Spin-Off from RSVP Etiquette: Do You Accommodate? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How do you accommodate special diets? Check all that apply.
I ask them to notify me of special diets on the invitation. 39 100.00%
I will make at least one modified main dish, or an extra filling side dish, for guests with dietary restrictions. 75 100.00%
I generally assume that there may be vegetarians in groups of over five guests, and plan accordingly. 46 100.00%
I order more than one kind of pizza for guests, as a matter of course. You never know! 69 100.00%
I do not serve pork if practicing Jews or Muslims will be present. 43 100.00%
I do not serve meat if vegetarians, religious or otherwise, will be present. 14 93.33%
We only have potlucks so this does not apply to me. 3 20.00%
I never invite guests over so this does not apply to me. 7 46.67%
I think it's not a big deal and people should eat what they are served. 2 13.33%
I know my friends well enough that I can plan meals around their preferences and needs without having to ask. 70 100.00%
I'll accommodate for religious or ethical reasons, but not health ones. 0 0%
I'll accommodate for health reasons but not religious or ethical ones. 1 6.67%
I just lie and tell them it meets their standards. They'll never know. 0 0%
Everybody likes chicken! 1 6.67%
Other 14 93.33%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 02:44 PM
 
wookie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: In my treasure's chest.
Posts: 413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by MamitaM View Post

I'm a vegetarian and don't cook meat. I really don't know how and don't want to. So if I'm going to cook for people then it will be vegetarian. I figure if they miss one meat meal that day/week they won't mind and it won't be a big deal for them. If they have allergies then I'll avoid what they can't eat and if I know they really don't like something then I won't make that since I really want to cook for them and want them to enjoy what I make. I usually only have 1-2 people over at a time though so it's easier for me to do this. If I were having a pot luck I wouldn't mind of people brought a meat dish,but would prefer they didn't since I only invite 1-2 people over and there wouldn't be much for me to eat except for what I made and a pot luck is all about sharing different dishes.

ditto to all of that. we're a vegetarian family and both dh and i grew up meat-free. we don't have a taste for it, canNOT cook with it (we wouldn't know how) and i've never handled meat. so all that i serve is vegetarian and sometimes ethnic indian. i've never had anyone ever complain or say something. that said, sometimes we have dh's coworkers over and they order pizza and dh orders a combination of meat/veggie pizzas. at the end if there are leftovers we ask people to take it with them as they're going to go waste here. i will pack it for them in tupperware that i don't expect to be returned. when we go over for parties, people usually know we don't eat meat. that doesn't mean they can't serve it only that we nosh on something else suitable. if there's nothing vegetarian available (which has been NEVER ime) we quietly don;t eat anything and pick up something on our way home. vegetarianism really has never been an issue for us or our friends.
 

wookie is offline  
#32 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 03:24 PM
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 9,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
 

What does annoy me a wee bit is when people cheat. My supposedly dairy-free friend comes over sometimes, and I'll always try to make her dairy-free food (or with minimal dairy, it isn't a hugely severe allergy so traces of milk in the garlic salt or whatever is fine). For mains, it's not such an issue - I'll make a cheese sauceless, cheeseless mini-lasagna as well as the big cheesy one for everyone else. Desserts are more of a problem, but I have an ice cream maker, so I'll often do something like mango sorbet. But then she'll turn up and say "Oh, it looks so yummy, I'll just suffer later!" and eat the cheesy lasagna and the chocolate mousse anyway. Which means a lot of wasted effort.... but I don't like to ignore the CF issue next time, in case she's feeling less free and easy, you know?

 

I'm very lactose (the form of sugar in dairy products) intolerant.  Even taking lactaid (pills that contain lactase enzyme to digest lactose) I can't just eat dairy all willy-nilly.  Every now and then though I can get away with an occasional dairy meal/treat, as long as I take a bunch of lactaids.  When I can do this isn't simple though.  It depends on a number of factors; if I have my pills with me; if I have eaten any dairy recently; if my stomach has been acting up lately or not; etc.

 

That said, anytime someone has gone to the trouble of making me dairy free food, I will go for it.  Partly just b/c it means I can save my pills and dairy allowance for later, just in case I have only dairy choices available in the near future.  Also though, just b/c it would be polite.

