"Is there a father?" - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 97 Old 06-02-2011, 01:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post





How about, "They look nothing like you! Are they adopted?" or even "Where did you get him?"



Why don't you let us know how these lines work out for you before we try them, LOL?

 


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#92 of 97 Old 06-02-2011, 01:54 PM
 
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Why don't you let us know how these lines work out for you before we try them, LOL?

 


The first happens to me quite often, as my kids look different to me. I also get asked if they are twins, even though one is much larger than the other, LOL. The second, I experienced once when I was babysitting my friend's son, who is Indian. The neighbors knew I hadn't just given birth to a two year old and asked "Where did you get him?" as if I had adopted him. It didn't occur to them that I was just babysitting.

 

 I obviously (to me, anyway!) was not suggesting someone actually ask these questions. I was asking whether being offended by them would make one oversensitive or not.


I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#93 of 97 Old 06-02-2011, 02:25 PM
 
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Just came across this thread.

 

While the original question may be a bit rude, I would certainly not waste time & energy being offended by it.

 

And I've been a single (not by choice) pregnant woman!


Mother to R- 2/09, & C- 5/11

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#94 of 97 Old 06-02-2011, 03:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post




The first happens to me quite often, as my kids look different to me. I also get asked if they are twins, even though one is much larger than the other, LOL. The second, I experienced once when I was babysitting my friend's son, who is Indian. The neighbors knew I hadn't just given birth to a two year old and asked "Where did you get him?" as if I had adopted him. It didn't occur to them that I was just babysitting.

 

 I obviously (to me, anyway!) was not suggesting someone actually ask these questions. I was asking whether being offended by them would make one oversensitive or not.



It was obvious to me, too. You seemed to be lumping all these comments in with the "is there a father?" comment. I definitely agree that all those comments are rude in the sense of being things that were better left unsaid. There are certainly better ways of starting a conversation and making small talk.

 

However, as I mentioned further upthread, I have, on occasion, caught myself blurting out some crazy thing that I wished I could take back a moment later.

 

So, yes, comments like this are rude -- but, having erred myself, I try not to choose to take offense too quickly when someone says something to me that gets my back up. "Rude" doesn't necessarily mean mean-spirited. Maybe this person could still be a friend someday. Maybe I'll be glad I that I didn't choose to stay offended. I'd rather give people a chance than just x them off my list over one unfortunate comment.

 


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#95 of 97 Old 06-03-2011, 06:48 AM
 
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It was obvious to me, too. You seemed to be lumping all these comments in with the "is there a father?" comment. I definitely agree that all those comments are rude in the sense of being things that were better left unsaid. There are certainly better ways of starting a conversation and making small talk.

 

However, as I mentioned further upthread, I have, on occasion, caught myself blurting out some crazy thing that I wished I could take back a moment later.

 

So, yes, comments like this are rude -- but, having erred myself, I try not to choose to take offense too quickly when someone says something to me that gets my back up. "Rude" doesn't necessarily mean mean-spirited. Maybe this person could still be a friend someday. Maybe I'll be glad I that I didn't choose to stay offended. I'd rather give people a chance than just x them off my list over one unfortunate comment.

 



Oh yes, I have said some crazy stuff before myself! Full disclosure - I am a single mother living in a country where that is apparently not socially acceptable. I don't think I am being overly sensitive if I get annoyed by the latest comment after several in one day about "where the father is". Neighbors really harassed me over it, and asked my very young kids why they don't have a daddy. I have been tempted to say that he died in a tragic accident and starting to cry loudly. I am not a hooker, like some of my neighbors seem to suggest. I CAN pay my bills, thanks - and given the general economic situation in my country of residence, probably more easier than the neighbor asking. I don't want pity, hate, or any of that stuff smile.gif.

 

Sure, a person who makes an unfortunate but not malignant comment is fine. That happens all the time.


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#96 of 97 Old 06-03-2011, 06:58 AM
 
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MittensKittens, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all that! Where I live, people are not at all suprised about single mothers.

 

I can see how questions like that would be tiresome and even hurtful. I don't blame you for being sick of it!


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#97 of 97 Old 07-14-2011, 02:38 PM
 
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i understand how you feel, i am a little younger than  you, 22, and i have 2 children and people look at me all the time like im 16 and have two, and most of the time i go places with my kids alone because my husband works overnights and hes sleeping all day, and they look at me like i dont know who the father is or like hes gone when he is very much involved as well. it annoys me too. and it is very rude and offensive when those questions are asked and dont need to be.

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He Really Is My Father , Clinical And Educational Interventions With Fathers , Single Parenting , Single Parenting And Your Children , Single Parenting How To Deal With The Problems And Benefits Of Being A Single Parent

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