Others posting your childs photos on their facebooks.. do you allow it? Why/why not? (and a question!) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-02-2010, 06:49 PM
 
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after an experience with a dear friend. she posted pix of her kids on line and so it didn't dawn on me that it would be an issue to post a picture of our dds together. i was wrong. she was mad. so i took it down. now it is my rule that i ask before i post and if they want i show them the picture i might post. usually now, i just avoid posting pictures with other peoples kids in them. and i have made that my rule for my kids too. ask me, i will usually say yes... but ask.

h

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Old 11-02-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Bluegoat View Post
But why does it bother you? If you didn't want people to take photos, why not have a "no-camera" wedding?

It bothers me because I didn't have a choice as to what was/is posted. We did hire a photographer and had no idea that other pics were taken. Maybe that was a detail (no camera wedding) that we failed to address.

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Old 11-02-2010, 07:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamaofthree View Post
after an experience with a dear friend. she posted pix of her kids on line and so it didn't dawn on me that it would be an issue to post a picture of our dds together. i was wrong. she was mad. so i took it down. now it is my rule that i ask before i post and if they want i show them the picture i might post. usually now, i just avoid posting pictures with other peoples kids in them. and i have made that my rule for my kids too. ask me, i will usually say yes... but ask.

h
I like your willingness to ask prior to posting. It is a matter of privacy to some (like myself) and I appreciate that even you liked to be asked before pictures are posted.

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Old 11-02-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post
This issue comes up here a lot, and for me it has less to do with photos and pedophiles and documented risks, and more to do with respecting your loved ones' wishes. If my friend or family member asked me not to post their kids' photos on Facebook, I wouldn't do it. I don't have to understand all their reasons, or make them present what I perceive to be an acceptable argument before I'll deign to do as they ask.

I accommodate my friends and family in all sorts of ways -- if they have a preference, then within reason I'll accommodate it, even if I don't understand or fully agree with it -- it's no skin off my nose.
this is very well said. i now error on the side of them not wanting it and always ask! it isn't that hard to do.

h

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Old 11-03-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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No, I don't post pics of my kids online and do not allow others to do so. I don't want my kids having an online presence (they are 7 and 3 years old).
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Old 11-03-2010, 01:17 AM
 
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So would you all be bothered if your kids were IN a picture but weren't named? My DH puts some pics of the kids on My Space and sometimes our friends kids are in them (of course everyone is fully clothed and all that). No names - would it still bother you?

Tjej
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Old 11-03-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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My husband and I have been adament from the beginning that no one will post pics of our children, or email pics except for us. I have to get on my MIL constantly about this (especially the emailing). Lst year I had someone I did not know post my daughter's pic on their facebook page (they know MIL) . I contacted them to remove it, when they did not I contacted the webmester and had it removed.

That being said, my DH works in information security, and our dear friend is a probation officer for sex offenders, so we are overzealous.

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Old 11-03-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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My husband and I have been adament from the beginning that no one will post pics of our children, or email pics except for us. I have to get on my MIL constantly about this (especially the emailing). Lst year I had someone I did not know post my daughter's pic on their facebook page (they know MIL) . I contacted them to remove it, when they did not I contacted the webmester and had it removed.

That being said, my DH works in information security, and our dear friend is a probation officer for sex offenders, so we are overzealous.
So does my DH, and I still don't have a problem with it.

I can't put my head around what the risk actually IS. I understand there's a fear of...something...that scares people when they think of this method of sharing pictures, I just can't figure out what the ACTUAL threat is, that doesn't already exist by non-electronic activities.

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Old 11-03-2010, 02:03 PM
 
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No, I don't post pics of my kids online and do not allow others to do so.
Yep. My kids are teens. They do have a small online presence but my hubby monitors their privacy setting and we insist that photos be taken from odd angles or obscured so that they are less recognizable.
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep. My kids are teens. They do have a small online presence but my hubby monitors their privacy setting and we insist that photos be taken from odd angles or obscured so that they are less recognizable.
This is in style, actually When I was in high school (a few years ago) they were called "myspace angles" or "the angles" or "emo angles".



So DH and I had a long discussion about this and decided that we don't our children's pictures on facebook or on any other public site at all. Not even posted by us.

We sent out a message to all family and close friends kindly asking them to not post pictures of our daughters, not use any identifiable information, and to remove pictures that they may already have.

MIL has been on FB and hasn't removed the two ALBUMS full of pictures of my kids yet. I'm going to have DH deal with her on that.

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Old 11-03-2010, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responded to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over her and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um.... At least she took the pictures down...

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Old 11-03-2010, 10:15 PM
 
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Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responed to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over here and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um.... At least she took the pictures down...
That sucks. I get that not everyone agrees, but this is just ridiculous -- I'm sorry she was so rude.

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Old 11-03-2010, 10:40 PM
 
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So would you all be bothered if your kids were IN a picture but weren't named? My DH puts some pics of the kids on My Space and sometimes our friends kids are in them (of course everyone is fully clothed and all that). No names - would it still bother you?