 

My "vegan" sister does the same thing. It's actually quite a pain for me to cook vegan, because I'm a TFer and actually try to get animal products in dishes wherever possible. So I usually cook rice in chicken stock, and now it tastes bland and boring to me if I don't - or I'll fry potatoes in chicken fat, or use butter to soften onions, or whatever. Obviously I CAN vegan-ify it, but it tends to make an inferior dish IMO. So it annoys me greatly when I do all that, and then after the meal see her happily munching on cookies I made with butter and eggs, or helping herself to frozen yoghurt, or whatever. That strikes me as pickiness rather than ethics, and I have much less sympathy for it. Particularly because she's my sister. :p

 

She may just be a LO-vegetarian, but feel that if she doesn't call herself vegan, that you will use non-vegetarian animal products such as chicken stock and chicken fat or lard.  Many non-veg*ns have trouble understanding what types of animal products are acceptable to a LO-vegetarian and what isn't.  I have a feeling from the way you listed both acceptable and not acceptable items together that you might not quite understand why some are acceptable and others aren't.

 

BTW, vegetarian vegetable broth can add that missing flavor to rice and other similar dishes.  This brand is really good, but a bit expensive:  http://www.pacificfoods.com/our-foods/broths/organic-vegetable-broth.  We stock up (didn't intend the pun, but I kind of like it) when it's on sale.


Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
#33 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 03:42 PM
 
PGTlatte's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago far NWS
Posts: 1,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I know our friends well enough to know who I should have a conversation with and plan how to feed them.  I will always accommodate them somehow. Sometimes that means I prepare something with ingredients they have approved, and sometimes it means they bring their own stuff, or bring their own ingredients and cook at my house (we are super laid back and they are welcome to use the kitchen for whatever they need.) 

 

Due to food allergies, the kids and I were dairy and egg free for years - we were the people who came to parties bringing our own food.  So I will never, ever be annoyed by someone who needs to ask about ingredients, read the labels on the packaging I saved just for that purpose, or bring their own food.  Eggs are still an issue for DS1 so we still bring out own desserts to everything we attend.

 

I don't care whether their food restrictions are due to allergies, health reasons, religion, or philosophy - it's their business, and if I want to have them as guests at something I am hosting, I want to do or allow whatever is needed for them to feel comfortable and have some nice food options.  When people arrive I am very open about pointing out which foods contain what.

 

I like to know in advance, but if someone new comes and is asking questions about ingredients, I don't mind and I keep all the labels.

 

Last year I spent a large amount of $$ and went to three different stores buying a lot of kosher marshmallows to use in a treat, because we have some good friends who don't eat regular gelatin and I wanted their DD to be able to have some :)


DS1 March 2003DS2 Sept 2005,
and 3 , in our happy secular
PGTlatte is offline  
#34 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 03:57 PM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 10,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I ask for them to let me know ahead of time if they have any special dietary requests.

 

That being said, if I am unsure of people who are coming I will provide at least one vegan option for people who are veg*n or have other dietary beliefs. If there are specific requests, I will meet them. Since I'm the host, it's up to me to ensure that my guest have proper food, drink, and other needs met while enjoying themselves in my home.

 

I've even gone to the trouble to make sure to follow the guidelines required so that one of DD's classmates who was immunocompromised could safely enjoy herself at DD's birthday party once. That included being ready to turn people away if they showed up sick, which luckily I didn't need to do.


malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#35 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 03:59 PM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 10,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by VisionaryMom View Post


For large groups, I have made little signs that say gluten-free, corn-free, etc. If there's something I'm unsure about, then I'll just post the ingredient list so people can decide for themselves. 
 


I do that too, and I make sure there is almost no chance of cross contamination.


malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#36 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 05:35 PM
 
Tigerchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 5,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I really enjoy cooking veg*n dishes and GF dishes.  Because my kids have been good friends with kids who have nut allergies for years and because I once had to administer an epi-pen to a toddler because of someone else's parent's inconsiderate stupidity (in a nut-free daycare, they sent their two year old to school with a handful of roasted peanuts in his jacket pocket, so they were *everywhere*, including the residue on his hands--when I informed the peanut pocket child's parents what happened they shrugged and said "He wanted a snack, and I didn't want to give him goldfish again, they get crushed in the car and are too messy".)--I don't take the risk of serving anything with nuts in it at parties or at playdates.

