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#91 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 09:06 AM
 
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Thanks for your support. I did not share my experience because I want pity, or anything similar, but to show that children in such situations NEED and DESERVE support. Why is it that sexual predators are so often given the benefit of the doubt, while children who tell their parents, or teachers, or anyone else about sexual abuse are not heard? There is something very wrong with that situation.

 

I'm fine now. Of course, stuff like this does leave lasting marks on a person. I no longer have much or any contact with my mother, and the relatives who talked about the situation with her and all concluded I was lying.

 


Bolding mine

People are scared to confront other adults with an accusation so horrible.  It's gonna rock their world and it's much easier to file it under "must have been a misunderstanding" than to take action and risk the pain that you know will come to YOU when you confront.  You may be called a liar, you may be ostracized,  a mother may fear for the financial security of her family, a friend may fear losing a friend.  It's amazing to me how people can know this stuff is going on and go on about their business. 

 

Everyone in my family knew, everyone in my school knew and finally, I just stopped talking about it because it was easier than to deal with the whole thing.  It was scary as hell to sit in that big official room, in the middle on a cold chair surrounded by strange grownups who wanted to hear my story (this was some kind of initial jury, not sure what).  They didn't get 1/4th of it because of the intimidating setup of the room.  I certainly didn't want to go through that again and it hadn't worked the first time, so why would it work the 2nd time. Every-time I told, something bad happened and the problem still continued.  My mother would ask me "Nothing's happening anymore, right?" and look at me so scared of my answer.  I finally just said "no, nothing's happening." 

 

When I hear about people like the OP and her husband, I'm in awe.   They're the exception, to face the fear and act anyway.  I guess it's easier if you don't know the guy and there's already a pretty firm record of what he did in the past.  It would be much harder if it were someone you already knew (or thought you did) who is enmeshed in your life. 

 

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#92 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 09:41 AM
 
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I'm coming back to this thread yet again.

 

To all you mamas that have survived sexual abuse, thank you for sharing your stories.  You have shown why it is so very important to speak up and protect our children.  And my heart is breaking that there was no one in your lives to do the same.

 

Mommarific, I know you have already left the thread but I look at it this way:

 

If the man was wrongfully convicted, his life is already damaged.  He is an adult and can work day and night to correct the conviction if it is wrong.

 

However, if the man was correctly convicted, there are many children whose lives WILL be damaged.  They are children and do not have a voice to prevent said damage.

 

We have an obligation to protect those who cannot protect themselves.  In this case, it is the children he's coming into contact with.

 

And I am coming at this as someone who has never been sexually assaulted and is pretty free range with my kids.  But even I can see the train wreck that will happen if no one steps in.

 


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#93 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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Bolding mine

People are scared to confront other adults with an accusation so horrible.  It's gonna rock their world and it's much easier to file it under "must have been a misunderstanding" than to take action and risk the pain that you know will come to YOU when you confront.  You may be called a liar, you may be ostracized,  a mother may fear for the financial security of her family, a friend may fear losing a friend.  It's amazing to me how people can know this stuff is going on and go on about their business. 

 

Everyone in my family knew, everyone in my school knew and finally, I just stopped talking about it because it was easier than to deal with the whole thing.  It was scary as hell to sit in that big official room, in the middle on a cold chair surrounded by strange grownups who wanted to hear my story (this was some kind of initial jury, not sure what).  They didn't get 1/4th of it because of the intimidating setup of the room.  I certainly didn't want to go through that again and it hadn't worked the first time, so why would it work the 2nd time. Every-time I told, something bad happened and the problem still continued.  My mother would ask me "Nothing's happening anymore, right?" and look at me so scared of my answer.  I finally just said "no, nothing's happening." 

 

When I hear about people like the OP and her husband, I'm in awe.   They're the exception, to face the fear and act anyway.  I guess it's easier if you don't know the guy and there's already a pretty firm record of what he did in the past.  It would be much harder if it were someone you already knew (or thought you did) who is enmeshed in your life. 

 



I am sorry. That "interrogation" sounds daunting. How old were you?

 

You're right, the OP and her husband are the exception, and it's great to know there are such fine people about.


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#94 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 10:35 AM
 
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I am sorry. That "interrogation" sounds daunting. How old were you?

