"Well she doesn't have time to read" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 38 Old 12-07-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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I agree that "I don't have time to___" or "I can't afford _____" means, most often, that it's not my priority. And as such it's up to me to evaluate for myself. The worst to me is when someone (close family especially) tells me they don't have time to be with me or talk on the phone, because I know they choose what they spend much of their time on. As for time and money for hobbies, that's up to them and it's acceptable shorthand in my opinion.

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#32 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 04:55 AM
 
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I love to read, and read voraciously through all of my adulthood until my oldest was about 1, and then I stopped.  Why?  Because I would get SO into a book it was all I could think about.  I'd neglect my chores, not play with my son, tune out my husband, just so I could find out "what happens next".  So I forced myself to stop reading for about 5 years.  I'd buy a special book the day before my parents came to visit for a week, and read like a crazy woman while my Mom was here to help out, but then, no more books because I just can't control myself around a good book!!!


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#33 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 08:36 AM
 
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I might tell someone I don't have the time to read, but in reality, I just do not enjoy sitting down with a "good book." I wish I did! I just don't. It is easier and kinder to just say that I don't have time to read, than admit that I actually have an aversion to reading fiction novels. (I also happen to have dyslexia, but I am a fine reader and a college graduate, I just really do not enjoy it). By kinder, I mean kinder to me. I don't want to feel like saying I am too dumb to sit and read a book. I am not dumb. It is just, to me, it feels like the words float off the page while I am trying to read and so I just do not like it. I actually love to read smaller things, like magazines and nonfiction books. But not fiction.

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#34 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 08:37 AM
 
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Oh, but I do love books on tape. But even there, I definitely prefer certain types. I like historical fiction or nonfiction about history. I listen in the car so they need to be on CD. Maybe your SIL would like that? Then she can listen when she is driving with her children.

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#35 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 09:15 AM
 
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Okay, gently... I think you invited the comment when you framed it like "I didn't get her this, so now I have to figure it out."  You set up the contrast and they just kind of ran with it.

 

It's the difference between:

 

"Oh I know Jane doesn't exercise, so I have to figure out a gift for her that doesn't involve moving around."

and

"I'm not sure what to get for Jane this year."

 

I think you might be irritated because they were in a sense leaping to her defense, and you didn't mean for her to need to be defended. But I do think the contrasting of interests accidentally set the conversation up that way

 


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#36 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 10:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post

Okay, gently... I think you invited the comment when you framed it like "I didn't get her this, so now I have to figure it out."  You set up the contrast and they just kind of ran with it.

 

It's the difference between:

 

"Oh I know Jane doesn't exercise, so I have to figure out a gift for her that doesn't involve moving around."

and

"I'm not sure what to get for Jane this year."

 

I think you might be irritated because they were in a sense leaping to her defense, and you didn't mean for her to need to be defended. But I do think the contrasting of interests accidentally set the conversation up that way

 



This plus the fact that she has 1 year old twins. She's probably lucky to have time to shower.


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#37 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 11:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayGee View Post

I love to read, and read voraciously through all of my adulthood until my oldest was about 1, and then I stopped.  Why?  Because I would get SO into a book it was all I could think about.  I'd neglect my chores, not play with my son, tune out my husband, just so I could find out "what happens next".  So I forced myself to stop reading for about 5 years.  I'd buy a special book the day before my parents came to visit for a week, and read like a crazy woman while my Mom was here to help out, but then, no more books because I just can't control myself around a good book!!!

 

This is me too. I'm like an addict. I can never just read for half an hour. So I only read when I really do have a block on time which isn't very often with a baby and a 3 year old.  There was a list of 100 books going round facebook recently and you had to bold all the ones you've read. I'd read 64 of them, but mostly a very long time ago. The other thing I find is that I can't handle 'heavy' books anymore. I need light escapism, like murder mysteries (funny how they are considered light!).

 

To the OP - have you thought of another gift? How about some nice bath/shower stuff or comfy slippers or nice gloves?


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#38 of 38 Old 12-08-2010, 11:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~PurityLake~ View Post



 She's not too busy to read, she doesn't want to read. And no one cares about that, all you wanted to know is what would she like, and they imply you're sitting around doing nothing but reading instead of being busy parenting like your SIL is doing. I get it.


Yeah, hearing it twice would make me wonder what the message was there, too.

 

When I say I don't have time to sew, I mean that I don't have it as a priority and do not enjoy the process. I would imagine anyone else would just say "Yeah, hoopin' mama is just not into sewing much".

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