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#91 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 12:47 PM
 
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Accidents happen, and it seems to me that he has probably learned a lesson in judgement and impulse control from this incident. He's not a "problem child," he's a kid who made an honest mistake. I think that suspension is uncalled for in a case like this. A student who is succeeding academically and is involved in a variety of extracurriculars who screws up one time (causing property damage, not bodily harm to another person) shouldn't face suspension, either in-school or at-home. I think if the school can involve him in the repair of the drywall platform and bill him for materials, he will have done his part to rectify his mistake and the damage he caused.

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Accidents happen, and it seems to me that he has probably learned a lesson in judgement and impulse control from this incident. He's not a "problem child," he's a kid who made an honest mistake. I think that suspension is uncalled for in a case like this. A student who is succeeding academically and is involved in a variety of extracurriculars who screws up one time (causing property damage, not bodily harm to another person) shouldn't face suspension, either in-school or at-home. I think if the school can involve him in the repair of the drywall platform and bill him for materials, he will have done his part to rectify his mistake and the damage he caused.


This is how I feel about it, and I'd feel the same way if it weren't my son, as well. He can't be involved in the repair itself, as that will be handled by a contractor, but he will be doing extra school service, in lieu of that.

 


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#93 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 02:12 PM
 
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I'm sorry, I have followed this whole thread and I think you are being WAY too easy on your son. He did something really, really dumb and dangerous and so obviously against the rules. Period. How could a person possibly reasonably believe that doing indoor circus tricks anywhere but your own home or a gymnasium would be ok? Really? Really? And you seem way more focused on (a) your dislike and disdain of authority / bureaucracy & (b) how cool you think your son is, overall. I'm sorry, he's not responsible, no matter how sorry he might be (or seem to be) after the fact. He is 100% at fault and the rule he broke is obvious, necessary and totally reasonable. If this was a mall or something he could easily be arrested for destruction of property. He is almost an adult and this was a really bonehead move. He should take his lumps and move on.

 

Really?  He didn't jump on it intending to damage it.  He was trying to do a cool move and fell.  There was no way he could know that area would not support his weight.  He is sorry, he feels responsible enough to want to rectify the situation financially.  I think that is pretty mature thinking for a kid his age.  If it was a mall I wouldn't be surprised to see the mall partially at fault for having an area not built to code.  Because really, how is just drywall possibly to code?

 

The kid made a stupid mistake.  And the school had some shoddy construction done in an easy accessed area.  Sounds like the OP's son learned a good lesson.  I wonder if the school did as well?

 

P.S. I completely agree that suspensions are usually pretty pointless.  I was suspended once.  Nice vacation day.

 

 

 

 

OP, this is going to be an AWESOME story in a few years.  ;-)

 

 

 

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#94 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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(Note:  I have no idea what's up with the underlining.  I can't turn it off.  ARGH.)

 

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I guess my point is that I do not think the punishment is excessive.



I'm really not trying to pick on you, but honestly this statement makes me think you've never done something bone headed in your life.  (Or at least don't recognize your mistakes as boneheaded.)  Most people, regardless of their age, really do have the capacity to learn from a boneheaded move/mistake.  Of those that don't have the capacity to learn on their own, they can learn by natural/logical consequences tied to the boneheaded move.  I bet if you asked 50 parents on this board that had been grounded or suspended for a significantly long period of time what their crime was the contributed to the consequence more than half of them wouldn't be able to tell you.  But they would be able to tell you how they felt emotionally about being grounded like that, or emotionally how they felt by being dumped on by an adult in the situation simply because the adult COULD do anything they wanted to PUNISH the child/teenager that did the boneheaded move. 

 

Logical consequences - you can't be on school property after school hours because you made a poor choice while unsupervised.  Illogical consequence not tied to the crime - you can't go the the grad banguet where you will be around a swarm of people and not given any opportunity to come up with stunts because of the number of people there.

 

Honestly, the list given by the OP smacks of the principle piling on as much as possible for a reason other than making sure that future kids think before they act.  Yes, you pile on enough and you will get compliance because kids want to graduate.  But does compliance = teaching them something?  Helping them learn to make better choices in the future?  What are schools for?  To create cattle that follow the rules no matter how arbitrary or are they there to teach kids and help them because good adults?  (Yes, I realize this is a VERY simplistic statement and don't believe this is the proper format to debate this issue.)

 

I just think it's amazing that in our time where we're always complaining about people not thinking for themselves, need to own up to their mistakes, and how many really horrible crimes we have out there.  We choose to take a kid who TOOK RESPONSIBILITY for the situation and make him out to be someone that needs to villafied.  (Or however you spell that word.) 

