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Is noise just something I have to get used to?

2K views 36 replies 35 participants last post by  liberal_chick 
#1 ·
I'm expecting number 2 in January. Right now we're visiting DH's family for the holiday weekend and his 3 step niece/nephews are here....and it's loud.

I guess I have a problem with noise. I have no idea when I developed this. Maybe I have underlying SPD or something...I really have no idea.

I said to DH earlier, "I guess if we want a big family I'll have to get used to noise..." but I really hope it's not true.

These kids are just loud. They talk at the top of their voices and scream at each other when they're upset about something...those are things you can avoid to some degree, right?
 
#2 ·
It is possible to teach kids to use their indoor voices indoors. And really, every family is different. There is no way to judge how loud your kids are going to be, some families are loud some aren't. The loudest family I met had only two kids who were never taught not to run screaming through the house like they were trying to kill each other. The quietest? 4 kids, the youngest was two and all of them were active but quiet even when fighting.
 
#3 ·
I have two kids, who are pretty quiet. I get very overwhelmed by the noise and sorry, it got much worse after my second was born. I work really hard not to let it bother me and try to have lots of quiet time. I run the dishwasher at bedtime, the kids have tvs that are not in the main living area (where I spend most of my time) and I'm pretty firm about the roughousing/screaming/riling the dog up noise.

They've learned that if they get too loud and rowdy mommy gets twitchy and cranky, so they are pretty respectful of my needs.
 
#4 ·
I have two boys (3 1/2 and almost 1 year) and since DS1 joined our world, things have just been loud in our house. The addition of DS2 means that the house is never quiet! Honestly, they are so loud. There are days when I wonder why I have a headache and then I realize it is because they never stop talking (or in DS2's case, yelling / screaming / babbling).

Sorry I can't give you more hope for quiet. The noise drives my DH crazy too. I grew up with 4 brothers and I still can't believe how loud my boys are.... my mum must have worn earplugs!
 
#6 ·
I hate to say it, but yes, kids are noisy. There is a scale, I'm sure, basic noisy to crazy noisy. But I can relate to the sensitive to noise mom type. That is me for sure. The bigger they get the louder and crazier they get. But the good news is it's a gradual process. You will adjust, we all do.
 
#7 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post

"I guess if we want a big family I'll have to get used to noise..." but I really hope it's not true.

These kids are just loud. They talk at the top of their voices and scream at each other when they're upset about something...those are things you can avoid to some degree, right?
Well, the answer from my experience is YES...
 
#8 ·
I have four kids, and omgosh, they are loud! Seriously - even when they are calm, they are pretty noisy. When I've talked on the phone to my sister (who doesn't have kids yet) she can get overwhelmed by the background noise - and that's even when there are only 1-2 kids around, and they are just talking/playing as usual... imagine someone screaming, crying, fighting, etc., and it can get crazy loud.
 
#9 ·
Depends on what you mean by noise. Constant yelling, fighting, and screaming? Not allowed. Not only do I think that's a really poor atmosphere to grow up it, I would literally be driven bonkers by it.

I have three boys. They are noisy by their very nature. I am not. I like quiet.

However, I love my boys and have no regrets about having them. I have learned to get used to a sort of baseline noise level, and then found different ways to cope with what's beyond that. #1 sanity saver has been the mandatory rest time every day at the same hour. They don't have to sleep, but they do have to stay in their room quietly with a book until their story on CD finishes. Also, it was a lot harder when they were younger. Now they are old enough I can send them all outside if they can't contain themselves, and they can shout at the wind instead of having that reverberate through my house. :lol:
 
#10 ·
For me, children=noise. I do require ds to keep it down if he is disturbing his dad or his grandma but I'm pretty immune to noise most of the time.

In fact I am rather loud myself and I think it's because I worked in daycares for years before I started having my own babies. my ex-inlaws were Cuban, Puerto Rican and Dominican and they yell everything, lol, so I had to learn to do it too or nobody would ever notice me. By now, we're just used to noise. I can tolerate "people" noise fine: kids playing, yelling, babies crying, a bunch of mildly intoxicated guys acting obnoxious, but what drives me insane is when people have like 5 things going at once...the tv, a radio here, a radio there, something playing on the computer. I can't stand it.
 
