Would you go to Vegas for best friend's bachelorette party? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 12:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am conflicted. I have two boys, 5.5 and 2. The 5yo has spent a night away from me on many occasions, but the 2yo has not yet. I am totally ready to leave him for a night and I know he would be fine (we recently night-weaned) but I haven't done it yet. My best friend (I am a bridesmaid in the wedding) decided to have the bachelorette party in Vegas and it would be Friday and Saturday nights. So I would be gone for 3 days. My 2yo also still nurses 10 times a day. I'm not sure I want to go and leave him! I mean, I know it would be fun, although Vegas is really not my thing. They are not sure when it is happening yet, could be May or all the way till sometime in August. So, WWYD?

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#2 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 12:47 PM
 
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I personally wouldn't go.  I think breaks for mama are important and I enjoy them.  However, 3 days away would be too long for me.  Things may be different if it wasn't Vegas and didn't cost and arm and a leg too :)  Good luck with your decision


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#3 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 01:38 PM
 
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I vote go.  It's not for that long, and your 2 year old will pick up where he left off.  My dd nursed until she weaned herself at the age of 3.

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#4 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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I personally wouldn't go.  I think breaks for mama are important and I enjoy them.  However, 3 days away would be too long for me.  Things may be different if it wasn't Vegas and didn't cost and arm and a leg too :)  Good luck with your decision


Ditto this. For me, I wouldn't want to be away from my toddler for that long, esp. a toddler who's nursing 10 times a day. Kids that young have no sense of time, and you can't explain that you're coming back and when. I'd worry my DD would be distraught, that it would be awful for DH and whoever else was trying to care for her in my absence, and that I'd have way too much anxiety about it to enjoy the party.

 

As for the friend, I'd hope she'd understand. To me, if you plan a big, extravagant, multi-day, out-of-town event, you have to be understanding about friends who for whatever reason can't make it. It's not about how close you are with this friend, it's about the event not fitting your family's needs. No hard feelings either way, hopefully.

 

eta: I had a close friend die last summer when my DD was a few months shy of two, and was still nursing a lot both during the day and at night. It was further complicated by the fact that we had just moved a week before the funeral, so DD was unsettled and extra needy already. I agonized over whether to attend the out-of-town funeral or not. I ended up flying in and out the same day. It was more expensive but a good solution- I got to attend, which was so important to me, and I didn't have to worry about DD needing me in the night.

 

Maybe some compromise can be reached? A second party in town? A smaller girls' night out where you treat her to lots of drinks? Or would you feel comfortable coming for just one of the nights?


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#5 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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I would go. How close are you to Vegas? If you're still conflicted when the time comes, could you shorten the trip by a night?

 

 

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#6 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would go. How close are you to Vegas? If you're still conflicted when the time comes, could you shorten the trip by a night?

 

 


I thought about that, but not sure of the cost. I live in WA. I would do that if it didn't cost TOO much.

Also, the bride knows I may not be able to come and she's cool with it.

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#7 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 03:14 PM
 
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I would go. Kids may not understand but I also think parents don't give enough credit sometimes to the kids. Of corse I would miss DD but I wouldn't want to miss a big event in my best friends life that either. I would maybe look at shortening the trip though if possible but still go. 

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#8 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 03:28 PM
 
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I'd be off like a dirty shirt!  My dh is perfectly capable of taking care of our kids and I think it's good for everyone to miss everyone else sometimes.  I personally wouldn't worry about nursing, but that's me. I know other people feel differently about not being willing to risk the nursing relationship.

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#9 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 04:10 PM
 
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I'd go (well... I would if we could afford it, lol!).  When my kids were the same age as yours I too had never been away from ds for a night, and not only did he nurse throughout the day, but had not night weaned either.  I guess ds was 26.5 months old at the time and dh took him to visit his parents.  They were gone for 2 days.  Ds was totally fine - no problem.  I was shocked, TBH!  He slept snuggled up to dh (didn't even ask to nurse) and had lots of fun during the day (and lots of attention from grandma and grandpa).  FWIW he continued to nurse after he got back with no change in routine.

 

ETA I should have said they were gone for 2 nights (3 days).


Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#10 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 04:36 PM
 
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i wouldn't go, but really under 3 is my cut off for overnights alone. and of course it would depend on my kids personality. i know as a younger sibling, i was fine if my parents left us since i had my older brother.


mama to one '07 and one '09
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#11 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 05:30 PM
 
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DH and I went on a 4 day anniversary trip last summer (DS was 2 y 4 m).  When we left, he was still nursing several times during the day and occasionally at night but not every night).  I took my pump just in case.  We left him with my parents, and he did fine.  He had a couple of moments where he was sad for mommy and daddy.  But when we came back, he nursed like normal and we continued nursing until about 6 weeks ago.  It was really nice to have that time away tbh.  We missed him like crazy, but we had a good time and were able to just be grown ups for a little bit.  Definitely felt recharged when we got back.