 

You're right, the OP and her husband are the exception, and it's great to know there are such fine people about.


I was 12.  I'm 35 now, so I hope that there have been some changes on how that's handled these days.  These kinds of stories really bring out the personal stories.  I hope the OP's SIL wakes up.

 


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#95 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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grouphug.gif everyone. Sometimes people just suck. I could never see a child in any danger and just look away.

 

Mommarific- I hope you never let any man who was convicted or any charge of molestation around your children based on his "word" that even though the system has found him guilty. Of course a molester is going to say "Oh no the gov is corrupt, the system is wrong, I am innocent! Now let me play with your kids." I am sorry but you opinions are dead wrong when it comes to this. It's more than better safe than sorry, it's more than "we are on a forum and don't know the whole story", it is about saving the children period. He was tried and convicted that is the only thing that you need to know before calling the cops, CPS, and any other authority you see fit. A conviction is not something to be over looked b/c of the very slim possibility that the system got it all wrong and this guy is a total saint.

 

 


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#96 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 11:48 AM
 
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I'm coming back to this thread yet again.

 

To all you mamas that have survived sexual abuse, thank you for sharing your stories.  You have shown why it is so very important to speak up and protect our children.  And my heart is breaking that there was no one in your lives to do the same.

 

Mommarific, I know you have already left the thread but I look at it this way:

 

If the man was wrongfully convicted, his life is already damaged.  He is an adult and can work day and night to correct the conviction if it is wrong.

 

However, if the man was correctly convicted, there are many children whose lives WILL be damaged.  They are children and do not have a voice to prevent said damage.

 

We have an obligation to protect those who cannot protect themselves.  In this case, it is the children he's coming into contact with.

 

And I am coming at this as someone who has never been sexually assaulted and is pretty free range with my kids.  But even I can see the train wreck that will happen if no one steps in.

 



Agreed, and I just wanted to chime in that if he had a false conviction, it seems like it would have been one of the first things he told his new girlfriend. If he was innocent, he shouldnt have a problem saying, "Hey, I just want to let you know before things move further that I have been falsely convicted of this and I dont want you hearing it through the rumor mill or thinking that I was keeping it from you."


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#97 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 11:56 AM
 
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Scary.  But not simplistic.

 

When I started seeing my husband, my Dad looked into his background and my parents wanted to know how on Earth I (with 2 kids already) could date someone who had beaten his ex-wife and little boy?  Some ex-wives do, indeed, make things up.  And the more I've gotten to know about DH's ex, the more it surprises me that she's never upped the ante to a false molestation allegation.  After all, she has accused 2 other men in her life of molesting her - and later recanted, when she "reconciled" with those men.

 

Courts also wrongly convict people.  There is nothing simple or fail-safe about our judicial system.  Women tend to come across more sympathetically than men.  It is easy for most people to buy into stereotypes of the victimized child from a broken home; the valiant, protective single mother who needs society's support; the abusive man who singlehandedly destroyed his family.  It is harder for people to cross the threshold of initial disbelief and buy into stories about sweet-seeming women who, beneath the surface, are master manipulators who wreak hateful vengeance on men who leave them, by carefully crafting horrific stories that discredit the man for life and destroy his relationship with their children.  But - sometimes - sweet-seeming women really are like that.  Sometimes, the nice legal theory of "innocent until proven guilty" is a bunch of bunk and a man is treated as guilty unless he can find overwhelming proof of his innocence.  And it can be tough to prove you didn't do something.  My DH has never been convicted of any of his ex-wife's accusations, but it is pure luck.  For example, one of the times his ex accused him of stalking her, trying to break into her house and threatening to kill her, the random day/time she chose to assign to that complaint happened to be while DH was in a meeting - out of state - with a federal contracts officer.  And federal contracts officers just happen to keep detailed logs of their work days, which are admissible - and credible - in court.  Had DH been jogging, alone in his office, or with someone a jury might believe would lie for him (like his mother, or me) during the hour his ex-wife claimed he did these things, he would have been unable to prove he was innocent and would certainly have served time in jail.  Also, prosecutors commonly encourage people to plead guilty to a lesser charge (even when the person insists they're innocent), by talking up their case as though there's no chance the person will "get off" if they go to trial.  That tactic on the part of the prosecutor can be absolutely terrifying.  My DH is an unusual person.  He did not give in, went to trial, demanded a jury and won.  But if jury members had found his ex more sympathetic, who knows how it would've gone?  It was all he said/she said.  In short, I can absolutely understand why some people would plead guilty to something they didn't do, for fear of receiving even worse consequences, for something worse that they also didn't do.  Sometimes people are just f***ed, one way or the other, from the moment a person who hates them decides to falsely accuse them.