Tjej
You know, I'm in the camp of not wanting photos online, but I don't know that I would mind as much if they weren't named. I still wouldn't like it, but I don't know that it would bother me as much and probably not enough to say something.

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Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responded to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over her and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um.... At least she took the pictures down...
I would ignore the sarcastic response and just be happy she removed them. She can say what she wants, yanno?
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Old 11-03-2010, 10:48 PM
 
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It doesn't bother me in the slightest. My MIL, on the other hand, frets about anything posted online about my DS or her other grandchild. She is sweet, and I know it comes from a place of love. I don't post pics of other people's kids as a rule, but if I did and someone wanted me to delete them, I absolutely would.

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Old 11-03-2010, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would ignore the sarcastic response and just be happy she removed them. She can say what she wants, yanno?
So true

So far MIL, FIL, and SIL have all been on FB since the message was sent have not removed any of them that they have up

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Old 11-03-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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So does my DH, and I still don't have a problem with it.

I can't put my head around what the risk actually IS. I understand there's a fear of...something...that scares people when they think of this method of sharing pictures, I just can't figure out what the ACTUAL threat is, that doesn't already exist by non-electronic activities.
Yah. I agree that it is a violation if someone takes a child's picture and uses it for nefarious and icky purposes but...ultimately this is not much of a threat to my child's actual safety. I'm sure a very motivated pedophile could become obsessed with my child on the Internet...or at the grocery store, farmer's market, etc.

I always remember what an investigator said in an interview up here. Child porn, the real stuff, is not manufactured porn but evidence of a real crime being committed. When I weigh that against someone bothering to download an innocuous picture and Photoshop it I just don't feel it's worth the loss (to my mind) of my big extended family & friends spread out over continents sharing pictures.

That said, I do think that there are real risks online, but they mostly come at a different stage - teen years mainly. But that's different.

I agree with privacy concerns on the one hand - and on the other, as a journalist I know the standard is "reasonable expectation of privacy." So no bathrooms, people's own private homes, etc. If you're at a wedding and in a group shot, I'm not sure there's a reasonable expectation of privacy. However, if you're passed out in your bedroom and someone thinks that it's cute to put underwear on your head and take a picture, that kind of is. I intend to educate my child about the difference and use that as a way to discuss what should be posted.

I also think the courteous thing to do is ask, and take pictures down if asked. But as for the question of whether I'm concerned for my kid - not any more than I am with him here.

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Old 11-03-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responded to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over her and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um.... At least she took the pictures down...
Why couldn't she just remove the photos without the snark? It's one of the things that really irritates me. I can understand someone who doesn't think posting others photos is a big deal but wish they would understand it's sometimes a big deal for other people.
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Old 11-04-2010, 11:02 AM
 
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I am aware of the copying and use bit in the Facebook ToS and it doesn't bother me.

I of course would honor anyone's request if they didn't want their kids' pictures posted. But it really, honestly, flat out does not bother me regarding my kids.

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Old 11-04-2010, 11:29 AM
 
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Yah. I agree that it is a violation if someone takes a child's picture and uses it for nefarious and icky purposes but...ultimately this is not much of a threat to my child's actual safety. I'm sure a very motivated pedophile could become obsessed with my child on the Internet...or at the grocery store, farmer's market, etc.

I always remember what an investigator said in an interview up here. Child porn, the real stuff, is not manufactured porn but evidence of a real crime being committed. When I weigh that against someone bothering to download an innocuous picture and Photoshop it I just don't feel it's worth the loss (to my mind) of my big extended family & friends spread out over continents sharing pictures.
Well said. Frankly the sheer volume of material available on the internet actually makes me feel safer. There is just too much stuff out there for me to worry.

I do not post pics of others on my FB page w/o permission-but this is a common courtesy that has nothing to do with safety.
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Old 11-04-2010, 11:52 AM
 
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I think the relationship maintenance and community building of social sites like Facebook is a bigger benefit than the incredibly small to non-existent risk of a kid's picture being online. That's why it doesn't bother me. Our family is very scattered and Facebook is the way we keep up with each other, and especially each other's kids. It's been really good for our extended family.
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Old 11-04-2010, 01:47 PM
 
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I let my sister have pictures of my kids on her FB page. I know pretty much everyone on her FB page and her albums are private. I don't want other friends to put them on there though because there are many people I don't know on their profiles and I've just nicely asked them not to do that and they understood.

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Old 11-04-2010, 11:15 PM
 
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they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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Old 11-16-2010, 04:31 PM
 
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I don't have a problem with people posting pics of my kids. I guess I would if there was a potentially embarrassing photo (there never has been) and if there was I'd ask them to take it down, but photos of them with their faces painted or at the beach with friends... it just doesn't bother me.

 

But I also believe people should respect the parents wishes. I've never been asked to take down a photo of a friend's kid (I only post pics of kids whose parents have fb and post pics of them) but if I was, I would. Or maybe just blur the kid out if that was ok with them and it was otherwise a good pic of mine or someone elses kid. I don't think I get to judge other peoples reasons and I can understand why the issues might bother some people.


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