"Mama Bear" at the playground.... I know some of you have BTDT... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
swd12422's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

So DH and I took DS (2.5, but the size of most 18-month-2 year olds) to a playground the other day. DS and I go to the park quite often, and he is a good climber, and we've never had an issue. This was a much bigger playground than the one we usually go to, and had different equipment than we're used to.

 

DS was climbing up a ladder, and an older boy (maybe 5) came over and climbed right over DS, b/c DS was going pretty slowly. Okay, fine. Not my preference, but he went around, didn't trample DS, and DS didn't seem to mind. Then he did it again. I was a little irritated b/c I felt it was rude, but really no harm done, and DS is going to have to learn at some point that not everyone uses nice manners all the time. The third time the kid did it, he waited for DS at the top of the ladder. I thought he was just trying to engage DS to play with him and thought nothing of it, until DS made it to the top and was met with a foot in his face. I looked up and saw the kid pushing his foot into DS's face, and DS was just moving his head around (and clinging to the ladder to keep from falling) trying to avoid the shoe. The kid wasn't letting up, and I was afraid DS would fall. I said, "Hey! You need to stop that!" and the kid didn't flinch. I *LOST IT.* I am not proud of my reaction, but it was my gut telling me this kid wasn't letting up and in a split second could decide to really hurt DS. I started screaming at the kid to stop, to take his foot out of my son's face, and demanded to know where his mother was. I yelled so loud it scared DS, and the kid just pointed over to where he thought his mother was.

 

I realized then that I'd rather get to DS, who was scared, than to confront the boy's mom, since I had stopped what needed to be stopped and I'd already created a scene. I heard some guy say something like, "That's not how you talk to a 5-year-old boy" during my tirade, but my only response would have been, "That's not how you treat a 2-year-old, either." I went to DS, comforted him (I have no idea where DH was during all of this, other than trying to crawl under a rock....) and some woman came over to me to say, "Don't listen to anyone else. I would have done the same thing." Well, fine. My mama bear instinct came out and roared at a little boy (who DH thinks was too young to be malicious) and scared my own little boy in the process.

 

I'm really not so sure it was the best way to handle it, and I wish I'd been able to stay calm, but all I could see was my son falling 6 feet to the ground with a sneaker print on his face, and I reacted. DH was angry at me for yelling like that. DS was scared. I was scared for DS. And yet I felt vindicated that another mom supported me, even when the dads didn't. So I just wanted to hear from some of you who have BTDT.... Was I as terrible as DH thinks I was, or would you have done the same? (Or both?)

swd12422 is online now  
#2 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 01:33 PM
 
no5no5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,635
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We've had this exact same scenario happen, except that when I've said, in a loud and firm voice, "You do not put your foot in another child's face," the other kid stopped.  Honestly, if he hadn't, I probably would have just grabbed DD and left.

 

We did have another situation in which I saw another kid (who had been bothering my DD to no end) grab her arm and wrestle her onto the floor.  She was 4, and he was probably 5, and she'd been trying to avoid him for about ten minutes, but he kept following her around.  I came over to him and hissed in probably the meanest voice I've ever used in my life, "You need to stay away from my daughter."  And he did.  I felt a bit bad about it, but seriously, you can't let that go on.  And that time we weren't in a situation where we could just leave. 

 

I do think that screaming at a kid is over the line, but I wasn't there.  If it was possible to grab your child out of harm's way without screaming, that would have been the best solution, IMO. 

no5no5 is offline  
#3 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 01:37 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

You might have "spazzed" a bit more than necessary but you weren't wrong.  I don't think the 5 year old was out of line going around your ds but he certainly was when he pushed his foot in his face.  5 year olds still have a low frustration point and as much as you thought he was rude he probably thought your son was rude and at that age there can be some pretty inappropriate reactions to kids who get in the way of a good time.  I probably would have told the kid to knock it off as I walked over there and explained that while I understood it was annoying to share the equipment with littler kids he was just going to have to deal with it without pushing his foot in their faces.  I have (almost) 4 kids now though so my "freakout" edges have been worn down.  I also had older nephews so I was used to kids that age interacting (not always well) with my littler ones.

