If she doesn't pick up her daughter by 10:30 PM my husband wants to call the police! CRAZY 2011 update - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, a friend/strong acquaintance asked me to watch her daughter for a couple of hours. She said she had an urgent family matter to take care of and would pick her up within two hours. I said sure. Her daughter has some SN but I've been around her enough to know what triggers some of her reactions and how to deal with them. She dropped her daughter off at around 3PM and said she'd call me on her way back and let me know she'd be no more than two hours. At 5:30 no word from her mother. I made the girls dinner and they ate around 6. No word from the mother. I get worried about her. If she's running late no problem but I assumed she'd check on her daughter. This was the first time she's been left alone at our place. Left her a voice mail telling her to call me and let me know everything is okay with her. Nothing. I assume her urgent family matter is worse than expected. 6:30 PM and no response. I get a text from her around 7 telling me she's taking longer than she thought and asked if her daughter could stay until 8. I told her to call me right away. No response! Her mother didn't bring enough diapers so DH went out to get some. She and my DD are not the same size. Around 8 she starts asking for her mommy. Oh, her mom hasn't called me since her text. I told her her mommy would be coming soon. She didn't leave an extra change of clothes for her daughter so bathing her and putting herin some pj's wasnt an option and DD's would have been too small. Around 8:30 her DC does something I've never seen and wasn't sure how to deal with. She starts picking up things and throwing them and screaming that she wants her mommy. She also kicked me quite a few times. I had no idea how to deal with this.This only lasted for about 5 minutes and when she stopped I told her I know she misses her mommy but she would be there soon. I put on a DVD and that calmed her down. I wasn't sure what else to do and since her mother hasn't bothered to call and check on her child, I called her AGAIN! and told her she needs to call be right away as it was urgent! Instead of calling me she sends me another text. I am so ANGRY with her mother. The text says that she's going to grab a bite to eat and will pick her up as soon as she's done. Her DD is now asleep on our sofa. I called her and the call goes to voicemail. My husband is ticked off. He called her and told her if she's not at our place by 10:30 he's going to call the police. If she doesn't come what am I supposed to do? I told DH if the mother doesn't come she needs to sleep here and we can figure out what to do in the morning.

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#2 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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Do you think this mother is stable in general?  Do you think the child is safe with her?  Do you believe she is really dealing with an urgent crisis right now?  Those are the questions that I'd want to know in deciding what to do...

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#3 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:04 PM
 
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What was the emergency? That would matter a lot. I mean, if she was out of milk, then I would call police. If her husband had a heart attack, I would give it more time. See what I mean?

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#4 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:06 PM
 
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I asked a friend to watch my children once while getting checked out at labor and delivery. My water ended up breaking and I went in to full blown labor. You know..the kind where no way can you make a call or text. I would hate if someone called the police on me over that.

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#5 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:08 PM
 
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Since the text said she was going to grab a bite to eat, then I agree with calling the police. What if she got in an accident and can't call? Or what if she is just a bad mother?

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#6 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

Do you think this mother is stable in general?  Do you think the child is safe with her?  Do you believe she is really dealing with an urgent crisis right now?  Those are the questions that I'd want to know in deciding what to do...


I've never had a reason to think she wasn't stable before. I've believed she's been in denial about the extent of her daughters needs but she's been loving and caring to her in my presence. I don't believe for a second she has urgent family business to tend to. I told her to call me as it was urgent and no response. It doesn't seem right. Had she told me she needed me to watch her daughter longer I would have done it. I could have easily given her DD a bath and put her on some pj's if she brought them. All she would have had to do was carry her DD to the car. And I would have liked to have known if I dealt with her daughters tantrum the right way.Who goes out to eat while your child is at someone else's home but you never call to check on her or speak to her.
 

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#7 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

What was the emergency? That would matter a lot. I mean, if she was out of milk, then I would call police. If her husband had a heart attack, I would give it more time. See what I mean?


I agree with this one.  It would really depend on the situation for me.
 


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#8 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:10 PM
 
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Sorry, I just have to add again....she knows you needed her back ASAP and has the time to eat, but refused to call you back. Something is up. If she shows up drunk or appearing on drugs, call the police over that too, don't let the child get in the car with her.

