What it's all not about - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 01-11-2011, 06:52 AM - Thread Starter
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I've finally figured it out.  It's not all about whether or not I give my kid any particular food or drink or group of foods, finding out who else is like that and why....


It's not about who all nurses like me, sleeps with their babies like I do, stays home like I do, and I don't have to do any of this JUST BECAUSE I am surrounded by people who do this or that and i happen to think in my own head that they are doing a better job at parenting than I am.


It might be true RIGHT NOW.


I don't have to let that define MY LIFE.


I don't have to discipline my kids the way someone else tells me I should.  I HAVE TO do it the way I want to, and the way that is effective FOR US.  Not YOU.  Me.


I don't HAVE TO be with people who I don't think discipline their children at all, or who discipline MY children in a way *I* don't like.  For ANY reason.  I don't HAVE TO stay.


I don't HAVE TO do anything.  What I do HAVE TO do RIGHT NOW is figure out what I want RIGHT NOW and how to get what I NEED *right now* to do the job I WANT to do RIGHT NOW.


The other garbage does not matter.  We are ALL good parents who want the BEST for our kids no matter what decisions we are making RIGHT NOW.  We are ALL doing it for what we think RIGHT NOW are the best reasons.


It really honestly does not matter what anyone else thinks about what I do in my own house.  In MY life.  With MY children that *I* birthed and am feeding from MY body. 


Could I figure out a better way?  Maybe.  Am I pretty happy with it right now?  Sure.


just hoping someone reads this that might need it RIGHT NOW. thanks.

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), one 13 wk (10/13) and 5/15 just your average multigenerational living family!!
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#2 of 4 Old 01-11-2011, 10:04 PM
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Yes, I did need to read that right now. I'm sitting here feeling guilty for not living up to MOTHERING standards and you are right, I need to parent the way it works for me and my family RIGHT NOW. Thank You.love.gif

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#3 of 4 Old 01-12-2011, 09:41 AM
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It always amazes me to think that people who come to a parenting site automatically think that they're surrounded by parenting gurus and they're the only ones lacking in skills.  It's just not the case at all.  Mothering has a standard of ideals, but there's not a single person who does everything to that standard across the board.  Personally, I come here to find tools for parenting, offer whatever I can in experience and zone out and recharge when my kids wear me down.


I'm sorry you ever felt not up to standards.:(

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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#4 of 4 Old 01-12-2011, 10:02 AM
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I needed this right now. Thanks.


I had an epiphany about this.  A friend of mine who is an AWESOME mom was doing something that I didn't agree with (CIO).  I internally critisized her about this when it occured to me, she loves her kids as much as I do and she is a great mom.  She is doing what she thinks is right and I hope that she doesn't critisize me about things.  It is weird and obvious but you are right.  Everyone is doing the best that they can.


Thanks for this.

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