PoppyMama is offline  
#4 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 01:41 PM
 
EarthRootsStarSoul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 870
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)

I think you did the right thing.

Masel likes this.

bellyhair.giftreehugger.gif     coolshine.gif      greenthumb.gif     read.gif
EarthRootsStarSoul is online now  
#5 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 01:48 PM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,589
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

When I was six or  seven, I pulled a little boy's hair.  (Because he was following us)  I got yelled at, and was told to go home.  It hurt my feelings, and I felt bad that the mom was mad at me.   But, what I did was wrong.  I deserved to have my feelings hurt.  I also learned that I wasn't going to be allowed to do anything like that again.  

 

Sometimes people get yelled at.  Sometimes we deserve it, other times we don't.  But, I bet that kid learned that he had better not try to kick your son in the face again.  That's really what is important.  Your son is more important to you than the feelings of some random kindergartner that already KNEW it wasn't ok to do that.... but, for some reason, he still wanted to try it out.  It didn't work.  He'll get over it, and hopefully learn the right lesson.

 

If he'd been allowed to continue doing that, he would just assume nobody cared, and he could just do it as much as he wanted.  But, now he knows. 

 

If I'd been the mother of that five year old, I would have gladly allowed you to yell at my son.  (and he would have gone home)  I won't have a child of mine purposely trying to hurt or intimidate a smaller child.  I might not have believed you when you said my precious little angel child did such a thing to your overly slow child.... because my dear sweet girl never would have done that.  Surely you must just be hormonal and mean, and you just didn't see what REALLY happened.  orngbiggrin.gif  Then, I would have gone home and blogged about you.

nextcommercial is offline  
#6 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 01:55 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

I might not have believed you when you said my precious little angel child did such a thing to your overly slow child.... because my dear sweet girl never would have done that.  Surely you must just be hormonal and mean, and you just didn't see what REALLY happened.  orngbiggrin.gif  Then, I would have gone home and blogged about you.



ROTFLMAO.gif

PoppyMama is offline  
#7 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 02:00 PM
 
Masel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 1,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think you did the right thing too. You tried asking and he did not listen. This kid was continuing to hurt another child even when and adult had told him not to. 

Masel is offline  
#8 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 02:13 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I would have taken my ds to a smaller ladder on the playground after it was clear he couldn't keep up with the kids on the ladder.  I don't like it when kids are on playgrounds that they aren't really able to keep up on, or that they are too big for.

 

That said, sometimes people get really really angry when their children are being threatened, and its a normal reaction.  Next time, I would try to pull your ds off the playground when it starts happening rather than getting angry.  Oh well, hindsight is 20-20, and children need to know that they don't always do perfect things.

Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#9 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
swd12422's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

Funny that you should mention maybe he shouldn't have been on the equipment with the bigger kids.... The "little kids" equipment is generally not that interesting to him, b/c he can't climb. When we saw how crowded the playground was, we nearly left until we realized that the only part that was a total mob scene was the little kid equipment. It was crawling with toddlers and their parents and their older siblings who may have been told to stay close, but were causing a really wild environment over there, so we went to the other side where it was quieter.

 

And yeah, maybe I should have said something to the kid who was going around DS, but it didn't bother me. I didn't feel it was "nice manners" but I didn't really think he was doing anything "wrong." And b/c I don't have an older one yet, I didn't realize that maybe he was frustrated by DS being in his way. I mean, most older kids will say "excuse me, you're in the way" or "move" or something if DS is bothering them. This kid didn't say anything, so I assumed it was all good. And DH and I were standing in arms' reach of DS so that if the kid did knock into him by accident while going around him, we could have caught him. I think that's part of why I was so shocked -- the kid kicked DS while we were right there!

 

I really wish I were better at keeping my composure in situations like that. I'd rather yell at the kid b/c he deserved it than b/c I lost control, yk?

swd12422 is online now  
#10 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 04:33 PM
 
liliaceae's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,990
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think you did fine, and I would have done the same.


lady.gifMama to DS banana.gif(5) and DD broc1.gif(2)
 

liliaceae is offline  
#11 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 04:39 PM
 
Katielady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 2,048
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ditto. It may not be ideal to yell at someone else's kid, but if things were ideal the kids' parent/caretaker would have been there to intercede.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by liliaceae View Post

I think you did fine, and I would have done the same.




SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

Some stuff I like: hbac.gifteapot2.GIFeat.gifnocirc.gifbftoddler.giffemalesling.GIFcrochetsmilie.gif read.gifcat.gif

Katielady is offline  
#12 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 06:41 PM
 
ledzepplon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,775
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You did fine. I have no problem using a firm tone of voice with other people's kids if the safety of another child is at stake.

 

We had a similar experience at a park where an older child was shoving my daughter on the top of a play structure. When I first saw her, I was a little incredulous. When she did it again (and my dd just stood there and took it), I went right up to her and in my best "mama bear" voice said, "You do not touch my daughter." I think it's important that we protect each other, that the children who are being overly aggressive know that we won't tolerate it, and it's equally important that our kids know that we will stand up for them.


Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
ledzepplon is offline  
#13 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
swd12422's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post

You did fine. I have no problem using a firm tone of voice with other people's kids if the safety of another child is at stake.

 

... I think it's important that we protect each other, that the children who are being overly aggressive know that we won't tolerate it, and it's equally important that our kids know that we will stand up for them.


The second part is exactly where I was coming from, and what I told DH when he got upset with me.

 

The first part... I think is where DH had the issue. I did not use a "firm tone." I screamed at the kid at the top of my lungs. I was angry and terrified and just shocked and probably several other things, and lost it. I wish I could have used a firm tone instead!

swd12422 is online now  
#14 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 09:50 PM
 
ElliesMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,200
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

the only thing i don't get is how, if you screamed at the top of your lungs and caused such a scene, how did the other kid's mother *not* notice what was going on with her own child?

 

i agree that a 5 year old certainly knows not to put his foot in a younger child's face. (!)

 

my daughter is almost 5 and she adores younger children. she would have been just the opposite, she would have stayed behind your slow moving child, talked to him at the top and played with him for awhile. some children are just plain aggressive. his mother should have been all over him for doing that. he probably does this kind of thing regularly, and usually gets away with it.


ElliesMomma is offline  
#15 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 09:55 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,785
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I get scared I scream out. It is just how I react. I can totally see myself doing exactly what you did because your ds was really in danger at that point.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#16 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 09:55 PM
 
treeoflife3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: tennessee/kentucky
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Screaming was an over the top reaction, but unless you were calling him names and doing more than just being horribly loud telling him not to do that i'd just chalk this up to you live and you learn.  You were protecting your only baby in a dangerous situation.  If you haven't had any situations like this before, then its okay to have one mess up... again, assuming you were just scary loud.. and no scary cruel.

treeoflife3 is offline  
#17 of 95 Old 12-31-2010, 10:29 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by swd12422 View Post

Funny that you should mention maybe he shouldn't have been on the equipment with the bigger kids.... The "little kids" equipment is generally not that interesting to him, b/c he can't climb. When we saw how crowded the playground was, we nearly left until we realized that the only part that was a total mob scene was the little kid equipment. It was crawling with toddlers and their parents and their older siblings who may have been told to stay close, but were causing a really wild environment over there, so we went to the other side where it was quieter.

 

And yeah, maybe I should have said something to the kid who was going around DS, but it didn't bother me. I didn't feel it was "nice manners" but I didn't really think he was doing anything "wrong." And b/c I don't have an older one yet, I didn't realize that maybe he was frustrated by DS being in his way. I mean, most older kids will say "excuse me, you're in the way" or "move" or something if DS is bothering them. This kid didn't say anything, so I assumed it was all good. And DH and I were standing in arms' reach of DS so that if the kid did knock into him by accident while going around him, we could have caught him. I think that's part of why I was so shocked -- the kid kicked DS while we were right there!

 

I really wish I were better at keeping my composure in situations like that. I'd rather yell at the kid b/c he deserved it than b/c I lost control, yk?


Yeah, I understand the climbing bit, my ds is the same!  In that case, can your DH go up the ladder with him?  With a hand actually touching him at all times?  I only say that b/c I was at the playground with my ds once last summer (so ds was about 18mo?) and I was within arms reach but still didn't catch him when he fell from the top of the ladder.  It absolutely terrified me, but ds was fine.  It's REALLY hard to catch them when they are falling from a ladder - they're going fast and you don't want hurt more than you help, yk?