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#9 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:12 PM
 
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Yeah, go ahead and call the police now.

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#10 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:14 PM
 
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What did she say when your DP told her that you were going to call the police? Instead of saying that it's urgent, I'd at least send a text telling her that she needs to come pick up her DD *now*!


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#11 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This. She had time to eat but not to call me back about her daughter? I also agree about the only circumstances in which to call the police are if she shows up on something.

 


Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

Sorry, I just have to add again....she knows you needed her back ASAP and has the time to eat, but refused to call you back. Something is up. If she shows up drunk or appearing on drugs, call the police over that too, don't let the child get in the car with her.



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#12 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What did she say when your DP told her that you were going to call the police? Instead of saying that it's urgent, I'd at least send a text telling her that she needs to come pick up her DD *now*!



 

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#13 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:19 PM
 
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Does it really matter if the girl sleeps in her clothes? I'd give the mom the benefit of the doubt since the mom has not shown you any "issues" in the past (mistreatment, drug use, etc.).

 

Do your best to keep the child comfortable, give the mom an earful when she does show up, and refuse to watch her again if it bothers you to be put in this situation.

 

I wouldn't start the cascade of government intrusion in her family over this situation.


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#14 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:21 PM
 
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Wow, I cant wait to hear how this all turns out!  NO ONE who is stable and right minded would 'go out for a bite to eat'  while they were 4 hours late to pick up a child who is still in diapers.  It sounds like this mother needed a loong break - she didnt go about this in the right manner and it sounds like you have lost a friend.

Write tomorrow and let us know what her excuse was!


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#15 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Texmati, I tried to post this before but I'm nervous and ended up quoting you instead. Anyhoo, DH left the message on her voicemail. She still hasn't responded. I told DH we won't call the police because I don't want a little girl traumatized but also don't know what to do or say if she wakes up and freaks out because her mom is not here. I hope the mom comes but if she doesn't, we'll just have to deal with this in the morning.

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#16 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:23 PM
 
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I probably would not call until morning.  What would calling now do?  If she is unstable, or you think she has abadonned her child, go for it.  If it is simply to punish her for being inconsiderate and using you, I would skip it.  You have learned your lesson - refuse to babysit in the future for her. 

 

Gah - I hope she shows up soon and not in the middle of the night!

 

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#17 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:23 PM
 
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wow.  just.... wow.

 


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#18 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:27 PM
 
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I would call the police if I suspected that this child was going to be in danger...as in mom showing up high or if her mental health seems compromised.  Otherwise, I wouldn't put the kid through it.  BUT...that would be the end of the friendship unless she had a really seriously great excuse. 

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#19 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kathymuggle, I would never call the police because she's inconsiderate. I'm less concerned about that and more concerned about her daughter.

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#20 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

I probably would not call until morning.  What would calling now do?  If she is unstable, or you think she has abadonned her child, go for it.  If it is simply to punish her for being inconsiderate and using you, I would skip it.  You have learned your lesson - refuse to babysit in the future for her. 

 

Gah - I hope she shows up soon and not in the middle of the night!

 


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#21 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:29 PM
 
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I guess I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Considering she didn't leave enough diapers or a change of clothes I would assume she really didn't think she would be as long as she has been. I would be irritated that she hadn't returned your calls but I would wait for the explanation before getting too upset just yet.

 

Totally different situation but I remember leaving early for work one day for my job with plans to stop and check on my sick aunt on the way to work in the next town over and I didn't home for three days. It cascaded into meetings with several doctors and ended with me holding my aunts hand while she passed away before coming home to my son. I hadn't taken a change of clothes or more importantly my breast pump with me. So I guess I can understand how a family emergency can take longer than expected. (Though I did keep in phone contact with my husband I don't think I answered my cell phone even once since I was in ICU with my aunt, he ended up just having to wait for me to call to find out what was going on). I'm sure I did stop for food on the way home as I'm not entirely sure what I did for food most of those three days. They were kinda a haze. But once I did get a break I'm sure I needed to eat before I could care for someone else.


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#22 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:29 PM
 
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#23 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:34 PM
 
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At midnight, I would call.

