Where a title is suppose to go - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 15 Old 11-27-2010, 12:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
caij_rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: B.C Canada
Posts: 14
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have just been thinking about how many kids I want now, and how that could change when I actually do become a parent. I wondered what other people process was, so.....

 

When did you know you wanted kids?

 

Do you have a number of kids before you got married? Did that change after having the first?

Did the number you wanted have anything to do with how many kids were in your family while growing up?

 

I personally am not married yet or have kids yet, but I have I think always known I wanted kids, or at least from when I was in my early teens. 

My absolute minimum number would be two, but I would much prefer four, and if life happens I get more from either adoption, foster or bio, I would be open to the tops of seven.

I come from a family of three girls, I am the oldest.

caij_rose is offline  
#2 of 15 Old 11-27-2010, 02:14 PM
 
3xMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I've never really had a set number of kids that I wanted. I knew I wanted at least two but otherwise my number has been pretty lax. Sometimes I only wanted two and sometimes I saw myself with six or eight even. The number that's always felt right for me is three. It didn't really change after the first for me, it was after having my second that I knew I really really wanted to have another.

 

DH and I started having kids pretty young, so we've put more of an age cap on our child bearing years. We want to be done by the time our oldest is six. We have discussed foster parenting, but that would be many a year down the road for us, so its not something we've seriously discussed at this point.

 

I am an only child and I don't think it influenced how many kids I want. I greatly enjoyed being an only child, I just want to have more children of my own. I do think DH having siblings definately influenced him, he didn't want his kids to grow up without a sibling.


 read.gif Rachael~~SAHM to fairy.gif (4/27/06), diaper.gif (11/18/09) and babyf.gif (1/29/11); married to a fabulous man! flowersforyou.gif  intactlact.gif cd.gif    caffix.gif )O(

3xMama is offline  
#3 of 15 Old 11-27-2010, 02:31 PM
 
love4bob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 614
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Our first was a surprise baby when we were both 18, so we hadn't really thought about kids yet. After I had my first though, I KNEW I wanted a more, and I wanted them close in age. We had #2 19 months later and surprise #3 15 months after that. I think I want 4 now. DH is coming home on R&R this month(he is deployed), and we are hoping to get pregnant while he is here! If we don't we will just have 3. Once he gets back the age gap is just too much for me, and I was also be graduating college in 2012, and I don't want to have to put an infant in daycare when I start working.


treehugger.gifAngie(25) Birth Doula and wife to Army man Bob(25), mommy to...dust.gifMeadow Shae(6),energy.gifLily Rain(4)homebirth.jpg, and joy.gif Sage Ashlyn(3). jog.gifAndrew Houston(9/3/11)

 
 
 
 

love4bob is offline  
#4 of 15 Old 11-27-2010, 03:54 PM
 
MommaCrystal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 994
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Having kids was always a given for me.  I can't think of a time when I ever questioned it.  I had things I wanted to accomplish before I did and I was successful with all of that.

 

We thought we wanted two kids.  After the first we knew 2 wouldn't be enough.  We are up to 3 now, the youngest is 6 months.  We're discussing number 4 already.  4 is probably where we will stop with the biological kids but we'll see where things go for children to enter our family in other ways.

 

FWIW, DH and I were both only children.  (Well, DH's brother is 10 years younger).  We both agreed that we that we thought having more than one child would be the best.

MommaCrystal is offline  
#5 of 15 Old 11-27-2010, 05:43 PM
 
konayossie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: OK
Posts: 359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have always said I wanted 3-4, probably 3. Three is the # of children in my family.

 

Since having DS, I DEFINITELY want more. I could totally see myself having four. However, DH is 15 years older than I am and already has an older DD, and I also WOH and 4 is probably more than I should try to take on and would put DH being even older when they are grown. So, probably we will go for three together (+DSD makes 4 total).

konayossie is offline  
#6 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 12:35 PM
 
July09Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

When we got married, dh wanted 3 and I wanted 2 but said maybe 3 depending just on how things are going with the 2. Now we have one dd, 16 mo, and I would honestly be fine with being done and dh just wants 1 more. My pregnancy was rough and dd is VERY high needs. I feel like taking care of her is like having 3 kids some days! Ultimately, we will probably end up having another years from now, just because it's very important to my dh, but we have definitely changed our ideas since having one. Oh, and dh and I are both the oldest of 3.

July09Mama is offline  
#7 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 12:46 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We never had a set number (I think I wanted 2-4 when I was younger, and even joked about having 8 kids since I love babies).  We just took it one baby at a time, and have four now.  We have been TTC #5 for a long time, and think we would like 5-6... but may just end up with the 4 we have. 


ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
#8 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 01:38 PM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 25,332
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

Both Dh and I come from small families, two children in each family, neither one of us had cousins. Pre-children we said we would have 2, right after the first we said 3-4. We have 3 now and are figuring out what is the right number for us. 


There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is online now  
#9 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 07:49 PM
 
Aaronridge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 25
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have only one brother.  Growing up I always wished that there were more children in my family, and I always really wanted a sister. 

 

For myself, I always wanted three children - one boy and two girls.  I always thought girls need sisters and boys are very independent and don't need brothers.  Well, lucky for me I got exactly what I wanted -- two girls and a boy.  Now, however, I really regret not having more so that my son could have a brother.  I think he would be happier with a bit of company.  And my girls have a wonderful relationship with each other, they share a room and have a slumber party every night.  They are twenty months apart and the best of friends.  Because they are close in age they get to do a lot of things together, such as Girl Guides and other activities and it is amazing how they support each other.  And for me, the Mama, I always feel so much better knowing that the two of them are together and have each other.  We homeschool and they have a 'built-in' friendship.  I wish it was true for my son as sometimes he gets a bit lonely.

