I've replaced most of my foul language with some fun and liberating alternatives:
From Ned Flanders - SON OF A DIDDLY!!!!! This is great exclaimed very loudly.
CHEESE AND RICE!
Fiddlesticks - start it off with a nice drawn out FFFFFFF sound and it's almost like using the f-word. (I also use FFFFFFunkymonkey)
JEE-SUE!!! - although I've recently been using jesus! alot and have heard dd using it too
When she began walking at 16 mos. she would grunt JESUS! as she got up
I'm not Christian, but am well aware of how offensive it is. I'm trying.
"OH for the love of HARV!" instead of God.
We use bumbar-diddly (as in "awww, did you fall and hurt your bumbar-diddly?), butt, bummy, tooshie, plummer bum, bumcheeks, vulva (this has made for some interesting conversations with other people
), penis, she just learned sphincter (we're in the 'why' phase and she wanted to know how the poop knew to stop coming out), boogees, phlegm (aka as loogie
), barf or vomit...etc.
We are terrible here for "OH MY GAWD!" (and that's how I 'see' it, not GOD but GAWD). I grew up with that expression and can't seem to let it go. I am friendly with a woman who's born again and I'm constantly catching myself. Also frequently heard around here is 'crap'. As in, "mama, look down this vent, look at all the crap down there!" As a synonym for 'junk' not for 'poo'. Also used: crap-a-diddly. Or carpus.
I wonder too, why you (general 'you') type G*d but not J*s*s??? Just curious.
I was doing really good avoiding the word shit, but it's back. I use "shoot' about half the time. We were driving one time and I said "OH shoot!" and dd says "Mama, it's shit
, you're supposed to say 'shit'
". When i am in the position to give some one the finger, i just put on a big doofy grin and wave. That way I figure they're getting a whole weeks worth and are confused in the process, LMAO. I was pretty good about 'pissed', inserting 'peeved' but i've slipped. The other night, I told dd "Sweetie you are really annoying me with this, please come put on your pajamas, it's late" and she stomps up and says (in a totally serious, calculated voice) "Mama, you know, you are really PISSING ME OFF!" She's also used it in context, like when she was learning to type in the correct field for messenger, and she would get aggro and stomp to the beat of her shouts: "PISS ME OFF!!! PISS ME OFF!!"
Absolutely offensive to me is any kind of racial or sexual slur. My mom is AWFUL for these. I'm bolder now about telling her off. I was HORRIFIED beyond rational thinking when my sDad said something about dd's toy looked like a little 'n***** baby'. I was stood up and said "that's absolutely inappropriate and I'm disgusted" and walked away with dd. My mom also uses stereotype phrases like "He's SUCH a Newfie" or "She is *SO* Scottish* and not in a good way, iykwim. I don't like "shut up" or "stupid" (I'm guilty of using stupid - but I always catch myslef and say to dd, for example, "well, that was a poor choice of words. The car seat can't be 'stupid' because it's an inanimate object. stupid is not a nice thing to say. Let's try "aggravating'". And I am very strict about not using the word 'hate' -even replacing it when I read to her from books with "don't like" or "am not fond of". Everyone and their dog says "I hate such and such or so and so' and she's picked it up. I say "sucks' alot too and am trying to eliminate it because I think it sounds awful. Again, that's one everybody uses too.
ETA- I also don't tolerate CUNT in front of dd but have been known to use it
OK, i'll shaddap now, I've rambled enough. It's interesting to hear what others find offensive.