 

Then, you get the added protection that its a heck of a lot harder to just go around - b/c if you or dh are on the ladder behind him, a kid would have to go around both of you - what a PITA!

Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#18 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 06:52 AM
 
contactmaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,088
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 31 Post(s)

You're human. Your reaction was competely understandable. That could easily have been me.

It doesnt mean that you should shout at a 5 yo, and yes, i agree with the man that said thats not how you speak to a 5yo etc etc, but in the moment, your reaction was understandable.   I would forgive myself for it.

Minxie likes this.
contactmaya is offline  
#19 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 10:08 AM
 
mtiger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,377
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

While I understand that you were upset, I'm not sure I understand why - if you were within arm's reach, you had to scream at the kid. Why not just grab yours out of the way and tell the other kid he was out of line?

 

If you were further away, I could see your reaction. But... you were apparently right there.

mtiger is offline  
#20 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 10:45 AM
 
Octopus8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: It's cold here.
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I had a similar situation happen at the indoor playround at the mall - There is a little boat there to play in, room for a few little kids. My 2 year old was in the boat with another toddler, when this 7 or 8 year old girl climbed in and started trying to shove my 2 year old over the edge and onto the floor. I ran over there and pointed right in her face and hissed "Don't you dare touch my child. You are old enough to know better not to hurt little kids, what's wrong with you?"

 

I don't feel a bit bad about it, either, she must have outweighed him by 30 pounds and was twice as tall.

Octopus8 is offline  
#21 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 10:51 AM
 
VisionaryMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post
i agree that a 5 year old certainly knows not to put his foot in a younger child's face. (!)

 

That's absolutely true...if the other kid is 5. The OP started by saying that her son looks much younger than he is. My tall, highly articulate 3YO is often mistaken for a 5 or 6 year old. This kid may not have been as old as you think he was. That doesn't make the attempt to kick okay, but it's something to consider the next time your reaction is to scream at a child because you think he's old enough to know better.
 

Eeyore35 likes this.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
VisionaryMom is offline  
#22 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 11:06 AM
 
no5no5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,635
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus8 View Post

"what's wrong with you?"

 

I don't feel a bit bad about it, either, she must have outweighed him by 30 pounds and was twice as tall.



This makes me really sad.  Kids of all ages make mistakes.  And I think this behavior is more commonly seen in kids who are neglected or who have issues like ADHD.  I don't think any child, no matter the mistake she has made, deserves to be told that there is something wrong with her.  greensad.gif  This kind of vindictive behavior toward her is certainly not going to teach her how to be compassionate. 

no5no5 is offline  
#23 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 11:13 AM
 
Octopus8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: It's cold here.
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by no5no5 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus8 View Post

"what's wrong with you?"

 

I don't feel a bit bad about it, either, she must have outweighed him by 30 pounds and was twice as tall.



This makes me really sad.  Kids of all ages make mistakes.  And I think this behavior is more commonly seen in kids who are neglected or who have issues like ADHD.  I don't think any child, no matter the mistake she has made, deserves to be told that there is something wrong with her.  greensad.gif  This kind of vindictive behavior toward her is certainly not going to teach her how to be compassionate. 


Well, you might have felt differently if it had been your toddler splatted on the ground in tears.
 

Octopus8 is offline  
#24 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 11:33 AM
 
sparklefairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,948
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


More than one person mentioned removing your child from the situation. While I agree that this is the appropriate response for the world that we have, I hate that it essentially punishes the child who is being treated aggressively (has to leave) and rewards the aggressor and reinforces the aggressive behavior as a result (gets what she wanted in the first place -- the slide to herself). I wish that we could trust that our children could make mistakes without us noticing and another parent could just handle it appropriately. (ie, if it were a conflict between my two, or if mine were the one we wiith the foot in the face, the aggressor would be pulled off the slide and not play on it anymore that day). But the world just isn't like that -- we can't "discipline" other people's kids, and we can't trust that others will "discipline" ours appropriately if we get distracted. And I know from reading enough threads here that if someone's five year old was disciplined by another parent on the playground that almost everyone would be up in arms about that horrible parent, disciplining someone else's child!

