Do you put limits or have rules with lovies? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 03:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS1 didn't have one, DD had a blankie, but she never wanted to take it anywhere (unless we were going overnight), DS2 has his panda, but he generally doesn't take him out of his bed, DS3 has 3 blankies (identical, it was originally an attempt to always have a clean one, but went arry) a binkie, and a stuffed turtle (about 14in). He walks around the house with blankies and binkie and on rough days turtle too. I have put my foot down though that when we leave the house he can take one binkie and one blankie. Blankie/binkie seem to be one in his mind, he cannot have one without the other, but turtle is separate. Am I being too lenient? Too strict?

 

If your children have a lovie (or many!) are there any restrictions on it? Such as they have to stay in bed or they can't leave the house etc?

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#2 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 04:09 PM
 
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Two of mine had blankies.  They took them everywhere up to age 3.  Ages 3-5, the blankies could go with us but stayed in the car. And they could be carted all over the house.   Age 5 and up, the blankies stayed in the bedroom. 


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#3 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 05:55 PM
 
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DS has a blankie. He calls it Buppy. He takes it everywhere with him, including to places like Sunday School, stores, other people's houses, the park... Anyway, recently Buppy was left, at a few places-- once at the park, and once at his gym class. If I ever lost Buppy, forget it-- none of us would ever sleep again. So I've recently made a rule-- if we go to a public place, Buppy has to stay in the car. Buppy can come in, if it's somebody's house, or the church, where we know nobody will walk off with Buppy. But no public places.

DD1's lovey was a pillowcase. I started restricting it to car only, when she was 4, and house only, when she was 5. I don't confine it to the bedroom, though, because she likes to hold it quietly while she's reading a book on the couch. (She's six now.)

DD2's lovey was a pacifier. We started limiting that when she was three, and we've phased it out completely now, because her front teeth were sticking out. I think she was ready to let go of it, though-- she gave it up very easily. But she really hasn't replaced it with anything, which surprises me.

Anyway, I think you're being reasonable. I have found that it helps if you can be very consistent about the rules-- decide on them, and stick to them-- rather than making exceptions all the time, because then they know what to expect. I might make the exception, though, that if you're staying someplace overnight, he can bring all of them.

That's because sleep is sacred, in my house-- I try really hard not to mess with whatever helps a child sleep well and long and soundly.

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#4 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 10:16 PM
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My DD always brought a toy or two with her when we went out up until about 3.5. She still brings stuff sometimes at age 5. She's never had a 'lovey' but does have temporary favorites. Our rule has always been she has to be able to carry whatever she brings by herself. When shopping she's less likely to ask for something if she already has something with her.

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#5 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 10:29 PM
 
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DS brought Bunny everywhere until he was 5, even preschool, where he took naps.  We had a deal that as of his 5th birthday, Bunny had to stay home.  He did very well with that, and then when he was 5.5, he had to leave Bunny in his room.  He's also done well with that, but will sometimes just go up to his room to snuggle with Bunny when he's tired or not feeling well!

 

He had 2 identical Bunnies (he called them Home Bunny and School Bunny) but then lost School Bunny at an amusement park, so we started keeping Bunny in the car when we went places.  We did make it 4 years without a lost bunny though!


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#6 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 10:46 PM
 
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i wish i could say that loveys stay home but ds needs to take his to daycare for naps and to daddies house as well. so mostly he has a back pack and he knows they stay in there when he is not sleeping. i am working to get him to be responsible for putting them in the backpack in the morning and even though he is only 2 and a half i think he can figure it out because he will mention to me that he wants to take something to daddies house and when i go to pack the bag later those things are usually in the bag. ds has a blanky, nighty doll (one of those organic dolls from under the nile) and sometimes a lamby or a bear, whatever i find that day. thankfully he is usually really good about accepting replacements for everyone but me. he has about 5 of those nighty dolls though to avoid incidents.


  

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#7 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 10:55 PM
 
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DS has a 'blankie' (read "old shirt of mine") that he likes to have with him as often as possible. The only rule we have is that if he decides to leave it at home, it stays at home (as opposed to DH or I carrying it just in case he wants it). We ask him multiple times before we leave if he wants it with him though, so there is plenty of time to change his mind before we leave home.


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#8 of 21 Old 02-25-2011, 11:29 PM
 
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My only real rule was that all non washable or not easily washable (aka plush animals/fabric) could not be taken down to stores or whatnot.  They had to remain at home or in the car because frankly my kids loved on their lovies and having to wash them was always such a process that I finally put my foot down and besides the icky germ issue was too much for me

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#9 of 21 Old 02-26-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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DS3 has 3 blankies (identical, it was originally an attempt to always have a clean one, but went arry)

My DS has 3 identical ones also.  He can only take 1 if we go out and he takes only 1 to daycare.  Luckily, they've held up in the wash even though the instructions say to spot clean only.


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#10 of 21 Old 02-26-2011, 04:19 PM
 
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My youngest has his bankie.  He loves it, he's needed it to go to sleep since he was a baby (he's 4.5 now).  I made a rule years ago that it stayed in the house or car.  And it does.  He never seemed too bothered by leaving it. 

 

At daycare, we did take it, but she put it up after naptime so he wasn't constantly dragging it around.  Once he stopped napping, we stopped taking it.

 

Now it stays on his bed most of the time unless he's hanging out on the couch watching a movie or when he comes into bed with us.

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#11 of 21 Old 02-27-2011, 05:05 PM
 
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My DD has a lovey, a stuffed animal. Our rule is that he stays home or in the car. Never leaves the car when we go somewhere, and doesn't come on walks in the neighborhood! The exceptions to this are when she goes to my parents' house (usually falls asleep in the car on the way home and wants him) or when she is babysat by a friend of mine (because she takes a nap there).