 

I always tell dinner guests that I really love to know their special likes/dislikes and any sensitivity because it's my pleasure to cook safe, enjoyable foods for them.   At a party I like to just have a vegan and GF option available  (though it never offends me esp. if GF folks bring their own food--I do my best to avoid cross contamination but unfortunately I only have 2 cutting boards (one for meat, one for everything else) and both my colanders have strained pasta, I use mostly wooden utensils which I have heard can retain more residual gluten than metal.  So I cannot guarantee that there is not any cross contamination, and if someone is super sensitive I would rather them just be safe.

 

If it's a birthday party, I know the two GF kids in our lives, and always get special cupcakes for them and email the complete ingredient list to the moms beforehand and keep the packages sealed until it's time to eat.  Since the bakery I like makes packages of four, that leaves me with some spares for people who don't tell me and if not, we will eat them, they're delicious!

 

I LOVE feeding people.  But at the same time, if they want to bring their own food, it doesn't offend me.  My kitchen has enough love in it that it can spill over into brought food too.  Plus, it means that friends who are gunshy about risk can still come and eat with me and I can enjoy their company.  So it's all good.

Tigerchild is offline  
#37 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 06:13 PM
 
LovnMyBoys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We're usually on the other side as well.  I'm avoiding all dairy and soy for my youngest, my middle only has 7 safe foods and my oldest is dairy, soy, gluten and egg allergic.  I do not expect any person to cater to our needs, but am absolutely thrilled when they do.  I always send my oldest with food to parties because a lot of people just don't understand how to make safe food.  I usually just ask what they are serving and make him a safe version of that.  I will also always bring their food if we go to a family event for the same reasons.  I find for myself I can usually find enough safe foods, well except for desserts which is often hard.

OTOH I absolutely try to accomodate anyone coming to my home.  Usually people eating here are close friends so I know their eating habits.  Any parties we have hosted I have always asked about food restrictions, and will discuss my ability to provide safe dishes with them.  I always have that discussion because coming from the other side I'm not comfortable with others preparing food for my kids unless they are very knowledgable,  and I want to ensure that they feel comfortable with me doing so. 


Mama to three sweet boys ('04, '07 and the new addition arrived on Sept 8, 2010)
LovnMyBoys is offline  
#38 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 06:23 PM
 
AllyRae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We have a lot of allergies (in our house, there are gluten, dairy, egg, peanut, tree nut, shellfish, and kidney bean allergies)--anything beyond what we have is not really hard to accomodate at all, so I will try my best to accomodate it.  Even for DS's birthday treat that he's bringing in to school tomorrow, I accomodated a soy allergy that was in the class, which was additional to the other allergies we deal with.  I always always always ask for any allergies/major diet issues when I host anything because I'm just so used to allergies being a part of life.  We just hosted a work party for DH, and we had Muslims, vegans, and people with allergies, and I was able to prepare a meal that worked for everyone (vegan chili, regular chili, gf/df/ef cornbread, 3 types of wings, various desserts, fruits, veggies, etc.)

 

So in our house, I always ask what issues there are and work around it (I won't work around pickiness unless it's a small child though. :lol: ).  I know what it's like to be on the side where you can't eat anything at a party, so I try to make sure that there's at least one substantial thing for everyone.  Anyone we host always knows about their alleriges, so they know that we are serious about allergen free.  But, I'm never offended when people want to bring their own stuff too, because sometimes there are odd allergies that are fairly difficult to work around (like black pepper.)


~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
AllyRae is offline  
#39 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 06:54 PM
 
Joyster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We had a birthday party recently for DS1, there were lots of dietary needs, but we managed to accomodate them all pretty easily. I was worried about it at first, but everyone enjoyed the food and all needs were met. I pride myself on being a good hostess, so doing something a little different with the menu is not a big deal for me.


Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
Joyster is offline  
#40 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 07:25 PM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

If anyone in the room would be offended by the presences of something they do not eat, then they are not the sort that I would associate with anyway. They can chose to be polite and not eat what is served. But if they want to walk off because the menu offends them, too bad.

 

I don't like a lot of things so when I go to friends houses, I just skip those things. If there ends up not being a main course for me, oh well, no biggie. Not like I cannot afford to feed myself after. Not like I paid them a bunch to allow me to be there. I am their guest and I will be polite.

