Are your Holiday Presents "Equal"? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-18-2010, 04:42 PM
 
3xMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 809
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

At this point, we do a little bit, but that has more to do with our budget. We can only spend so much, so we watch what we spend pretty closely and it ends up about even both monitarily and in number. Its not such a big deal now since DS is only 13 mos, so he's not really going to notice, but DD at 4.5 will. But DH and I don't want to set up a precident of DD obviously getting more, kwim?


 read.gif Rachael~~SAHM to fairy.gif (4/27/06), diaper.gif (11/18/09) and babyf.gif (1/29/11); married to a fabulous man! flowersforyou.gif  intactlact.gif cd.gif    caffix.gif )O(

3xMama is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-18-2010, 05:03 PM
 
mumm's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,603
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hokulele View Post

 

How MANY presents they have to open, however, will be a very big issue.  I am trying to keep it as equal as possible.  In our house, we take turns opening presents so I keep a pretty close tab on how many gifts are left under the tree so that we aren't all left watching one child open gifts when everyone else is done. 



Yup!  That is how it is done here.  One gift on solstice (usually a new flashlight, headlamp, nightlight, reading lamp, etc) and then a bunch under the tree a few days later.  This year the $$ is very different (one kid is getting an itouch, the next priciest item is a  $20 doll) but I'll try to keep the # of gifts similiar.  It is all in the packaging.  One book wrapped up, or 4 books in one package! 

 

I'm finding it hard this year to balance gift # among 4 kids.  One has written up list after list of things he would like most of which cost in the hundreds.  He can't understand why there would be a limit on the number of gifts santa could give if he is magical.  One wants "I dunno, something I might like." and another wants a couple old (must be used and soft) silk scarves that cost about $.75 each at the thrift store.  The fourth really, really, really wants a lollypop! (which we have fairly regularly, so I'm not sure what the deal is there!) 


Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

mumm is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 07:08 PM
 
snoopy5386's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,575
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

For now, while they are small, the number matters more than the $$ so the number is the same. We open gifts one at a time and while DD2 wouldn't notice that she had less gifts than DD1, DD1 would notice and would ask why Santa didn't bring the same # of presents for her sister too. When they are older and Santa is over and they understand the value of $$, the $$ will be the same and the number will be different.


Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
snoopy5386 is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 08:19 PM
 
dahlialia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 204
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We don't go in for an overwhelming number of presents (generally 3 each), so they are balanced number-wise because of that.

 

Dollar value isn't so important at this age (DD1 is 7, DD2 is 1).  And it would be hard to match up - DD2 is getting a fantastic rocking horse I found at the second hand store for $15, DD1 is getting an ipod that is worth 10 times that.

dahlialia is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 08:57 PM
 
musikat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 299
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Dollar value is very similar, but not exact. My older two (almost 7 and almost 9), know the value of many of the gifts they want because we have been telling them why we won't buy them throughout the year -- especially Legos because they pour over the catalog until they have it memorized! However, they both still believe in Santa, so like above posters mentioned they think Santa can bring them anything because money doesn't matter to him! My youngest (3 1/2) doesn't know about monetary value and  in past years he hasn't had as much spent on him. He is similar this year because I wanted to get him a couple of nicer things he would enjoy (including Playmobil, which is something we don't already have a lot of).

 

Number of gifts is exact, down to the stocking! I also try to do similar things, value wise. So while my middle son is getting a Lego set he wanted for $49, my oldest is getting two Jerseys, which were $20 each, plus shipping. Both are getting a game, a smaller item expense wise (one a night light and the other a travel game), etc.

 

My oldest is hyper competitive and I know if there were anything less than equal presents between him and middle DS there would be war or gloating, depending on who had the most! The exception this year is my youngest has a few more presents for just him, because the older two are getting several to share between them.

musikat is offline  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:00 PM
 
DevaMajka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Burnaby, BC
Posts: 10,344
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post

I do try to keep things equal...in terms of personal meaning to the child, not necessarily dollar value or amount.

Same here. I just don't want either to have hurt feelings. This year, with ds2 being 18mos, I'm SURE ds1 got more- numbers wise and monetarily. If ds2 wants to open more gifts (which I doubt), he can open mine. lol But he doesn't care how much he gets.

Until ds2 would notice, we probably won't match $ amounts. Probably next year he will notice the number of gifts, so he'll have as many, or more, things to open. When ds1 wants more expensive things, I'll explain that it might mean fewer gifts.

When they are both old enough to care, we'll likely match $ amount, and explain that if you want expensive stuff, you'll get fewer gifts. That's what my parents did, and it worked fine.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

DevaMajka is offline  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:02 PM
 
Nicole730's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Once the children are old enough to notice, I will do quantity, not amount of money.  Until they are much older - like teens or older and can understand the money better.   This is how it was for us growing up and it made opening the presents more "even".  We would take turns, so if someone got a pricey item - they just got smaller, useful items to even up the gift count.  (like bubble bath, gloves, pj's, books, etc...)