 

On the other hand, there are people who do, indeed, molest children!  So, shouldn't women err on the side of caution and steer clear of any guy who's accused, much less convicted?  You certainly can't blame any woman who chooses that path.  Honestly?  It's the path I would choose.  But, it's tragic to think that a bitter ex-wife might render a man "untouchable" by falsely accusing him of molesting their child.  Not only does he endure the Hell of prosecution, but he's doomed to be alone forever?   

 

Personally, by the time I started dating my now-DH, I felt 100% sure about him because he was up-front with me (long before my Dad found out about the abuse allegations from his ex); he never avoided answering my (endless) questions; he gave me access to their (enormous) legal files so I could read for myself everything his ex-wife had said about him (and how he responded); and he didn't mind when I searched online databases for police reports or court dockets that might not have been in his files.  Basically, his stories were very consistent.  Hers were wildly inconsistent.  And many times, when she was pressed to define what the alleged "abuse" actually was, it was not what I would call abuse (like showing up for visitation even when she told DH she didn't want him to come that week).  It would not have been OK with me, to find out after we committed to each other, that DH had a criminal history.  

 

But, did your sister really not know?  Is it possible she's discussed this with her fiance ad nauseum, but didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else, so she feigned surprise when you brought it up?  Also, like I said, my DH is an unusual person.  I can see why other men - if they have been falsely accused - might think the only way to have a relationship afterward would be to keep quiet about it.  I think that's a bad approach, but it doesn't necessarily mean they were guilty.

 

So the bottom line is, what do you know about your sister?  Does she usually have a good head on her shoulders, or is she impulsive?  What kind of decisions did she make, before this guy came along?  How careful a parent is she?  How well did she seem to know this guy, before you found out about his past?  If I were you, I wouldn't let my own kids be in her home without me and, even when I was with my kids at her house, I would make sure my kids and my new BIL weren't out of my sight at the same time.  But as far as intervening in the custody of HER kids (which would be a major - probably irreparable - breach in your relationship), how much do you trust her to make good decisions?  There's a chance she really does know this guy - and the situation - well enough to feel confident he's safe.           

 

 

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#98 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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OP-it's not your worry about whether he may be innocent or not. If you report to CPS/parole/police/family members (all of which I would do!), and he is in the right legally, no harm no foul. They might be irritated at you for a bit, but that's not the worst thing ever.

 

If you don't report and he is not innocent (which I would be inclined to believe since he was convicted) then who knows what could happen. 

 

I agree with those that say report and put it into the government/police's hands. 


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#99 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 12:46 PM
 
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Agreed, and I just wanted to chime in that if he had a false conviction, it seems like it would have been one of the first things he told his new girlfriend. If he was innocent, he shouldnt have a problem saying, "Hey, I just want to let you know before things move further that I have been falsely convicted of this and I dont want you hearing it through the rumor mill or thinking that I was keeping it from you."



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It is so hard to get sexual offenders convicted in the first place and sentences are usually pathetically short when they do happen. I have a really hard time believing that there are many falsely accused and convicted men out there. I know there are some but I also know that there are a great many victims and survivors whose attackers never got caught or if they did, got away with their crimes. Courts don't convict sexual offenders easily because of the harm such a record can do to their lives. It seems that usually it is assumed it is much better to let a child's life be devastated than taking the risk of falsely accusing and harming some nice man.

 

It is far more likely that an offender will deny their guilt than a child will falsely accuse someone of hurting them in such a shameful and devastating way. Even when there is evidence there are lawyers who are able to get a sexual offender deemed "innocent" of the crime. People are more likely to get away with raping a child than robbing a convenience store.

 

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#100 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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I am shocked and saddened that a number of people are convinced that men are convicted of abusing children on little or no evidence "all the time."  I think that if you had ever had any actual experience with the criminal justice system, around this issue in particular, you would not believe that.  It is very difficult to get a conviction in cases of this nature.  This contention that "bitter ex-wives" are throwing men in prison in droves, just on their word, is offensive and dangerous.