 

I will mention that on a couple occassions, I did eat something I hated because it was the only thing served and the hostess was a sweet old grandma who made it just for my family. I don't eat pork, fish, or most red meats. I also do not eat peppers.

Lisa1970 is offline  
#41 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 07:35 PM
 
savithny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,820
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I checked that I don't serve meat when I have vegetarian guests -- but I shoudl clarify that I dont' serve meat as a main course when a vegetarian is a main guest.

 

Except on Thanksgiving, when the first time we had our favorite vegetarian over, he got invited by another friend after I'd already bought a turkey!  That has evolved to a tradition in which I always make sides vegetarian and have one richer dish that can be a main course for him.

 

If its a larger party (a barbecue or our annual tamalada) I have veggie and non-veggie options: I do a pot of beans and a pot of meat for burritos, I have veg and non-veg appetizers, etc.   

 

If someone tells me about a food allergy I *will* accomodate it as best I can (we aren't a nut-free house, but I will clean a prep area, do extra cleaning on all utensils, not have nuts as part of the meal, etc. 


savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

savithny is offline  
#42 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 08:23 PM
 
Smokering's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,610
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

 

Quote:

She may just be a LO-vegetarian, but feel that if she doesn't call herself vegan, that you will use non-vegetarian animal products such as chicken stock and chicken fat or lard.  Many non-veg*ns have trouble understanding what types of animal products are acceptable to a LO-vegetarian and what isn't.  I have a feeling from the way you listed both acceptable and not acceptable items together that you might not quite understand why some are acceptable and others aren't.

 

BTW, vegetarian vegetable broth can add that missing flavor to rice and other similar dishes.  This brand is really good, but a bit expensive:  http://www.pacificfoods.com/our-foods/broths/organic-vegetable-broth.  We stock up (didn't intend the pun, but I kind of like it) when it's on sale.

She's neither a vegan nor a lacto-ovo vegetarian, nor a strict vegetarian. She's... changeable. I know there are things she definitely won't eat, like large lumps of meat; but she varies wildly on things like dairy and eggs. Basically, she'll eat eggs, butter and even (regular, non-vegetarian) cheese when she feels like it, but if she doesn't want to that day will play the vegan card and be offended that I made something with butter in it. It's infuriating, but fortunately she lives in another city and doesn't eat with us very often. (And no, she doesn't just eat dairy-laden stuff at my house to be polite - I've made vegan options and had her eat that and the regular pie or cookies, and she does it at restaurants too.) I don't exactly mind her compromising her principles - they're her principles to compromise - but I wish she'd give me a heads-up when she plans to so I can save myself a ton of effort. :p

 

I do sub vegetable broth if necessary, but it still doesn't have the taste of a good homemade chicken stock. :) Plus, several brands of veggie stock (and meat stocks, which is why I don't buy 'em) have HVP or MSG in 'em, which I don't eat.


If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

Smokering is offline  
#43 of 54 Old 11-21-2010, 08:35 PM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post

I hosted a party and asked everyone about allergies ahead of time and was really sad when two guests didn't tell me about a strawberry allergy... the whole cake was covered in strawberries.  :(


Awww.....

 

I'm allergic to strawberries, along with a LONG list of other uncooked fruits/veggies.   I usually don't mention it to hosts.  People I know very well already know, and I choose not to get into the intricacies of my annoying (but non-life threatening) allergies with more casual friends.  I just scrape off what I can not eat, and eat what I can.  I wouldn't want anyone to feel sad, though!  Maybe they are like me, and REALLY want you to make/serve what makes you happy, and we will eat what we can :)


I do ask about allergies when I am hosting children.  I don't tend to ask about adults, but the truth is I rarely host adults that I don't know very, very well.  Those friends that have dietary restrictions--of course I accomodate!

sunnmama is offline  
#44 of 54 Old 11-22-2010, 06:29 AM
 
crunchy_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 6,501
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post

I hosted a party and asked everyone about allergies ahead of time and was really sad when two guests didn't tell me about a strawberry allergy... the whole cake was covered in strawberries.  :(



Awww... probably they just didn't expect that you'd do a strawberry cake & so didn't think to warn you. I am allergic to mango, kiwi, & cashews, but since they aren't usually staples in people's dishes, I don't tell them that, just that I'm vegan & GF. I figure it is easy enough to avoid the one dish that has mango...


Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
crunchy_mommy is offline  
#45 of 54 Old 11-22-2010, 04:07 PM
 
mclisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: loving my scrapbooks!
Posts: 5,792
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have kids with food allergies.  I never expect others to accommodate them.  I always have meal options along for them and if there happens to be foods they can enjoy at a gathering then it's a bonus.  One is allergic to 8 foods so it would never work to plan an entire meal around her.  I love it when people have fresh fruit and veggies because she can have that with the meal I bring.

 


Michelle: wife to J, mom to M (2001), E (2003), C (2005), S (2007) and O! (2009) And someone new in 2011!
mclisa is offline  
#46 of 54 Old 11-22-2010, 04:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
EdnaMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't think we have had anything you could actually eat in the past month.  o_O

 

We're kind of new to our friends... only here for a year, so I guess her allergy never came up.  Oh well.  At least I had some other foods.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post





Awww... probably they just didn't expect that you'd do a strawberry cake & so didn't think to warn you. I am allergic to mango, kiwi, & cashews, but since they aren't usually staples in people's dishes, I don't tell them that, just that I'm vegan & GF. I figure it is easy enough to avoid the one dish that has mango...


It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
EdnaMarie is offline  
#47 of 54 Old 11-22-2010, 04:43 PM
 
new2this's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 282
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I try to accommodate but I won't go all out either. I tend to put the responsibility on the person to inform me of allergies. If they don't let me know then thats on them. I will ask if its a small setting and ask what are likes and dislikes but thats about as far as it goes. I have a semi special diet and when we go to places I just bring my own stuff or don't eat or just nibble. I also make a variety of dishes so people can choose and not feel on the spot if they are the only ones not eating type of thing. 

new2this is offline  
#48 of 54 Old 11-23-2010, 09:59 AM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I never really have parties so serving to a crowd is not really something i need to worry about.  When I do have a party I usually just serve treats, fresh fruits and veggies.  maybe meat and cheese tray.  I am serving at church on Sunday and everything will be vegan because we are fasting.  Not everyone fasts to the same level so I always accommodate the strictest fasts.   In that sort of situation though I just expect people to fend for themselves.  When I was vegan I always did.  I never expected anyone to make accommodations for me.

 

If I am having a guests over it is for the purpose of cater to their needs and making a meal they will find enjoyable.  It is about serving them.  So of course I will cater to to any ethical, religious or health choice.  If I think they are just annoying when it comes to food or if I feel like I cannot graciously accommodate them I will likely find something else to do besides invite them over for food.  

 

I would never invite someone over to my house with the attitude of "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit".  That is not hospitality.  

 

And if my kids had allergies chances are I would just provide for them.  Especially if they were life threatening allergies I simply wouldn't trust even the most gracious hostess with the best intentions.  You just can't be to sure.  And if my friends child had allergies I would tell them what we were having and ask if they could bring something for their child because honestly, I wouldn't even trust myself not to cross contaminate or whatever.  With health issues it is a big complicated deal and it is better that the person in charge stays in charge.


The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#49 of 54 Old 11-23-2010, 12:51 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I was vegan for about six years. I always took food with me when we went places, because I didn't expect people to accomodate my dietary choices.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#50 of 54 Old 11-23-2010, 01:52 PM
 
shnitzel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 177
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We eat strictly kosher and when someone not kosher invites us they usually order from a kosher restaurant but that rarely comes up and we are happy just enjoying someones company. Everyone we know respects our religious choices.

 

We are also nut free and fish free because of anaphylactic allergies and DH always tells people when we are invited out and everyone has always been very accommodating.

 

I hate when I invite people over and then find out they are vegetarian but i usually only cook one meat dish and a lot of sides just in case. I would still have one meat dish but would make a point to have a main course like vegetarian dish. 

 

My b-i-l is dairy free because he is anaphylactic to milk (on top of nuts & fish) and we eat a lot of dairy and very little meat so I always try to make him a dairy free version of whatever we are having or change my menu to fit.


