 
lilmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturallove View Post
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.
I agree with this. My sister and cousin were both molested by my "wonderful" other cousin..he was male they were both female and he was between 13 and 16 when it all happened. Nobody ever thought it possibly could be an issue but it was and both of them suffered tremendously from it.

I just wouldn't risk it based on that experience.
lilmom is offline  
#26 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 05:26 AM
 
EdnaMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 5,937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturallove View Post
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.
You have a son! Can you even believe in the possibility of his not being a molester?

For me, it's far more important that my children learn to treat people equally and do not discriminate based on sterotypes. That they weigh risks and benefits.

I do not look at every man and boy (or woman and girl, for that matter) as a potential molester. I use my instincts, am preparing my daughters for how to respond to inappropriate behavior, and seek a wide variety of caregivers.

But I refuse--REFUSE--to look at every man like a potential molester or to treat them that way. I think we need more men in our schools and daycares and pre-schools among children, so that kids know what normal men act like.

You knew you'd get flak, but I do beg you to reconsider your attitude towards men. What about your husband? Would you trust him with another child?

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
EdnaMarie is offline  
#27 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 05:38 AM
 
Cutie Patootie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Pittsburgh Area
Posts: 4,749
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
You have a son! Can you even believe in the possibility of his not being a molester?

For me, it's far more important that my children learn to treat people equally and do not discriminate based on sterotypes. That they weigh risks and benefits.

I do not look at every man and boy (or woman and girl, for that matter) as a potential molester. I use my instincts, am preparing my daughters for how to respond to inappropriate behavior, and seek a wide variety of caregivers.

But I refuse--REFUSE--to look at every man like a potential molester or to treat them that way. I think we need more men in our schools and daycares and pre-schools among children, so that kids know what normal men act like.

You knew you'd get flak, but I do beg you to reconsider your attitude towards men. What about your husband? Would you trust him with another child?
I feel the same as naturallove. The gender difference alone would affect my comfort level with the idea. Believing in the possibility that he may not be a molester has nothing to do with it. But...that's me. I don't allow anyone to watch my kids but my mother.

Tina ~ SAHcarrot.gif- head Mama to - 

  DS blowkiss.gif(07/'03), DD energy.gif(05'05), DS, unplanned UC sleepytime.gif(01/'09), DD joy.gif(06/'11) ...

SURPRISE!  dizzy.gifNew little one, due Sept. 2013

Cutie Patootie is offline  
#28 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 06:22 AM
 
EdnaMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 5,937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
The gender difference alone would affect my comfort level with the idea. Believing in the possibility that he may not be a molester has nothing to do with it.
I guess I don't understand what you mean.

On the one hand, the gender is an issue. Why? Why would gender make a difference, if it's not about the possibility of being a molester?

I do not want to make light the possibility of being molested. However I think that we need to look at how we can make our children safer no matter where they end up. Again, emphasizing open communication, appropriate touch, how to call us if they are scared, etc. etc.

Little girls and boys are both at risk in all kinds of situation, if you're looking at *any* level of risk. Daycare (women or men). School. Playing in the yard. The world is full of risks.

What makes me sad is that all men are vetted as potential molesters based on gender alone.

I can see only letting your mom watch them. If you have that option, who can blame you for choosing the best of the best every time? But then you add, "the gender difference alone..."

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
EdnaMarie is offline  
#29 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 08:17 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No I would not.Given the right circumstances very nice people commit sexual acts they would might normally never do.Urges happen.

Statisticly men do molest more often.Unfortunate,but that is how it is.Perhaps it has to do with a hormonal drive,but women are not always the safe haven we expect them to be.I recently saw Tyler Perry speak about his childhood sexual abusers,and one of then had been a woman.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance and hope for the best.Thankfully I have never had the need for a sitter,but there were other circumstances where I had to put my trust in others.

Best wishes whatever you decide!
mattemma04 is offline  
#30 of 117 Old 10-30-2010, 09:53 AM
 
IntuitiveJamie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 3,804
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The age doesn't bother me. I started being a Mother's helper at 9 and full fledged babysitter at 11.

The gender does bother me. It bothers me to say that, but it is what it is. I completely understand women can molest too, but I agree with whomever said that statistically it's male's. I am also a survivor myself, therefore extra sensitive to it.

Mindful Spirit Expo is on April 21 and 22nd. Raise your consciousness!

Intuitive Encounters business merger means discounts for a limited time.

IntuitiveJamie is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off