Dealing with picky eaters that are not yours - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 38 Old 02-08-2011, 01:58 PM
 
Agatha_Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,101
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post

Yikes, OP! -- and I mean your attitude, not the fact the the child prefers yellow cheese and the mother didn't know what hummus was. I think I learned what hummus was at around age 40, six years ago. I made my first hummus around two years ago because I really like it. But, I guess, how DARE I have the gall to ask my friend what it was!

 

We like yellow cheese here, too. Dh and I do enjoy more varieties of cheese than our girls do.

 

I'd certainly be upset if one of my children were saying that other people's food was disgusting. My older daughter has rather limited tastes at this time but we began talking, from a very early age, about polite ways to tell someone that she doesn't want to eat what they're offering. So I can understand you being upset that this girl is availing herself of your hospitality while dissing your food. That's not cool.

 

But simply preferring yellow cheese and having a mom who had the gall to ask what hummus was .... not a crime IMO. I really think it's okay if you decide this family isn't your kind of people and just gently explain that the babysitting isn't working out for you. You don't even have to go into that much detail. But I'd honestly hate for my child to be cared for by someone who seems as angry as you do about more mainstream eating styles.

 

I'm wondering if all the more natural foods mommas would just hate dealing with kids like mine who eat more mainstream stuff? I sure wouldn't expect another mom to go all out buying stuff she doesn't normally buy if my child came to her house. I'd be glad to send my child her own snacks and I always expect her to be respectful of others' food choices. But I think respect is a two-way street.

 

ETA: I see that I was referring to yellow cheese, such as cheddar and colby and American sandwich slices, while you were referring to orange cheese. I guess orange cheese is processed cheese food? I still think that if caring for this child is creating so many problems for you, it's better to quit. I have a feeling the other mom has no idea what a low opinion you have of her. I honestly wouldn't want my child spending time in a home where the mom thought so badly of us. I wish you the best as you figure out what to do!



I really don't see anywhere where the OP has been rude or disrespectful to this other mother. The other mother asked what hummus is. She stated a fact, plain and simple. It seems that the OP is going above and beyond to help this young girl have options of things she would like to eat. She has allowed her to bring food from home, she has asked the mother for suggestions, she has offered to purchase food with this child specifically in mind. I say bless her for trying to hard to accomodate others. The rest of us who do some sort of childcare in this thread certainly wouldn't go that far. IMHO the mother saying, "Well no wonder she won't touch it" is far less polite than anything the OP has said or done.

Agatha_Ann is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 38 Old 02-08-2011, 02:58 PM
 
mammal_mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Urban Midwestern USA
Posts: 6,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)

Agatha_Ann, I never said that the OP has said anything rude dirrectly to this mom; I was referring to the attitude she was expressing about her and her child on this thread. I wouldn't want my child in a home where the mom felt this way about my family, irregardless of whether she ever said anything to me directly.

 

When the OP said, "She even asked what hummus was" -- I suppose I read more into the adverb "even" than some people would. I saw  her comment as different from a comment that her friend had simply asked her what hummus was and she had told her. To me, the "even" implies a criticism of this other mom for not knowing already. But this is just how I interpret the English language. I respect the fact that you might read it differently.

 

I do think it's rude for the child to call the OP's food "disgusting." If this happened in my home, I would tell the child that it's unkind, that we don't criticize her food prefereneces and we expect the same respect for ours, and I'd emphasize the fact that she doesn't have to eat anything she doesn't want to eat and there are polite ways of declining.  

 

If, after this, the rudeness continued, I'd talk with the mom about it. I don't recall the OP saying whether she'd even addressed the rudeness with the child -- maybe she has and I missed it.

 

As far as the mom's "no wonder" comment -- I can't help wondering if she's feeling a little puzzled about what the big deal is. After all, she is totally willing to provide snacks for her child. Apparently the child wants more than what she provides, so if the mom keeps sending too little (it's possible that the child may be forgetting to mention to her mom later that she wants more), then the sensible thing would be for the OP to let the mom know herself that her child wants a bigger snack.

 

I do agree with the others who've said that if having this child in her home is creating a disruption in the OP's whole way of life, there is nothing wrong with letting the mom know it isn't working out.


Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
mammal_mama is offline  
#33 of 38 Old 02-08-2011, 05:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamandedeux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post

Yikes, OP! -- and I mean your attitude, not the fact the the child prefers yellow cheese and the mother didn't know what hummus was. I think I learned what hummus was at around age 40, six years ago. I made my first hummus around two years ago because I really like it. But, I guess, how DARE I have the gall to ask my friend what it was!

 

We like yellow cheese here, too. Dh and I do enjoy more varieties of cheese than our girls do.

 

I'd certainly be upset if one of my children were saying that other people's food was disgusting. My older daughter has rather limited tastes at this time but we began talking, from a very early age, about polite ways to tell someone that she doesn't want to eat what they're offering. So I can understand you being upset that this girl is availing herself of your hospitality while dissing your food. That's not cool.

 

But simply preferring yellow cheese and having a mom who had the gall to ask what hummus was .... not a crime IMO. I really think it's okay if you decide this family isn't your kind of people and just gently explain that the babysitting isn't working out for you. You don't even have to go into that much detail. But I'd honestly hate for my child to be cared for by someone who seems as angry as you do about more mainstream eating styles.

 

I'm wondering if all the more natural foods mommas would just hate dealing with kids like mine who eat more mainstream stuff? I sure wouldn't expect another mom to go all out buying stuff she doesn't normally buy if my child came to her house. I'd be glad to send my child her own snacks and I always expect her to be respectful of others' food choices. But I think respect is a two-way street.

 

ETA: I see that I was referring to yellow cheese, such as cheddar and colby and American sandwich slices, while you were referring to orange cheese. I guess orange cheese is processed cheese food? I still think that if caring for this child is creating so many problems for you, it's better to quit. I have a feeling the other mom has no idea what a low opinion you have of her. I honestly wouldn't want my child spending time in a home where the mom thought so badly of us. I wish you the best as you figure out what to do!



WHOA!!! Back up the bus here for a minute! I do not have a low opinion of this mama, or her daughter.

 

Yep, her attitude towards food is rotten, but the reason why is even offered to care for her for free is that she is a smart, articulate, sweet (ok, not so sweet when it comes to food, but in all other regards) and gentle child who I love having around. I do not know the parents much other than we cross paths every other day, and they spent a few hours with us before we agreed on this childcare trial. My kids also eat ''mainstream'' food (whatever that is...). In fact, I bought my son a bag of chips from the vending machine after swimming today. He loved it, and he can have another one next week too - in fact, he can have one every day if he so chooses, but he likely won't, because he likes good food, and the novelty of getting junk grows old quickly with him.

And yes, I am quite honestly a little surprised that someone doesn't know what hummus is. I don't think that means that person is a bad parent, or that I look down on them. I do think however that it explains, at least in part, why this little girl is so limited in what she'll eat. So the ''even'' refered to that - my explanation for why her dd is so picky, not a judgment on her, or her family.  

And no, I was talking about the orange processed strings, not sandwich slices, although I'm not sure those are any healthier. My main concern with them is the artificial colours and salt content. Again, not something is forbid my kids from eating, but not a food I want them to have every day.

 

My conclusion: I do not want to fight this battle. I will feed her what the mom wants her to be fed, and trust my kids to know that THEY cannot eat that every day, and why.

Thanks for your help everyone!

mamandedeux is offline  
#34 of 38 Old 02-08-2011, 05:24 PM
 
SilverLace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: With the seasons
Posts: 170
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think it is important to focus on the behavior and set the boundaries that you feel good about.

 

I wouldn't allow food or behavior that I wasn't OK with.  Sometime we have to say "at our house...." so we say it firmly and kindly.  Both of our kids live with their other parent part time so we have had to get good at explaining (without judging) that some people do things different and why we do them they way we do a our house.

 

I hope you can turn it into something positive for all of you.