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#12 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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I would absolutely go, depending on who was staying with the little ones.  If it wasn't my husband, I would stay home at that age.  Otherwise, my DH is as capable and responsible as I am to take care of our children. 

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#13 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would absolutely go, depending on who was staying with the little ones.  If it wasn't my husband, I would stay home at that age.  Otherwise, my DH is as capable and responsible as I am to take care of our children. 


Yes, it would be my dp. It's not that he's not capable and responsible, it's that he doesn't have boobs. I guess I am most worried about the nursing, for three whole days.

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#14 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 06:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ornery View Post

I would absolutely go, depending on who was staying with the little ones.  If it wasn't my husband, I would stay home at that age.  Otherwise, my DH is as capable and responsible as I am to take care of our children. 




Yes, it would be my dp. It's not that he's not capable and responsible, it's that he doesn't have boobs. I guess I am most worried about the nursing, for three whole days.


More than likely, your ds will be fine.  Unless he's never taken comfort from your dh ever, which would be a problem, but if your dh is able to comfort your ds, it should be no problem.  My ds spends quite a bit of time with his dad (we are separated), every other weekend for 3 days, and then one night the off weeks.  He also spent a week with him last summer, and then a week with him in the fall (I went out of the country and couldn't take ds with me), and a week over Christmas.  He's been fine every time he's been away from me.  He did wean shortly after his second birthday (Jan 10th), which could have been partly due to my milk supply going down over Christmas, but he didn't wean any other time.  And, FWIW, he wasn't nightweaned until he was 19mo (overnights with his dad started right after we separated when ds was 10mo).

 

3 days your ds should be fine.  He might be a bit clingy when you get back for a few days, but if he's got a great relationship with his dad he also might not be.  And, when are you going to have another chance to go to Vegas with your best girl friends and have a great time?  I would go.

 

ETA - I would just take a pump with you so that you can pump for comfort.  Not necessarily to maintain supply, but for comfort b/c engorged boobs are no fun.

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#15 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 06:46 PM
 
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I'm sorry - I didn't mean to imply that you didn't view your DH as responsible.  I just wasn't clear who was going to stay with your little ones.

 

I never worried about my milk production or nursing relationship with extended nursing.  Heck, I was in the hospital for over a week when my youngest was 8 months and we went straight back to full time nursing.  My experience with extended nursing was that it was never an issue for us to have to take a small break as long as I pumped to relieve engorgement.  If you are worried about it, maybe you could just go for one night instead of the whole three days?  That seems like a reasonable compromise to me. 

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#16 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 06:51 PM
 
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I'd wait and see exactly when, and then decide.  The later in the year, the more likely I would go, since the 2 year old would be a little older.


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#17 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 08:01 PM
 
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I think your boobs may miss your dd the most - ouchy. I left my 22 month old for two nights last year with dad and it was really hard- never left a kid that young before. Turned out fine- started again where we left off. A friend gave me good advice. She has left her kids for weekends very reluctantly, missed out on fun because of worrying about the kids only to discover that they had done fine and were not changed when she got back. She told me I may as well have fun while I can because the kids will be waiting right where we left off once I get home. 

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#18 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 10:20 PM
 
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I would totally go. It sounds like a lot of fun. I left my dd for 3 days when she was about 14 months, she was still nursing around the clock, but she and daddy did great and she picked up where she left off with regards to the nursing. I wouldn't have left her for that long at that age but it was a family emergency. At 2 I left her overnight one night with her grandparents and then I left her for 2 nights with daddy again, so I could go to a LLL conference (kind of ironic I know, but I was hugely pregnant and didn't think I could deal with her alone for 3 days). She was a total boob addict, but she did great every time. Definitely bring a pump with you though, being engorged will put a damper on your fun.


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#19 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 10:29 PM
 
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I wouldn't, but that doesn't mean *you* shouldn't.  If you want to, you might want to try a trial run with you being gone at least a month in advance to see how it goes.

 

But Vegas just isn't my bag, either.


 

 

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#20 of 36 Old 03-01-2011, 10:47 PM
 
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If the big concern is nursing then I would probably go. At 2 years I wouldn't think it would disrupt things too much.

If you think in all other respects your dc will be fine without you for 3 days then I would just go and have fun.