 

Honestly, how would you like it if you one day, in your sleep deprived state - those early baby days when we think we're thinking human but we're really too tired to breath - you had your baby in the "bucket" seat with a blanket on.  You could have sworn that baby was buckled in all afternoon, but when you get home you realize the baby wasn't.  Now society decides you can't be responsible for driving and parenting.  You have to take cabs.  Oh and by the way you can't take the baby in a cab because you need the baby in a car seat in the cab too.  Or you can't take the baby out of the house without checking with a social worker first to make sure you've had enough sleep and strapped in the baby.  Oh and there is a fine.  And now your DH calls during the day to make sure you're watching the baby.  Maybe throw in a parenting class too. 

 

I realize that this is not a perfect example of the two situations.  I just can't think of an exact situation as an adult to the one we are discussing here.  But the reality is, adults do boneheaded things too.  Most of the time nothing bad happens and we say our prayer of thanks and move on.  But when something bad happens, I don't think you'd be very happy if you had someone just randomly piling on consequences just because they decided you had no capacity to learn from the situation so they had to make you suffer for the situation. 

 

And don't forget there are sentencing recommendations for adults that do specific crimes.  They can't stand in front of a judge and hope that judge didn't eat crappy wheaties that morning.  Teenagers are not afforded that consideration. 

 

Now I'm just irritated and on my soap box.  I'm climbing off now.....

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#95 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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To be fair, if you happened to get in an accident along the way, and your baby was ejected from the car and died, the social ramifications would be just as severe, not to mention what you might do to YOURSELF.  Most people, even here, get extremely angry and vindictive against parents who through a "one time" careless mistake cause their children death or immense pain and suffering--yet IMO they are just as deserving of compassion (more so, in my opinion) than people who make a stupid mistake with minimal consequence because they were freakin' lucky they didn't get t-boned or rear ended at the intersection. 

 

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Honestly, how would you like it if you one day, in your sleep deprived state - those early baby days when we think we're thinking human but we're really too tired to breath - you had your baby in the "bucket" seat with a blanket on.  You could have sworn that baby was buckled in all afternoon, but when you get home you realize the baby wasn't.  Now society decides you can't be responsible for driving and parenting.  You have to take cabs.  Oh and by the way you can't take the baby in a cab because you need the baby in a car seat in the cab too.  Or you can't take the baby out of the house without checking with a social worker first to make sure you've had enough sleep and strapped in the baby.  Oh and there is a fine.  And now your DH calls during the day to make sure you're watching the baby.  Maybe throw in a parenting class too. 

 

 

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#96 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Random update: The principal took ds1 over to the accident site today, and showed him the repairs. They've redone it, so that the formerly flat platform comes to a triangular point in the centre. I don't think anyone else will be jumping on it now.


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#97 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 06:55 PM
 
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Random update: The principal took ds1 over to the accident site today, and showed him the repairs. They've redone it, so that the formerly flat platform comes to a triangular point in the centre. I don't think anyone else will be jumping on it now.


Excellent!

 

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#98 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 08:01 PM
 
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Random update: The principal took ds1 over to the accident site today, and showed him the repairs. They've redone it, so that the formerly flat platform comes to a triangular point in the centre. I don't think anyone else will be jumping on it now.



Good! It seems like everyone managed to learn from this.


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#99 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 08:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JessBB View Post

I'm sorry, I have followed this whole thread and I think you are being WAY too easy on your son. He did something really, really dumb and dangerous and so obviously against the rules. Period. How could a person possibly reasonably believe that doing indoor circus tricks anywhere but your own home or a gymnasium would be ok? Really? Really? And you seem way more focused on (a) your dislike and disdain of authority / bureaucracy & (b) how cool you think your son is, overall. I'm sorry, he's not responsible, no matter how sorry he might be (or seem to be) after the fact. He is 100% at fault and the rule he broke is obvious, necessary and totally reasonable. If this was a mall or something he could easily be arrested for destruction of property. He is almost an adult and this was a really bonehead move. He should take his lumps and move on.


Yeah, I don't think you read the whole thread... Or you'd know that 1) the young man in question was not only willing to accept punishment, but willing  to pay for the damages out of his own pocket. Something many adults won't even agree to most of the time. 2) The principal, in the end, decided not to suspend him and 3) they aren't "circus tricks", this one bugs me just because it seems to indicate you have no clue what parkour even is.