Mama to DD-9, DSS-11, happily married and living with 1dog, 1 cat, 7 chickens, and 2 ducks....expecting 03/11
SilverLace is offline  
#35 of 38 Old 02-08-2011, 05:32 PM
 
Lilygoose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I just wanted to suggest that there may be some middle ground here.  Picking up something like a jar of low sugar, more mainstream style peanut butter and some whole grain bread, no HFCS, etc. (the oat is the closest to white), or some yogurt with fruit, perhaps strawberry?, or other foods that fall between homemade hummus or homemade oat muffins and processed cheese non-food (as we call that stuff at my house) and encouraging her to eat those sorts of items, might be a choice that will help her expand her food horizons without making the jump too big for her.  Wheat thins, although processed are a lot better than a ritz style cracker.  Cinamon toast on whole grain bread, whole grain goldfish crackers, fruit (even peaches in a can if they are in their own juice and have no added sugar.  It sounds like her parents don't know a whole lot about whole, nutritious foods, and using some more mainstream, but slightly healthier options might really help this child diversify her palate a bit.  And I would never tolerate the rudeness about food.  I swap babysitting with my best friend.  Her son is 7 and really picky-of the chicken nugget and ketchup variety.  While we don't always eat super healthy, we try hard to make our meals from scratch mostly and have limited processed foods in our house, which he generally doesn't like.  He has to try it, if he never has before.  If he doesn't like it he is free to make a pbj, with all natural pb (which he won't eat around mom) and all fruit spread, which he often does.  He would not dream of calling something I made gross, even though I am sure he thinks that :)  This part is about manners, not picky eating.

Lilygoose is offline  
#36 of 38 Old 02-08-2011, 05:35 PM
 
mammal_mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Urban Midwestern USA
Posts: 6,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)

mamandedeux, I'm glad to hear that you really do like this child and that you are, overall, enjoying her company. I'm glad that you don't look down on this mom for not knowing what hummus is.

 

I hope everything goes well, and that this girl will learn from this experience to respect those who eat and do things differently than she does. 


Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
mammal_mama is offline  
#37 of 38 Old 02-09-2011, 02:53 AM
 
BroodyWoodsgal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hey OP...I am also really glad to hear that the child is enjoyable to be around...I had a different picture in my mind of what it was like for you to have her in your home and thought that she was just an all around Negative Nancy. I guess the other redeeming qualities and "pluses" outweigh the negatives in this scenario and I wish you luck and hope that maybe YOUR kids healthy food habits will infect HER! :)


Me and DH ...lovin' DD dust.gif(6/08) and DS kid.gif(11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD baby.gif (UC-5/12) We heartbeat.gif Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'! chicken3.gif

BroodyWoodsgal is offline  
#38 of 38 Old 02-09-2011, 06:23 AM
 
sebandg'smama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 699
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann View Post

I am in a little different situation from you in that I have 6-10 kids a day that aren't mine to feed. I went through these same struggles you are describing with a few of them. When I first started I tried to cater to everyone because I was so worried that they wouldn't be getting enough or that I would be "mean". What I have learned over the years though is that it is impossible to do it that way.

 

I will clarify that I am part of a state nutrition program where I report foods served and I am required to serve the same thing to everyone, aside from special needs/allergies/etc. So I don't know if I would have done this without these regulations, but they have led to very positive changes at our table.

 

At my house you are served a healthy meal/snack that I have prepared from scratch. If you don't like it, that is just fine, there will be another meal/snack soon. What I have found is all of my picky eaters continue to be so for their parents, but they eat just fine for me. There are days that a child won't eat one of the snacks or part of a meal, but that is their choice. If it is not part of a special diet, I don't allow food from home for the same reason you stated. I offer healthy, whole foods, and we have great eaters. I don't need a bunch of junk coming in and making everyone else have a hard time. Just yesterday, I had a 2 year show up at 7 AM with a klondike bar for breakfast! I told mom he can eat it in her car or she can take it home, and he is welcome to join us in the kitchen for waffles and berries when it's gone. It just isn't fair to the other children. No matter how much they are enjoying what you are serving, ice cream (or orange "cheese") is going to look better.

 

I would also make a rule about words when you don't like something. The favorites here are, "I don't care for that today" "This isn't my taste" or a simple "No thank you". There is no reason to be insulted when you have prepared something, and those words are influential on the other kids as well. A 9 year old is very capable of using good manners at the table.


yeahthat.gif  especially to the part I bolded.  We teach people how we want to be treated, and that goes doubly for children!  So as long as you are respectful to her, she needs to at least go through the motions of being polite..especially since we are talking about a 9 year old.  

 

Perhaps on the days you have her all day you can all bake or cook together?  Invite her into the process of making something that she may (or may not!) eat.

 

Best of luck!
-Melanie

 

edited to add...I just read your last post!  Glad that you aren't engaging in a battle!  Also glad to hear that she is otherwise a sweet kid!

sebandg'smama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off