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#101 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 12:57 PM
 
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Also, prosecutors commonly encourage people to plead guilty to a lesser charge (even when the person insists they're innocent), by talking up their case as though there's no chance the person will "get off" if they go to trial.  That tactic on the part of the prosecutor can be absolutely terrifying. 


 if you plead guilty to child sexual abuse you better expect that normal mentally healthy people are not going to give you access to their children. Period. You aren't even allowed within X distance from schools or places children congregate. I'd be extremely surprised if he is even legally allowed to live in the same home with children. So that right there is a HUGE red flag. We have no evidence to assume that OPs SIL lied when she told him she didn't know. In fact it's much more likely if she did know she would have said so. All she did was make herself look even worse for moving in with him after being told of his conviction.

 

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#102 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:05 PM
 
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I am shocked and saddened that a number of people are convinced that men are convicted of abusing children on little or no evidence "all the time."  I think that if you had ever had any actual experience with the criminal justice system, around this issue in particular, you would not believe that.  It is very difficult to get a conviction in cases of this nature.  This contention that "bitter ex-wives" are throwing men in prison in droves, just on their word, is offensive and dangerous.


This is one of the issues where personal bias plays a huge role in whether or not someone get a conviction or evidence... The wrong persecutor, or the wrong CPS worker, or the wrong jurists and the person being accused is guaranteed a conviction whether the evidence is enough to support it or not. Just like the wrong people involved in the whole thing can get a defendant off when there is enough evidence to support it.

 

The reason it is difficult to get a conviction is the same reason there are plenty of people who get wrongly convicted. Most of the evidence involved ends up being circumstantial or witness testimony rather than something that is undeniable proof of guilt or innocence. 

 


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#103 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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Of all the people I know were molested as children or raped in general, none of their perpetrators were brought to justice in any way, shape or form.

 

My high school best friend, molested or raped by her father - nobody ever believed her and her father, a prominent and well-respected physician, is happily living his life with not a single charge or even question brought against him. My friend did not survive this, she took her own life at age 22 after a lifetime of everyone pinning it on her (she was "crazy").

 

My mother (and, I assume, my aunt), molested as small children in the foster care system - zip, zilch, nada.

 

My mother's (adopted) cousin, molested by her father - when she tried to come out about this, her mother chose her husband over her and the family cut the cousin off rather than deal with it. No criminal charges were pursued by the cousin, of course.

 

My friend's boyfriend's sister, raped by another brother - nothing. Zip. The rapist is a sociopath and is just about to get out of jail for arson. Never served a second for rape. The mother is having a little "welcome back from jail" family get-together soon, and the sister is "expected" to come. My friend and her boyfriend are refusing to attend.

 

Another friend, raped as a teenager. Nothing came of it.

 

Same friend, her mother was molested by her brother. Her grandmother has cut her mother off for talking about it. Criminal charges, not even a chance.

 

I'm utterly disturbed at the number of examples I am coming up with. I don't work with abused kids or anything, I'm just talking about people I know. Oh, just thought of another one: DH went to elementary school with a sociopath. His sister apparently had tried to tell several people that the sociopath was molesting or raping her as well as beating her and everything else. Nothing came of it until he killed her. I'm just DISTURBED.

 

And what we're worried about is that this guy probably didn't do anything??????????????????

I. Don't. Freaking. Care.

 

I mean, someone said they'd believe someone was a murderer if they were caught standing over the body with a bloody knife. But you know, I'm sure some guy in the history of the world was caught in just that position and was innocent. So, what, we have to worry about that guy and figure that everybody else who was killed was just making it up?

 

It's funny, I don't think people are so hedgy about other convictions. If you hear your new neighbor has a drug conviction, is the first thing you think "oh, there has to be more to the story"?

 

Sex abuse is COMMON. It's probably more common than drug abuse!!!!!!!!!!! I can see a bunch of people shaking their heads, but seriously. We don't talk about it. We hide it. We say "oh, there must be more to the story." And that's why we're deluded.


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#104 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:29 PM
 
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 Well that is the problem with crimes like this. Most child molesters find a private place where there are no witnesses or cameras and they choose victims who are not likely to be believed if they even do tell anyone. They go to great lengths to ensure their victims never report them and to do all they can to make sure they won't be believed if they do tell.