 

I don't think that screaming at the top of your lungs is an inappropriate reaction if your child is in danger of falling from the top of the slide and the person who can prevent it didn't hear you the first time.

sparklefairy is offline  
#25 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 11:56 AM
 
no5no5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,635
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus8 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by no5no5 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus8 View Post

"what's wrong with you?"

 

I don't feel a bit bad about it, either, she must have outweighed him by 30 pounds and was twice as tall.



This makes me really sad.  Kids of all ages make mistakes.  And I think this behavior is more commonly seen in kids who are neglected or who have issues like ADHD.  I don't think any child, no matter the mistake she has made, deserves to be told that there is something wrong with her.  greensad.gif  This kind of vindictive behavior toward her is certainly not going to teach her how to be compassionate. 


Well, you might have felt differently if it had been your toddler splatted on the ground in tears.
 



My child has been hurt and crying as a result of much-older kids being mean.  It upsets me, but it doesn't change the fact that I believe that people are generally good and deserve to be treated with compassion.  It certainly doesn't change the fact that I think it is wrong to humiliate and belittle a child, regardless of the mistakes she has made.  An adult should be able to refrain from making negative statements about a child's character or worth regardless of how upset she is. 

moonbeem and vbactivist like this.
no5no5 is offline  
#26 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 12:11 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by no5no5 View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus8 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by no5no5 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus8 View Post

"what's wrong with you?"

 

I don't feel a bit bad about it, either, she must have outweighed him by 30 pounds and was twice as tall.



This makes me really sad.  Kids of all ages make mistakes.  And I think this behavior is more commonly seen in kids who are neglected or who have issues like ADHD.  I don't think any child, no matter the mistake she has made, deserves to be told that there is something wrong with her.  greensad.gif  This kind of vindictive behavior toward her is certainly not going to teach her how to be compassionate. 


Well, you might have felt differently if it had been your toddler splatted on the ground in tears.
 



My child has been hurt and crying as a result of much-older kids being mean.  It upsets me, but it doesn't change the fact that I believe that people are generally good and deserve to be treated with compassion.  It certainly doesn't change the fact that I think it is wrong to humiliate and belittle a child, regardless of the mistakes she has made.  An adult should be able to refrain from making negative statements about a child's character or worth regardless of how upset she is. 



I have to agree, we're all here b/c we like AP, and want our children treated with respect, I'm not sure why its ok to treat other peoples children disrespectfully b/c of their behavior, but not our own?  If your child hurt another child much much younger, how would you feel if you child was addressed in the way that you addressed the child who hurt your child?  You would probably be very upset.  Or you're thinking, Oh, I'm an AP parent, my child would never ever even think of doing something like that!  But it could happen.

 

I've definitely made mistakes, but I try my hardest to live by the "Golden Rule" - treat others the way you want to be treated.  Period.  If you don't want someone hissing at you "what is wrong with you?"  then don't do it to others.

vbactivist and marimara like this.
Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#27 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 12:20 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)

I think that your reaction was over the top and it scared your son more than it did the kid who had his foot in front of your child's face.  He may have been playing or trying to engage your son in play in an inappropriate way (if he wanted to hurt your child he probably would have done it outright), which may be what your husband saw and why he thought your reaction was way too harsh.  Every mama gets that mama bear instinct, but I think you can firmly react with it while respecting your child and the child you are reacting to. 

 

The climbing the stairs thing is something you need to help your son navigate until he is old enough to navigate it for himself.  Kids tend to climb over and around each other a lot, especially once they are used to playing on a school playground.  Getting brushed by another child or brushing into another child doesn't seem to phase kids all that much when they are playing.  Some kids are very aware of younger kids and view them as younger kids.  Others don't understand that a younger kid isn't just a short child their own age and they treat them the same way they would treat kids their age, especially when they are irritated with them.