 

It's possible that she's turned off her phone, and so she doesn't know that DH sent her that message.  I would ask for advice at that point.  Explain that she is now seven hours late from the original time, and it's been 4 (?) hours since her last text saying she would be there shortly and that you have received *no* voice contact since drop off.

 

I hate to say this, but you don't know who is texting you.  Her phone/car could have been stolen.  If she was attending to family business, like meeting with an abusive person in her life, they could have seriously injured her.  The lack of voice contact is very disturbing. 

 

You have to look at this not from a zOMG EVIL CPS standpoint, but from a very serious safety standpoint.  Until you make voice contact with her, you have no idea if she has been receiving or capable of recieving any information since she dropped off her daughter.  And if she shows up later, you can tell her that you started the process of filing a report because you were worried sick about her--the behavior was odd, uncharacteristic, and because you couldn't hear her voice you didn't know if it was really her or if someone had gotten her phone.

 

I guess you could always text that to her "Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".

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#24 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:37 PM
 
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Unless you think she is abandoning her child, you shouldn't call the police. But you should really give her a piece of your mind when she comes back around! I had someone do this to me once. She left her kid with me all the time. It creates a very annoying pattern. At least I was his nanny, so I was totally prepared.


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#25 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:44 PM
 
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I agree with Tigerchild completely. (why didn't it quote?)

 

OP I hope it all gets resolved completely.

 

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#26 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post

At midnight, I would call.

 

It's possible that she's turned off her phone, and so she doesn't know that DH sent her that message.  I would ask for advice at that point.  Explain that she is now seven hours late from the original time, and it's been 4 (?) hours since her last text saying she would be there shortly and that you have received *no* voice contact since drop off.

 

I hate to say this, but you don't know who is texting you.  Her phone/car could have been stolen.  If she was attending to family business, like meeting with an abusive person in her life, they could have seriously injured her.  The lack of voice contact is very disturbing. 

 

You have to look at this not from a zOMG EVIL CPS standpoint, but from a very serious safety standpoint.  Until you make voice contact with her, you have no idea if she has been receiving or capable of recieving any information since she dropped off her daughter.  And if she shows up later, you can tell her that you started the process of filing a report because you were worried sick about her--the behavior was odd, uncharacteristic, and because you couldn't hear her voice you didn't know if it was really her or if someone had gotten her phone.

 

I guess you could always text that to her "Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".



This is a very good point- I had not even thought of that.


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#27 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post

At midnight, I would call.

 

It's possible that she's turned off her phone, and so she doesn't know that DH sent her that message.  I would ask for advice at that point.  Explain that she is now seven hours late from the original time, and it's been 4 (?) hours since her last text saying she would be there shortly and that you have received *no* voice contact since drop off.

 

I hate to say this, but you don't know who is texting you.  Her phone/car could have been stolen.  If she was attending to family business, like meeting with an abusive person in her life, they could have seriously injured her.  The lack of voice contact is very disturbing. 

 

You have to look at this not from a zOMG EVIL CPS standpoint, but from a very serious safety standpoint.  Until you make voice contact with her, you have no idea if she has been receiving or capable of recieving any information since she dropped off her daughter.  And if she shows up later, you can tell her that you started the process of filing a report because you were worried sick about her--the behavior was odd, uncharacteristic, and because you couldn't hear her voice you didn't know if it was really her or if someone had gotten her phone.

 

I guess you could always text that to her "Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".



 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Music View Post

Unless you think she is abandoning her child, you shouldn't call the police. But you should really give her a piece of your mind when she comes back around! I had someone do this to me once. She left her kid with me all the time. It creates a very annoying pattern. At least I was his nanny, so I was totally prepared.


I'm flip flopping between these two. I can't see calling the police because she's insanely late, but at the same time unless she's actually spoken to you, you have no clue who is sending the texts.


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#28 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post


I'm flip flopping between these two. I can't see calling the police because she's insanely late, but at the same time unless she's actually spoken to you, you have no clue who is sending the texts.


That's a good point... It could be a safety issue for the mother...
 


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#29 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 07:54 PM
 
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Wow, just wow :(


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#30 of 163 Old 11-15-2010, 08:00 PM
 
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I'd call, for so many reasons.

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