Sister snubbing my children, not working for her - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 03-17-2011, 10:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Cascadian View Post

 

Secondly, I would leave the door open for your nieces. It seems as though you could become an incredibly important person in their lives. Chances are....they'll need you at some point.


Good luck.



I agree with this!  If your nieces are able to spend time with your own family maybe they would have a chance to see how it feels to be accepted for who they are. It sounds like both girls are under tremendous pressure to live up to their mother's high hopes of "popularity".  From what you've written I feel really bad for them.

 


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#32 of 36 Old 03-17-2011, 05:32 PM
 
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Agree 100% with this post.

 

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Originally Posted by TiredX2 View Post

That's a horrible situation and my heart breaks for your nieces, but...

 

You have to put your own kids first.  I'd spell it out clearly to your sister "You are being hurtful to your family.  I feel like you think my children are not good enough to hang out with your children.  I will not allow you to treat them in this way.  Either change, or we will not have contact with you."  And hold her to it.  It is just not okay for your kids to be getting these messages about themselves all the time.



 

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#33 of 36 Old 03-19-2011, 01:07 PM
 
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My heart aches for your nieces. Their mother sounds mentally ill and she is most definitely toxic. It's hard to overstate the damage she's doing to those girls. bawling.gif

 

Your children are also being damaged by this relationship. Family is supposed to treat you better than some stranger off the street, not worse. I would firmly encourage your sister to seek professional help and limit or even sever contact until she shows a concerted effort to change her behavior. But do leave a door open for your nieces. They'll need a stable and loving influence in their lives. I've read that often the only thing keeping an abused child from becoming personality disordered is the influence of even one stable adult from an early age. You can be that adult without sacrificing your own children's health and happiness. Strong boundaries are a must, but you don't have to shut your nieces out too. Finding the balance will be hard but so, so worth it.


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#34 of 36 Old 03-21-2011, 09:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post

My heart aches for your nieces. Their mother sounds mentally ill and she is most definitely toxic. It's hard to overstate the damage she's doing to those girls.


yeahthat.gif

 

I know this is an extreme comparison, but in a way it reminds me of that Texas cheerleader story from 20 years ago, where the mother of one cheerleader hired a hitman to kill the mother of another cheerleader in the hopes of gaining her daughter a spot on the squad. One case may be more extreme than the other, but both are examples of such warped thinking! 


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#35 of 36 Old 03-21-2011, 09:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

 

SO...next time my sister calls me, frustrated and complaining about older niece being rejected by the popular kids, or younger niece being stood up on a date, how would you handle it? Would I be out of line to just lay it out there that I do not approve of what she is doing so I cannot talk about it? I have tried to be nice about it for years, but I think the whole thing is sick and I am tired of her calling me about these things. BTW, my sister is married (but her dh is always off fishing or hunting with his buddies it seems) and she has a college degree and is a public school teacher. 



I would tell her that her parenting choices stink,and to not call me anymore.

 

Listening to it.Accepting it. Letting YOUR kids live it....all these things are not acceptable. It is OK to do nasty things like this,because *family* have to accept it. People often think *Family* will tolerate being treated like dirt. By not saying anything to your sister you are showing you are OK with it. Tell her what you REALLY think. She probably will not change her ways,but you will feel better and your kids will see something way better from your actions.

 

If your sister were mine I would have told her to never call me again after she told me my kid wasn't *popular* enough to attend her childs birthday party. Nope,wouldn't put up with that from anyone,but especially not family.

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#36 of 36 Old 03-21-2011, 09:48 AM
 
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*snip snip*  That's the sound of you cutting your ties to your sister.  She sounds like an absolute monster and you need your DDs to steer clear of her and her insanity-filled life.


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