 

My dh works in a profession where he has to be aware of not putting himself in a position where he could be falsely accused of sexual misconduct. I am well aware of the vulnerablity of some situations for men. That said, there are huge numbers of child abusers who get away with their crimes. Those who never get reported never get convicted. Those who are not believed by the parents, teachers, etc the children choose to tell - those abusers never get convicted. The court system is horrific for victims and many do not go through with accusing. Because there is of often no "proof" the abuser often goes free. There are many types of sexual violence that leave no evidence behind, especially if there is any kind of delay in reporting what happened. A simple bath or bedtime toothbrushing can wash away any evidence and at that point it is the word of an adult against a child. If the child has been told no one will believe them or something terrible will happen if they tell, then it remains a secret and the criminal walks free. The motivation of a sex offender to lie and pass as innocent is much greater than the motivation of a child to lie and expose themselves to the stress and shame of being questioned and examined for lying about sexual abuse.

 

It is far easier for a sexual criminal to walk free than for someone who is innocent to be tried and convicted of a sexual crime.

 

I have to wonder about the people who are saying we should give this poor guy the benefit of the doubt. Would you be saying the same thing if this was someone joining your family or having regular, easy access to children you love and care about?

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#105 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:40 PM
 
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This is one of the issues where personal bias plays a huge role in whether or not someone get a conviction or evidence... The wrong persecutor, or the wrong CPS worker, or the wrong jurists and the person being accused is guaranteed a conviction whether the evidence is enough to support it or not. Just like the wrong people involved in the whole thing can get a defendant off when there is enough evidence to support it.

 

The reason it is difficult to get a conviction is the same reason there are plenty of people who get wrongly convicted. Most of the evidence involved ends up being circumstantial or witness testimony rather than something that is undeniable proof of guilt or innocence. 

 

I don't believe that the bolded is remotely true.

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#106 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:40 PM
 
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It doesn't mean it rarely or never happens though. Ask Steven Truscott... It took over 40 years for him to be acquitted of rape and murder


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#107 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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On the other hand, there are people who do, indeed, molest children!  So, shouldn't women err on the side of caution and steer clear of any guy who's accused, much less convicted?  You certainly can't blame any woman who chooses that path.  Honestly?  It's the path I would choose.  But, it's tragic to think that a bitter ex-wife might render a man "untouchable" by falsely accusing him of molesting their child.  Not only does he endure the Hell of prosecution, but he's doomed to be alone forever?  



I think it's pretty simple: He may well be doomed not to live with a woman and her young children. There is nothing wrong with dating and loving each other but not integrating homes until the kids are older or out of the house, or dating only people without children.

 

I'm sorry but I don't see that as particularly tragic. Sad maybe, but not tragic. 

 

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#108 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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 The down side of the justice system when it comes to sexual crimes is that by saying those who are accused are to be considered innocent until proven guilty, it is implies that the person making the accusation is considered to be lying until proven innocent. The victim has to prove that it did happen rather than the accused proving it did not happen.

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#109 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 02:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

It doesn't mean it rarely or never happens though. Ask Steven Truscott... It took over 40 years for him to be acquitted of rape and murder



How, exactly, does what happened to Mr Truscott proof that "The wrong persecutor, or the wrong CPS worker, or the wrong jurists and the person being accused is guaranteed a conviction whether the evidence is enough to support it or not."???  Which one wrong person was responsible for that miscarriage of justice?  And more to the point of our current conversation, do you have anything that happened within the last 50 years we could discuss, to support this contention that men are routinely railroaded into prison on utterly unfounded charges?

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#110 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:04 PM
 
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There may be more to the story than you know. I have a dear friend who was tangled up in a vicious family feud and was falsely accused of molesting a child by his vindictive aunt. His mother and aunt had been in a bitter dispute for years and he was a victim of their squabble. He ended up pleading no contest and got 13 months or so in prison. He was terrified of facing a trial, and was advised by his lawyer to just take a plea bargain for less potential time in jail. Anyway, he's out now and has been well supported by our community. Honestly that whole situation has made me wary of child molestation charges, especially when they involve estranged ex wives etc. I'm sure that there are a lot of true pedophiles out there, but there are a lot of falsely accused men as well. Many of them are so blindsided that they simply cooperate in order to avoid life in prison. Also, at least for my friend, his parole is up, so he's allowed to go to church and be near children etc.
Of course your future BIL could be the real deal, and obviously I wouldn't leave my kids with him. But for now I wouldn't stir up trouble, at least until you know the whole story.

