Selecting Primary Guardian - couple or one person? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-01-2011, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I need your advice/opinion.

 

We are wondering if we should select a couple or one person from that same couple as guardian. (Note: This couple is not family.) I am aware that by selecting a couple, that if they divorce, my child could be "stuck" in a custody battle. But, at the same time... one of the two does not work.

 

If I select one person and something happened to them, then my child could go to the spouse or to another family (we've discussed this)... which I think the latter could be better for my child. If I select both and something happened to one of them, then my child will stay with the other spouse.

 

Too many things to think about... and chances are slim that such things would happen... but what would you advise... what's your thinking on this?

 

TIA

 


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#2 of 6 Old 02-02-2011, 08:08 AM
 
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If I didn't want my child entrusted to one of the members of the couple then yes I would just grant primary guardianship to the one  I did trust.


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#3 of 6 Old 02-02-2011, 08:10 AM
 
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If you are leaving the kids to..for example, your sister, and she happens to be married so they both will end up with the children, then you would just state your sister, not both of them.

 

Even if they are not divorced at the time that you die, something could happen later and then the children could become a pawn in the divorce.

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#4 of 6 Old 02-02-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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We are listing two alternates in our will in case something happens and our primary hopeful guardians can't take our kids, and truthfully knowing them as people if they were going through a divorce they would rather see my kids with one of the other couples on the list. But we are listing both people in the couple.

 

We determined the order based on who would be best able to care for our kids. 1st couple has no children, 2nd couple has two but is better off financially and 3rd has two but isn't as great financially. I would be comfortable with any of these three couples.

 

Its important to us because we don't want our parents getting custody if we die.


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#5 of 6 Old 02-03-2011, 01:09 PM
 
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Our lawyer told us that we should most definitely name one person, not a couple - for reasons of divorce, deaths, etc. She said that she saw a case where a couple was named as guardian, one of the couple died, and then the child's birth family (relatives of the deceased parents) then successfully sued for custody, causing more upheaval for the child.

 

She told us to name one person, then name a second (and a third if you want) as back ups.

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#6 of 6 Old 02-03-2011, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks rainyday. That's a great example of why to choose ONE person.

 

I had written a whole detailed section earlier in the day to give our specific example and get more specific advice... but, it somehow didn't make it on here... but your (rainyday) example is just what I was looking for.

 

We do have a primary, secondary, and tertiary guardians. If our primary is not family... selecting ONE (as in your example) would be best.


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