One_Girl is offline  
#28 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 12:53 PM
 
LROM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 908
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post

I think that your reaction was over the top and it scared your son more than it did the kid who had his foot in front of your child's face.  He may have been playing or trying to engage your son in play in an inappropriate way (if he wanted to hurt your child he probably would have done it outright), which may be what your husband saw and why he thought your reaction was way too harsh.  Every mama gets that mama bear instinct, but I think you can firmly react with it while respecting your child and the child you are reacting to. 

 

The climbing the stairs thing is something you need to help your son navigate until he is old enough to navigate it for himself.  Kids tend to climb over and around each other a lot, especially once they are used to playing on a school playground.  Getting brushed by another child or brushing into another child doesn't seem to phase kids all that much when they are playing.  Some kids are very aware of younger kids and view them as younger kids.  Others don't understand that a younger kid isn't just a short child their own age and they treat them the same way they would treat kids their age, especially when they are irritated with them.



Seems like OPs original post shows she paid great attention to this dynamic of older kids climbing around her son, she observed it, assessed it, and felt she was ok with it cuz her son was still safe and didn't seem bothered.  It was only when the older kid was putting his foot in her son's face (which is hard for me to imagine even for a 3 yr old how that would be "engaging" and seems like something the child knew was not right) that this whole thing became a problem.  Also, sounds like her son was navigating the climb just fine, but maybe too slowly for other kids.

 

Combining this and the post about how it's too bad we live in a world where we have to remove our own kids when things go wrong, I think OP did probably over react a bit (sounds like stern voice might've gotten the kid off your son without the screaming) but OPs reaction is truly understandable given how high up her son was and how far he would have fallen had the older kid kicked him off.  That said, I don't believe in removing my child from situations when my child wasn't doing anything wrong, and I have NO problem at all talking to other kids or asking them to point out their parents and talking to their parents about their behavior.  The "Village" mentality goes both ways, both for nurturing and support and also for problem solving.  I realize not all parents see it that way, but that's not my problem if their kid was bothering my kid and stepped over any clear behavioral lines.


Although we were on a playdate so this was with a child and parent we knew, the kids were both 2 and the other boy literally shoved dd in the face so hard she face-planted on the floor and started crying very very hard.  I saw it happen, the boy's mom did not.  I went straight over and said "That is NOT ok!  You can NOT hit anyone in the face!"  I know this boy, so I know he both knew it was wrong but also somehow didn't really mean to heart dd, and he seemed sad she was crying so much.  That's fine, and I didn't yell at him, but I had no problem telling him immediately that what he did was not ok and comforting dd.  I also didn't leave them alone ever and will not be ever leaving dd there without me, though that mom has invited her for overnights.

 

I want my dd to learn that the world is a place where she should expect justice, even though she will often see/experience injustice.  I want her to learn to both speak up when she feels she's not being treated fairly, and also know when to act or remove herself when things get worse.  And I want her to know that her parents will absolutely protect her as best we can, and she won't be punished for another child's bad behavior (like making her leave the playground).  We will just be that much more vigilant about protecting her so she can continue playing (which is what we've done when this has been an issue before.)

LROM is offline  
#29 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 04:01 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post

I would have taken my ds to a smaller ladder on the playground after it was clear he couldn't keep up with the kids on the ladder.  I don't like it when kids are on playgrounds that they aren't really able to keep up on, or that they are too big for.

 

That said, sometimes people get really really angry when their children are being threatened, and its a normal reaction.  Next time, I would try to pull your ds off the playground when it starts happening rather than getting angry.  Oh well, hindsight is 20-20, and children need to know that they don't always do perfect things.

Except he wasn't keeping other people from using the equipment. When the other kid decided to threaten to push him off the ladder, the other kid had already climbed up the ladder several times and was already at the top of the ladder again and instead of going to play decided to turn around and put his foot in the face of someone else trying to use the equipment.

 

Honestly, I'm surprised the OP was the only one telling the kid to knock it off.
 

sapphire_chan is offline  
#30 of 95 Old 01-01-2011, 04:05 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post

While I understand that you were upset, I'm not sure I understand why - if you were within arm's reach, you had to scream at the kid. Why not just grab yours out of the way and tell the other kid he was out of line?

 

If you were further away, I could see your reaction. But... you were apparently right there.


Okay, that is weird.

sapphire_chan is offline  
Closed Thread

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off