Mama to three

Nicole730 is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 12:29 PM
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,230
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hokulele View Post

Right now my kids are 2.5yo and 5.5yo so monetary value is not an issue with them.  My toddler is going to be more happy with one of the $7 gifts I have for her than her sister will be when she opens a $40 gift I have for her (but I'm hoping the sister eventually loves the $40 gift!!)  

 

How MANY presents they have to open, however, will be a very big issue.  I am trying to keep it as equal as possible.  In our house, we take turns opening presents so I keep a pretty close tab on how many gifts are left under the tree so that we aren't all left watching one child open gifts when everyone else is done. 

 

I didn't get much for the baby this year, but to the second paragraph, I do the same with taking turns opening gifts, so I will keep the number of gifts the same once DS is older and can open his own.

 

I did a lot of joint gifts this year, like books, and most toys will get shared as DS gets a little older.  I suspect since they are relatively close in age there will be a lot more joint gifts and 1-2 special gifts a piece, plus clothes.

 


ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 12:55 PM
 
just_lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,153
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We only have one child so far, but I plan on trying to keep things fair, but not going overboard about exact number of presents and exact dollar value.

 

My mom was like this.  I have two brothers, and she would stress out so much about making sure we all had the exact same number and the exact same dollar value.  She even made sure that if one kid got a physically big thing, the others did too.  It caused a lot of tension between my parents, and as kids we all knew about it as well.  So although I definitely think that it is important to treat each child equally I would caution parents not to go to extremes about making gifts exactly the same.


Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

just_lily is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 01:09 PM
 
VisionaryMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,736
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DS keeps a close count, so yes, they have the same number of gifts. Though I don't keep up with the dollar amounts, I do "match" the gifts in my head, so they're pretty close in the amount they cost.


It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
VisionaryMom is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 01:41 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,487
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I try to keep them equal quantity-wise, but I think this year my DD has a few more than her brothers, and our youngest has the least amount. He's only 3, though, and doesn't count presents and will want to play with things right away.

Money-wise, it's not really equal. My DD is getting clothes from Justice as well as other things, and they cost more than toys. My oldest DS likes video games, which are also more expensive.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 04:05 PM
 
muldey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: RI
Posts: 1,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I try to be as equal as possible.Ds is easier to buy for than dd,but I was able to keep it pretty even.They are at the age where they might count,and we take turns so I don't want ds to finish faster then dd or vise versa.


Student mama to one awesome,talented and unique dd,15 and one amazing, sweet and strong ds,12(born with heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot,also on the autism spectrum),9 cats,and 2 gerbils.
muldey is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 04:32 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,638
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 85 Post(s)

yes, very similar. Both my DH and I grew up in families that didn't we both hated how it felt as a child.

 

I always got less (because I *needed* less because I'm the youngest)

 

My DH always got way, way more. He is the lone boy in a large family of girls.

 

Both us felt crappy about it and vowed to NOT do that to our kids.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:25 PM
 
OkiMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

They get the same number of toys but not necessarily the same amount spent on them. We try to do three items a year, this year its:

- a dress up trunk to share

- a art kit with learning to draw books for DD1 (one of her requests and the only one I can fulfill)

- play sushi set and bean bags (totally doesn't sound like it goes together but DD2 will love it) that i made for DD2

and I don't know what the third gift will be. There might not be one.

 

Then a stocking full of "fun stuff" like small pieces of candy, art supplies, books etc.

 

I spent more on DD1's gift since I can't handmake learning to draw books or color pencils. All of DD2's second gift was handmade by me from felt/fabric I already had on hand.

 

Im trying to keep things equal number wise between the two since DD1 gets quite upset when she thinks she is getting something and DD2 is getting ignored. She even asks me to give DD2 a drink/snack/whatever if Im getting her one. Shes very much into making sure "HER SISTER" isn't forgotten. Shes the same way with the baby Im carrying and insisted he had to have a stocking this year. I made a few little things and bought him an outfit so DD1 didn't get upset Christmas morning thinking HER baby was being forgotten. Shes a silly (but sweet) kid.


~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
OkiMom is offline  
Old 12-20-2010, 06:40 PM
 
tink79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: TX
Posts: 234
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

The cost is not the same but I try to keep a theme with each item.  DD#1 is finally getting a DSi after 2 years of asking and I wasn't entirely sure she was old enough or responsible enough for one (she's now 7) and has kept a little v-tech gaming system in tact for a year, so DD#2 and DD#3 are both getting tag reader systems with books.  Nowhere near the same cost, especially since we got the little one's on super sale but they're the "same" to each of them.  Same with any sort of dolls, barbies, books, etc. they may get.... They may not be equal value but there will be an equal number, I think my mom instilled that in me from early on.  She had a bunch of us to buy for and knew that making things equal would eliminate the conflict.


Full Time Student & Mommy to 3 princesses! 9/03, 2/07 & 2/07

tink79 is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off