Parents keep child's sex secret - What do you think? - Page 8 - Mothering Forums
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#211 of 224 Old 06-02-2011, 07:05 AM
 
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the parents of storm responded to the media fury.  http://www.thestar.com/news/article/998960--genderless-baby-s-mother-responds-to-media-frenzy?bn=1   


Is it getting lonely in the echo chamber yet?

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#212 of 224 Old 06-02-2011, 07:35 AM
 
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What a beautiful letter.

I guess the biggest lesson I take away from this is not to agree to an interview discussing your parenting decisions...

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#213 of 224 Old 06-02-2011, 06:49 PM
 
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I only skimmed this thread, and wanted to read it and the original article more in-depth before jumping in, but.... DS (3) didn't nap today, so I didn't get the time I wanted to read everything. Instead, we went to the grocery store. On the way out, we were right behind a mom and her kids, a little girl in a frilly pink dress and an older boy with gorgeous shoulder-length golden blond hair. His arm was in a sling, and he was wearing a soccer uniform, like he'd just come from a practice (or the ER, depending on when the sling went on...). DS pointed and said, "What's that on her arm?" I said, "Where?" He said, "That girl right there! What's on her arm?" When I asked him why he thought that was a girl, he said, "I don't know." But he did argue with me that it was NOT a boy we were talking about. We don't draw gender lines in our house, but DS has always been your stereotypical boy, other than the fleeting interest in pink sandals and gender-neutral dolls. I have no idea why he would assume  only girls have long hair. We've met plenty of men with long hair, and he's never made that mistake before.

 

My point is that even a 3-year-old is making some assumptions just based on certain physical traits. He doesn't even know it yet, but he is. That's just what people do, whether they think about it, or want to, or not. So I don't know what the woman in the article thinks she is getting out of this. Even if people don't know the baby's gender, they will still make assumptions about it and therefore inflict their views on him/her in their interactions. She would have to force the kid to look androgynous in order to keep people guessing if she really wants them to react gender-neutrally to the child, and she's obviously not going to do that. I don't understand why it can't be enough that the older brother is clearly already an example (if what she's saying is true and it's all his choice) that it doesn't matter what your chromosomes say, you can wear your hair however you want, and whatever clothes you want. Why is she trying to change what she can't (the way others see people) and focus on helping her kids grow up to be secure, open-minded, confident people?

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#214 of 224 Old 06-03-2011, 07:42 AM
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Yay for Mama Kathy. What a wonderful conversation that her family has helped to push along. I know the world is currently run-over with people who can't cope, but that can't stop her from living the good life.

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#215 of 224 Old 06-03-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hildare View Post

the parents of storm responded to the media fury.  http://www.thestar.com/news/article/998960--genderless-baby-s-mother-responds-to-media-frenzy?bn=1   



Whatever reservations I have about the particular parenting choice they have made, I respect how they are managing the fallout from the article. The letter reflects much grace, strength and an enviable amount of tolerance, patience and good will. It's too bad for her family that she didn't write her own article in the first place.

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#216 of 224 Old 06-06-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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In case this hasn't been posted yet: 

 

PBS interactive map of gender-diverse cultures:

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/two-spirits/map.html

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#217 of 224 Old 06-08-2011, 09:21 AM
 
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aaaaaaah so it was Jazz who started it. what a beautiful letter. so from the heart. 

 

NYCVeg - thanks for the link. that's exactly what i was looking for.


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#218 of 224 Old 07-28-2011, 08:55 PM
 
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I just don't think it's very kind to turn your child's life into a social experiment. That's my #1 problem with this.


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#219 of 224 Old 07-28-2011, 11:59 PM
 
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but it doesnt sound like a social experiment. 

 

its a family decision to do something differently - that's all. 

 

for that matter isnt everything we really do a social experiment. the fact that i practise consensual parenting - isnt it a social experiment too?

 

they are trying to live their philosophy. what is wrong with that? 


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#220 of 224 Old 07-29-2011, 11:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

but it doesnt sound like a social experiment. 

 

its a family decision to do something differently - that's all. 

 

for that matter isnt everything we really do a social experiment. the fact that i practise consensual parenting - isnt it a social experiment too?

 

they are trying to live their philosophy. what is wrong with that? 



This is how I see it, too. The more I learn about being human, the better I think it is to give our children room to be themselves and find themselves. That is all this family is trying to do. And, at any time, this child can decide that s/he wants to start telling people, "I'm a girl" or "I'm a boy." It's really not like this child is being forced to keep it a secret.

 


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#221 of 224 Old 07-29-2011, 12:28 PM
 
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I think it's going to be tough on the child socially whether he or she goes to school or not and I think it invites all kinds of psycological issues.


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#222 of 224 Old 07-29-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaliShanti View Post

I think it's going to be tough on the child socially whether he or she goes to school or not and I think it invites all kinds of psycological issues.



How so? The child is free to decide when s/he is ready for this information to be given.

 

What kinds of psychological issues do you think it will invite, for the child to be able to make this call?

 


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#223 of 224 Old 07-29-2011, 01:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

but it doesnt sound like a social experiment. 

 

its a family decision to do something differently - that's all. 

 

for that matter isnt everything we really do a social experiment. the fact that i practise consensual parenting - isnt it a social experiment too?

 

they are trying to live their philosophy. what is wrong with that? 



You having a certain parenting philosophy is a bit different. And the child doesn't have a say in this experiment.I can see if s/he gets to the age of reason and then makes the decision. But this is all about the parents making a decision for their child, as an experiment. As far as I can tell. 


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#224 of 224 Old 07-29-2011, 03:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeegirl View Post





You having a certain parenting philosophy is a bit different. And the child doesn't have a say in this experiment.I can see if s/he gets to the age of reason and then makes the decision. But this is all about the parents making a decision for their child, as an experiment. As far as I can tell. 



Did you read the article? The child gets to decide if and when to reveal this information. The child is not required to keep his or her gender a secret. The parents are simply not giving out this information until such time as the child wants it given out.

 

So I guess you could say that they're making a choice to let their child make the choice. In that case, of course, we are all making choices for our children, including those of us who try to parent responsively rather than doing CIO, and so on. I guess even protecting our children's right to make their own choices is a choice we are making "for" them, as in, on their behalf.

 

I don't agree, though, with the idea that it's always a "social experiment" whenever parents follow their instincts to do something outside the mainstream. We do many things as parents without knowing exactly what the result will be - but these are our beloved children, not objects in a petri dish. We can't always know that we are making the best choices, however hard we try to be sure, but this doesn't mean we are experimenting on our children.


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