 

 


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#100 of 107 Old 04-14-2011, 08:40 PM
 
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I don't think he should be facing suspension.  The school should be built sturdily enough that kids don't fall through walls even if they are doing stupid tricks.  Kids and teenagers do the weirdest stuff on the strangest surfaces for no other reason than that they thought about doing it, the school administrators should know that.  I would probably call the school to complain about my child getting hurt on an area that was unsafe but not blocked off.  I would demand to know what they are doing to make the area safe for students and if there had been a medical cost associated with the wounds I would have demanded payment.  I don't think your son should have to pay a dime for accidently breaking something that wasn't safe to begin with. 

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#101 of 107 Old 04-15-2011, 11:21 AM
 
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This is how I feel about it, and I'd feel the same way if it weren't my son, as well. He can't be involved in the repair itself, as that will be handled by a contractor, but he will be doing extra school service, in lieu of that.

 



That sounds like the best possible solution for the situation. I'm glad level heads prevailed. I also saw your post about the triangular protrusion being built into the platform. Great idea! thumb.gif

 


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#102 of 107 Old 04-15-2011, 12:41 PM
 
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To be fair, if you happened to get in an accident along the way, and your baby was ejected from the car and died, the social ramifications would be just as severe, not to mention what you might do to YOURSELF.  Most people, even here, get extremely angry and vindictive against parents who through a "one time" careless mistake cause their children death or immense pain and suffering--yet IMO they are just as deserving of compassion (more so, in my opinion) than people who make a stupid mistake with minimal consequence because they were freakin' lucky they didn't get t-boned or rear ended at the intersection. 

 

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I did admit it wasn't a good example.  But he didn't hurt anyone else.  Just himself.  I am sorry that I used the example, should listen to that little voice more often.  But I do think a lapse of judgement on the part of a teenager is treated much differently than a lapse of adult judgement - for equal/same type of offenses.  Especially in a school setting. 

 

 

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#103 of 107 Old 04-15-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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I did admit it wasn't a good example.  But he didn't hurt anyone else.  Just himself.  I am sorry that I used the example, should listen to that little voice more often.  But I do think a lapse of judgement on the part of a teenager is treated much differently than a lapse of adult judgement - for equal/same type of offenses.  Especially in a school setting. 

 

 



Personally, I feel that *everyone* who must deal with devastating consequences if there is a perfect storm of events revolving around a stupid mistake should be extended compassion and grace;  and people who are not "caught" by fate should be reminded of how lucky they are when their mistake has a less devastating consequence.  I don't think adults should be exempt from that.  Neither should teens. 

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#104 of 107 Old 04-16-2011, 01:51 PM
 
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Haven't read all the responses, but my initial reaction is "Saywhat? They're going to suspend him for that?". He wasn't being malicious, hurting anyone except himself, preventing other kids from learning, bullying... I guess if the school has a "no freerunning" rule he broke that, but that's a fairly minor infraction, surely? Sounds ridiculous to me.


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#105 of 107 Old 04-16-2011, 01:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Haven't read all the responses, but my initial reaction is "Saywhat? They're going to suspend him for that?". He wasn't being malicious, hurting anyone except himself, preventing other kids from learning, bullying... I guess if the school has a "no freerunning" rule he broke that, but that's a fairly minor infraction, surely? Sounds ridiculous to me.


Actually, they don't. I've seen the school Code of Conduct, and there's not really anything in there that this violates, imo...but it is fairly vaguely phrased, so (as seen by posts in this thread), the jump could be construed as a breach of general rules about appropriate behaviour, or whatever.

 

I wonder when we'll get the bill and see how much money he owes. I think it may be a nasty shock for him - just as well that he's been saving most of his income since he got his job!


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#106 of 107 Old 04-27-2011, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Gymnasts are a weird group. DS1 told his gymnastics coach (well, former coach, I guess - he's finished with competition) about the accident. It turns out that his coach has been up on that platform, too. He was a gymnast at the same school until about 3-4 years ago, and he went up there doing some wall climbing one day. He didn't go through, because he's smaller, lighter and was traveling up, not down. So, I guess the temptation to get onto that spot was even higher than ds1 had realized. It's probably a good thing they've changed the structure.


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#107 of 107 Old 04-28-2011, 11:22 PM
 
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 I just have to say that I was a "good" kid, and spent my time surrounded by other "good" kids, and we were all over our school.  My brother's senior class stole the class mascot and tied it to the railroad tracks just for a picture.  Stuff like that was expected.  I can't believe the debate on here, but I'm happy things settled down a bit for your son.  I'll bet it's in the yearbook, or in some other way remembered. :)


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