Wig wearing mommy to (06/12/09) 
shnitzel is offline  
#51 of 54 Old 11-24-2010, 01:48 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Dd has an intolerance to pretty much all highly processed foods (if it is processed but contains whole, real ingredients, it's fine, but when it's made with a laundry list of chemicals it causes many problems, including night terrors, agitation, and severe eczema).  I find that this is the, THE most complicated restriction to explain and have anyone accommodate.  If someone asks, "are crackers O.K." the answer is not a simple yes or no.  For that reason, I really try to do what I can for others, but never expect others to accommodate us.  "Homemade from scratch" to others often means chicken and cream of chemical soup in a crockpot, and "homemade from scratch" means something vastly different for us!  Luckily, many people we socially interact with know what we mean by "from scratch" and we don't have issues for dd.  So, obviously it can be difficult to have real clarification, but I think it's worth it to ask the guests.

 

For allergies... I try to really ask for details because I find that the term "allergy" is used SO often for "I don't like" or what is actually an intolerance.  For one, cross-contamination is very important and in the other, cross-contamination is not a risk.  I have a true food allergy, but I just break out in hives and wheeze a little.  It's not life-threatening, but serious to me.  Still, I wouldn't ask anyone to avoid that ingredient when cooking.  Finding if things are truly an allergy and their severity is important, but again, can be difficult to know the details.

 

Religious accommodations... I may or may not be able to.  For example, dh is from the middle east... I cannot provide halal meat because of where I live (we have no halal butchers within reasonable driving distance).  In this case, I serve whatever meat I'm going to serve and make sure I have plenty of sides that can come together to make up for the lack of meat. 

 

My favorite way of entertaining, though, is a cocktail party where I don't have to make a full meal and can have a great variety of cold and hot hors d'ouevres.  It's also easy to avoid cross-contamination.  With this game plan, I can almost *always* accommodate everyone.  TBH, entertaining was much, much easier 20 years ago... I don't remember anybody ever having allergies and few dietary restrictions (veg*an being, actually, the only one I ever remember having to address back then).

velochic is offline  
#52 of 54 Old 11-24-2010, 11:16 AM
 
blizzard_babe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Land of Beer and Cheese, baby.
Posts: 4,900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
My favorite way of entertaining, though, is a cocktail party where I don't have to make a full meal and can have a great variety of cold and hot hors d'ouevres.  It's also easy to avoid cross-contamination.  With this game plan, I can almost *always* accommodate everyone. 


Totally this! My family actually did this for Christmas one year and it was a raving success.


Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
blizzard_babe is offline  
#53 of 54 Old 11-24-2010, 11:53 AM
 
ShadowMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 1,405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

If I'm hosting a get-together or party, I generally make it a potluck where the guests all bring something to eat. I do have strict food rules for my parties, (if they're at my house or summer house), and that is "no meat allowed." I won't cook it and I won't have it brought into my space for someone else to eat or cook. I will tolerate some dairy if someone orders a pizza or something similar but again, I won't cook with it in my house or allow anyone else to cook with dairy in my house. I always make sure to have plenty of snacks and a variety of food on hand and so far, no one has ever gone hungry at my parties.

 

If I'm going to a food-centric gathering then I will always prepare before hand by eating something light before I go, (in case there is nothing I can eat), or by bringing something yummy for myself and with extra to share. If an invite doesn't specify what will be served or doesn't ask about dietary restrictions then I'll usually just mention something like, "I'm not sure if you're aware but I'm a strict vegetarian and if you don't mind, would be more than happy to bring something I can add to the meal." I don't expect people to accommodate me since I refuse to accommodate for meat eaters and not everyone is comfortable cooking for a vegan. 


S~ Peace loving, natural living, FuNkY vegan mama to Keiran bouncy.gif 23/Dec/06:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" ~~ MLK
ShadowMoon is offline  
#54 of 54 Old 11-24-2010, 02:06 PM
 
Smithie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,529
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

 

"If anyone in the room would be offended by the presences of something they do not eat, then they are not the sort that I would associate with anyway. They can chose to be polite and not eat what is served. But if they want to walk off because the menu offends them, too bad."

 

Exactly. I eat with kosher-keepers all the time, often vegan as well, and sometimes they are strict to the point where they bring their own stuff rather than navigate my trayf, but I've never once been made uncomfortable by it. Probably because the same culture that produced the concept of kosher also produced all the "don't criticize what you're served!" and "criticizing food is ungrateful to God!" rhetoric that I've so deeply internalized. orngtongue.gif

Smithie is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off