 

The exact same thing happened to DH's uncle.  He was accused and charged with 1st degree sexual assault of a minor child when he was 18 years old.  He plead no contest and got out on work release after only a short period.  Their family was crazy and it was like this poster said, people were mad at him so he was accused.  Still to this day (that was back in the 80's) he swears that he didn't do it.  I think he is a really nice guy and have no problem being around him or having my son around him.  Everyone is different, though.
 

 


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#111 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:15 PM
 
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OP: If I were you, I would be doing everything in my power to get those children out of that house. Call the local police dept, cps, every family member you know. Whatever it takes. I would not be giving a CONVICTED sex offender the benefit of the doubt. No way in hell.


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#112 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:22 PM
 
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The exact same thing happened to DH's uncle.  He was accused and charged with 1st degree sexual assault of a minor child when he was 18 years old.  He plead no contest and got out on work release after only a short period.  Their family was crazy and it was like this poster said, people were mad at him so he was accused.  Still to this day (that was back in the 80's) he swears that he didn't do it.  I think he is a really nice guy and have no problem being around him or having my son around him.  Everyone is different, though.
 

 

Have you ever spoken to the child in question?
 

 

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#113 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:25 PM
 
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I guess I don't understand giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was wrongly convicted. (I'm sure it does happen. I'm equally sure it doesn't happen "all the time".) So what? If he took a plea bargain, then he had to know that this was going to affect his future. If, by some chance, he isn't actually pedophile, then I guess he should still be trying to find women who don't happen to live with minors. There are lots of women out there who have no children at all, or only grown children. The fact is that he's been convicted of sexual assault of a minor (and we're not talking about some iffy kind of "she's close to the age of consent, and post-pubescent, and it was mutual" thing - this ia eight year old). He's a registered sex offender for that crime. IMO, any woman who would move this guy into her home, with her children, is not thinking straight and has seriously effed up priorities.


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#114 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:26 PM
 
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Quote:
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How, exactly, does what happened to Mr Truscott proof that "The wrong persecutor, or the wrong CPS worker, or the wrong jurists and the person being accused is guaranteed a conviction whether the evidence is enough to support it or not."???  Which one wrong person was responsible for that miscarriage of justice?  And more to the point of our current conversation, do you have anything that happened within the last 50 years we could discuss, to support this contention that men are routinely railroaded into prison on utterly unfounded charges?


 

I picked Mr. Truscott because he was the first name that came to mind. It has happened in this past 50 year, I don't doubt that. As for who? The police were probably the biggest players since they were the ones that got in in their head he was guilty before they finished talking to everyone and ignore three people would could put Mr. Truscott else where at the time of the murder.

 

You want cases of false allegations that turned into false convictions from the last ten years? Google "Day care sex abuse hysteria" and see what you can find. Plenty of people got wrongfully convicted during the 80's and 90's because of it.

 

The fact that criminals get off is no reason to down play the seriousness of the wrong person being convicted. The wrong person going to jail does not help anyone, not the victim, not the system, not the accused. The only person who benefits, when the crime is real, is the person who committed it, who no longer has to worry about facing jail time for it because someone else is already there in their place.


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#115 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:47 PM
 
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But, did your sister really not know?  Is it possible she's discussed this with her fiance ad nauseum, but didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else, so she feigned surprise when you brought it up?  Also, like I said, my DH is an unusual person.  I can see why other men - if they have been falsely accused - might think the only way to have a relationship afterward would be to keep quiet about it.  I think that's a bad approach, but it doesn't necessarily mean they were guilty.


 

Well, this is just me, but I do not want to have anything at all to do with ANYONE who hangs out with me and my ds and fails to mention a little thing like being convicted of aggravated sexual assault of a child.

 

And really, the first thing I'm doing when I find out, is RUNNING the other way.  Because my DS deserves to be kept safe.  I don't much care if he's innocent or not, b/c its not my job to sort that out or fix it. 