 

Aaronridge is offline  
#10 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
caij_rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: B.C Canada
Posts: 14
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaronridge   And my girls have a wonderful relationship with each other, they share a room and have a slumber party every night.  They are twenty months apart and the best of friends.  Because they are close in age they get to do a lot of things together, such as Girl Guides and other activities and it is amazing how they support each other.  And for me, the Mama, I always feel so much better knowing that the two of them are together and have each other.  We homeschool and they have a 'built-in' friendship.  I wish it was true for my son as sometimes he gets a bit lonely.

 



Awhh, it sound like me and my sister. My sister and I were 15.5 months apart, and we were each others twin.  We relied a lot on each other for playing and in outside social interactions.

 

 

Thanks for all the answers guys.

caij_rose is offline  
#11 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 10:26 PM
 
alexsam's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,276
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I always wanted kids and always wanted a big family (I have one sister, which was fine, but I loved the craziness of houses with lots of kids!). But you know what? After I had my first I was blown away by the intensity of the experience. To parent the way we really want to is very intense. We get enormous fulfillment from being able to be the parents we want to be- We arranged so I could stay home for as long as that was desireable, we are able to be the parents who volunteer for school trips and bake cookies and go biking on a Sunday afternoon. We spend a lot of happy time with our kids together as a family, but we also have the time and opportunity to enjoy and support them individually- my husband and older son like to build crazy things out of Kinex and go hiking and biking. I am active with his school and we both like to play piano. I take the baby to swim classes and am home in the day. He and my husband like to snuggle and read and go to the park. We don't have a lot of money, but I have modest fantasies that we could attain in giving our kids a good life... Maybe in the next few years we could get a camper and have adventures. Maybe we could have their Bar Mitzvahs in Israel. We co-sleep, extended bf, I came to the conclusion that there was no way I would be able to do all this with the herd of kids I had envisioned, financially or emotionally. We took a long, hard look at things and saw that we would not have the same relationships with the kids nor the possibilities for our lives if we had 5 or 6. i'm sure that there are other families where this dynamic works great (and I always loved the idea of it!). But for us, it turned out not to be what we really wanted. We have 2 boys 4 years apart. I *might* be open to a third with a similar age gap (dang its hard to face the idea that the baby days are over forever!). But we'll see. And that would absolutely be it.

 

It is really hard to know what motherhood is like before you try it. I'm saying this with all kindness and sincerity. It profoundly changes you. So while you may want to have "general ideas" that might shape your career or long term plans, I would try to leave the final number open until you find the connections and the experiences that let you know what is really possible and comfortable for you.

alexsam is offline  
#12 of 15 Old 11-28-2010, 11:07 PM
 
Eeyore35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My childhood dream was hte husbnd, white picket fence, and at least 2 kids. (my folks only had 2 kids together). As i got older, i decide I really wanted a large family.

 

Well, life didn''t work out that way, At age 30, I was still single, no prospects,and hearing my biological clock tick. I was dating someone, but he didn't want kids, so i was planning ot break up wth him. Shortly after i decided that, I found out I was pregnant.

 

So here i am, a 36 yr old single mom to one child. i desperately want more, but realistically, that won't happen. Assuming i actually meet someone I want to marry, and get married, by the time that happens, I'll be too old. And the odds of me finding anyone aren't great, especially considering that I'm not looking, and don't want to date. Throw in some health issues that make life difficult even with just one child, and yeah, my daughter wll remain an only child.

 

I hope someday I can be ok with that,

 

 

 

Eeyore35 is offline  
#13 of 15 Old 11-29-2010, 05:32 PM
 
cappuccinosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted babies...lots of babies.  When I hit my teens that solidified into dreaming of a husband to have those babies with, and romanticizing about our 10+ children and how we'd raise them on a hobby farm and....

 

love.gif

 

I have three siblings (one adopted) which I guess is a "big family" nowadays.  We had kind of a weird, nomadic childhood, a cult experience, and we honestly weren't really close as youngsters. Once we all grew up though, we have great friendship with each other and I love that.  I grew up around a lot of much larger families though and I *loved* the dynamics of those families.

 

Well, I did find a wonderful husband, but apart from that, things have gone very differently.  He too wanted a large family--grew up as one of ten children in poverty-stricken circumstances.  We started off at a good pace, one baby every two years, until we had three.  And then an extra long space, and then a miscarriage, and then another miscarriage, and when I lost the second one, dh was in another country, so our youngest will be nearly four before he gets back, and I don't trust my body anymore.  So I've put the dream of having a huge family away.  I will take whatever I get, and the preciousness my children is so much clearer to me now, now that I know what it is to be a mother and also know that I am not entitled to getting as many of these beautiful beings as I want.

cappuccinosmom is offline  
#14 of 15 Old 11-29-2010, 08:41 PM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I am so where you are at. I wanted a big family. I pictured 12. I had 1 and then 17 months later, 1 more. Then, I was having marital problems, so waited a couple years. Then started TTC again. Finally got pregnant but lost that baby to malpractice, (bad doctor made mistake that killed my son). I had another. I thought I could plan things out so I waited a bit to get pregnant again and had another 2.5 yrs later. Then 2 years minus 1 day later, had a car accident while pregnant and lost a baby at about 20 weeks. Then miscarried 3 months later, followed by several more miscarriages. Finally had my next baby when that the next oldest child was 5.5 yrs old. I am TTC again now, but I have had 2 miscarriages since I had my son 14 (almost 15) months ago. I am frustrated! And I am 40 now. 

Lisa1970 is offline  
#15 of 15 Old 11-29-2010, 08:42 PM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

((((hugs))))

Lisa1970 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off