#11 ·
Yeah, even with only 3 kids in my house, it is noisy. Playing is noisy, fighting here and there, hurt feelings, someone crying.... noise, noise, noise. On the rare time I escape to the grocery store alone, I listen to the utter silence in the car. So blissful. The house noise is fine, I can escape to another room, but being trapped in a car with one child singing, one chattering, and another whining/crying. And then the trips where every child is screaming, OMG. The car is the devil I swear, and the more children, means the more trips in the car, for least it is for us.
 
#12 ·
I have 3 boys, 5, 3 and 3 months. This morning, my 3 m/o was napping, while the 3 and 5 y/o were on the floor quietly colouring. Then there are moments when the baby is crying and the two big guys are running around playing monster games. They don't scream in the house, but they are noisy and I have to let them burn off some steam. In the summer we can go in the yard, but winter it's a little more difficult. There are times where I'll just go down into the basement for quiet. It depends on the family, I do think kids are generally noisier, but you can have quiet moments.
 
#13 ·
I think it depends on the kids and the family. My son is quiet. When he plays with his friends, they are all rather quiet. He doesn't like loud noises or loud places. Neither do I so our home is fairly peaceful and that's what he prefers.

Does he occasssionally get loud? Sure. But he calms down fairly quickly.
 
#14 ·
I have a friend that has 3 very, very quiet kids. I have an only that, TBH, talks a LOT, but not loudly. She doesn't yell, never had a tantrum in her life, but likes to hear her own voice whether that is asking lots of questions or narrating her own pretend play. The interesting thing is that to me, 3 quiet kids seem to be much noisier than my only. There is drama that does not occur with my only, their mother seems to NEVER have a break from all of them at once (one is always at her side for one request or another), the combination of quiet voices becomes a dull roar as they try to talk over each other. I know that this is MY perception because I have an only. I would assume that I would become adjusted to it over time as I had more. We're not having more kids, so my only is it... and I'm happy with the noise level of her quiet soliloquies vs. the dull roar of my friend's quiet kids.
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So, my guess is that yes, you will have to get used to the noise (but you will without difficulty).
 
#15 ·
yes, they are noisy-a "dull roar" is a great way to describe it. My kids are not allowed to run screaming through the house (though of course they forget at times, particularly when dsd is here) but there is often constant talking or requests to deal with. I am very easily overwhelmed by noise (i.e. I can't have music playing while with the kids because the combination totally makes me crazy) so I try to take breaks when possible. They are pretty good at playing alone, so I try to zone out a couple of times a day. Though sometimes this has the opposite effect of making me even more frustrated when I keep getting interrupted during my zoning time, lol. I have often said that when ds starts talking I will really go insane!

Okay, not really, and I don't mean to scare you! Like I said, I have a very low threshold for noise and I manage just fine most days, with only some moments when I have to hold my breath and count to 10 :)
 
#16 ·
I have four kids (almost 14, 7, 4, and 21 months) and it is loud a lot of the time. I think it does depend on the personalities of the children, though. I homeschool my teen, but my 7 year old goes to public school, and when she is at school the house is pretty quiet. When she's home, though, the noise level goes through the roof. Not only is she loud, but the other kids get louder when she's around. I much prefer things to be quiet, but I know that after school hours and weekends are going to be quite noisy and just deal with it the best I can.
 
#17 ·
I struggle with this, so much. I have three. DD2 is not naturally noisy, but the other two are. My DD1 just has a big voice, for instance-- even when she thinks she's just talking normally, she's LOUD. And I am driven absolutely to the edge by noise. I DO have some serious sensory processing issues, to do with sound. And it's hard for me.

I think that to some extent, you do have to learn to live with it. But you can work on it-- they can learn some basic manners about using appropriate tones of voice, and they can learn that they're expected to confine noisy play to certain areas of the house or the outdoors. I've managed to teach them to knock before coming into my room, so that I can go in there and hide when I need to. I've managed to teach them to talk softly before breakfast. I've managed to establish that noisy play has to happen outside, or in our basement family room, but NOT on the main floor of the house. And I'm famous for telling them, "If you need to be loud, you can go upstairs, downstairs, or outside-- but get OUT of my kitchen." They don't have to be running screaming through the house, shouting and fighting and hollering. They do need to be able to run and scream and shout and holler-- but they don't have to do it in the living room. DD1 and I are working on her tone, in a very gentle way-- it's a life skill, I think, to be able to talk in a reasonable tone of voice so that other people aren't put off by you, and it's good to help her learn that.