 

I really don't think your DH is "unusual" - I think he's "Responsible", and there is a HUGE difference between those 2 things.  I'm pretty sure if your DH was on Parole when he met you he would have told you, and if one of the conditions was that he couldn't be around children, he would have told you that too, and made sure NOT to be around your two LO's (I know your kids are teens now, but I don't know how old they were when you met your DH)

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#116 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:50 PM
 
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Question, kind of related to the OP's situation, but really a spin-off: if a convicted molester is not supposed to have contact with kids, are there any restrictions on them if they proceed to have their own children? Do they face the same kind of sanctions with their own post-conviction children?

 

ETA: Oh, and there has been mention of contacting the parole officer. How does one discover who this parole officer is, and where to get in touch with them? If they are no longer under the supervision of a parole officer, does that mean they're completely off the hook for their previous crimes? Ie, there is no one to appeal to until (and if) they offend again?

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#117 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 03:58 PM
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I am shocked and saddened that a number of people are convinced that men are convicted of abusing children on little or no evidence "all the time."  I think that if you had ever had any actual experience with the criminal justice system, around this issue in particular, you would not believe that.  It is very difficult to get a conviction in cases of this nature.  This contention that "bitter ex-wives" are throwing men in prison in droves, just on their word, is offensive and dangerous.



Exactly.  My vindictive ex-SIL tried this type of allegation against my brother, but the judge threw it out.  There was just no evidence. 


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#118 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 04:01 PM
 
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Question, kind of related to the OP's situation, but really a spin-off: if a convicted molester is not supposed to have contact with kids, are there any restrictions on them if they proceed to have their own children? Do they face the same kind of sanctions with their own post-conviction children?

 

ETA: Oh, and there has been mention of contacting the parole officer. How does one discover who this parole officer is, and where to get in touch with them? If they are no longer under the supervision of a parole officer, does that mean they're completely off the hook for their previous crimes? Ie, there is no one to appeal to until (and if) they offend again?


I don't know about your first question, but to your second. they are not completely off the hook for their previous crimes. If they commit the same type of crime again, it will be taken into consideration by the court in many jurisdictions. It is also take into consideration in the event of a complaint against them. So if someone has been convicted of aggravated sexual abuse of a minor, and you suspect they are doing the same thing again to a stepchild, when you contact the police they will most likely take into consideration the fact that this person already has that on their record.

 

Theoretically that is. It's not going to happen in every case.

 

Though someone with a previous sexual offence on their record would have a considerably more difficult time finding a job, even if the job doesn't directly relate to children or the demographic they targeted (if it's not children).

 


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#119 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 04:56 PM
 
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That's different from being unregistered though. Being unregistered means not registered at all, under any address.

 


That is false information. There is no leeway because he WAS registered at a former address.  If you don't update your address, you are unregistered.  Point blank.

 

OP, if it has been more than 10 days since his move, you need to contact his parole officer and/or the police to make sure he did in fact change his address.  They also need to know that he will be living with minors because there is a good possibility that he is not allowed to.  This shouldn't be a "wait and see" type of thing.  Those kids need you to speak up for them.

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#120 of 213 Old 04-13-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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I picked Mr. Truscott because he was the first name that came to mind. It has happened in this past 50 year, I don't doubt that. As for who? The police were probably the biggest players since they were the ones that got in in their head he was guilty before they finished talking to everyone and ignore three people would could put Mr. Truscott else where at the time of the murder.

 

You want cases of false allegations that turned into false convictions from the last ten years? Google "Day care sex abuse hysteria" and see what you can find. Plenty of people got wrongfully convicted during the 80's and 90's because of it.

 

The fact that criminals get off is no reason to down play the seriousness of the wrong person being convicted. The wrong person going to jail does not help anyone, not the victim, not the system, not the accused. The only person who benefits, when the crime is real, is the person who committed it, who no longer has to worry about facing jail time for it because someone else is already there in their place.


What EXACTLY are you getting at?  I am certain I never said that no one was ever falsely accused or falsely convicted... but what do those cases, ones where there was a huge public awareness and hysteria, and all of which happened in the 80's or early 90's, and the outcomes of which have done much to inform the way allegations of child sexual abuse are handled now... what do any of those cases of to do with a conviction in 2002 of charges against a single victim? 

 

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