We had started getting really nervous about her only having one, so we bought a verrrry similar stuffed animal as "back up." She loved it immediately, and it will do in a pinch, but it is not a true replacement. We should have bought a 2nd or 3rd one right away, but we just didn't realize how much she loved it until months had passed. Her lovey grew on her slowly over time.
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#12 of 21 Old 02-28-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post

Two of mine had blankies.  They took them everywhere up to age 3.  Ages 3-5, the blankies could go with us but stayed in the car. And they could be carted all over the house.   Age 5 and up, the blankies stayed in the bedroom. 



This is totally what I need to start doing!  DS1 is 5 and has a blankie but also sucks his thumb. I think if the blankie were left at home, he wouldn't suck his thumb so much???  I'm not sure. But I'm definitely going to give 'leaving the blankie home" a try.  It was in the wash/laundry for two days and he did just fine without it...so I don't see it being a big problem. But what about DC.  Should he still be able to take it there?

 

DS2 isn't attached to anything, except for his bottle at the moment.  But he's not even a year yet - will be Thursday.


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#13 of 21 Old 02-28-2011, 06:15 PM
 
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The 2 who had blankies didn't go to dc.  The one that did didn't have a blankie/lovie.  But the dc I used had similar rules about pasifiers/blankies/lovies.  About age 3, the lovie stayed in the child's crate until nap time where it was available if needed.  Pasifiers were put up on the counter so other children wouldn't get a hold of it.


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#14 of 21 Old 02-28-2011, 06:35 PM
 
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I wish I had put limits on the pacifier. That didn't turn out well.

 

But, I have a daycare, and I also wish parents would keep the kid's lovies in the car when they get out. Not to my house, they can bring them here... but, the kids who drag it in and out of stores then lose them, or forget them.    Then, I have a whole day or so of drama while they get over their beloved blankie or toy.  I had a lamb as a child, and I left it in St Louis.  I still remember how devastated I was.  My aunt mailed it to me, but it took FOREVER to get it back.  It was awful.  

 

My daughter had a blankie that she really liked, but didn't LOVE like her pacifier.  However, if I washed it, she always had a few days of trauma before she could like it again.

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#15 of 21 Old 03-01-2011, 07:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post

The 2 who had blankies didn't go to dc.  The one that did didn't have a blankie/lovie.  But the dc I used had similar rules about pasifiers/blankies/lovies.  About age 3, the lovie stayed in the child's crate until nap time where it was available if needed.  Pasifiers were put up on the counter so other children wouldn't get a hold of it.


And that's what they do at my DS's daycare. I just need to be more dilligent on the weekends about when we travel out of the home...there's no need to take it everywhere.

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#16 of 21 Old 03-01-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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My kids have a cast of animals that they rotate ...  We don't have any rules regarding where they go.   When they want to bring them to places I am worried they might lose them ( a busy spot, a store), I say they can do whatever they want but that they might get lost and I can't always prevent that.  

 

I remember when my blankie was accidently thrown out (as a rag) I went into total withdrawl.  Sniff.  But perhaps it was time ... I was like 12!  :)


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#17 of 21 Old 03-01-2011, 06:15 PM
 
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DD isn't 2 yet, and doesn't go to daycare, so she usually doesn't take it anywhere. though if she's going to someone's house to be babysat and I think she might get cranky, I put her baby and one of her blankies in the diaper bag. 


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#18 of 21 Old 03-02-2011, 03:49 AM
 
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DD has never been allowed to take Woofy out of the house, with the exception of an overnight somewhere. I'm too afraid of losing it.

 

She's allowed to carry it around the house, but she gets so upset when her baby brother touches it that we try to encourage her to keep it in her room during the day.

 

DD is 4.


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#19 of 21 Old 03-02-2011, 04:05 AM
 
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DD has a lambie that she must have whenever/wherever she sleeps so it does travel only for sleeping, otherwise it stays in the bed. It's amazing because even though it has a wind up music thing in it, I can wash it and put it through the dryer and it's fine so not too many germs.

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#20 of 21 Old 03-03-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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When DS was a baby he was very attached to his binky and kinda attached to a stuffed rabbit, but no blankets or anything else.  When he was a baby he used his binky whenever he wanted to, but once he started to talk he was only allowed to use them at bedtime.  If he was attached to a blanket I wouldn't have cared if he took it everywhere (so long as it wasn't HUGE) as long as he didn't suck on it while trying to talk, kwim?  I just didn't want to encourage and cause any speech problems. 


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#21 of 21 Old 03-03-2011, 03:37 PM
 
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DD is 5 and didn't go to daycare or nursery.  She starts school in August.  She has 2 loveys.  In the beginning it was one for my house and one for Dada's house, but then she began carting both of them about with her.  Until she was 4 she was allowed to take them everywhere she wanted.  I kind of thought about restricting them to the house when she was 4, but was about to have a baby and wasn't very strict about it.  We had a few minor losses (dropped and immediately or almost immediately recovered).  One day last summer her favourite lovey (that's him in my avatar at a wedding!) got left in a park....and found by someone else.  A poster campaign and a cash reward (!) got him safely home again the next evening, but from that day forwards the rules are:

 

1. they stay at home unless we're going to drop her at her dad's before coming home again (like on a saturday morning, we're often out all day doing fun stuff then drop her at his on our way home).

2. if we are going to take her to dada's before coming home again they can come but must stay in the car.

 

She sucks her thumb with them (which i don't mind at all) and for a while she ONLY sucked her thumb with them, but now they rarely come out with her i notice she's begun sucking her thumb without them.  

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