 


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#21 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 04:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post

I'd be off like a dirty shirt!  My dh is perfectly capable of taking care of our kids and I think it's good for everyone to miss everyone else sometimes.  I personally wouldn't worry about nursing, but that's me. I know other people feel differently about not being willing to risk the nursing relationship.


Me, too! I had the opportunity to go to Cabo for the cost of the flight and food when my youngest was that age. It was an excellent decision!

 

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#22 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 05:05 AM
 
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There is no way I would go. To me a child that young (without much of a concept of time) is too young to be left for such a length of time. Of course the child would be "just fine," whatever that means, still alive and probably nursing when you'd get back. Yet, for a child who is not truly prepared for that (and a 2 yo cannot be) it is a veeery long time to long for mama and wonder what has happened to turn life up side down. The time when kids are that young is, in the end, very, very short.

 

However, I am also the type that I would not worry one bit what the friend thought. If a FRIEND, does not get it, too bad. A grown up can deal....


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#23 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 06:34 AM
 
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 So I would be gone for 3 days. My 2yo also still nurses 10 times a day. I'm not sure I want to go and leave him! I mean, I know it would be fun, although Vegas is really not my thing.


I wouldn't go. I just wouldn't leave a nursing 2 year old that long. It could end the nursing relationship, and your child might be completely miserable. (Unless you are ready to wean and feel it would be easier this way)

 

Two is really little. And Vegas is.... well it's Vegas. It's not something I'd be away from my 2 year old over, even if he/she weren't nursing. 

 

(I did leave my 12 and 14 year olds to go to Vegas last year, but they like it when I leave now. Daddy feeds them pizza the whole time)


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#24 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 07:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I think I'll see if I can get a cheap flight and go for one night and two whole days. But if I can't find a cheap flight then I won't go. Honestly, I don't think it will be that much fun, I'm really not a big fan of Vegas, I'd only be going for her. Her other best friend can't go either (controlling husband) so maybe we'll end up doing something else with her. Thanks for the thoughts, ladies!

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#25 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 08:03 AM
 
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 Her other best friend can't go either (controlling husband) so maybe we'll end up doing something else with her. Thanks for the thoughts, ladies!


 

I would throw a fit if my DH wanted to go to vegas for 3 days for a bachelor party. I wouldn't consider a spouse controlling just for that (but I don't know they guy, may be he really is controlling in lots of ways).

 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#26 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 09:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post

I'd be off like a dirty shirt!  My dh is perfectly capable of taking care of our kids and I think it's good for everyone to miss everyone else sometimes.  I personally wouldn't worry about nursing, but that's me. I know other people feel differently about not being willing to risk the nursing relationship.



This is how I feel as well.

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#27 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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I would be starting my countdown!! A blissful escape from reality. Sign me up. I left my first around 12 mos and my second.. I think she was 15 mos. It was awesome for all involved. Sure we missed each other but it also gave us great perspective and made EVERYONE a little less boob-centric wink1.gif It's so easy to get lost in motherhood and the weekend was a great way for us all to realize that I am part of but not the center of the family.

Also it's important to cultivate friendships with childless friends. Really you can't replace things like a girls weekend away.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#28 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would throw a fit if my DH wanted to go to vegas for 3 days for a bachelor party. I wouldn't consider a spouse controlling just for that (but I don't know they guy, may be he really is controlling in lots of ways).

 

 


But for your very best friend in the whole world? My friend is like a sister to this girl. And she asked her DH and he said no. No questions, no discussion. My friend was talking to me about how worried she is for this friend, I can't imagine at least having a discussion about the trip with my spouse and then both coming to a conclusion that suits everyone.

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#29 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 01:06 PM
 
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I would throw a fit if my DH wanted to go to vegas for 3 days for a bachelor party. I wouldn't consider a spouse controlling just for that (but I don't know they guy, may be he really is controlling in lots of ways).

 

 


Why on earth would you throw a fit about that?

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#30 of 36 Old 03-02-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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I would totally GO!!!  

 

In fact, I am already planning my 40th bday party with my bff and we are going to Vegas Baby!! My babe ( now 6 months) will be just over 2 years old at that time. I am pretty confident that we will still be nursing. But, my plan is to nightwean her before that. I then will pump for relief, if I need to when I'm gone. I have plenty of time to get her ready and I think it will be so much fun for ME and Daddy to have her by himself too. She is already great with him, so I'm not really worried. 

 

So, go for it....if you really want to. Sounds like you have time to get used to the idea and to prepare your toddler too. Have fun!!


Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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