But there are times when the noise is unavoidable.
 
#18 ·
A lot of it was just screaming and hollaring....but a good dose of it was fighting with each other. (There's also a lot of physical violence that's put up with in that family...) I guess the noise is different when it's your kids. DS was kind of weird about it. He kept sitting and staring at them when they got loud like, "Is that really necessary?"
 
#20 ·
We have three kids and while it can get very loud here, it isn't constant. However, get them around their cousins and it NEVER STOPS until we leave! So part of the loudness you experienced last night, was probably partly due to the excitement of seeing their cousins.
 
#21 ·
Like others have said, some people are noisier than others, and some people are more sensitive to noise. My children, their dad (my ex), and I are not overly noisy people. Even when my kids are being really noisy, they're quieter than other people I know. When their dad and I split up, the boys and I moved in with my bestie and her kids. She and her son are loud people (her daughter is not). It was hard to get used to. Even simple things that I never considered before.....like, my kids turn a doorknob and close the door. My friend's son just pushes it shut KERTHUNK!

Earplugs. Seriously. From the drugstore. I still use them. They don't block out every bit of sound, but they mute the loud stuff. They muffle background noises like TV and video game sounds. I also wear them when I'm doing homework or just reading for pleasure, because even quiet conversations are distracting to me and sound carries in our house.
 
#22 ·
I was giggling when I read this thread. Yup, kids, in general, are noisy.

My DD is L.O.U.D. Even her quiet voice is loud. I think I was that kind of kid too so I just roll with it. We work on it, I remind her to lower her voice constantly, but she can only do it so much. FTR she was loud from day one, so I think it just is the way she is wired.

My DS on the other hand, is very quiet, like his Dad.

I deal with the noise by encouraging headphone use when DD wants to dance to Lady Gaga for the 40th time or wants to play on the computer some obnoxious noise making game.

I've been known to sit on the computer (on MDC, he he he) wearing my earbuds even though I'm not listening to anything.
 
#23 ·
The noise is what gets to me the most. When there are many people in one space it's almost unavoidable especially when the majority of those people are young and animated. They talk and sing and laugh and cry and whine and argue and chirp and vocalise in every way imaginable. Sometimes they're quiet. They read and play calm and watch a show and draw etc. I'll catch us in these quite moments and am always amazed. Some of my kids are noisier than others. I have a couple who are LOUD TALKERS. There are times when it can be nearly overwhelming to me and I have to ask for a few (often unsuccessful) minutes of quiet. Kids can be taught manners and don't have to constantly act like a pack of feral animals but, in my opinion yes, noise is part of the package.
 
#24 ·
I think noise is part and parcel of young people, and I also think that some families are louder than others. We only have one child and we are a fairly loud family (we love music, loud laughter, etc), while my sister has five kids and they are all very subdued. They barely make a peep...I swear! I'm not sure why that is...it is still a great mystery to me why some families can be very quiet and others gregarious.

That being said, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a quieter tone. We live in an old apartment building and can hear everyone below, above and beside us. We had to teach DD to respect that other people are impacted by the noise we make. It is tough, considering we are a loud family (by loud I don't mean shouting and screaming - but we have musical instruments and like to make a lot of noise that way). Sometimes I have to speak loudly to be heard over others in our household.

I think we all have different tolerances for what is considered "noise." I don't mind human noise, as long as it is joyful. I think you need to set up expectations in your own household as to what is acceptable and what is not. Families should strive to live in harmony, kids-will-be-kids theory or not.
 
#25 ·
I have two kids, and while there is noise, they aren't anywhere near as noisy as some families I know. I tend to be quiet, I value quiet, and so I probably enforce "indoor voices" more than others might. I still let my kids be kids, though, and a certain about of noise is inherent to that, I think.

We are friends with another family we see often, who also have two kids, and their kids are so much louder than ours. It doesn't seem to bother the parents like it does me, and they don't seem to enforce any indoor noise level rules. I like them, but the noise really drives me nuts.

As the PP said, you can set the noise level in your own home and define for your family what is and is not acceptable.
 
#26 ·
Kids generate noise, and it's not even the volume of their voice that is the only factor. Closing play kitchen cupboards, "driving" hot wheels cars around, clicking legos together (and accidently knocking them over,) all of that and more generates noise as well. And the more kids you have doing that, the more noise it creates.
 
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