What it's all not about - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#1 of 4 Old 01-11-2011, 06:52 AM - Thread Starter
peaceful_mama's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: #12 Grimmauld Place
Posts: 4,930
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

I've finally figured it out.  It's not all about whether or not I give my kid any particular food or drink or group of foods, finding out who else is like that and why....


It's not about who all nurses like me, sleeps with their babies like I do, stays home like I do, and I don't have to do any of this JUST BECAUSE I am surrounded by people who do this or that and i happen to think in my own head that they are doing a better job at parenting than I am.


It might be true RIGHT NOW.


I don't have to let that define MY LIFE.


I don't have to discipline my kids the way someone else tells me I should.  I HAVE TO do it the way I want to, and the way that is effective FOR US.  Not YOU.  Me.


I don't HAVE TO be with people who I don't think discipline their children at all, or who discipline MY children in a way *I* don't like.  For ANY reason.  I don't HAVE TO stay.


I don't HAVE TO do anything.  What I do HAVE TO do RIGHT NOW is figure out what I want RIGHT NOW and how to get what I NEED *right now* to do the job I WANT to do RIGHT NOW.


The other garbage does not matter.  We are ALL good parents who want the BEST for our kids no matter what decisions we are making RIGHT NOW.  We are ALL doing it for what we think RIGHT NOW are the best reasons.


It really honestly does not matter what anyone else thinks about what I do in my own house.  In MY life.  With MY children that *I* birthed and am feeding from MY body. 


Could I figure out a better way?  Maybe.  Am I pretty happy with it right now?  Sure.


just hoping someone reads this that might need it RIGHT NOW. thanks.

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), one 13 wk (10/13) and 5/15 just your average multigenerational living family!!
peaceful_mama is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 4 Old 01-11-2011, 10:04 PM
AngieB's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, I did need to read that right now. I'm sitting here feeling guilty for not living up to MOTHERING standards and you are right, I need to parent the way it works for me and my family RIGHT NOW. Thank You.love.gif

AngieB is offline  
#3 of 4 Old 01-12-2011, 09:41 AM
chaoticzenmom's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It always amazes me to think that people who come to a parenting site automatically think that they're surrounded by parenting gurus and they're the only ones lacking in skills.  It's just not the case at all.  Mothering has a standard of ideals, but there's not a single person who does everything to that standard across the board.  Personally, I come here to find tools for parenting, offer whatever I can in experience and zone out and recharge when my kids wear me down.


I'm sorry you ever felt not up to standards.:(

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

chaoticzenmom is offline  
#4 of 4 Old 01-12-2011, 10:02 AM
poorlittlefish's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 309
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I needed this right now. Thanks.


I had an epiphany about this.  A friend of mine who is an AWESOME mom was doing something that I didn't agree with (CIO).  I internally critisized her about this when it occured to me, she loves her kids as much as I do and she is a great mom.  She is doing what she thinks is right and I hope that she doesn't critisize me about things.  It is weird and obvious but you are right.  Everyone is doing the best that they can.


Thanks for this.

cyclamen likes this.
poorlittlefish is offline  

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off