Parents of only children, when did you know you weren't having anymore kids? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 02-06-2011, 11:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sure this isn't a new topic, but I don't have time to search (sorry!)...

 

DH & I are pretty sure that we are not going to have another baby. We pretty much decided that it would be impossible to be good parents & do the things that make us happy as individuals (if that makes sense) with more children. Financial constraints add to our reasoning (we both have low-ish-income work that we're passionate about & unwilling to give up & it really would be a very big burden to have another child).

 

However, we both have at least one sibling ourselves, and get grief from family & friends about raising an only child. Add to that, I've been having some doubts myself lately... My husband, on the other hand, is ready to go get "the surgery" tomorrow. He is likely going to be the primary caretaker (maybe working part-time, maybe SAHD) as I start a new career so his personal happiness counts for a lot in this decision (not that we both don't recognize it's a decision for the entire family).

 

So, if you have been through this decision before, when did you know? How did you know? I'm not one who's big on regrets once a decision is made, but I still don't want to jump into anything before I'm ready. And I'll add that we are absolutely open to adoption if we realize down the road (and after I'm willing to go through pregnancy again).

 

Thanks!


Mama to my little busy bee. 

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#2 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 01:53 AM
 
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Seems like your husband knows and you have doubts?  I just always knew we only wanted one child for a myriad of reasons, some similar to yours.  We’ve worked hard to combat the “oh poor you” or “oh poor DD” commentary that implies that siblings are the end-all-be-all in the world while being friendly and respectful towards those with larger families than our own (a tightrope for sure).  For us, we just knew, no regrets and no doubts. 


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#3 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 03:35 AM
 
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We just always knew, too.  We knew before we had dd. That feeling that we only wanted 1 has never changed even after having dd.  It has nothing to do with dd, as she is an amazing, sweet, happy, well-mannered child that is truly a joy to be around all the time.  She just doesn't want a sibling and we don't want more kids.  She's turning 9 this week.

 

Siblings aren't always a blessing.  Mine have not been, so perhaps I am a bit jaded.

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#4 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 06:54 AM
 
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IDK if you want info from no-longer-onlies;

 

After DD1 I was 100% committed to only having one; DH was pretty much on the fence.  We opted to not do anything permanent until we both felt we were "too old".  5.5 years later, I had a complete change of heart.

 

When we told people we were expecting DD2 they all assumed she was a surprise :lol:

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#5 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 07:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by t2009 View PostSo, if you have been through this decision before, when did you know? How did you know? I'm not one who's big on regrets once a decision is made, but I still don't want to jump into anything before I'm ready. And I'll add that we are absolutely open to adoption if we realize down the road (and after I'm willing to go through pregnancy again).

 

Thanks!


We pretty much knew by the time dd was 1 year old that we didn't want to have more biological children. Dh had a consultation when dd was 2 and had the vasectomy when dd was 3 even though we were sure.

We made a pro and con list. Putting all of our thoughts and feelings on paper helped a lot.

We also discussed what if we change our minds later before make our decision permanent. We decided that we'd be fine with foster care or adoption if we felt we had more to give and wanted to.

Dd will be 11 next month. Our decision was right for our family then and is right for our family now. We love our family size. I love that dd is older now. I'm looking forward to the future when our responsibility as parents grows less.

 

You can give it more time before you make it a permanent decision even if you are pretty sure.


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#6 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 07:31 AM
 
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I knew that I only wanted one child for most of my life and when my dd came I was very happy to have her and only her.  I am not really sure how I always knew, but I felt like my life was really complete after I had my dd.  Most of the people I know have only children so we don't have that poor you mentality because that is the norm.  My dd doesn't understand why people want to have more than one child, especially when we here the unhappy mama's trying to negotiate peace with their children while we are out and about.

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#7 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 10:22 AM
 
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At first, both DH and I were unsure if we wanted children.   We've never  really  been "kid" people and were OK with a wait and see attitude.  In addition, I had to take on a lot of responsibility for my younger siblings when I was a kid  and DH, who is the youngest of six, grew up in a very chaotic, poor and semi-abusive home.  We  wanted to raise our child in a certain way and be able to do certain things financially so we agreed that if we decided on kids - we would only have one.   After about 8 years of being together, we were at a point where it was basically  now or never so we decided we'd stop using BC for a certain amount of time.  DD was conceived about 2 months after and we're very blessed she joined our family.  It feels complete and we would both actually be very upset if we became pregnant again (so of course, we're super careful).

 

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#8 of 8 Old 02-07-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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We were pretty sure during dd's infancy, and by the time she was a year old we were positive. She is nearly 5 now and we're thrilled with our family of three. 

 

Please check out the 'Any Moms of an Only Child' thread (all 78 pages of it!). 

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/652903/any-moms-of-an-only-child-tribe

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